About two weeks ago I sat (virtually) with my Spiritual Director Jude. I thank God for this woman who was brought into my life almost two years ago. Prior to that, I had Cathy, but once I started in Spiritual Direction Training, since Cathy is our teacher/director of the program, I needed to find a new one, and that is where Judith came in.
We meet virtually every month. And I have had the bonus of being with her in person at our gatherings on Bowen Island, and will be again next month when I graduate from the program. It's always nice to get a warm hug. BUT last month I came to her feeling a bit "out of breath" with everything that was/and is happening. Our decision to finish ministry ... the sale of our house ... looking for another house ...doing my homework ... thinking of the end of the year project to be created in some way/shape or form.... not to mention that in the last month, I have hosted 62 people. Let me tell you, that is a lot of food, and toilet paper too!! Not to mention laundry. The other day Alvin said, it will be nice when you just have one basket of laundry to do for ourselves!
It has felt at times overwhelming. I know this is what God signed us up for, and we were and are still willing and want to finish well. But it is not for the week kneed lol.
ANYHOW back to Judith. I was sharing a few things that were on my heart with her. That things were just well, a lot! And she shared with me that sometimes she stops when she is feeling this, and tucks her hand onto her heart, skin to skin, shuts her eyes and breathes in, and breathes out for a few times. As I am typing this, I know I have since done that a few times - skin to skin, hand over my heart, my breath prayer being (breathing in) YOU ARE WITH ME and (breathing out) I AM WITH YOU and repeated in and out a few times. It is amazing how the Spirit just calms me right down with my breath, and my hand over my heart . It has become a beautiful action to just slow me down in the midst of it all.
These actions (breath prayer and just hand over heart breathing) is not new, but somehow I had forgot about it and sometimes felt like I was hyperventilating at times and just needed this reminder.
On top of the hustle and bustle we are currently in (which also includes two offers being turned down) we have had to also stop and count our blessings, and also a deep trusting in the LORD GOD to supply.You know it is so easy to say we are trusting when things are going good aka "our way" but when things go contrary to what we hope and pray for (ie LORD, if it it your will, would you move this couple to take our offer") But let me tell you, it feels like our life since 2000 has been a road of trusting and it is still an adventure. (God has made that very obvious to me). But, I would be lying if I said that I did not have a little cry every now and then!
And then we have been watching someone who is young, with a wife and three kids, and lots of life ahead of him - go from diagnosis to Heaven in the course of a few months. And today, my heart is heavy. We have prayed so many prayers for the family. It just seems so hard. I have known the family (his parents through my church days and camp days) and watched this young man grow up! And next week will celebrate his life. Absent from the body and together with the LORD, but oh man, greatly missed by all who loved and knew him. CANCER. It is brutal. (Today is also 5 years since we said good-bye to our brother in law Todd, who died of the same cancer!!) But we know and have learned that cancer knows no age, in fact cancer is a respecter of none and it seems it has entered the lives of too many people that we know. So, as I said, today my heart is just really sad. Feels a little prayed out right now. And weary.
While I was sitting and waiting for a group I am hosting, to come in and eat, God led me to listen to one of Cathy AJ Hardy's songs. It was a wonderful time to just sit - put my hand on my heart skin to skin - and to breathe and an out and just be bathed with these words, and the strong warmth and calming voice of Cathy. (God speaks so beautifully through the words he has given Cathy to write! ).
I am attaching the song below - I hope you will play it and read the words - and maybe you will put your hand on your heart too - and breathe!!
Breathing Together
When my soul is weary
When my heart is heavy
Then you come and tell me
Lie down, lie down
Then you come and you tell me
Lie down, lie down
* * *
As I rest my body
Then you lie beside me
And you breathe with me
Mmmmm
And you breathe with me
Mmmm
* * *
Then your strong arms lift me
On the path you carry me
And you whisper tenderly to me
Of your love
And you whisper tenderly to me
Of your love
* * *
Then my soul is strengthened
And my heart is healed
For your love enfolds me
Mmmm
Yes your love enfolds me
Mmmm
* * *
And we walk together
Through the heights and valleys
We're always breathing together
Mmmm
We're always breathing together
Mmmm
copyright 2010 Cathy AJ Hardy as recorded on the Love Shines album