From Heaven the Lord looks down....

This morning, as I sat at our local coffee shop, Mountain Bean.... I had a good large cup of coffee, my Bible and my journal. The sun was yet to peak through onto the chairs and table where I sat. It was actually cold out there. (but even colder inside with the air conditioning). I love sitting out there on their patio. If I shut my eyes, it feels and sounds like I am away someplace on vacation. It is a great place to spend the first part of my morning. With Alvin dropped off at the firehall shortly after 7 am.... and not having to go into my office at church till 9 am... it meant that God and I had some time together.

God laid Psalm 33 on my heart. I have to admit, that when it began with sing joyfully, I really wondered if this was actually the Psalm he wanted me to read today. But I read on...

"....He is faithful in all he does...." Okay God, you know, I am really struggling with this one. After all, in regards to the birth and death of our little grandson.... we prayed for him, right from the first day when we heard.... we prayed. God, where is your faithfulness in that? I just don't understand. (I have realized that it is okay for me to wrestle with God on these thoughts. He is far bigger than my questions of doubt and perhaps mistrust at times??)

But as I read on, I was reminded again.... "the earth is full of his unfailing love."

Lord, I know we are covered with your unfailing love. I know you are faithful even if right now, I am not feeling like you are....

Vs 13 to 15 says that "from heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind" and that "he watches all who live on earth -- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do..."

I believe that as he looks down from heaven and sees me, and my kids.... our family.... that His heart breaks with us... that he grieves with us, as he carries us. And that "the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love..."

I know that I can not do it without God. I wouldn't want to even think about it. I also know that right now, it is really hard to do it with GOD!! It feels like each step is a chore, and sometimes it is one step forward and two steps back.

O Lord, you know me.... the one with all the questions. You have heard the ranting and raving from this granny's lips. You know that I love you, and that I do trust in you...

So, I will wait and hope for the LORD. You o Lord, are my help and my shield. And I know that my heart will once again rejoice...

O God, may your unfailing love rest upon me - my family - especially my kids who are grieving even deeper loss...

Lord, may your unfailing love rest upon us, as we put our hope in you.

O God, I don't know what else to say.

There are just no words to describe. But you know. O God, YOU KNOW.