I have become a grandmother - and my arms held my little grandson, although for only a brief time. My Grandson, his much awaited arrival, turned into the hardest pain that I have ever endured. Without any warning, without any reason, our little grandson Jay, was born and passed away July 24th, at 12:02 pm. He was the most perfect beautiful little guy that I have ever seen. Perfect. Completely Perfect. So why God? Why?
I have asked this question many times, and I am so glad that God is bigger than all my questions - all my ranting and raving. The thing is, all of these questions - who am I to know the mind of Christ. I figure I will ask this question until the day I die... and I think perhaps that is what I will ask God when I see him, but then again, when that time comes, I will likely just be so glad to be reunited with my little grandson, that the question will not be asked.
Nine months of carrying this little guy.... I have watched my son and daughter in law, and I believe that there is not a couple that were more prepared and so excited about their first born son's arrival! I know that for my husband and I - we had so many dreams of what we would do with our little grandson...
But within minutes, it all changed. It was unbelievable, and at times it still doesn't seem real. However, we know it is.
As we held our little guy - the tears fell. It was as if life stopped. And really, it did. For some reason, his life stopped somewhere between the womb and his entrance into our world on the outside. That day I became a Granny - a very proud one! And my husband became a Poppa.
We knew we loved him, but as each month passed, we loved him even more. I had often commented on how amazing that was, that we could love so deeply, without seeing him yet.
And then, we got to hold him... and we realized that the great pain we experienced then, and still now, was because of our great love for him.
Our grandson Jay, will always be the love of our lives. He made us into grandparents! And even though his little life was so brief, the impact he had on our hearts was so great. We will always remember him.
We walk through these days, alongside of our son and daughter in law - and at times we feel numb still. However, we know that God is carrying us, and is able to give us strength. I also believe that He does grieve with us, even though our little Jay is with him! We also get such comfort knowing that some of his grandparents are in Heaven, and no doubt enjoying him!
We are thankful for the prayers of those who have heard about us, and know and love us. We realize that however, there are also people praying, who don't know us well, but have heard. We are so thankful that we are part of this amazing body of Christ - and that God is our rock! We don't understand, but we believe. We don't know how to keep walking, but He gives us strength. We feel like we have no tears left to cry, but know that he collects our tears in a bottle.
We don't feel like the sun will shine again, but we know it will. Joy will come in the morning....
To our little grandson, Jay Benjamin.... we love you forever, we love you for always. As long as I'm living, my grandbaby you'll be!! (book: Love you forever by Robert Munsch)
No comments:
Post a Comment