Today is a beautiful but slightly grey day, and before I get fully involved in all the happenings, I have decided to sit down with a good cup of coffee and think! Last night, as we sat around the table with our kids, we laughed. Laughing feels so good. As my daughter in law and I scraped the paint off of our deck, we shared where we had been sensing and hearing God. Sometimes I told her, I have a deep impression, or a picture, or a whisper and I THINK it is God, but sometimes I worry that it is my own imagination, or desire to hear him. Although as I look back, I realize that more often than not, in hindsight, it was GOD! I realize that God has been faithful to my grandparents, my parents, to me and Alvin, and to our kids....
I realize that a few weeks ago, I struggled with his faithfulness to us, and even said out loud that God you were not faithful in giving us a grandson that lived. That was a hard thing to wrestle with, and I will admit, I still struggle with that.
However, I realize that HE remains faithful regardless of what I think... And, He desires for me to come to him with those questions, and thoughts, and struggles, and while I may not hear his answer, He does speak in many ways.
So, back to wondering if it is God I hear/sense/see..... I have decided that I want to live life with eyes wide open, and ears wide open. As I delight in having my kids around the supper table laughing and joking and talking... so HE delights in my presence, my laughing, my thoughts, my talking. Like any parent, as I do with my children, God also longs for me to just spend time, and also listen! There has to be space to listen.
So, I realize that many of us are getting the same impressions about something to do with our family..... so I am going to expect miracles on this one. I am going to continue to journal what I hear God saying/showing me, and trust Him to bring it to pass. I realize He owes me nothing, and trust that His desire is ours as well. Ultimately HE IS GOD and can do what He feels best ....
In the meantime God, I give you my family...Alvin, Josh and Leah, Ashley and Michael...
I ask that the desire of our hearts will always be in line with your desire for us. I ask that you would increase our love for you first, and our love for each other. I ask that you would fill our arms with babies.... that Josh and Leah would again see your faithfulness to them, and fill their house Lord with children. And in time, I will pray the same for Ashley and Mike :)
God would you continue to cement your thoughts/impressions/pictures on my heart and thoughts. Lord, I love that you do that for me....
May I hear you... may I see you...may I grow and fall more in love with you Jesus, lover of my soul!
So this is my prayer, as I go about the days work... as I go on a walk....as I get supper ready for guests.... may I live fully as the woman of God you have created me to be, with a heart after your own. Amen
I realize that a few weeks ago, I struggled with his faithfulness to us, and even said out loud that God you were not faithful in giving us a grandson that lived. That was a hard thing to wrestle with, and I will admit, I still struggle with that.
However, I realize that HE remains faithful regardless of what I think... And, He desires for me to come to him with those questions, and thoughts, and struggles, and while I may not hear his answer, He does speak in many ways.
So, back to wondering if it is God I hear/sense/see..... I have decided that I want to live life with eyes wide open, and ears wide open. As I delight in having my kids around the supper table laughing and joking and talking... so HE delights in my presence, my laughing, my thoughts, my talking. Like any parent, as I do with my children, God also longs for me to just spend time, and also listen! There has to be space to listen.
So, I realize that many of us are getting the same impressions about something to do with our family..... so I am going to expect miracles on this one. I am going to continue to journal what I hear God saying/showing me, and trust Him to bring it to pass. I realize He owes me nothing, and trust that His desire is ours as well. Ultimately HE IS GOD and can do what He feels best ....
In the meantime God, I give you my family...Alvin, Josh and Leah, Ashley and Michael...
I ask that the desire of our hearts will always be in line with your desire for us. I ask that you would increase our love for you first, and our love for each other. I ask that you would fill our arms with babies.... that Josh and Leah would again see your faithfulness to them, and fill their house Lord with children. And in time, I will pray the same for Ashley and Mike :)
God would you continue to cement your thoughts/impressions/pictures on my heart and thoughts. Lord, I love that you do that for me....
May I hear you... may I see you...may I grow and fall more in love with you Jesus, lover of my soul!
So this is my prayer, as I go about the days work... as I go on a walk....as I get supper ready for guests.... may I live fully as the woman of God you have created me to be, with a heart after your own. Amen
amen - so be it!
ReplyDeleteHey Joy,
ReplyDeleteRecently I've been devouring a book called the Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus - amazing book. Here's some excerpts that I think you might be able to relate to...
"Christianity as a civilized religion claims to have a group plan negotiated with God. Everybody gets the same package. And of course, the package is always the premium plan - get rich, get comfortable, get secure, get safe, get well when you get God.
Everybody gets the John plan; nobody gets the Peter package. The result and proof of faith are that you get to live a life without risk, which is ironic when you realize that for the early church, faith was a risky business.
Jesus had only one invitation for Peter, only one course set for him, only one path for him to choose if he were to journey with Christ - and that was the way of the barbarian. Jesus never watered down the cost of following Him in hopes that Peter would then choose to follow. If Peter chose the path with Christ, it would mean for him that one day he would be taken against his will and dragged off to be killed. If he wanted to live a life of love and allegiance to the Christ, it would cost him his life. We, too, are called to a path filled with uncertainty, mystery and risk.
This is the sticky part of the barbarian call. It's not fair or equitable. When you hear the call, when you follow the call, you must recognize that it is a life-and-death proposition. When you understand what Jesus means when He says that you must follow Him, you finally realize that this is not a cattle call. He is not calling you to the same life that everyone else will live. He's not even calling you to the same path that every follower of Christ will walk. Your life is unique before God, and your path is yours and yours alone. Where God will choose to lead you and how God chooses to use your life cannot be predicted by how God has worked in the lives of others before you."
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I keep going back to these words in this book - I'm hoping the full depth and meaning will sink in one day.
Just want you to know that I've been thinking and praying for you guys, for the road you've been called to travel. For your women's ministry house, for Josh and Leah - for Ashley and Michael, and for Alvin. Thanks for being so straight forward on your blog and for telling it like it is. For sharing what you've learned through Jay's birth and passing. - betsy