mOrning thOts

My Personal Psalm:
A persona psalm of Joy, regarding a time when I was in a spiritual wilderness of life(Inspired after being led to read Psalm 63 during quiet reflection time on my spiritual retreat day off from work ~ July 22, 2009)

O God.
God ~ you are MY God
How I have searched for you.
My head knows you are right here, but my heart ~
My heart felt like you were a long way off.
The wilderness ~ dry, cracked, barren
I thirsted for your healing water
I LONGED to feel the warmth of your hand on my shoulder
The cool nights in the wilderness made me shiver and share
And I sometimes collapsed under the heat of the day ~ only to stay in a curled up ball during the chill of the dark nights
The dark ~
It never seemed to end
Day upon day ~ night upon night
And yet ~ I remembered your faithfulness to me in the past
And although I accused you of not being faithful ~
O God – in my heart I KNEW and still KNOW that YOU are.
I, in my limited vision ~ don’t see the full view.
In my limited understanding ~ don’t get it.
You remain mysterious in many ways,
And yet ~
And yet I trust!
Because I know ~ in spite of my pain and overwhelming loss ~ I know you are in control
And I know ~ in spite of our deep grief ~ you also weep with us.
As I put my head upon your chest and heart you heart ~ it beats with mine.
And as I sit wrapped in your presence ~ I feel the wetness of your tears falling and mingling with mine.
O how you love me. O Jesus.

O God ~ You are my God.
God of compassion ~
God who allows “life” to happen ~ the good ~ the bad ~ the ugly
And yet, you are right here to pick me up, to dust me off, to hold me and to carry me
And all along I keep hearing you whisper:
“I’m with you. Trust, even though you don’t understand.
I love you. Trust me on this!”
O God, You are my God
I search for you daily
My soul thirsts ~
But you refresh me through your Word and through your presence with me
I see you all over ~
Your fingerprints over creation and on life around me
Your love is extravagant ~ unconditional and unfailing
I bask in it. It covers me completely – love mixed with amazing grace.
You give me a “picture” as I write…
O Lord! It’s me isn’t it?
The picture is of a woman standing under a waterfall ~ head tilted upwards ~ arms raised high ~ water cascading down on me ~
On my face ~
My head ~
My shoulders ~
My body.
Every part of my being covered
Washed
Refreshed
Renewed
And I am smiling.
How I praise you.
Help me O Lord to praise you as long as I live.
And Lord ~ renew my mind
Renew my passion for you ~
My passion for serving you with all my being ~
For living ALL OUT! For YOU!

As I go to sleep at night ~ may my last thoughts as I drift into sleep ~be about you.
Pour into me while I sleep.
Speak to me ~ O Lord, please continue to speak to me through dreams and visions and through amazing “pictures” that you give to me.

As I walk through my waking moments ~ may I begin my day with you in praise and thankfulness.
May joy fill my soul each morning.

You hold me fast.
As I cling ~ I know that nothing can tear me out of your right hand
O Lord, what a comfort that is to know ~
That no matter how hard ~ how deep ~ how rough ~ how dark ~ how rocky ~ how stormy ~ no matter how many times I rant and rave or question you ~
That NOTHING can take me from your hand.
O Lord – thank you.

In my life – I will come across those who want to prove me wrong ~ to discourage me or to discredit your faithfulness to me
Some who speak may cause hurt ~
Some may cause confusion ~
There may be times of loneliness and pain ~
Times of misunderstanding and brokenness.
But Lord, help me to keep my eyes on YOU.

My walk with you ~ journey ~ is all that counts!
O Lord, find me faithful.
Help me to remember that when I feel down or discouraged ~ that I still need to rejoice in You
Because I KNOW what you have done in my past!
I KNOW what you are doing in my present.
And I KNOW that you will be as faithful in my future – even though I can’t see it.
That is a little scary being what we have walked through – or maybe I shouldn’t say scary but it is definitely blind trust – as I have no clue what the next day or days – the next month or months – the next year or years will hold.
BUT I know that YOU O God – YOU – hold the future, which includes my life and the lives of those I love.
And I will praise you ~
Father God, the great I AM
Jesus, my Lord and my Redeemer – and Holy Spirit who dwells within me.
Let all that is within me – Praise the Lord.
Hear my prayer.
Amen