Transparent and Real ~ I like that.

On Saturday, Alvin and I were at part 2 of a wedding celebration of two friends. Actually the first part - the ceremony and dessert reception was on Friday - and it was a wonderful time. I had the privilege of officiating at the marriage. The couple had put alot of thought into the way the evening went. It was beautiful.

Alvin and I helped oversee the clean-up, and then left for home. Saturday we got up and got to work around the house and yard. I don't know what I would do without my husband - he is one amazing man. He has been working his butt off dejunking the sheds, etc. And, doing some finishing touches on stuff around the house. You know, stuff that you just get used to when you are living with it. Now that we are wanting to sell our house - we need to refurbish a couple things. It is so nice to see the "end in sight" so that Lord willing, we can call Dave (maybe even today!) to come and list it.

Anyhow - back to Saturday. We got to the place (Six Pines ranch) where we were to enjoy such a great time of visiting, amazing food, laughing, talking, sitting around a campfire and squaredancing. The dancing was so much fun! HOWEVER - the one thing that I loved, is that while I was watching Frank and Karis - I was impressed with how real and transparent they were in the way they live, and talk, and interact with others. Frank has been our friend for many years now - likely about 9-10... Karis, we are getting to know, and have only known her for a couple years. I will always think of Frank as my "pastor".

It was wonderful to watch them - during the service - the way they looked at one another. I loved to watch as they worshipped through the music. I had also enjoyed a visit with them a week before the wedding to talk over the plans. There is no pretense with them. What you see is what you get. I love that! At the party on Saturday night - Karis sang a song to Frank. It was fun to see her have fun, or as she said, "do something cheesey". That being said - she was real. I loved that too.

I think that it is only in being transparent, that we grow in community. I think however, that being transparent results in you becoming vulnerable. There is risk involved with being real. I think it's worth it! If there is anything that speaks louder than words - it is "realness"... in this day and age - there are too many copies/imitations out there.

Sometimes you run the risk of putting yourself "out there" and then wonder why you did it. I have experienced that too. A couple months ago, I was speaking with someone in ministry. Actually he is (in his job) known as the Pastor to those of us who were in pastoral positions within our denomination. We talked about "hurts" and what to do with them. He was someone who has been in ministry a long time, and had walked through some hard times. We talked and drank coffee. He wanted to know more about my journey, and why I had chosen to resign, and what I was moving ahead to. Talking about my journey resulted in sharing some of my grief, some hurts and disappointments that were part of my last year. He felt that I needed to call a meeting with some people who I felt misunderstood by, and to share where I was at with them. To think of all of it, and to write it down, and put it out there. To be transparent. At this point, I told him that was what I had done - And, as he was glad to hear that - I told him that it "backfired" because while I was sharing my heart (afterall these people wanted to hear about my journey) but in the end, I found out that they felt like they were victims. Hmmm.... baffling. He just looked at me, and shook his head. If I remember correctly, I think he also mentioned he was sorry to hear that.

So I carry on, trying to figure out how to work through the sadness that has resulted. Angry? Not at all. Just plain sad. Sad that I was invited to share, that I dared to be "real" and share my hurts and disappointments. Sad that it appears that my heart was not heard - and Sad that these people who had influence in my life - ended up feeling like they were the victims. I was the one walking through grief - and hurt and yet in the end, I apparently hurt them with my honesty and truth. Go figure.

I shared openly and honestly. I felt we needed to clear misunderstanding and hurt. Instead it only served to create more. Resulting in more sadness. How does that happen. Seems we are not immune whether we are believers or not. Someone questioned if I had higher and unrealistic expectations from christians. Really? I think not. If we can't find a caring community in those who are supposed to be Christ-like - then what should we expect? What WOULD Jesus have done? Somehow I don't think he would have felt like a victim. I think he would have just done a whole lot of embracing, and very little talking. A whole lot of weeping with us, and very little giving instructions on what should be done! A whole lot of coming along side, instead of drawing a line and choosing sides. Hmmm... more food for thought. I do thank God though, that what we have experienced is only one exception to the rule - but it is still hard. It is something that I have not experienced in the christian community before - and it is just plain hard and sad.

So now, a few months later, we are trying to figure out what being real looks like - and at the risk of becoming vulnerable. Personally, I would still rather "be real" and "speak the truth in love" than to go around and pretending. That is not me. That is not my husband's way either. What you see - is what you get. Albeit, at this point in my life - I feel like some "filters" have come off! (or is that a 50's thing!!) I would much rather walk through life "real" than walking and people never really knowing what makes me tick!

Frank and Karis impressed us with their authenticity, and their walk of integrity. I also want to walk with integrity as a christian woman. I think that when God is your strength - you can do anything, no matter how hard. I thank God for friends like Frank and Karis, who we learn from. I thank God for friends in my life who have been there to listen through our journey in grief. I thank God for friends who don't just want to hear that we are "okay" but that care enough to continue to ask the hard stuff - and to listen. I guess that is what I had thought we perhaps had, when I dared to share with those that invited me to do just that. Maybe one day - they will see that my realness - was just inviting them into where I was at, and how I had been affected. Then again, maybe not. My counsellor did tell us that in life - some people will just not "get it". That, makes me sad.

I also know that I want to allow others to be real with me too - and realize that in order to do that - open communication is key. I've learned a few things about that too. Speaking the truth in love is easier said than done sometimes. I want to listen more, and talk less - to use my God-given gift of compassion, to just really "be there" for people.

O Lord - please give me a heart to forgive the hurt, the misunderstanding, and pain that comes with being real with people. There will be hurt in our past - hurt in our present and hurt in our future, because the reality is - this is life. We are imperfect and sinful people. Forgive me Lord for the times I have spoken in haste or the times when I have judged others. Help me to live for you - fully, completely... with realness - with authenticity - with transparentcy - with love - with you as my guide HOly Spirit. Lord, make me more like you. And Lord - can you cause healing to happen, and show us how that could look. Help me to follow you for guidance - and to be able to find those who are okay with who I am, and how I share. In turn, help me to be that person to others. Give me ears to hear - eyes to see - a mouth to speak when necessary. Lord, give me hands and feet to serve - a heart to love unconditionally. Give me courage to go where I am afraid - courage to live this adventure that You O Lord, have me on. Thank you for friends who encourage and live "Jesus" to those around us. Thank you - my Lord and my God. Amen.


posted by Joy - Monday, Sept 21, 2009