Cows in my Yard!

Today has been a quiet day - Alvin left for work with Blue Jay Family Works (family business) early this morning. I always marvel at his positive attitude at 6 in the morning even BEFORE a good cup of coffee. I turned over in bed for a few more winks of shut-eye (although I did have a fresh cup of coffee beside me, which went cold!)

Tonight he goes to work - his first of two night shifts. It will be a quiet evening too. Just me and Oreo, who gets to snooze inside at our back door - he loves that.

This morning I noticed that there was a cow on the wrong side of the fence - and on the other side of the shop. NOT ALLOWED!! While we don't have our own cows - we do let Travis (our good neighbor at the corner) use our pasture for his animals. Thus the cows. I went out, with Oreo and they ran back to the fence and seemed to go back on the "right side" of the fence without any problem. Hmmm.... must be an issue with the wires.

So, later in the day, I decided to go for a walk in the "back forty" and walk alongside of the fence to see where the problem was. And very quickly I saw the issue - the electric wire was off the conductor (or whatever it was called) and in the grass below - looks like it has been down for a while. So, with a stick, I lifted it up, and put it back on the black holder. It was only after that, that I realized three more animals were again on the other side of the fence. It only took them a few minutes to realize they better get going, and sure enough, they were able to figure that out pretty quickly. (Okay, let it be known that I have done alot of farming in my day - including innoculations, and helping to deliver calves, and chasing my fair share of them, and I STILL have this RESPECT for cows!!) So, I was glad they were able to correct their own problems, and all land up on the right side of the fence - at least for now! Mental note to self: call Travis and get him to check the fence.

When I walked - it was like the INCREDIBLE JOURNEY.... behind me, meowing all the way were Vanilla (white cat) and Louis (black cat) and Oreo. Ahead of me were cows, calves, and Travis' horse and pony. Along the way I could hear the sound of Blue Jays. The leaves are just now beginning to turn. The oak trees in the back are still in full form - just a few more days, and some wind, and they will be standing naked again.

Naked. Vulnerable. Bare.
Those words are full of meaning - full of thoughts - as was my mind and heart as I walked the back. I don't know how to express my thoughts exactly - there seem to be so many. Many of them come out of the intensive week last week in Colorado - I still get this awe when I think back to the places and times that I was so aware of the presence of God. I have not gone into my notes at all - as Dr. Crabb suggested that we put out stuff away and allow the Holy Spirit to "settle" what is important into our hearts. I have been doing alot of thinking lately - about my "purpose"...
seems that being without a job makes you wonder!! When I was in Colorado, I met with Mary-Beth who was on the NewWay ministries team - to do 1:1 spiritual direction. When I met with her - she listened to me talk - about my shattered dreams - my hurts - my joys - my anxieties... and she asked me what the word "REST" means to me. I shared with her that I was struggling with my purpose now that I was unemployed. She encourged me alot - and thought that perhaps my purpose was to REST in the Lord - and to delight in my husband, and to together prepare for what God had in store for us. I really think she hit the nail on the head. So, what is my problem? Why do I feel like I am not "pulling my weight" so to speak in life?

Aren't you happy to know that you are involved in these thoughts - merely because you decided to read today's blog.

I know that the word of God says that He has a plan and a purpose for me - not to prosper, or harm but to give me hope and a future (my paraphrase, sorry if I didn't get it right!) I know that passage also talks about when we seek Him and find him.

So why do I struggle with just trusting God on this - afterall in the summer, when I thought of a job - he kept saying very clearly - JOY JUST TRUST ME!
Why do I feel useless because I am at home - is it because my house is clean, and I feel like I have nothing to do?
Lord - what do you want me to do for you? Perhaps this is the time set aside to really dig into the Word.
I think He is teaching me that my "worth" is not in my job. My "worth" is not determined by the number of people who thank me for what I have done for them in ministry. My "worth" is not in the number of emails I get or don't get.

I think that God is still saying - Just trust me.
I think that He is helping me realize that regardless of who misses me (or not) - regardless of who phones (or not) - regardless of who emails (or not) -
I think that He is showing me that HE loves ME and that is really all that counts.
He continues to show me what is in my life that is ugly - or hard - but He also shows me what is in my life that is JOY-filled and beautiful!
My God loves me. He has created me because he wants relationship with me!
I think he is saying that my worth is not determined by a paycheque or a title.
I know that HE wants me to experience LIFE in Him, through Him and because of HIM.
And then in turn - because of the Holy Spirit's life in me - I can live fully - authentic and alive! To be the best woman! The best wife! The best mom - and the best Granny that in Christ, I can be.
That is my purpose - woohoo..... all this came about through fixing an electric fence! Guess I should chase cows in my yard more often!!

I know, I have rambled - but it makes sense to me!!
Lord, thank you for this day - for my man, for my kids, for my grandbaby who I am going to get to hold soon.
Thank you for the object lessons you give me through your creations - Blue Jays - changing leaves - and cows in my yard!
Thank you for loving me - for dying for me - for filling me with your power - and for giving me PURPOSE.... thank you God!!


posted on Tuesday, October 20, 2009