today's thoughts.....

Monday - October 5th, 2009

Today has been a quiet day. Another good reading day - I am about half way through the last book that I ahve to read for my week long course. I will admit that I have been anxious. Anxious about a few things - but one of them is about the sale of our house. It has been on the market now for almost a week - and we haven't heard a word. Anxious. Each morning I go through the ritual of cleaning the bathtub - making the bed up with the new bedcover (which we don't sleep with), cleaning up breakfast dishes, sweeping the floor if needed, making sure everything is in order. And amidst all that - is anxiety. Somehow I just can't seem to help it - and yet - really - there is nothing I can do to make the house sell. Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
So why the heck do I spend so much time being anxious! I guess because we are utterly human!!

Last night my accountability partner Elizabeth (who is such a gift from God)spoke and prayed into my life! Elizabeth and I got to know each other through email - back in November of 2007. It is quite something - she being a worship pastor - going through changes in church jobs etc. Me, being a pastor and going through changes that had already begun in November 2007. Now - almost two years later, she has become a very good friend although we have never met. Just last week - one week ago - we began with phone calls - daily ones - to help one another keep accountable as we both do the weight loss shuffle!!

Anyhow, last night Elizabeth prayed scripture over me. This morning I read the scripture that she prayed - along with a scripture from todays devotional by Beth Moore - it just all fit. Here are the scriptures - the one Elizabeth prayed over me was I Peter 5: 6-11 NIV

6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

The one that spoke to me from the devotional by Beth Moore was from Philippians 4: 6 & 7: also NIV

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So this morning - the Holy Spirit reminded me that I needed to surrender to the Lord - all of it - even my anxieties. And I did. (and have done over and over and over again)

Early afternoon I just felt that I needed to get outside - so I went. Here are some of the thoughts I wrote down, reflecting on the afternoon.

Today ~ The Lord and I ~ outside in His creation!

The day dreary with glimpses of sun
Storm clouds circled but drops didn’t fall
Leaves turning colors, and dropping to the ground with the wind
Blue Jays flitting from tree to tree – their call distinct
Aggressive
Beautiful
The day is quiet
The air is crisp

Wood dried and stacked soon becomes engulfed in flame
Crackling
Hot
Smoke curls rising toward the sky

Lawn chairs sitting close – inviting me to come
Come and sit
Come and think
Come and listen
Come and read
Come and just “be”

Lord, thank you for this time to spend with you - outside in your creation.

As I sit – I listen
The neighbors goats are bleating mercilessly
The neighbors dogs are forming a choir of noise
Barking like there is no tomorrow –
Yet my dog sits quietly by my side
Age has not been kind to him
Eyes no longer see clearly
Hearing has gone
Yet he is loyal and glad to be outside with me, content to just be in my presence.

Hmm – seems to be an object lesson in this
In my dog Oreo
In his contentedness to just “be” with me
Oblivious to everything else.
O Lord – help me to learn how to be with you.
Thank you for this time to spend with you – outside in your creation

With each piece of wood put on the fire –
With each hour that passes
With each chapter that I read through
I am conscious of this gift of solitude
Conscious of this gift of rest
Conscious of God and his Presence with me around the fire.
His presence enveloping me as surely as the smell of the campfire settles over me.
Lord, thank you for this time to spend with you – outside in your creation.

It’s time to walk
There is a strong sense that I need to pray.
Walk and pray
Walk and pray
Walk and pray
With each step that adds to the next –
I am able to speak out loud, into the quietness – into the presence of my Lord
Me and the Lord – walking, talking.
Me weeping
My Lord listening
His peace affirming His presence.

With each step – I give him my thoughts – my anxieties
With each step I acknowledge His presence in my life and the lives of my family
With each step I give up –
I surrender….
Surrender – so hard
Surrender – so necessary
Surrender – “Lord, please take it – all of it…. I give it to you.”
Lord, thank you for this time to spend with you – outside in your creation.

Step. Step. Step.
The dog frustrated because I don’t dare walk on the road with him –
Too risky with his limited sight and hearing.
Step. Step. Step.
377 steps equals one revolution.

Step. Step. Step.
Me and God
Talking. Walking. Weeping.
Arm movements – “Lord – take this – all this – it’s yours”
Talking. Walking. Smiling.
O Lord, you are so good, I know that.
I don’t understand you. I don’t always hear you. I don’t always feel your presence.
And sometimes, I don’t know if you are even here.
Your thoughts are not my thoughts – you remain a mystery.
But O Lord, I trust you.

Step. Step. Step.
Me and God.
Falling in love – more and more.
Experiencing his presence – feeling his embrace
Giving him anxieties – there are many.
And in turn – receiving an overwhelming sense of peace-
Tangible
So tangible – it makes me smile. It makes me laugh. It makes me aware that I am thankful…
Thankful Lord for this time spent with you – outside in your creation.
Thankful
Thankful
Thankful
O Lord – thank you.


Written by Joy – October 5, 2009 after spending the afternoon out around a campfire – just me and my Lord, Louie the black cat, Vanilla the white cat and Oreo my dog.