the last post of 09

So, there are just under 8 hours left in 2009. I have decided that since we are heading out shortly, and will not be back in time to write the last blog entry of 2009 ~ I will try to write it now.

I took out my journal beginning in Jan. 2009. I realized that I had pasted a copy of the print out of my blog entry from Dec. 31, 2008. So I will go on much the same type of "recap" for this past year...

Today, is the last day of the year - and looking back, I see that within the year, our emotional rollercoaster went to all time lows and all time highs. I guess we are actually leaving the year on the higher loop of the rollercoaster of our life ...

This past year held more of the same incredible grief that we began to walk through in July of last year. I am so glad that in the fall, I began to realize that God was bringing the pieces of our shattered hearts together. Today, as I will leave shortly to go and cuddle our little grandson, I will once again feel the wash of joy over my being.

How is it, that grief and joy can exist in the same space of time?

So - 2009 - highlights, glimpses of joy, showers of joy, celebrations
Josh's birthday
Alvin's birthday
Our family trip to Cuba (we loved Cuba in 08, so it was a repeat holiday destination)
We bought the land for the future location of our home/retreat ministry combined
Ashley's birthday
My birthday (I remember when 51 seemed OLD!)
We found out that we would be Grandparents for the Second time!
Celebrating Jay's birthday - with a party. It was a celebration - without him. Hard, but very good.
Our Anniversary
My thank-you party at McIvor church
Our WALK AND PRAY event for Women Refreshed at the Well - at our land.
We received donations towards the ministry!
I completed 7 years of ministry and jumped when God said jump!
My trip to Colorado Springs for the School of Spiritual Direction
long, long walks
great talks with our counsellor, and now friend Mary
Picking flannel with Leah, for our Grandson's rag quilt
Making the quilt in one day! ( a concentrated labor of love!)
Michael's birthday
Our second little grandSON EVERETT JOHN is born!
Christmas with our kids and Everett.

The Hardest things in 2008
My fibromyalgia has been out of control since this time last year. I never know from day to day - will it be a good day (able to move) or a bad day? (pain, pain and more pain)

Taking an unpaid leave of absense instead of a sabbatical that I had always hoped to be able to take. Just wasn't the right time, couldn't fulfill the right requirements for it.

Returning to ministry and feeling some disappointment that the talk of moving me into a "caring position" was no longer the direction the leadership was going into. Realizing that God was confirming it was time to leave ministry at McIvor.

Trying to figure out how to leave ministry "intact" so to speak. It is always hard to leave a position, but this was a double whammy in some respects since my place of employment had been my church family FIRST (for 31 years). If I had to rethink whether I would do the position again, I would... it was wonderful to be able to minister and care for people I loved

Hurt. There has been a lot of hurt. Someone said to me "we all get hurt - just suck it up and carry on..." We are working through it. I will be honest - some relationships may never be the same and that causes me deep sorrow. I have always been a peace-keeper/maker... or so I thought, so needless to say, broken relationships are causing me/us sorrow still. I am glad that Alvin walks through this with me - although it has been hard to see how our life stuff has changed us.

On the cusp of 2010 - I look back - and the sorrow mixed with joy almost blurs the days...
I look ahead with great anticipation - expectation...
Tonight, I will celebrate - by hugging my kids, my grandson, and enjoying a visit with two friends.
We are thankful. We are hopeful. We know, that God is God, AND God is good ~ always.