thankful in March!

Today is the 16th of March.  My mom (oh how I miss her!) would have been 89 today.  She was the most amazing mother in the world (oh how I wish to be more like my mom!) and I can still see her sweet sweet smile, and hear her gentle voice telling me "Honey, it's going to be okay."  I wish she was here still.  Somehow, 15 years seems like yesterday.  But then again, with her diabetes, and all of its involvement, as well as her blindness ... I just have to keep remembering that our loss was really Mom's gain and she is dancing in Heaven!!  I hope that today - she got to celebrate although I am thinking that in heaven, every day will be a wonderful one!  Mom - happy birthday!  I sure do love you and miss you.  It is my prayer that God would make me more like you - gentle, loving, kind, generous, giving... the list goes on. 

Today was a grey dreary day - but very spring-like.  The cars are dirty, dirty DIRTY!!  The gravel on the roads (left by the melting snow) is a sure sign of spring clean up to come!! I love Spring and look forward to the newness of life! 

Today, I got to hold the hands of about 80 high school kids!! At work, I went to a highschool and "typed" kids from 8:30 until 3:30 during 4 classes, while they listened to a presentation on Canadian Blood Services and why you really need to donate if you can.  Each typing takes about 2-3 minutes.  I had big hands, little hands, icy cold hands and warm hands.  Some kids (after the needle pricking) bled easily and others had fingers that had to be squeezed to get enough blood to mix with the antigens to get the reading.  I got to talk with the kids (I love that part) and to joke with them.  I got to work with two volunteers with CBS that I have not met prior.  It was a good day - but a long one.  I was glad to get home in time to kiss my man as we passed one another in the hall.... he was off to work nights.  I love that guy.

Today I felt tired.  I guess this body is still trying to catch up with the life we have led lately.  We moved.  Yep - one more time.  We are temporarily living now, in Alvin's mom's condo.  She passed away in late October and we are going to sell her condo - but in the meantime have the okay from the family to live there.  Not sure how long.  Part of me likes it.... part of me can hardly wait till I am moved into our new place.  If you have gotten to know me well - you know that I am a combo of "flying by the seat of my pants" but still liking to have at least SOME "ducks in a row."  Well .... these days - the ducks - well - I can't even FIND them, let alone get them lined up.  And well - it's okay.  As long as I can get a good nights sleep - all is well.  I am thankful that Alvin and I are good with that... at least for now.

Moving day - well - how is it that the LITTLE bit of stuff we did have in our kids loft - it seemed to have multiplied.  Man I hate junk more and more with every move.  Honestly.  Enough said.  We are so thankful that we have amazing friends and kids who are there to help us leading up to the weekend, and then on Saturday Kim and Kevin, Lloyd and Judy came bright and early - and then Willy joined us at the new loft as we dragged stuff into storage there.  (at mom's we just took our groceries and clothes).  FRIENDS.... we could not live without them.  (not to mention that later Kim also fed us and we hung out for a while!)  Thank you Lord for good friends!

WHile moving was inevitable (since our kids moved) ... it means that we don't see our grandson as much.  That is the hardest part for me.  It was a gift to be next door.  I hope we never abused that privilege (I don't think we ever did) ... and we did not take it for granted.  I get to spend time at their place tomorrow - and I can hardly wait!  Our little Everett - continues to bring life to our beings!  I love our family - our kids... our grandsons.... we thank God for each one of our gang.  We are so blessed.

I am still trying to bring some type of balance to my life.  Possible you think?  Not sure.  I believe it is.  At least "balance" in the way that I can live fully TODAY without being caught up in yesterday or tomorrow.  I want to enjoy each moment of today.  I am still struggling with trying to get my Quiet Time (my time with God) in each morning... and my exercise too.  Those are important to me - and only help in my continued struggle with my weight stuff!! (yes, you hear that ongoing in my blog don't you).  With working shifts - I just find it hard to have a routine!  I like some routines.  But I will persevere and try to figure this out!

Tonight before I went to curves I laid down for "40 winks" as my dad used to say.  And it turned into about an hour.  But... what an hour.  I woke up quite disturbed.  I had a dream and the people that came into my dream ranged from my family members - to someone who has been part of my circle of friends in the past but is no longer - to someone whom I love dearly as a friend but haven't connected with in a very long time.  The combination of people - and events - and things said in my dream ... I woke up in somewhat of a frenzy - only realizing it was "just a dream" and not reality.  However - it stayed with me..... and I realize that I am STILL trying to "sort out" the hurts that we are carrying for past two years - which obviously are still tucked away.  Man, that is a hard thing.  As my counsellor and I have talked - forgiveness is a process - and things MAY NEVER be the same again with people - or it may take a while. 

So today has been all over the map.  Actually my life has!  But - that being said - I wake up every morning and I am thankful for "another day of grace" that my God has given.  I am thankful for each new sunrise - for the reminders of family and friends throughout my day.  I am thankful for soft pillow for my weary head - for spring clean up for dreary gravel laden roads.  I am thankful for a place to live temporarily - that still reminds us of our dear Mom Klassen.  I am thankful for YOUTH of today - and for volunteers who make our jobs so much easier.  I am thankful for my kids who are amazing adults - and I am so proud of them.  I am so thankful for my Grandsons who have made me into the proudest Granny ever... I just wish I could watch my little Grandson Jay grow up ... but I know that my Mom is enjoying her great grandson in Heaven.  I am thankful for parents who raised me and who left a rich legacy for us.  I am thankful for friends who help us move - for friends who have us over for late night coffees (Betty and Willy those crepes at 11 pm were amazing!!) I am thankful for my man Alvin who continually makes me laugh and helps me to live life sometimes a little more fully than I want!!  I am thankful for a God who has given me life - and the enjoyment of each day and the promise of life eternal!  In general - I am tired but truly truly thankful. 

I also just realized that this time in 2006, it was truly but for the grace of God - speaking to my sister to run over to see my on her lunch break and NOT to wait till after work - and finding me in the condition I was in - behind the curtain in my room in the hospital .... this time 5 years ago, when she found me - my oxgen level was down to 40%, my lips and fingers were blue.... I sometimes think - what if she had just "pushed away" the nudging... obviously God had a purpose for me to live!  That continues to stop me in my tracks.  I am so thankful for a sister who listened to the nudging of God - and came running even though she had no clue I was in distress!!  Man, I do have alot to thank GOD for DON'T I??

Oh .... and since I am here at Mountain Bean posting this - I am just really really thankful for this big mug of great coffee - and a place to sit and get free internet.

In general.  I am THANKFUL!  Thank you Lord!  "BLESS THE LORD O MY SOUL AND ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME BLESS HIS HOLY NAME.  BLESS THE LORD O MY SOUL AND FORGET NOT ALL HIS BENEFITS ...."  Psalm 103: 1 - 5  (read the rest for yourself - you too will be THANKFUL!!)