just one of those days

it is just one of those days
sunny yet blue if you know what I mean
haven't had a day like this in a long time
in fact
it has been a very long time
no rhyme or reason
it is what it is

so
in the midst of the grey blueness of my day
i think
i think alot actually
and find someone to talk to
who doesn't know me from Eve
but who seems to want to listen
because if I can tell someone that I am not emotionally tied to
then I can talk without tears

I don't want to cry today

today is one of those days
I have described my life to someone  as living a "new normal"
I have thought about the transient life I have lived (albeit by choice)
I have thought about the building project we are doing (because God chose the project for us)
I have wondered if, if I could "go back in time" ~ would we be doing this building
this transient living
this month after month after month of thinking "soon, it will be done soon"
I have thought ahead a couple years and wished we were already there
there are so many thoughts, it is a good thing that most of them are left unopened!

today is one of those days when
I wish I could check into my own retreat house
and
just
be.

today is one of those days when
it is likely easier and better NOT to think and try to process all the random thoughts crossing my head
and when it would just be better to sit on the porch and relax
or maybe just write a post on my blog
that really
amounts to nothing more than some random musings of a middle aged woman!

i know that this post
will mean absolutely nothing to the average reader
or it may make you think
that girl is losing it again!

but I am not!
I just identify the feeling and color of the day
and speak some of my random thoughts out LOUD.

Now aren't you glad you read this?

I am okay.
Really.
I am.