Morning Conversation with God

While in Cuba this past winter, I especially enjoyed my early morning QT with the LORD

Since Monday I have felt just emotionally low - and I know it could be a number of things.  Praying for our loved one.  Caring for people outside of my family and doing alot of caring for those IN my family.  Making many meals - because feeding someone is such a tangible way to show your love isn't it.  And then walking through the anniversary of my mum's passing to heaven.  Whatever it is doesn't matter in as much as I know enough about myself, that I "FEEL" deeply ...
So I understand why I feel emotionally tanked.  It's not bad .... it just is.
In the early part of this morning, I sat down to have my QT.  I sat in the big white chair I have made my thinking/praying/reading chair over the past number of weeks.  The LORD meets with me in this place (not just this spot tho but often here) and I knew when I cozied up in the chair, that He and I were going to have another heart to heart.
a-lot

As I have likely shared before I have grown so much in my faith, and come to such a transforming since my early 30's when my brethren roots/understanding of the Holy Spirit was tried and tested and transformed - bottom line coming out of that time is that  - I hear the Holy Spirit speak to me in many ways - and often  a lot of the time,  in conversations that I record and read after the conversation is done.  As I have described it - I hear him speak, and know I need to grab my pen and journal and I "write like a mad woman" until the end of the conversation when I put down my pen, and re-read it, to see how He and I just talked.   I don't even question any more whether I am dreaming it all up or not - because I know that I recognize the voice of the Shepherd.  SO while I will mostly NOT share conversations with you, as I hold them all like treasures in my hands and heart.  However, this conversation is to be shared.  

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O LORD I am so tired and feeling okay, but "emotionally tanked" is the word I've been using -
just feel bottomed out.  I know LORD - makes no sense if I'm living in your power Holy Spirit ... guess maybe I've let you down.  Sorry.

I'm here

Always here

Rest your head

O LORD I'm so sad.  So. Very. Sad.

You aren't going to do a miracle are you?

So really LORD - why pray? WHY?

Like you are going to answer me.

I am.  I've given you a picture just now

The same picture you use (when talking to people about prayer)

Of your children crawling up on your lap

Do you give them everything they beg you for?

No.

Sometimes I relented tho.

Sure, sometimes.

But mostly what did you do?

Well, I just held them -
sometimes while they cried
Sometimes I wiped their tears
Yes, they sometimes whined too, but that was okay -
I understood their wants/desires/wishes along with their verbal asking

And?

Well I wanted to believe that I knew best and responded accordingly.
Even if they really made a stink about my answer.

And Joy - why did you believe you knew the best for them??

Well - because I was their parent and I knew them...
Because they were my children - birthed, raised by me
And I believed that I knew what was the best for them ....

So Joy - that's your answer...
Praying... I want that.
I want you to come to me exactly like that
even if you come kicking and screaming
Just like you and your kids.
I KNOW you.
You are my child.
I have (re)birthed and raised you.
It's not about the answer, although I get that.
I know you want a miracle.
But its about me loving you - loving us.
I'm here.
I love you.
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Short and sweet (oh, so sweet when I spend time with him in conversation) .  I believe the bottom line is that we pray because it is about our relationship with HIM more than the outcome.  I believe in the strengthening of the relationship we then come to understand more of why He answers the way He does!

A picture image given - I saw that before He began to speak - of my kids on my knee.
"Pictures" are another thing God often gives me - another way He talks with me.

I still remember realizing that was also a way He talks.
(one time I can tell you about the picture he gave me of a fresh chocolate cake, and I saw a hand with a knife running around the outside of the cake pan)

Please know - I do NOT share any of this to IN ANY WAY flaunt my relationship with the Almighty, nor to make anyone feel that I am "all that" because of the way God speaks to me.  I hope that is NEVER how I make you feel - ever.

I only share these things to encourage you in your faith.  To tell you that walking with the LORD is much more than mundane/lukewarm/convenient or complacent!   He wants us to dance with the Trinity!  (got that phrase from studying under Dr. Larry Crabb and New Way Ministries)

I was raised NOT to know the power of the Holy Spirit at work in the life of a believer - but HE turned me on my head and shook me up in my faith - and I want you to know - there is so much more to the HOLY SPIRIT's work than to just say he is part of the TRINITY period.

He is in the process of transformation - and if he can shake up this Brethren rooted gal - then let me tell you - He can do it for anyone!!  (and I would LOVE to have a conversation with you about that sometime too!!) All He wants is a heart that longs for him more and more!

SO there is my morning conversation with HIM - may it encourage you to sit, to be still, and to just talk with the LORD.  Yep, again I say - He talks.  We have just to be still enough to listen.

Enjoy your time with HIM,
Love,
j


ps 

There is the story in the Bible about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo being told to bow down to the King of Babylon but they refused because they worshiped the Living GOD.  So the punishment was to throw them into the fiery furnace.  The furnace was stoked even hotter. The men were thrown in, but the officials have to rub their eyes because there is a FOURTH man in the fire!! When they are brought out, the men are not even singed! Daniel 3: 17-18 (NLT) says "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us.  He will rescue us from. your power Your majesty. But even if he doesn't ..."     WHY DO WE PRAY is about our relationship with the Almighty GOD.  The outcome of our prayers are also HIS decision for us.  We prayed and petitioned for weeks and while we may thing we know how we want God to respond, it is still up to God.  And we know, like the 3 mend, that God is in the fiery furnace with us.  And while we know he could do the miracles of healing this side of heaven, we also (like the three men) say BUT EVEN IF HE DOESN'T we will still be trusting Him.  He is in the fire with us!  #GODSGOTTHIS