The sky is blue and the birds singing. Some kind of unearthly rodent was at the bird feeder - hard to believe the Creator made such things, but He did. Bigger than all the rest we have seen and something that looks different. Perhaps he will soon be trapped in the live trap holding peanuts for him to try for. Perhaps that is why the birds are chirping as there is nothing to be found for them but the feeder hanging haphazardly on the window. Seems the suction cups have given out. Thinking there is a sermon waiting to use that illustration.
I watch the leaves shimmy and shake as the wind passes throw them and I hear always think about the Bible verse that talks about the trees clapping their hands. I always imagine that is what I am hearing. The wind also passes past the wind chime and I hear the beautiful tones that soothe this soul. The tall grass of the bullrushes moves. And I realize how creation is so good at praising and thanking the Creator, and does often!
Oh there is the sound of yet another plane makes me want to run out and shout TAKE ME TAKE ME! Ah that it would be so easy. Running away from things is sometimes my go to thought, but is never one that is played out thankfully. Although, if it wasn't for my husband, kids and grandkids, there are times where I think I would move far, far away.
I sit here in the quietness of this house. The quiet before the coming and going of retreaters that will begin tomorrow and go through the week. The weekend will be cut in half due to ministry responsibilities here at home.
Breathing in - breathing out. Seems this is the practice that quiets this girl’s soul.
Breathe In and my heart says LORD I NEED YOU and breath out and my heart says BE MY STRENGTH. The in and out rythmn of my lungs collaborates with the cry of my heart.
The other day I had a beautiful experience when my new Dominican friend Mary prayed over me. Wow, did she pray. Later she said that the Psalm that God gave her to tell me was Psalm 40. I knew this Psalm as I call it one of my own!! Especially the first few verses. They became my mantra 27 years ago when I was walking through my depression and also when Mom was dying in the hospital. Take a look: Psalm 40: 1-4 NLT
“I waited patiently for the LORD to help me;
He turned to me and heard my cry
He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire
He set my feet on solid ground
And steadied me as I walked along
He has given me a new song to sing
a hymn of praise to our God
Many will see what he has done and be amazed
They will put their trust in the LORD.”
I love those verses because they bring hope. Sometimes life has a way of trying to pull us down. And if you were feeling a little bit down, the next thing can push you flat out, face down. I know that as this has been what I have experienced lately. The pit has been deep. And just when I feel like I am sort of on my way out, I slide back in.
But as I look at this Psalm I am reminded again that God does hear my cry. I know that from experience. I know it to be true. I know it. There are times when I have felt like I have been holding on by “the skin of my teeth” as the old saying used to go. Yes I know - teeth do not have skin!!
When I looked that up the phrase it said This phrase first appeared in English in 1560 in the Geneva Bible, in Job 19:20. It provides a literal translation of the original Hebrew. Since teeth have no skin, the expression refers to the smallest possible measure. Source: theidioms.com
And seriously, holding on with the smallest possible measure at times is better than letting go!
I know that to be true many times in my life. I know that in the midst of the muck, God’s Got This.
As the bird twitter and sing, and land on the railing, I am reminded of the Scripture that talks about how God, our Creator knows every single thing about the birds. How much more he knows and cares about us, those who are created in his image and who his son Jesus died for.
To me that alone sounds like something that we should be singing about.
My soul has been in the depths - in the pit and I will be honest, sometimes it is hard to get out of there. My enneagram number is both a blessing and a curse for me. But it does help me to understand myself and my reactions and feelings that are at times deeper than I know what to do with.
And in these depths that have been much like sea billows for the past little while - even in the tossing and turning, I know God's Got This. In the stillness of this morning as I sit in this chair I can hear the LORD say:Breathe deep and be still. I'm here in the midst of this all. Trust me Beloved.
So I am going to write this psalm again, for today, in my words.
Joy’s version of Psalms 40:1-4
LORD, here I am again. Sometimes I am not so patient, but I am waiting.
Oh LORD I need your help.
I don’t know what that help looks like, but I need it.
I know you hear my cries.
I know you know my thoughts.
I know you are completely aware of everything spoken and unspoken.
You know this heart, belonging to this old gal, needs you so bad.
You have lifted me from the pit before, and I know you will do that again.
Despair. Even the word sounds hopeless
But YOU bring HOPE into the places that seem the most dark.
This muck and mire - feels like the stuff that holds onto your feet,
The stuff that boots get stuck in as it suctions feet in place
But YOU are the only one that can lift me/us out of this place
AND YOU set my feet securely onto solid rock…
I see the picture of myself, mudcaked but standing.
Mud falling down my legs and pooling around my feet
YOU wipe them clean so that the ground is not slippery but secure
I am worried about slipping but you take my hand and bring me forward
Each step secure on you, the ROCK of my life.
And as I walk ahead, something is stirring within me
I feel it, rolling around, coming together and then out of my mouth in a praise that is new
A newly composed song sung to the most melodious tune
In turn, people see that it was only God that can do what they just witnessed
Because you O GOD, Sovereign One - you are the God
who Hears
who provides
who heals
who wipes the mud off along with the tears
who gives breath and song at the same time.
I waited and you heard my cry.
Thank you.
j
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