Remembering Mom ~ Praising God for her!

You have to love the easter bonnets on each of us girls. 

Every Christmas and Easter, right up until I worked and made my own money - we got complete easter outfits -

shoes to hat, purses, dresses, coats, knee socks, and gloves!!  You gotta love my mom's hat!

On the right of the picture as you look at it - there is a little girl between a mom and dad... with a little frilly short dress. 

That is me, mom and dad at camp.  Sunday's were always PICTURE DAY!!

Today marks 15 years since I kissed my mom good-bye.  I may have told this story before - but I am going to tell it again. 

The night before Mom died, my "little" brother Tim and I stayed overnight in her room.  At this point, Mom had been in the hospital since the Sunday before.  This was Saturday night.  When Mom was admitted, Dr. Lepp told her very compassionately, "Mrs. Thomas, there is nothing we can do for you but make you comfortable" and she told us that Mom would only live about a week.  From Wednesday on, Mom did not speak to us, but Alvin told us to make sure we kept talking to her, as there seems to be indicators that even though people are not talking/or in comas, that they still hear.  So, we did talk to her and held her hand.

That night Dad allowed us to stay for night and he went home.  Tim took the recliner in the room, and I sat at her side, with my arms up on the rails and my head on my arms.  Not a great sleep - but then again, that was not what I was there for. 

In the morning, Tim went downstairs for something to eat, and I had some 1:1 time with Mom.  Those times did not come often, as usually a couple of us were there at any given time.  Anyhow, as I sat and held Mom's hand, I talked to her.  I told her that she had been a wonderful mom - and that we would be okay if she left us to go "home" and that we would miss her - but she would be with the Lord.  It was at this point that all of a sudden a tear appeared in both eyes.  Her eyes till that time, had been dry.
Those tears moved me - and made me realize that (or at least I think this is true) she heard me. 

Within about 6 hours, Mom went to be with the Lord while we gathered there with her.  It seems like yesterday and yet it seems like forever.  How can that be.  I miss her so much.

However, it was great comfort for us when our little Jay went to be with Jesus - that we knew his great Grandma - Great Poppa - Great Grandpa were all there to meet him. What joy that must have been.  And I can only imagine the smile on their faces.  I don't know for sure (since I am still on this side of Heaven) but I believe that my parents and dad Klassen KNEW that it was Jay, when Jay entered Heaven.  That gives me comfort and brings joy in the sorrow.

Today I leave this post with the scripture from Proverbs 31, as from THE MESSAGE paraphrase.  This is for my mom.... the Proverbial Woman.  Mom, I love you, and I miss you so much.

Proverbs 31:10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoy knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.


Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

our little "Sweetness"

I think it is obvious why Jesus says that "unless we become like little children" ... and yesterday our little Sweetness Everett John taught this Granny something important, although I am just realizing it now.

Yesterday I went to spend time with Ev while Leah went to vote and do another errand.  So, we went for a very long walk with him in the stroller.  I stopped along the way so that he could touch things.  We touched new buds on trees.  We touched cedar branches.  We touched pine tree branches.  We drove through puddles.  We "called" the birds.  We listened to the frogs.  And, at the end, I made a "ball" as he calls it, actually a SNOW ball and we touched it, and played with it.  I got such cute pictures, too bad that my free Internet access at Mountain Bean does not allow me to download pictures!

Then we played in the yard.  First of all we changed from his cute little Converse high tops (we just love those) to his little yellow rubber boots and off he went.  He sees everything.  This simply thrills his Papa because this is how Papa works too - noticing all the little things that are otherwise missed.
Everett loves to pick up stones.  He got mud under his fingernails.  He smiled when he saw the neighbors dogs outside.  And then when his Mommy came home we went in. 

Everett is a climber.  He loves to climb on whatever he can, and so his Mommy thought that perhaps he would like to go downstairs to climb on the slide they have.  At this point he was also showing some signs of being tired.  Once downstairs, he decided he would rather watch Sesame Street.  He has fallen in love with Elmo and Sesame Street in general.  He is only allowed to watch one show.  He really gets into it - sits very still - and laughs easily at things that catch his fancy.  He "signs" more... and points or goes up to the t.v.  However, his wise mommy said "no Everett, not this time" 

Now, Everett does not throw many tantrums as such, but he does know what he wants or THINKS he knows what he wants.  It is usually when he is tired that he has trouble with limits.  Leah was telling me that then he also usually will go to the cupboard and want a "cookie" which also has limits.  I watched, trying not to interfere or say anything.  I have told Alvin how I love watching them deal with Everett during this time - so gently and quietly but firmly and consistently. 

In his own little way - he let her know that "but I want it!" and he stamped his little feet a bit, and cried, and really looked determined to get his way.  But his mommy knew best, and gently brought him to her, cuddled him, spoke with him, was firm but loving; gentle but extremely caring.  And before long, he was doing something else - Sesame Street and Cookies long forgotten.

"unless you become as little children..."
Sometimes I "tantrum" "rant" "rave" and "stamp my feet" when I am with my Lord.  Really - why would he always say YES?  He is the loving, kind, gentle, caring parents that lavishes me with so much grace.
Sometimes I (like my grandson) get tired... and when I am tired, I do not make good choices!
Sometimes I (like my grandson) think that something sweet would help "fix" that empty spot ... when what I really need then is to give that feeling/emotion to God.
Sometimes I (like my grandson) thinks that "distraction" solves the places I am in - but my Lord knows way better about what I need - and when I need it.

I think that unlike Everett - sometimes I don't get past it as quickly, as easily.  However I know that like Leah and Josh are such wise parents - my Lord is even wiser/loving (simply because HE IS GOD) and often just takes me and holds me.  Sometimes I actually FEEL that his arms have wrapped about me.

My grandson has/is and will teach me many things.  I just feel that in my granny-bones.  I love watching him - how he "wows" over the things in life.  I thank God for him, our little "Sweetness" as his mommy and daddy refer to him - for my kids (all of them) but most of all I thank God that HE knows what is best and gently directs/guides/loves ME.

also posted  today on www.daring2liveFULLY4him.blogspot.com

daring to live fully for Him

The other day, while standing at a red light I watched a person at the same street intersection. The cars were travelling north-south and she was wanting to cross east-west. The light had just turned green for those heading north south but she came up and hit the button on the crosswalk. Then she hit it again. She began to look a little impatient and I could imagine her thoughts "SO OKAY, I PRESSED THE BUTTON DARN IT SO WHY AREN'T THE LIGHTS CHANGING SO I CAN CROSS!" By the sight of her body language and her expression on her face... I honestly believe she thought that by pressing the button on the side that says crosswalk - that she "controlled the lights" and would bring the traffic going the opposite way to her - to a halt! I just had to smile. This is not the first time I have seen this happen. One time the person hit it at least three times as they waited impatiently at the corner!

WHile I smile at this - it speaks volumes into my own heart. I wonder how many times I have "hit the button" and tried without fail to speed something up - or slow something down - so that I could do what I needed to do NOW!

Today, I enjoyed something very timely (for me especially) about s-l-o-w-i-n-g down to experience life FULLY in the everyday here and now. It happened at noon when I met my "friend who sticks closer than a sister" Josie to talk about the book we are reading together. (Jo and I have been best friends since Grade 4) The book we are reading is called "one thousand gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I have had it for a while - but I am finding that her poetic style of writing is one that I have to make lots of time for in order to read (and sometimes re-read) and to soak it in. I purchased this after I had a conversation with Nicole about a book that had a huge impact on her, and I googled it, read Ann's blog and ordered the book. I didn't realize that within the first few pages, my heart would break again as I read about her loss.... I am not sure why I keep being surprised at how raw I still am.
Anyhow - I began to read (and re-read) and then gave the book to my friend Jo for her birthday, and we together decided to have our own little book-club and get together over a good cup of coffee and a couple hour time slot! We are only discussing two chapters at a time - but it has been rich. And, like I said at first - it is very timely!!

We reviewed chapter 3 & 4 but it was 4 (A Sanctuary of Time) that spoke deep into my being. Ann says some profound things (which is why SHE is an author of a book!) about how busy our lives get. Page 62 she says, "Oh yes, I know you, the busyness of your life leaving little room for the source of your life. I'm the face grieving. God gives us time. And who has time for God?" 

She quotes Psalms 39:6 which says, "We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing."

Excerpts from pages 66-67 say:
"In our rushing, bulls in china shops, we break our own lives."
"The hurry makes us hurt."
"Hurry always empties a soul."
"I speak it to God: I don;'t really want more time; I just want enought time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give YOU glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done --- yesterday. In a world with cows to buy and fields to see and work to do, in the beep and blink of the twenty-first centruy, with its "live in the moment" buzz phrase that none of the whirl-weary seem to know how to do, who actually know hot to take time and live with soul and body and God all in sync?"

Ouch.... this feels like me. It is as if Ann has looked deeply into my soul and speaks the words my heart cries out often. O Lord - help me to live FULLY - to live FULLY FOR YOU! I don't think that it is just because I am in mid-life... turning 53 in a couple months. NO... I think it is because I am desiring MORE of the LORD because I HAVE tasted and I HAVE SEEN that HE (my Lord and Saviour) is GOOD!

I have joked about the phrase "GO BIG OR GO HOME" and have also wanted to "LIVE ON THE EDGE" and people who know me likely think - really Joy? But REALLY..... I want to live all out for HIM.

I have come to realize (and I also thank Ann for underscoring this with her book) that "living fully" has to be about living for the Lord. Jesus said that he came to give us life to the full! Living fully is about being thankful for whatever state I find myself in. (YEP that IS a challenge, believe me, I get that)

Elisabeth Elliot said "Wherever you are, be all there!" And if there is one person that modeled that for me - it was my mom, Dolly Thomas. She lived fully,even though she was blind at the end, and housebound for the most part. She found out how to live content in her circumstances. I remember the one time I came up to see her - her osteo had really taken its toll on her, and she was in great pain. I said "Mom, do you ever feel like giving up?" to which my mom replied "Oh no dear! I have so much to be thankful for!" My mom and Ann would see eye to eye.... about being thankful. About finding GOD in the moment - in the every day simple things. We so often miss him because we are rushing!!

Ann took a challenge from her friend to write down 1000 gifts (or in other words, to wake up to the everyday blessings!) It is an intentional way of living. A way of slowing down to embrace the here and the now. A way of praying without ceasing as you give thanksgiving to God throughout the day.
SO... for that reason, I have started another blog for my own 1000 gifts http://www.daring2livefully4him.blogspot.com/

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord

There have been some thoughts in my head and heart lately.  And, I have heard the verse, which is my favorite "life" verse - "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you - plans to give you a hope and a future.  You will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen.  You will seek me and I will be found by you when you seek me with all your heart."  (okay, I may have mixed up or forgotten some part. bit I think I have the main parts!)

In other words - GOD KNOWS the will for my life ~ and HE IS SOVEREIGN and NOTHING that happens is out of his will, or done for my harm.  That is a big one, especially since there are times when I am wondering aloud "God, you really know what you are doing because I just don't get it!!"

Last nite Alvin and I along with two other couples, went to see the Hollywood movie SOUL SURFER which is the story of Beth Hamilton, who got her arm bit off by a shark while practicing in the ocean.  You really should go and see it for yourself.  Within the movie, the verse that I quote above - is also quoted.  Bethany said at one point she wondered about what God was going to do with her life.
I am sure she is not the only one that has wondered that - or has asked God if He really knows what He is doing?

God himself knows that He heard a lot of my ranting and raving along those lines over the past 2.5 years or slightly more.  I am so glad HE IS BIGGER than all my stuff!  O Lord, thank-you!

This week I have had many mixed up thoughts again regarding God's plan and today as Alvin and I were driving home from the land - I voiced it.  I think I started off by saying to him, "okay, I am going to say something and it will sound like I am a horrible person, I know that, but here it is ........................."
And with that I proceeded to tell him some of the deep thoughts I have been mulling around in regards to some emotions/some thoughts/some things that have arisen over this past week that takes me back to losing my firstborn grandson Jay....

Alvin and I were able to talk about it - and as usual with my man, he helps me sometimes "unpack" my thoughts and they usually don't look quite as ugly when he helps me work through them.  God knows all about them, and really, I don't have to speak them out loud to anyone else - but often Alvin or others within my family, are really good sounding boards.  I realize that sometimes I just have to call it for what it is.  Doesn't always look pretty, but it always feels much better to speak it out loud!

So tonight I am thankful for many things ... but mostly for a Saviour who is bigger than my messy thoughts and also unconditionally loving!  He does have HIS plan for ME!!! A plan to prosper me and NOT to harm me.  A plan to give me a HOPE and a FUTURE!!  Thank you Lord God!

Easter Reflections

This past week has been a full one, and a good one.  My thoughts were drawn to "Passion Week" beginning with the sermon Pastor Dave gave at Eastview Community Church last Sunday.  It was based on Mark 10 from the section in verse 35 - 45 when Jesus talked with his disciples and He asked them "what do you want me to do for you?"  and then the story about Blind Bart receiving his sight and Jesus asking him "What do you want me to do for you?"  To which, if you read in chapter 10 verses 46-52 Bartimaeus replies "Rabbi, I want to see."  Jesus says to him "Go, your faith has healed you!"  (New International Version Bible)

This sermon moved me.  I took notes as I normally do.  What do I want Jesus to do for me?  And is my faith so strong as blind Bart's?  (or as strong as the woman who touched the hem of Jesus robe and was healed?)  This was the beginning of my week.  And the beginning of "Passion Week" which represents the week between Palm Sunday leading up to Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday!

Our church invited people to come and go through the reflective prayer stations they set up.  On Monday I went.  It was very quiet.  I was alone and could spend as much time as I wanted.  Part of the first station included time looking at prints on the wall of the foyer.  They are absolutely beautiful - artist is J. Michael Belkin and the series is called Journey with the Messiah.  You can google and see them.  They are stunning.  Monday was good - and I was glad to be able to take the time to go/sit/reflect/journal/pray.

Our care group from Eastview went on Thursday night and went through the reflection/prayer stations.  I found out that each night had a different emphasis on the reflective components and the way the stations were set up.  That way if you went one night - it would be different the next.  Once again, I was blessed by it.

Yesterday Alvin and I went to the Good Friday service at Eastview.  It was a combination of worship team/choir/drama and we were both greatly moved by various parts.  I think the one line that struck me however was towards the end when he said "Jesus went to Hell for you so he wouldn't have to be in Heaven without you!"  WOW.... powerful words.  Powerful truth.  Good Friday - the day that (almost 2000 years ago Jesus died on the cross for OUR (yours and mine - past, present and future) SINS.  He conquered death - grabbing the keys out of Satan's hands!  And tomorrow as we celebrate EASTER we celebrate the fact that HE HAS RISEN!!!  Thank you JESUS!

I will go to church tomorrow - although I will go myself since Alvin has to work.  Once again, I will be reminded of the most amazing thing ever done for me - what love Jesus had for US!!
WHAT A SAVIOR!!

Tomorrow a lot of the world will celebrate HIS RESURRECTION.  It is my hope and prayer for you - that you will know JESUS and experience his amazing grace!!

As it says in John 3:16  "For God so loved the world that HE gave HIS ONE AND ONLY SON that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life!!"

the week in retrospect

It is Sunday night.  I dropped my sweet man off at the fire hall for his second of two night shifts.  Last night he got no sleep.  Tonight - time will tell.  I am not spending some time sitting in the coffee shop, (you know which one) and taking advantage of the free wireless again.  It is starting to get busier here - as it is now almost 7 pm.  I have enjoyed a big mug of black coffee and tonight it is especially hard to not overhear conversations around me.  You know - it is not as if I WANT to hear them - but they are just there...

It has been a while since I have blogged.  It has been a hard week.  Hard in an emotional way - as I have walked alongside of Alvin as he has processed some extremely hard HARD stuff from work.  Stuff that warranted a text out to our close friends asking them to pray for strength.  A week later, we see how the prayers and support of our friends have helped Alvin walk through the process of grieving (again).

Just not even a week prior I had coffee with my friend Josie - and shared with her some of the deep stuff on my heart - and as we talked over the hard things we have walked through - and the stresses of it all - I think my words to her were something like this "I sometimes wonder what next - and want to ask God - please God - nothing more - we can't take it."  Hmmm....

I am reminded again of what the word says - and I do not have my bible here this time - but they are the words to this effect - that God give us what we need to stand up against whatever comes our way... when it comes He will see us through it."  Honestly some times I just want to say -   but God - what about her - what about him ...  and sometimes when I say that to God - I even have someone in mind!!
WHY GOD does it seem _________ NEVER has anything happen - or anything hard - or anything to go through!! 

But typical of God - MY Lord - and the Sovereign of my life ~ he gently reminds me not to compare my self to anyone else - but to just keep my eyes on him - and he will supply all I need! And he does.  Only GOD.

I have seen God in many ways this week - through people, through circumstances - through the songs I hear outside our window at night as nature stays up! (Geese never seem to sleep).  I have seen God through my little grandson Everett - who loves life!! He makes us smile with his dances!!  I have seen God through the friends who asked "How is Alvin doing..." and "We are praying for you" .... how beautiful the "church" is when we are surrounded by those who love God and love us with His love!
I have seen God this week in some of the people I have processed through my work.  I had one conversation with a guy who gave me a fridge magnet with a Bible verse on it.  Over and over again, I am reminded that God is at work in my life, and in the lives of those around me!  I am thankful.

This week I have worked with amazing co-workers.  We have laughed together.  I have had coffee with friends.  I have had times with my family! (love that so much!)  I have laughed with my husband and cried with him.  It has been a week that is behind us - but one in which we have grown, and I am thankful.

What does the week ahead hold? Tomorrow night I finish up the last bible study at church with the other women.  We have been studying a bible study by Beth Moore since the middle of January.  It has been a blessing! It also means that I will going out of town for three days - on a mobile clinic.  It will be the longest one so far.  Alvin - he is hoping that they will move forward on the house build - and I have a feeling they will!  Our little grandson and his mommy and daddy are heading to Mexico for the week, and we will miss them. 

The week ahead is full - and it is my prayer that we will experience God in many ways along the way.  Through people.  Through places.  Through nature.  Through work.  Through play.   We do not know what the week holds, but one thing I am sure - is that I know WHO holds my week!  It it my prayer that my life with hold the fragrance of Jesus as I interact with others.  Lord, please give me the grace to do so!  May your week hold blessings and surprises with each day too!

the simple things in life

"It seems we seldom allow ourselves time to enjoy the simple things in life:  natural landscapes, great conversation, a comfortable chair, and time to savor that perfect cup of coffee...."

this quote was taken from my coffee cup at Mountain Bean

I think that the people who came up with MOUNTAIN BEAN coffee shops, are onto the same thing that I have been seeking for a long time ~ the "simple things in life".  Who would have thought that my heart's desire is quoted on my take out coffee!!

The simple things in life!  Ahhh.... sometimes I wonder if I even KNOW what it means.  Years ago our care group at the time, studied a book, which in turn prompted us to begin doing mission trips.  I remember that when I came away from that trip - I wept.  My heart was changed.  Each time I do a mission trip - it is changed.  But somehow - years later ~ I am still "seeking".  What does it mean "the simple things in life".  Somehow my life just gets cluttered up with stuff.  It gets bogged down.  It gets stifled.  It gets messy.  And I still - years and years later long for the simple things in life!

I think I do get it, albeit slowly.  I am reading a book called A Thousand Gifts and I have to read and re-read the pages so that their essence soaks into my being.  She encourages me to find the thanksgiving in each and every day - and find 1000 Gifts along the way.  I have begun to record those a few at a time.

I long for the simple life - likely because my nature is one that can get going and caught up in people and places and things very easily.  My walk through depression has taught me alot about saying no to things, and about taking time for my well-being, but I still tend to get moving like a runaway caboose.

And then I hear the simple things in life beckoning me to just curl up on the big old armchair, and to just sit... to just be.  Ah... God is teaching this old gal, slowly but surely.  I am so glad HE is so patient with me!

Today I noticed things like the way the river has broken up and has already risen ...
At night I hear the sound of the geese that are hanging out at the river.  I love sleeping at mom k's condo with the windows open.
Today I noticed how the sun warmed my body - and truly felt like spring.
How the snow has made interesting shapes as the sun has been melting it slowly.

I am asking God to continue to open my eyes to the simple things - to the most beautiful things that I otherwise miss when I am so "busy" running here and there.  Someone once said that "If the devil can't get you down, he will get you busy!"  Yep, I agree.

God is showing me more - he is also "opening the eyes of my heart" to His voice, to his creation, to his presence.  Ah, the simple things in life....  and by the way - they do seem to go well with a great cup of coffee too!