"Not yours to carry Joy"

" When darkness veils his lovely face- I'll rest on his unchanging grace
In every high and stormy day - My anchor holds within the veil"
from song:  On Christ the Solid Rock I stand

My heart has been breaking over someone very dear to us who has been fighting cancer over and over and over again in the past 3.5 years.  First one kind 3.5 years ago, with a week of radiation and a surgery.  Then two years later a second kind, with chemo and surgery, and then barely months later (just last December)  with another diagnosis with chemo.  My heart breaks as I have petitioned God for healing.  

A couple months ago God told me to persist in prayer.  Our family loved one's "ask" of us is that we pray for healing THIS side of heaven, and if not, then that God would take our loved one quickly.  So we have prayed.  I have once or twice asked the LORD about healing, and about why some are healed and others aren't.  These questions have not just come out of this current round of intercessory prayer.  I will admit, those words have come ever since we lost our Jay.  I have done the wrestling with those questions, and have asked the WHY GOD's more than I care to admit.  I believe our God is okay with this, and that this is part of the reason we can say He is a good good Father.  But believing that even in the midst of feeling like there is nothing good about our loved one's current situation - that is a harder stretch for many of us.

Today I sat with the Father, and with the comfort of Holy Spirit in the stillness of my home.  I have to say for this reason, I am loving not hosting others here (with ministry currently on hold) although  I know all that will begin again at some point, but in the meantime I know without a doubt, that God is using this time to speak deeply into the core of my being with His words - speaking to me as His beloved.

Today I was taken to Psalm 56 and in this Psalm David tells the LORD GoD that he knows God knows about every tear.  With pen in hand I sat, and listened as after many years of this happening, I know when God is about to tell me something, and I know I need to sit down, listen and write the conversation.  

So there we were - the two of us - Him talking and me writing and listening.  And asking some of my own questions.  But it was mostly God speaking this morning.  I shared with Him how our loved one feels abandoned.  I shared how hard this is to hear (not as if we are supposed to give any answer - we don't have one)  I asked God how we bring any kind of hope into this darkness of the valley of the shadow of death?  I told him about how I have felt the responsibility of intercession.  Then I put down my pen and spoke out loud to the Father.  The Holy Spirit comforted me as the tears ran and ran and ran and my words reached the throne room and gathered into the golden bowls full of prayers (I assume) 

This morning God told me it is not about me (Joy) bringing any kind of hope.  It is not about whether we should have prayed over and anointed our loved one.    HE reminded me that it is so not about me (Joy) trying to bring that, or do that, or carry that.  In HIS words, written down in my journal, God said, "You are not the one who will bring hope - I am speaking to the depths of his soul.  You can't be what only Holy Spirit can be.  The COMFORTER.  This is not yours to carry Joy."  

I realized in that moment, with the tears streaming, that I can not be what only the LORD GOD/FATHER/Holy Spirit can be to our loved one.   And as hard as it is to hear and know that someone feels abandoned, I believe the Father speaks right to this, knowing the pain of watching His son.  I believe the Father grieves with us right now too. The pain of abandonment was felt so strongly I believe by Jesus when the sky went dark, and He cried out loud MY GOD, MY GOD, why have you forsaken me.  I believe in these times, Jesus knows our thoughts, and our feelings.  An in the midst of this, I believe that although He can not be seen, the Holy Spirit is present in the room wherever our loved one walks or sits or sleeps.  Because our loved one loves the LORD.

That love sustains us.  Even in those times when it feels dark, and dismal, and lonely and abandoned.  The pain although lessened by medication, is still almost unbearable.  But there are still so many good conversations.  We pray for many more years.  We thank God for loved ones and relationships that we likely took for granted more than we want to admit.  Our hearts break when we leave, having witnessed the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain caused by such a life-robbing thing called cancer.  We weep with them and for them.  

I've never walked the journey through cancer, and only God knows if I will at some point in my life - but I have walked alongside of a few loved ones in times of deep dark valleys, and have also walked in some valleys of my own.  And I have come to see, like He reminded me today, that it is not mine to try to carry things that only our God can.  Or to try to help do what only the Holy Spirit can - which is to be the greatest comforter.  

** its strange but just now as I was typing this, it was like I remember when police yell "step away from the car " ...  and I can not help but feel God is reminding me - gently - its about me Joy - just let me do what I need to do in here - you keep praying, but it is me at work!  It's all about Him - in the midst of the valley - its all about Him. 

I can carry the role of interceding - that is something I can carry.  I can carry some of the help with meals, that is something I can do.  And,  In the meantime, I will keep praying for healing whether it is heaven or here -  and trust it all to HIM. 

Even if we don't understand any of it,  I believe that GODS GOT THIS.  And I will continue to do the things He does ask me to do and let go of the things that are HIS to carry.  And I pray.  

with love,

j

Coffee Thoughts (no periods, no commas)

My thoughts run a million thoughts a minute - with no periods - no commas - 

they just run 

one after another - overlapping, tumbling thoughts ~

I have often wondered when someone will invent a device

that can be attached to your head

and record every single thought that runs across your mind.

then again ~

maybe we don't want them all recorded,

as they may not be suitable for other people to read about!

Thing is - people don't need to know about all our thoughts

but God knows my thoughts 

whether they are written or thought of

whether they are spoken out loud or in the heart

He knows.

I sit here this morning

at my computer

It seems that I think I have something to say

but feel too tired to pick up my pen and write it in longhand ~

So I sit here ...

coffee cup beside me

computer in front of me

and thoughts whirling around in my head

a million thoughts a minute.

The sounds of the morning ~

wind chimes on deck

(these chimes were expensive, and have stood the test of time)

The sound is like heavens music, if you can imagine that

peaceful

soothing

these sounds bring joy <3 p="">

The birds are singing ~

many different sounds and songs

representing the many different birds in our area

there is a reason why they are called SONG BIRDS!

I thank God for these winged friends who bring joy with their melody

Motorcycles are driving down Henderson

We are far enough removed that the sound is not offensive in any way

but it always gives me a picture of freedom lol

Wind in your face.

Sun on your shoulder.

It always seems like you are riding fast when you are on the back of a bike!

*note - maybe we should go for a ride today

Inside I hear the sounds of a dryer going

and the washing machine washing clothes

and as each of them comes to the end of their cycles

a beautiful little childhood melody plays ...

It makes me thankful that I have a home to live in, and clothes to wear and appliances to wash and dry them.

I realize not everyone has this luxury.

So when I hear the childhood melody - I will say thank you LORD for these practical blessings

My commercial coffee maker warms up the water in its internal tank.

Reminds me that it is also a luxury I likely take for granted

A big cup of coffee

Red Lake Coffee at that.  (it is hard to switch to anything else once you've had this!)

My cup on the table reminds me that I am loved.

It is a cup given to us on our anniversary, and the friend knew I collect hearts

As they are  #remindersofhislove

So often we I go through life taking for granted the things that are in my life

Blessings that I don't alway see as a blessing any more because it has become routine

So today, my cup calls me back to HIM - to HIS LOVE for me - my Jesus.

And drinking from this cup, seeing the hearts is a reminder that He is all over my day.

My thoughts run a million thoughts a minute

About my life - my marriage with my sweet man

Yep I take that for granted too

How years ago a 16 year old guy walked down steps into the school cafeteria

And I knew he was then one.

So often my thoughts can focus on what I don't have... instead of what I do have.

An amazing husband who loves and cares and brings so many things into my life/our life together

I am humbled to think of how life could have gone

with someone else, or being born into a different family, or being born in a country

Do your thoughts go there sometimes too?

My thoughts are a million thoughts a minute it seems

about my family

my kids - all four of them

and my grandchildren - 1 in heaven and 4 here with us!

My thoughts can often border on worry but mostly are filled with joy

And thanksgiving to God for giving me the husband, and kids and grandkids that I have

Oh He has been so good to me!

My thoughts these days are many - too many to count

The circumstances change daily

I don't have to say the word for anyone reading to know what I am talking about.

Thoughts swirl around our health and our safety.

But the thoughts also swirl around the beauty of this time of year

The buds that will soon come and open

The fluff from the poplars that will fly and put my allergies into overtime

Wood-ticks that may crawl on us and hopefully found before they dig in for their lunch

Ponds that have the frogs croaking

No doubt tadpoles that will be swimming

Gardening that will get done once the last frost happens

These thoughts of mine

whirring a million thoughts a minute

are like butterflies that are flying all over the place

here one moment and then gone off ...

my kids laugh at that, 

how I can come up with something in the midst of a different conversation ...

can I blame it on age? lol

My thoughts these days can be calm and then change to anxiety

some fear of the unknown ahead

But He usually gives me the assurance that HE (my God) has it all under control

My thoughts don't have to make sense

I may not understand HIS thoughts or ways, and TBT I rarely do.

But He is saying, you are going to be okay

Hold on - don't let go of me - just keep walking and when those times come that you cant

I will carry you

You are going to be okay

Actually you are going to be more than okay.

My thoughts are of relationships that are put to the test

people that are lonely due to restrictions.

Churches that have gone to online live services

New worship songs coming out in the midst of it all speaks to HOPE beyond what we know

Hope found in Jesus!

My thoughts are of someone we love who is getting closer to heaven it seems

thoughts of why God don't you heal HERE on earth

mixed with thoughts of knowing God is Sovereign and knows the plan for each of us

my loved one included

My thoughts change in the darkness of night

when everything is still

everything is literally dark because of night

those thoughts some nights hinder sleep from coming easily

My thoughts if spoken out loud would be

LORD REALLY

will something good really come out from this

or will we quickly forget this time that you had us in

a time of slowing down

of being with those we love

of reading THE WORD

of praying

and times of worship

And my thought are that this is time of resetting 

A time of recasting vision

A time of drawing us back to the heart of the Father

.

He is reminding us that in the midst of this unknown

HE never changes.

My thoughts are about how the time of being alone, and quiet here without retreaters to host 

has created so much space for me to sit with the LORD

in stillness

in rest

and to listen

And beyond the wind chime and the birds

Beyond the sound of motorcycles or lawn tractors

Beyond the sound of my coffee maker and washer/dryer

I hear him.

He speaks 

My journals are full of recorded conversations over the past few weeks

Yes - I said recorded conversations.

Ask me about that sometime.

He speaks in a voice I hear.

Before He speaks, I know that He has drawn me into a place, and a position where I am ready

To hear what He has to say

As a Father to his daughter

As a Bridegroom to his Beloved

He speaks

As the sheep recognize the voice of the Shepherd

I (as one of those sheep) no longer question if the voice I hear is God.

Because I recognize Him.

My thoughts that are running a million thoughts a minute seem to still in that time

And I hear him speak

I write down the words, the conversation

Like a mad woman - not fully understanding it all

Until after we "sign off" with "I love you LORD" 

I then go back and read it.

Father to daughter - His love letter to me.

I am thankful that in the midst of my life

When my thoughts are whirring much like my washing machine is right about now - 

That I can hear OVER my thoughts

And can hear HIS thoughts - which are music to my ears and my heart

Not unlike the wind chime that sings with the breath of the wind stirring it

So the breath of the Holy Spirit stirs me

And my heart calms

All gets quiet

except for His voice.

Coffee thoughts on a Thursday morning

representing a cross section of an hour of my life

Full and overflowing

Yet still and I am able to be in the "present" with the Presence of the Holy Spirit.

And I sit from the mug with hearts on it.

I take in the sounds and sights

And I feel His presence with me

And I sip coffee ...

And hear him say - "It's all Going to be OKAY ... actually Joy, it's going to be more than OKAY.

I've Got this!!"

#GODSGOTTHIS

written with love, 

j

PS take some time to enjoy this song - listen to the words!  You're Gonna Be Okay

the Re-Making of Joy Thomas Klassen

Grab a cup of tea or coffee - it's a long post !

Re-Making!  This is a time of change.  With so much being cancelled here at the house - all retreaters/ministry - this means I have time to sit with Abba/Father.  I have LOTS of time.  It never ceases to amaze me how I can sit down and then look up at the clock and find that a couple - three hours have passed by!  This is one of the greatest gifts of being in this "covid-19" season that we have been thrust into.

Webster defines the word "remaking" as to make anew or in a different form!  I believe this is what God is doing with me!!

Today it dawned on me today - an "aha" moment actually.  A moment that took me back to November 2018 when I was sitting in a chalet at the mark centre while being registered in the 3 day silent retreat for women there in Abbotsford, BC.  This was the second time I had taken in this beautiful time of retreat - in silence - surrounded by women and silent - go figure!!

The first whole day, as I was spending time with the LORD in silence, reading, praying, reflecting - God spoke to me and told me that it was time for me to "return to being a Mary"...
Now you may not understand the significance of those words to me that day.  I shared what I had heard God say, with the Spiritual Director that was assigned to me, and I shared what that meant to me.  And I would like to share that with you now too.  Maybe you should pour yourself a big cup of tea or coffee while I explain!!

Here goes:
When we began ministry - just over 7 years ago - I struggled (and that is a good word) with being a Mary in a ministry that primarily required me to be a Martha.   Do you know the story in the Bible?  The one where Martha was busy in the kitchen preparing the meal for Jesus while Mary (her sister) sat at the feet of the LORD taking in his every word.  Martha could not take it any longer, and spoke her mind to the LORD who instead of telling her that she was right, told her that her sister Mary was the one who was doing the better thing.  Okay.  Even if I am a Mary at heart ... I know that if we didn't have the Marthas in the world then we Mary's would be hungry, and our houses would be dirty, and our clothes would need to be cleaned, and our children fed and on and on.  There is a need - a big big need for the Marthas!

So we started out ministry, and one meal at a time.... one bed being remade at a time ... cleaning one toilet at a time ... grocery shopping ... doing laundry ... vacuuming .... and on and on.  This girl knew that I was doing a whole lot of MARTHA work and boy was I struggling in that.  I was struggling physically.  My body was racked with fibromyalgia pain - so much so that I often vacuumed and cried out loud to God - "God, I don't know what you are doing with me here!"  "God, I am not sure I can do this."  Believe me, I was always glad that no one came into my house during one of my ranting sessions.

Becoming a Martha was hard work.  I was done cooking (I thought) after having been married and feeding my husband and family for over 30 years at that point!!  SO DONE WITH COOKING!!
I was making beds 5 at a time - doing loads and loads and loads of sheets and towels and you name it!  And the loading and unloading of groceries.  One load at a time, I was beginning to see Mary as a faint memory ... and I was wrestling, sometimes it felt like tooth and nail - with the new me.  I had not really picked this new identity!  God had.

I remember standing overlooking the great room from the bridge on the second floor and feeling like now I was trapped in this - we had invested all our time, energy and money to build the house, and to do it for the sake of ministry ... and I felt trapped.  Ugg I hated that feeling.  But then a friend helped me to understand something.  Our friend and his wife did training/ coaching with the "Barkman Method" ... if you look this up it will tell you that "the Barkman Method measures various aspects of personality and can be used as an assessment tool.  It measures your interests (what do you enjoy, what motivates you both personally and professionally), your behaviour (what is your style in performing tasks and relationships) , your stress management (what happens when your needs are not met) and also organizational orientation or in other words how you manage and organize your life both professionally and personally.  It is different than other personality tests though in that the Barkman Method "aims not only to describe your personality, but also to evaluate your needs by exploring your usual behaviour, motivational needs and stress behaviours."

Our friends Winston and Virginia offered this testing assessment to us free.  So Alvin and I took it.  Before we had a chance to meet with them to find out what our assessment showed, our friend was here for a day leadership retreat.  As he was leaving I asked if my assessment showed up anything interesting to which he promptly replied that it had.  He went on to say that he thought I would score high in one area, as he had seen me at work here in ministry and felt sure I would score high.  However in that particular area, I scored so low it took him off guard.  He said "Joy have you ever asked ..."  I stopped him ask said, "Have I ever asked the LORD what he is doing with me in this place?" To which my friend said YES.    I proceeded to tell him that at least once a week I had the conversation (sometimes loud) with the LORD.  My friend told me that my score surprised him until he realized that in my own strength, I can not do the ministry calling I have.  It is only in the strength of the Holy Spirit that I can minister and it looks completely like I was made for this!

Well I have to tell you that was the moment when the elephant jumped off my chest.  All of a sudden I knew that when I felt like it was too much - it was because I was trying to do it on my own.  I was trying to do a Martha - and resenting every single meal or load of laundry or vacuum job, or toilet cleaning - because it felt like too much!  I realized in that moment - the BIG AHA moment - that in my own strength - I can NOT do this calling .... it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit!
Let me tell you that day - my life changed!!  (Thank you Winston and Virginia for helping me see this!). You see this Mary - could not be the Martha without the Holy Spirit's help.  And boy did I need the Holy Spirit!

So that was back a few years.  Since then I have been doing ministry - me and the Holy Spirit - but I felt like Mary was hiding in some back room as there was no time for her to sit at the feet of Jesus other than stolen moments between serving meals.

So now, lets fast forward to what I told you at the beginning.  Back in November of 2018, in my chalet at The Mark Centre as I was spending time with the LORD in silence, reading, praying, reflecting - God spoke to me and told me that it was time for me to "return to being a Mary"...

My heart leapt with joy.  I remembered what it felt like to be a Mary and the prospect of returning - it was wonderful to think about.  I shared that ... I penned my thoughts about it in my journal ... I even told a couple people about that while they sat at my kitchen island watching me prepare their meal.   I was told that it was time for me to return to being a Mary.  YET ... up to March 15th - these words from the LORD were neatly written in my journal, and etched in my mind - but had not come to life in me!  18 months of those words sealed away waiting I think, for such a time as this.  NOW ... this is the time.

With "COVID-19" and all its implications - our life here has been turned quite on its head.  Retreats were cancelled.  Emails sent out.  And within an hour our life opened up in the way that we have literally nothing but time!!  And you have to know that for me - this held a combination of relief, anxiety, and excitement.  How is that in a nutshell!

The thing is ... I have nothing but time now.  I don't have to fit my QUIET TIME (affectionately called QT) with the LORD in between meal making - NO - I have all the time in the world to just sit with the LORD.  This is the most beautiful thing about COVID-19 is that it has freed up the time to JUST BE (which is all about what our ministry is for) ... ironic that now I am the one retreating in this space!! I am the one that is called to "step out of the traffic" and the one to "just be" ...
And it is very common to sit down at my new window space with my coffee, Bible and journal, and to look up and realize I have been with the LORD for a two-three hours. Time flies!

In this time, He has spoken loudly. Yep, he speaks.  I knew that from a long time ago - but I am enjoying the fact that our conversations are happening daily now.   I have just begun my third journal for this year.  Normally I buy 4, sometimes 5 for the year.  I am in number 3, and only in the fourth month.  I may need to buy more.  (I always buy all of them at the same time, as I want them to be identical for the year I am in).  This years journal says "The Best is Yet To Come" on the front.  This has become my mantra for the last couple years!

My time with Him is so sweet.  I always hate to leave the spot where we have been meeting.
I can't describe it.  It is personal and intimate. I have learned so much over the past month alone.  He has called into the deepest of intercessory prayer like never before.  He has challenged me with the words "you have not because you have not asked.."  He has told me what to ask for.  He has surprised me but He has also witnessed my weeping on many many occasions.  This time is precious.  Me and Him.  He calls me Beloved and I almost always end my time with I love you LORD.

And today it dawned on me ... He is RE-MAKING me ...
Remaking me into a woman who has fallen head over heels in love with HIM more and more.
Remaking me into a woman who desires HIM above all else.
Remaking me into a woman after GOd's own heart.
Remaking me into a woman who asks for MORE of Him in my life, so that people will only see Jesus when they see me.


Today it dawned on me that 18 months ago,  He told me that "it was time for me to return to being a Mary" and my heart just smiled when I was reminded of those words to me.  You see - his timing is perfect.  It was for such a time as this.  He is at work - Re Making this gal - and I am so glad!

There is a book called "Being a Mary in a Martha World" ... I did not write it, but I think I could add a chapter entitled "The Re-Making of Joy Thomas Klassen". (insert big smile here)

My prayer for you is that you would enjoy some MARY time of your own!  And maybe trust HIM for your own re-making!

with love,
J

If you have read this far - thanks!!  Hope it has blessed you!  I hope you will take a few more minutes and listen to this song!!  Love it!!

Solid Rock

I am upstairs when I should be downstairs sleeping.  I had a feeling upon crawling into bed that this may happen.  I guess I could take my sleep juice, but figured that perhaps I just had some things to think over and say.  SO here I am.

Life has changed a lot.

The news has nothing else on except for COVID-19

I get many COVID-19 emails.

Many of the emails are talking about how hard the virus has affected donations, and would I please give?

I get that.  Our ministry has been affected too.

No, I have not sent out any COVID-19 pleas for money.

But I have recently received 3 surprise donations which totally surprised and blessed me, and therefore the ministry.

God does things like that.

Overnight my daughters became home-schooling moms.  One is a teacher by career, and was enjoying subbing vs full-time teaching.  I still think that homeschooling is much more than even a teacher by trade really wanted to do!  I have to say though that my daughters are knocking it out of the park.  I am so proud of Ashley and Leah.  I seriously do not think I could have done that!

I am also in awe of my sister and brother-in-law who are homeschooling their grandson.  It is certainly something that they never thought they would ever be doing.  COVID-19 changed that.

We have done drive-by celebrations for a young friend who turned 17, and roadside celebration for our friends who just got married ... and we have another couple friends who are changing up plans for their wedding as well.  COVID-19 has changed everything that is any kind of celebration.

We celebrate "church" by watching online.  There are many many services to choose from.  And like someone said, you can go to church while laying on your bed in your pj's, with a big cup of coffee on your bedside table.  I have wondered aloud how many people will quit going to church now that church has come to them through a variety of social media options.

WORK has changed for me.  I hosted my last group March 15 and the same day I wrote emails to every single booking - pretty much every weekend was fully booked, and many weekdays.  It was hard as many had been booked for months, and some for a year.  In some cases I knew without a doubt that the women really NEEDED to get away...

The retreat cancellations did not mean refunds as no downpayment is ever required.  But I also know that the last part of the year is pretty booked too, and it would be impossible to book all these groups and single retreaters into spaces.

Oh, and we postponed the banquet - which brings a big chunk of donations in ... and well, time will tell what we do with the banquet as the date gets closer, and COVID-19 just seems to be increasing in numbers testing positive.

Even grocery shopping has changed!  Seriously - I have grocery shopped with SaveOn for the past almost three years - and it seemed like overnight, it was impossible to get an order through.  All of a sudden the thought of entering a store was overwhelming.

I will also say that I have experienced more angst over this all.  I went through years of a chronic cough and every time I got anything - it always settled in my bronchial tubes ...

The memory of bronchial pneumonia will forever live with me ...  and in some ways I feel that puts me into a risk category - or a second one, since my age puts me in one too!

The thing is ... in the midst of all this COVID-19 stuff .... yes, MUCH has changed, but that also includes some good stuff.  I have heard families talking about how this has brought them together.

YES.  And I have heard about calendars opening up and people having room to breathe again.  YES.  I see people out walking along Henderson Hwy.  And I have also seen more people jogging than ever before.  Is this because the gyms are closed now?  And like me, even my personal trainer is no longer coming into my home, and I am relying on the files of old work-outs that he made for me weekly over the last five years.

In the midst of this all - I am finding that I have time - lots of time to spend with the LORD, and I have to say that it is sweet.  But it has also been work in some ways, as I knew going into this, that He had some things to tell me, and to work with IN me and WITH me and THROUGH me.

I have awoken with remnants of dreams... although not much has stayed or made sense.

I have awoken during the night, with someone on my heart and prayed for them.

I have awoken in the morning with songs on my heart that have played and played during the day and even for days after.

I have awoken with a sense of HEY LORD HERE I AM ... WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME TODAY?

And during this time, I have been given a responsibility to pray for others.

Lots has changed.  Hard stuff.  Good stuff.  All mingled together in the midst of this season of COVID-19.  Oh I am so tired of being bombarded with it all ... sorry I have used the word so much on this post - but may as well call it what it is.  It has changed me.  It has changed us.  And we will never be the same again.

Thing is during this time of angst and unknown ... and change... I know that my God never changes.

People can say "where is God in all of this?"   "why doesn't HE do something?"

But I have seen that God is right in the midst of it all.

Drawing people to himself ...

Walking with us.  Listening.  Embracing.

He is still Sovereign.

And He is still in control even when everything looks out of control.

He continues to be my Rock - my Strength - my Refuge.

He is my HOPE during this time.

As I sat down in this chair in front of our fireplace (while my husband is fast asleep downstairs) the line from a song came across my thoughts ...

It was this stanza that I heard ...

When darkness seems to hide His face

I rest on His unchanging grace

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil

I knew the tune because it is a song I grew up with.  Today I listen to it being sung by Jon Buller and friends (I have put it below for you to listen to).

In the midst of these times - HE IS MY SOLID ROCK!!
I am standing on that!
with love,
    J

The Solid Rock (On Christ the Solid Rock)

Charlie Hall

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly lean on Jesus' Name

Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

When darkness seems to hide His face

I rest on His unchanging grace

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil

Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

His oath, His covenant, His blood

Support me in the whelming flood

When all around my soul gives way

He then is all my Hope and Stay

Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

When He shall come with trumpet sound

Oh may I then in Him be found

Dressed in His righteousness alone

Faultless to stand before the throne

PJ Mondays on a Thursday

PJ Mondays is marked on my calendar.  It is a short form meaning Prayer with Josie.  And for Josie, it means Prayer with Joy.

Josie has been my sister friend since we were 10.  That is a very very long time.  We met at Beausejour Elementary School in Grade 4.  I remember when we met.  She went to school with me until I believe Grade 8 when she then transitioned to MBCI.  It was then in Grade 11 that Josie and I lived together in "the White House" as (then) Mennonite Brethren College called it.  The White House was right next door to Redi-Mart (I think the Red Gym building is there now).  It was 1974-1975 and I am often humbled to think that our parents trusted us that much to live on our own at the age of 16. Two country kids!

Anyhow, I digressed.  I just wanted to say that Josie and I have been besties for a long long long time.  Through thick and thin.  Through weddings, birth of babies, deaths of my parents, moves (for them) from province to province, from country farming to city working.  And the most amazing thing is - for us we don't have to be in one another's space all the time, and aren't.  Life is just like that - and she has more kids than I do, so her life is fuller with family.

BUT the one thing we know is that - we will reach out to one another in good and bad.  And I know that in my friend, and she knows that in me - we will pray for one another.  We have one another's back and families in prayer.  I can't say enough about that part of our relationship.

Almost two years ago, the year that we celebrated 50 years of friendship, Josie and I finished off our 2 night Friend Getaway by sitting in a little park in Carman.  While the sun shone, and people worked around us - we sat there talking and then decided to finish our get away with a concentrated time of prayer.  We prayed for one another, and then for our spouses, and then our children, and our grandchildren.  I am not sure how long we prayed - but as the hour(s) passed, Jo and I stormed the throne room with our prayers.  It was amazing and beautiful.  Tears ran.

Last year, we did not go away for a friend getaway, but we spent the best part of a day in fall at Birds Hill Park.  We made a fire, brought breakfast, thermoses of coffee, lawn chairs.  We ate, laughed, talked and inhaled wood smoke lol .  The day looked to be a wet one, but it did not rain, and in fact I believe the sun shone once in a while.  While we were there, sitting by one another, we again stormed heaven on behalf of one another, our spouses, our kids and our grandkids.  We praised God first of all for the prayers that had been answered on behalf of our kids.  That was the beautiful part, and always is when we can look back and see the faithfulness of God!!  Prayer moves the hand of God I believe and brings us into deeper relationship with the Father.  SO. GOOD.

So after that time, and at the beginning of this year, we decided to pencil in PJ dates on our calendar - once a month.  We say pencil because we know that they travel to see their kids often ... and that depending on life, it may not always be the third Monday of every month that we have a "PJ" happen.  We just know that it will happen at the right time.  

PJ.  Prayer.  I believe firmly in the power of prayer.  Since my early 30's encounter with the Holy Spirit,I have prayed and prayed and prayed.  Prayed over everything. Okay, sorry, no, not everything.  I have not prayed for a parking stall close to store :(I have also had the privilege of being a part of a huge prayer line through our bestie Al Fast who is the hub of this line, sending out requests as they come.  Sometimes that can feel overwhelming, but yet amazing to know that people are there to pray for you.  I will say something here tho - I know that prayer lines can also just be righteous gossip lines and I encourage any of you, if you are part of a prayer line, or prayer team - PRAY.  If you get a request - stop immediately and pray.  Tell the person you prayed for them.  One of the worst things for me is if I have said I would pray and then I forgot, which is why in the past year, I have prayed immediately if at all possible, yes, even with a facebook comment.  BECAUSE our good prayer intentions can be just that ... and intention.  So I encourage you to pray right then and there for someone vs saying "praying" or "I will pray".

Prayer is a big part of my life.  Of the life of my family.  Prayer on behalf of others.  Prayer in person, or by email, or text or like this morning, we face-timed and prayed together.  I believe there are times when we should kneel, or lay prostrate before Him. But I also believe we can pray anywhere, any time, and in any way.  We can sing our prayers, write our prayers in our journal (whole other blog post) ... we can lay hands on people.  We can weep through our prayers and we can also literally cry out to the LORD.  Our eyes can be open or closed!  I think the prayer rules that perhaps some of us grew up with, were just things we thought was good because of reverence to the MAKER ... and I am not saying they aren't good (kneeling by bed before bedtime for instance, or folding hands and bowing heads) ... But what I am saying is I believe God doesn't really care how we come before him, just that we COME.  Like a child comes to their parent, crawls up on our knee, lays their head against our heart, and just talks.  Just like that!  That is how I believe my God wants me to come!!

This morning we came before Him.  Josie and I.  First one and then the other.  In prayer for each other and our walk of faith.  In prayer for our families.  In prayer for our grandchildren.  We prayed.

Coffee cup on one side.  iPhone in our hands.  Hearts and Heads and our voices tuned into Heavens throneroom,   Prayer raising up - transcending time, and space.  From our lips to the heart of the Father.

PJ Mondays happened today on a Thursday.  And it was good.  So good.

Who have you prayed with lately?  Who have you prayed FOR lately?

During this time of world crisis with the COVID-19, we can still pray for one another.

If you are someone who would love prayer - I would love to pray with and for you.

Email me at joyandalvin@gmail.com and we will decide how that happens.  And in the meantime keep brining your voice to the LORD, and know that those things that are too hard to speak of - the WORD says that the Holy Spirit speaks on your behalf.

I am also leaving you with a song from Rosemary which has blessed Alvin and I since we heard it at her concert last December.  PATH OF PRAYER ... please listen - and even subscribe to her channel on Youtube.  You won't be disappointed as her songs will calm your heart.  

Praying together,

with love,

 J

Chickadees, Life Reminders and Singing

They sing. It's early morning, sun is getting up still and I can hear the song of the chickadee. It is unmistakeable and beautiful .


During the day I see them, and many other birds including my Blue Jays (which hold a special significance for me) as they come to the feeders. Yes, I should figure out a different plan, as the squirrels also love the feed that falls though the deck below and sometimes ends up in the vents in our cars! However, I am not really willing to put their feeders anywhere else. Why? Because I love watching them from our front window.


The Blue Jays, the chickadees, the nuthatches, the woodpeckers including the odd appearance of the big Pilated Woodpecker. And oh, even the crows come when they can to take peanuts away from the Jays.


Regardless of the weather - they come. Even when the seeds are down to a minimum, they come.

And they are teaching this gal about life.


What are my lessons today:

- In the midst of the unknown they sing. EVEN IN THE MIDST OF A PREDATOR DANGER

- they do not worry about whether my feeder is full or not, they just go to where they hope there is food, or has been food before

- they trust that what is in the bowl is for their own good

- the internet says they know where the food source is (which is why it is a good thing IF you are feeding birds, to continue to feed them and not just quit)

- they sing and call for many reasons. Did you know that for instance, the cute little black capped chickadees .... have 16 calls!! 8 of them are regular and they believe that their language is complex like the human language!! This to me was unbelievable and so fascinating!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reKoV7pD9CA


The other day, the song HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW was on my heart. An old one, but such a good one. One that I grew up with, and hope that it never evades my memory!

I searched wikipedia and found this re: His Eye is on the Sparrow: "The theme of the song is inspired by the words of David in the Psalms and Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew in the Bible: "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye (Psalm 32:8). "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Matthew 6:26) and "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:29–31).

Civilla Martin, who wrote the lyrics, said of her inspiration to write the song based on the scriptures:

Early in the spring of 1905, my husband and I were sojourning in Elmira, New York. We contracted a deep friendship for a couple by the name of Mr. and Mrs. Doolittle—true saints of God. Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for nigh twenty years. Her husband was an incurable cripple who had to propel himself to and from his business in a wheel chair. Despite their afflictions, they lived happy Christian lives, bringing inspiration and comfort to all who knew them. One day while we were visiting with the Doolittles, my husband commented on their bright hopefulness and asked them for the secret of it. Mrs. Doolittle's reply was simple: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." The beauty of this simple expression of boundless faith gripped the hearts and fired the imagination of Dr. Martin and me. The hymn "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was the outcome of that experience.


My mom was much like Mrs. Doolittle. Whenever in the hospital, my mom was known by the nurses and doctors as such as the "sweet little lady in Room number ..."      Like Mrs. Doolittle, she was always thankful. I remember the time that she even thanked the nurse who had poked and prodded her for a long time, trying to get the vein to give a sample of blood. My mom lived her life - she was "Jesus with skin on" to those around her. She was sweet and thankful at all times right up until she quit talking and lapsed into her unconsciousness a few days before her heaven going. I know my mom loved watching the birds too ... her bird book was one of the things I wanted when she passed away.

I think that God made the birds to teach us about life. I believe HIS eye is on the sparrow, and the chickadee and the Blue Jay ...  I believe his eye is also on me! 

Me and my anxious heart. Me and my million thoughts that crowd my sleep. Me and the tears that sometimes roll down my cheeks for seemingly no reason.  Me - this 61 year old wife, mom, Granny, sister, aunt, friend ... ME.  

I believe his eye is on the birds of the air such as the lowly Sparrow or the cheery little Chickadee, or the brave Blue Jay -  but that his heart is even more for us - his creation that He put a soul in. It is this soul within me that sees the birds, and is reminded of, and understands HIS love and care towards me. It is the soul within me that knows HE is with me through each day, no matter what. Even though these anxious days of the "Virus" ...  It is the soul within me that looks for His fingerprints all over my day, and also recognizes the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit within.

 If I was the chickadee I would be singing!! Hey ... who needs to be a bird!! He has made me - and  I have a voice to praise Him.  I can sing!  So, the song that was on my heart the other day - I have it here below, by one of my favorite artists - Join Me in praise!!

 

I sing because I'm Happy, I sing because I'm Free

His Eye is on the Sparrow ~ and I know He Watches Me 

love

  J

"

It would be so easy to be anxious ...

Steady my heart
Breathe in, breathe out.
God ... it would be so easy to be anxious ...
Help me to feel YOUR presence in the midst of this.


It seems that this is what I continually need to do - to breathe and let Holy Spirit speak in deeply to the depths of my being.
And he does - no doubt - He really does.

There are things that are happening these days that could cause us to stop dead in our tracks,
and want to run for the hills, with our families all intact with us.
Things that cause us to second guess who we see and how much.
Things that cause us to wonder, did I wash my hands long enough?  How long does it take to sing the ABCD song ..

It feels crazy and sometimes I want to shout STOP IT!!
Like that would make any difference except to give me voice for the angst that can easily build up
Angst like how much worse will it really get?
What if it .......  (you can fill in your blank)

And in the midst of it all, His voice speaks:  Peace!  Be Still.

Peace.
Be
Still


PEACE
BE STILL

And it takes me back to Scripture that I read just a little while ago during my daily reading - in the book of Mark.  Many of you have heard this story of Jesus Calming the Storm.

Mark 4:35-41 New Living Translation (NLT)

Jesus Calms the Storm

35 As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” 36 So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). 37 But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water.

38 Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”

39 When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. 40 Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

41 The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!”

When I think of it, I (we) are like those disciples in the boat.  Now, I don't like the lake per se (almost drowned when I was 12) BUT in my early years, from the age of birth to 10 years old, I crossed our LAKE WINNIPEG many many times.  USUALLY my dad was the driver of the barge that I was riding on.  I had faith in my dad, totally trusted him when he was driving that or the motor boat.  Thing was tho, our Lake Winnipeg can whip up into a nasty storm and believe me, you do NOT want to be on the Lake during that time ... or if you are, you were likely praying that you would get to shore safely.  

If you have had this experience, you know the feeling in the pit of your stomach - of the waves taking your boat up and down - and the water splashing into the boat and onto the people with every wave.  Let alone the fear of not being able to see the shore, or the worry about even getting there.  Then the worries about - what if I end up in the water?   Lake or Sea experiences can be very frightening, and we see that fear expressed in the disciples!  

Thing is, they had yet to find out who Jesus REALLY WAS... which is expressed in their question to Jesus "Teacher don't you care that we are going to drown?"  

Maybe they were tempted to shout "Jesus - wake up - how can you sleep during this?  Get up and help us - do something!"  They did not say that, but really, I think those thoughts were likely on the tip of their tongue.

And Jesus ... He got up.  He rebuked the waves and wind!  And it was still.  

Just like that.  Peaceful.  Calm.  Still

It is an interesting story, placed in between his parable teaching, and then right before Jesus delivered a demon possessed man.  I think it makes so much sense.  

And this is what I am thinking -  (don't shoot me if you don't agree, remember these are MY thoughts on this, and my blog :)

I believe that the enemy/devil knew about the demon possessed man.  He knew that when Jesus and his disciples reached the other side of the lake, the man who had lived in the tombs because of his demonic possession would greet Jesus.  Which he did.  He ran and fell on his knees before Jesus.  The demons within him spoke, addressing Jesus.  The demons name was Legion because he said, "for we are many" and then begged Jesus to send them from the man, into the heard of pigs.  Yes - demons know who Jesus is.  Remember how the devil became the devil?  Demons shudder at the sound of Jesus name.

I believe that the devil knew what Jesus was going to encounter and he didn't like that.  And I think he was likely quite pleased that there was fear in the boat!!  (until Jesus spoke)

The longer it took to cross the Lake the better it was ... I believe the devil knew that he could use those waves to shake the disciples belief, and have fear set in ...

The longer it took for Jesus to meet the demon possessed man ... the better (I think maybe that is what satan thought) as remember the devil likes to kill steal and destroy - but Jesus delivered this man and gave him LIFE TO THE FULL!!

I believe that God is fully in control, and He allows NOTHING to happen without his knowing.  But look at Job, we know that hard things - tragedies do happen.  We may not, NO - clarify - WE DO NOT usually understand why bad things happen ... but God still remains sovereign.   I do not understand why God gives satan permission to shake Job to his core, or to sift Peter like wheat ... and lets be honest, I know I am not the only one that has shouted out WHY GOD WHY... WHY DID YOU .... (again you can fill in the blanks)

I will also say, I think as with any of us who are parents and we have heard the ranting and ravings and tears of our children ... I believe our Father is okay with our stuff too!  We do not have to feel bad, or "sinful" for expressing our heart to our Father God.  

SO ... in the midst of the storm (which I am sure the devil loved to see those waves scaring the life out of the men in the boat) ... Jesus spoke and Peace came!    In the midst of the worst ever life for the demon possessed man in the tombs - Jesus spoke and delivered him and filled him with Peace and gave him LIFE to the full.  

My thoughts are that this Scripture is for me - for you - for us today.    I am not normally an anxious person.  My anxiety started back when I was pastoring after losing my grandson Jay.  I had not know anxiety up to that point.  It felt overwhelming and like I needed to run.  Lately, my anxiety has been big again (starting last summer). While I know have the tools to know why it happens and how to work with it, it still feels like I am being smothered.  I hate it.  Lately I have experienced a bit more, along with a sadness of what is happening.  Thing is, in regards to then latest thing flooding our lives ... we need to listen and pay attention to what our government is encouraging us to do in the midst of COVID-19.  

Is God in the midst of this - I believe He is.  Could he just snap his fingers and kill the virus, I believe He could.  Why doesn't He?  Well, that is a big question that I am not going to tackle here - but what I do want to say is this - I believe in the midst of this "storm" I am hearing HIS voice - Peace!  Be Still.    I believe that the BE STILL part is for me - for my soul, for my anxious heart, Peace.  Be Still.    I believe that God knows this and also knows the end of it, and that somehow the journey through this section of life is going to bring about things that we could never imagine - for our good, and for the good of others, and for HIS good.  

I also however believe that the enemy satan still is the one that wants to kill, steal and destroy and wants us to be fearful in this time.  I believe he loves to see us doubting the goodness of God, or even if He is Sovereign.  I believe that the enemy wants to see us living lives that are fearful, and despair filled, and anxiety laden and whatever else you are feeling, but friends, let's not let satan rob us!  Lets press into Jesus.  Pray!  Sing!  Worship!  Read His Word.  Sit in His presence.  Listen for his voice!

Remember that Jesus warned his disciples and us ... about the thief ... but Jesus said, HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.  Jesus said that in this life we would have trials - but He has come to bring life to the full.    So, in the midst of all of this ... when it would be so easy to be anxious - breathe in - breathe out - and experience all that Jesus has for you - in the midst of these times!  

Those are my thoughts for today,

Trusting my LORD for peace during the midst of this storm!

With love,

J