Wearing a Mask ....

I read that the definition of a "mask" is anything used to hide, protect or cover.
I have been thinking of that lately, as I realize that I have been pulling a mask over me more and more, allowing only those who I know truly care, to see/hear the real me. Funny how easy that can happen. And it is also funny to see how easy that can happen even in a church setting,although it makes absolute sense, as churches, contrary to public opinion, are full of not "perfect" but rather full of imperfect and broken people. Of which I am one.

So, back to the mask. A mask is worn for a number of reasons. I realize that wearing the mask helps give the answer that many want to hear. for instance, "hi, how are you?" "ok" is the best answer, or "fine". It is always a quick evaluation in my mind... "hmm does this person really want to know, or are they just asking because they are walking past me". I also realize that if I wear the mask, and everything "looks" fine on the outside, then many people think that is an indicator that "oh, she is good."

I have realized that I have also likely done this to people too, rushed by without becomeing invested in their life at that point. I am the most guilty too.

I have realized that people, are actually afraid or uncomfortable around us. Not that they even say or have said anything. (which could be the first indicator) but rather because of their body language. That speaks a million words. I realize that the discomfort comes mainly because they don't know what to say, or if they should say anything. And God himself knows, that I have often spoken to him, "Please God, help me to not become judgmental." Bottom line, we have learned alot.... and hopefully in the future, we will know how to care for people."

The mask.... I googled masks to find a picture, and some of the mask photos are very beautiful. Funny - beautiful on the outside. Concealing something that only the wearer knows. And it's interesting that when you have worn a mask, you usually can tell when you see someone else wearing one. Personally, I hate wearing a mask, but somehow, it just is a survival technique. That, and just withdrawing. (sort of like a turtle!)

Over the past week, I have felt that God is sifting me.... I just thought of when we were on a service trip in the Dominican Republic, and we had to sift the gravel to get the sand. That was terribly hard work for some of us women! And it feels terrbily hard again. Sifting.... taking out the chunks of stuff, taking out some relationships, and man, am I feeling alone in all of it. But HE reminded me this morning, through a song on a CD that Ashley made and gave me, (a CD of Lament songs)... HE reminded me that I need to lean into him. And I feel like I am leaning so hard, that if He moved back, I would fall over on my face. I am so glad that God does not pull away from us!

Anyhow, this morning, these words were a balm to my soul....

MIGHTY IS THE POWER OF THE CROSS by Chris Tomlin

What can take a dying man and raise him up to life again?
What can heal a wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokenness?
Brokenness.

Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is the power of the cross.

What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones
What can save and overcome?
Overcome

It's a miracle to me
And It's still a mystery
It's a miracle to me
The power of God
For those who believe.

Thank you for the zcross
Love the cross
So powerful --- ohhhh yeahhhh
What can take a dying man?
And raise him up to life again?

Worship you Jesus
By your wounds we are healed
By your wounds we are saved
Mighty is the power of the cross
Thank you Jesus for the Holy Cross.


Jesus, Lord.... under the mask is me... you know who I am. You see me to the depth of my soul. You embrace me, and carry me, and call me to lean into you. I feel like I am leaning so hard Jesus... I am so thankful that you never move! But perhaps I am supposed to be face down before you, as it is only when I give up all of my self, that I become all that you want me to be. O God, thank you for picking me up from that position and carrying me safely in your arms. Jesus, my Lord, and my God. Lover of my soul. Without you, I would be nothing. Help me to lean hard into you! amen.