The morning of the day my Mum went home to be with Jesus (1996)

(Grade 6)

(20 years of age, 1978)

This is how I love remembering my mum <3

Today marks 28 years.  And this morning I will once again take out roses to the cemetery, and spend some time thinking about the mother she was to us.  28 years is a good chunk of my life.  I was just a month shy of turning 38 when my mum went to be with Jesus.   Its funny - I used to call her mOm but she always signed her name love MUM.  So it always seems fitting that when I remember her now, I smile as I write Mum.

It has been an interesting thing these past couple years as I have been doing much interior work, or soul care.  I have been thinking a lot of growing up, and my relationships.  And I realize that with my mum, my greatest times were after I graduated, and then when I was working and would come home for lunches, and then when I married and had the children.  I spent a lot more time with my mum during my years from 18-38 and especially from 20 onward once I got married.  I think it was the way that I had a different focus, and somehow just wanted to be with my mum more.  How I wish I had asked her more questions.  How I wish I had asked her about her life and written down story.  How I wish I asked her about the pain that made her sleep most nights in the living room lazy boy chair.  How I wish I asked her the things that would now help me understand myself during this last third of my life.  

My Mum.  I can honestly say that I never heard her ever gossip.  (My brother Tim is much like mum in this way and I have learned so much from him).  She never put down anyone.  She was gentle even with my dad who sometimes often pushed the envelope.  She was organized (man I wish I got that from her).  Mum was a woman who was always behind the scenes doing the lion's share of the work often.  When I think of the years that she ordered the food for Faith Bible Camp.  She was still doing this in the early 80's which means at that point it was almost 30 years.   But She. Never. Complained.   Even with the pain that I know she lived with.  (I need to complain less I guess)

My Mum loved Jesus.  I would often find her quietly in prayer, or doing her Bible reading.  She was consistent in her faith.  Not flamboyant or charismatic, but consistent.  

I had so much that I was just getting to experience with my Mum, and then she got called home to heaven.  She was only just 74.  But her body was weary from some late onset effects of the diabetes.  And her heart was affected too.  

The night before mum went to heaven, Tim and I stayed the night.  In the morning Tim went down to find some coffee for us, which meant that I had time to talk to Mum.  She had not talked to us since Wednesday.  The doctor had told us she would likely have a week, and Sunday, that morning, was a week.  I went beside my mum, and took her hand.  Alvin always said to us - "Keep talking to your mom because she can still hear you even if she is not responding to you."  So I talked to her.  I told her how much I loved her and how much we were so thankful for how she raised us, and how she loved us.  And then I told her that she could go, we would be okay.  We would miss her so much, but she had given so much to us, that we would be okay.   And all of a sudden two tears came.  I could hardly believe my eyes, but I knew that Mum heard me.

We watched Mum breathe her last breaths shortly after 1, and without any effort at all, she passed from this world, into the presence of Jesus who she loved and served.

I remember that like it was yesterday.  But today marks 28 years.

So, I will head to the cemetery.  I most often go alone.  Last year I went and took roses with my little brother Tim.  That will be a beautiful memory.  I actually kind of like going alone, as I can just be there as long or as little as I want.  I can listen to the waves of the lake lapping.  I can feel the sunshine on my face.  I can listen to the birds.  I can talk out loud (ya, I do when I am there).  I KNOW I am going to the cemetery for ME, only my Mum's remains are there - but for me, it is a small trek, and a time to remember.  I always take roses because I used to always buy roses for her when she was alive - for sure monthly, sometimes more.   

So today I will head out to the Balsam Bay cemetery - and chances are, the birds will hear me thanking God once again for my mom and dad and the legacy they left!