As for me, give me silence

"I think a lot of folks find the ecstasies in the conga line of life, 

amid throngs, pulsing lights, and lively sounds.  

As for me, give me silence."

-Bonnie Sours Smith

from the magazine Bella Grace 

The greyness of the day gives reprieve from the sun 

that has beaten down on the land over the last few days

The intermittent spitting of rain is like a popsicle teaser on a hot day

It is as if the ground is silently calling for water to come and drench its roots

Not just a little drizzle that barely hits the blades of grass before evaporating

But a steady down pour that would fill in the parched cracks 

and bring a vitality back to the fields 

growing their myriad of plants, crops, flowers and weeds

Yes even the weeds enjoy the downpour once in a while

Bringing the fluffy dandelion seeds to a halt, 

unable to fly and deposit in someone else’s yard

This day is grey 

but it doesn’t mean that the heart of the one sitting under the big oak is affected

She sits against the rough sturdy trunk of the big oak

Legs out in front of her

Hands in her lap

And eyes shut

One can see she is just there, 

breathing and bearing witness to creation around her

As she often does

Around her there is the flitter and flutter 

and scurrying of life

Leaves blowing 

and birds singing 

and the intermittent clicking of some kind of bug

It is a creation symphony of praise

The way the Creator loves to hear it

And the girl loves to witness

The girl

It is hard to tell the years unless you come closely

And see the laugh lines around her eyes

And the wrinkles that show life lived

Not to mention the brown spots that remind her of her mum

She sits quiet and still

And if you come and sit beside her

In the stillness

She may open the door of her soul and share some of life with you.

But truth be told she loves the silence

The stillness

And the rest

She grew up seeing that in her mum

And knew it was this silence that contained the essence of everything her mum needed to sustain her through all that life threw her way

And life DID throw many things at her

Through the good times, the hard times, the joy, sorrow and pain

So she knows that this stillness is essential in the care of her soul too

She breathes in slowly and seems to hold the breath

eyes still shut

And then slowly exhales

This breathing becomes a pattern that becomes a rhythm for a while

Eyes remaining closed to seemingly block out any distraction

Breath prayer is a gift to her, and one she shares with others that need something to help them slow down

And then her eyes open, 

As if she is taking in all of the beatify around her

Seeing it with her eyes

Hearing it with her ears

Smelling it with her nose

And feeling it with her whole body.

The beauty of creation

It speaks to her

She has always known this

That she experiences God in the midst of creation

That creation points upward

She shuts her eyes again and a smile slowly forms and becomes evident on her face

A smile that is an outward sign of an inward posture

This quiet time is so needed these days

When time is passing by too fast

It seems to do that in summer

Time

We have such limited knowledge of time and base it only on how we see change

Be it in the days on the calendar, much needed hair cuts, flowers that start with seeds and grow so tall, 

or the change she sees in her grandchildren who have left toddler years far behind them

The quietness brings her back to her thoughts

Deep inner thoughts that she can pull up and mull over

Thoughts that connect her to Holy Spirit in conversation

She holds her prayer beads (knowing that this may cause someone to raise their eyebrows)

Holds onto the bigger cruciform beads thanking Jesus for dying and rising again for her

And then spends time as her fingers travel over the beads

She spends time praising

And then confessing

Interceding 

And Thanksgiving

It is a new thing she is trying with the beautiful beads a sweet friend gave her

Christian prayer beads they are called

She smiles and wonders what people may say and knows some would likely even chastise her

With a heart full of thanks she again closes her eyes

She feels the beauty of contentedness

And feels the tranquility of God-given peace

The verse comes to mind “may the peace that passes all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus”

Yes … this peace makes no sense other than Jesus

She again breathes deeply in and out

A soft whisper is uttered from her lips

O Holy Spirit, I want more of you.

More, please, more

She realizes the feeling that she often has to fight to resist 

The feeling of striving, or making something happen

She knows that having more of the Spirit is not something she can make happen other than being willing, and obedient and living a life laid down for Jesus

She chooses to live a cruciform life

Which she knows is counter cultural today

But is a way of being alive!

And as the old 70’s saying goes “blooming where God has planted you!”

A life laid down daily at the cross of Jesus.

Her chest fills up with a deep breath.

This time of summer is ticking by quickly

She knows what is behind

The feelings of letting go, picking up, mulling through, and letting go again

She smiles as she thinks that she can do anything about the time 

Knowing only the creator of time can make things unfurl and grow

And that is what she is waiting for

Some things do not have words to explain

Some things sound inadequate when she tries

And sometimes she just tucks it back into the container within

To pull up and think about another time

She feels the bark of the tree that she is leaning on.

Her arms and hands go out to the sides and can feel the gnarly roots that are sticking through the soil and grass by her sides

And as she looks up into the dark green leaves she sees little prickly caps that are growing into acorns that will fall in time

Scripture says “unless a seed falls to the ground …”

She knows the importance of the sturdy tree, and the deep roots

They are tapping into the wellspring below

The nutrients have gone in and down deep

Giving it strength, sustenance, support and LIFE.

Hmm she smiles

That metaphor of the oak tree is just like her.

She knows that she is to go in and down deep 

To keep her own dear heart and soul growing and drinking from the wellspring she knows is JESUS

She may not be rough and gnarly but she knows and thanks God for deep roots and God’s sustaining wellspring

The grey clouds have given her this reprieve

But they have not dampened her spirits at all

Only given her a chance to rest

To breathe deep

To think and pray and have conversation with LOVE (God)

And as she thinks about that it is as if she feels LOVE’s arms tightly wrap around her

This place by the oak

Rest, renewal, a place to breath deeply

To think, to commune with LOVE

And to be embraced 

the above was written from a heart, head and soul full of love,

 thanksgiving and thoughts

by Joy