Today I drove into the parking lot - carefully scanning to see if there was an empty spot to pull into. I wasn't in a rush, but I was looking forward to my first cup of coffee for the day ~ from my favorite coffee spot! (ya, you know ... Mountain Bean)
It was about 11:00 am or so. The lot was full! Seeing a spot, I manoeuvred my car in, and put it in park. I was already tasting it! The girls that work at Mountain Bean know what I order - the largest take out cup of Medium Roast coffee - black, fresh, bold... ahhh, so good.
I got out of my car, shut the door. It was at that point that I noticed her getting out of a yellow taxi. A number of things caught me off guard when I saw her. First of all - my parking spot was right close to the Liquor Commission. I am not sure when it opened, but I do know that it must have been pretty empty in the LC because that was the only empty part of the whole parking lot.
When our eyes met, she smiled at me. She also seemed to be eager to get her favorite drink too. Thing is - our drinks were very different. It was almost as if she sensed my eagerness. Her smile seemed to be one that said "Oh, you are coming here too?" until I veered right... down the sidewalk and into Mountain Bean, as she went straight through the automatic doors, into the Liquor Commission.
And then it struck me. It was 11 am. AND she came by taxicab! My heart felt sad.
I think her smile to me perhaps was because she thought I was also heading into the same place she was. I think she thought we had a common interest. And all I could think was that...
IT IS 11 AM and you had to come so badly that you paid for a CAB in order to get here.
I wished she WAS coming to Mountain Bean instead. It certainly would have been a cheaper purchase!
This really hit me. And still does.
I can still see her. And I feel sad for her.
Of course I don't know her. I don't know what she bought. I don't know how much she spent. I don't know why she had to get there so early nor do I know why she had to have it so bad that she paid a taxi to bring her. It couldn't have been a cheap trip.
Believe me, I am not writing this to cast judgment. I am just thinking this through. Jesus said, he/she who is without sin should cast the first stone! I am not planning to cast any stones. I am just writing this to process my thoughts on it. And really, what struck me is the intent of the trip and the addiction that fueled this trip.
And that was where God seemed to use this as a teachable moment for me - to help me realize that well, it isn't that different than me driving to a store for a chocolate bar fix, or searching like a mad woman through my cupboards for something chocolate and sweet! (yes, sadly I have been known to do both! Although.... I am doing it LESS these days as I am trying to make my health a priority finally!) And really, whether it is going by taxi to the LC mid morning, or turning to chocolate when I am emotional ~ the bottom line is that any time we/I seek something OTHER THAN GOD to fill the emptiness ~ it is just plain wrong. (Somehow I am a very slow learner!)
God used this smiling brunette to speak into my heart.
Yes, I wonder who she is - I wonder where she went after - I wonder how much she drank, or is still drinking now.
I wonder what it is that she is needing "sedation" for in her life. And I hope that she too will realize her need for Jesus, and that she will realize that only Jesus can fill the emptiness that she feels. As much as we are different - God used her to speak to me.
And, I am thankful.
I once heard that whatever we give our hearts to becomes our god (with a small "g"). I have given my heart to the Lord Jesus Christ and HE alone is to be GOD of my life. (with a capital "G")
He supplies grace. He meets every need. He just wants us to turn to Him for all we need!
Thank you Lord.
God has me on a journey - and as I travel it, this blog reflects the thoughts and musings (and the odd butterfly) from the heart of a senior woman, who is learning how to love with all my being, live fully and with no regrets, embrace life with my husband,kids and grandkids, and to let God lead in the dance of life that He has me learning!
Monday, March 15
Sunday, March 14
rethinking today
This is taken as I was following Alvin (me in my car) - there is nothing that man can't load and move when he puts his mind and muscle to it! Today is Sunday. I woke up when Alvin came home from his night shift - and within half an hour - was out of the house following him with the car. He was moving a shed that we had - it used to be the little skating shack when he made the skating rink for the kids. We figure it has a use at the new land. So, after MUCH work getting it on the trailer (Michael helped in these efforts!) off he went - and then I followed shortly thereafter.
After taking side road after side road - we ended up at our location on Henderson, safe and sound. Some parts of the journey were very foggy. We got there, left the trailer in the yard, and proceeded onto the city for church.
Today in church, one of our elder lay preachers spoke on a text from Mark. Mark 13: 1-31 to be exact. I have come to love it when John R. speaks. I will be honest - I was not always his fan. You see, back in 1974 when my friend Josie and I were renting rooms in the "white house" owned by Mennonite Brethren Bible College - we were summoned to the "dean's" office and yes - you guessed it, John Regehr was the dean! (Josie and I were in grade 11 and needed a place to stay in the city while attending high school. We were able to rent rooms in the "WHITE HOUSE". It was such a great year! However, after that year, they no longer rented to high school students. Hmmmm... )
Okay, we were 16. And very intimidated by getting called to the Dean's office! What had we done? Hmmmm. Well, it turned out that our reputation for hosting people over lunch hour in the basement of the white house, had filtered to the Dean. Now, I want to make it very clear that the kitchen was in the basement, and we often had at least two friends over for lunch. (favorite lunch concoction was Kraft Dinner with Mushroom Soup mixed in. And, two of our friends who were often there sharing lunch were no other than Alvin and Al. However sometimes the basement was full of classmates watching the Canada Russia hockey series!! OR doing school projects! Not every day, but once in a while. I have regressed..... back to the Dean's call...
He (John R) suggested that we take our lunch to school and eat it there. WELL that worked for a week. Honestly - we were not even a block from MBCI (lived where the red gym is now built) so it made no sense to take our lunch! But, we did appreciate his concern!
Fast forward almost 36 years. Jo and I are much older, and so is J.R. And, having pastor'd at the church, and been encouraged by John R. I have come to love and appreciate him and his wife. So, today I was glad when I opened the bulletin and saw that he was preaching. In my opinion, with every sermon he preaches, I love each sermon more than the one before.
Today he sang a bit during his sermon as well! He spoke on the return of Christ and "rising" with the Lord. He talked about how some people want to predict the exact time - and give so much time and effort to that. He suggested in closing that we keep three things in mind:
1) that we don't try to figure out the return of Jesus BUT
2) that we keep doing our assigned tasks as servants of the Lord. He said we are servants to the end - no matter what age! I loved this. He talked about how "servants" are not thinking about themselves but that they invest themselves in the healing of others and what they have to give to others. It is about giving...
3) and that we need to be ALERT - "on guard". He said that sometimes it is easy to get sucked into the culture in which we live. (oh, this hit deeply as I have a burden for a few of my friends, people I love deeply and yet I don't know what to do to help, as I watch them make choices that are not life giving or Christ honoring)
There were a couple quotes that I wrote down, that came from JR's lips to my ears... and gave some real good food for thought. He concluded with the encouragement to us ~ "do tasks in love and compassion for the purposes of healing."
So Lord, how do I do that in the cases where my heart is so heavy? Am I the one that can speak your Truth into the situation? Are the hearts soft for these words? When do I hold accountable and when do I just listen? Can I be a friend who loves and supports but also a friend who calls to task? Are the two possible? Oh Lord, have mercy on us all...
This last quote was actually the first one that I wrote down when he said it - and I will admit that when he spoke this, it just fell on my heart... and as I have mulled it over a bit - I know I need to continue to mull. (O Lord, help me figure this one out and to be love-filled not love LESS!) Here is the quote from JR: "strange how loveless we can be when we think we've got it right!"
oh, ouch. I get this on a number of levels. Lord, O LORD, please give me compassion, and grace. Help me to lay it down. to lay it ALL d-o-w-n. After mulling this over a little - I have come to this realization: I think I am healing because when I heard this quote - it resonated with me deeply ~ but it didn't boil up within me! ( O Lord, thank you for your healing... and thank you for teaching me, and impressing on me the way you want me to be - please Lord, make me more and more like YOU!)
Today is Sunday. Thank you Lord for this day. Thank you for the contentment you have brought to my heart! O Lord ~ I love you!
Saturday, March 13
puDDle juMPing
puddlejumping
Today I put on my white rubber boots with red ladybugs on them, and took a walk out to the back. I had no idea that I could - I thought the snow would still be deep in the back. I had not walked out there since the first major snowfall, except for one attempt. But as Alvin was leaving for work, he encouraged me to enjoy a walk outside since it was still so beautiful out. Above normal temps for March.
So, I put on my boots and went outside. Last year when I bought them, I didn't really get a good chance at walking in puddles, but today - ah, that was a different story!
Off I went, looking for Oreo who I noticed had found something, and was madly burying it. Must have found something he buried last year! Once he noticed me, he was glad to be coming along. Finally - a long walk.
I was not sure how far I would get, but as I rounded the corner by the place I had erected the altar, I was thrilled to see that there was relatively little snow between there and the back fence! So I walked... watching and choosing the shallower puddles to walk through. Often Oreo would stop and try to figure out the easiest way to get through without getting too wet.
I walked to the back, and turned at the farthest tree in the pasture and headed back towards home again. As I walked I talked to the Lord. My heart was overflowing. I realized how content I felt. How thankful. Once again, I committed the land to the Lord, asking Him to bless whoever buys it - whether it be an individual, a couple or a family. My constant prayer is that they would have a strong sense of the presence of God over our place.
I walked, I talked, I observed. I listened. I sang.
I was taken back to the days when walking through puddles was so much fun! Although ~ getting "booters" never felt good!! I wished I had my camera, but realized it was in the glove compartment of the car, which Alvin had taken to work. I also dreamed of when we would watch our little Everett walking in puddles, and likely falling in a few ... somehow I can see Josh and Leah patiently helping him get changed, and letting him go out again to play! I can hardly wait to put on my boots, and go into some puddles with him too!
As I walked... a song came into my head. I only knew one line - so I googled that line, and voila! I found the lyrics. ENJOY
Big Daddy Weave \ Fields Of Grace
There's a place that I love to run and play
There's a place that I sing new songs of praise
Dancin' with my Father God in fields of grace
There's a place that I lose myself within
There's a place that I find myself again
Dancin' with my Father God in fields of grace
There's a place where religion finally dies
There's a place that I lose my selfish pride
Dancin’ with my Father God in fields of grace
I love my Father, my Father loves me
I dance for my Father, my Father sings over me
And nothing can take that away from me
seasonal thoughts.....
I am sitting in the tv room, with my laptop on my lap, just thinking. I should get to doing the dishes in my sink but I just feel like sitting and thinking for a few moments. It has been a lazy day. We basically have sat and had coffee with a couple people who came and looked at our farm land we have for sale. And now, I am in s-l-o-w gear. Through the window I see the blue sky - not a cloud around. The sun is shining, it is a beautiful (almost too good to be true) spring day. The brown grass is showing through all over the yard. The piles of snow are melting with each hour. Something in the back of our minds says that we will still get a cold blast of winter - or at least a pile of snow. Let's face it - this is Manitoba (Canada) and usually when March comes "in like a lamb it goes out like a lion!" as the saying goes. Time will tell.
We have refilled the new bird feeder, and I love watching the birds as they come and perch on it, and eat the shelled black sunflower seeds. The squirrels are not around it these days, which is a blessing. I have heard and seen Jays again in our yard. I love the pretty color of the Blue Jays. I have also come to love the red "smudge" like color on the finches.
Psalm 50: 1 says, "The Mighty One, God, the LORD, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets." (NIV)
I believe God is Sovereign and in full control. Like I have said before - I do not always "get" what God is doing, or allowing ~ but I believe HE is Sovereign and HE is in control! This verse attests to the Lord being in control ... have you ever wondered about the sunrise, and sun set... about the waves that come up to the shore and roll back...
As I watch the birds come, I am reminder of scripture that talks about eagles, and about sparrows... oh how the LORD loves us even more!
As I watch the sun that shines and warms the land ~ I am reminded of the way his love and grace falls on me, and warms this often cold heart, and refreshes this often dry and thirsty soul.
As I watch the snow melt and expose the dead grass beneath is ~ I am reminded that our life is but "a breath" (and oh how well we know that). I am reminded of how a seed has to die in order to spring to life again in the spring season. I am reminded of how like the snow covers the earth ~ his grace, love and mercy cover this woman! I wonder what He is "germinating" in my life, or how He is going to spring things to life, and to bloom in this new upcoming season.
I love looking outdoors. I love walking outdoors. I have missed walking the back forty with Oreo. Unlike last year, this year Alvin did not get a path plowed for us to walk on. I am anxious to go and see if the altar that I erected last year as a testament to God's faithfulness in my life - is still standing. (I have a feeling it will be just like we left it before the snow fell). I look forward to walking back there again soon. (gotta find my rubber boots!)
A look out of my window reminds me that things die in fall, get covered in winter, and spring to life in Spring. Tulips are one of the first things to poke out of the mud. Lord willing, this will be the last time I see them bloom in this location!
Seasons are varied. We also have seasons in our life. I thank God for the season He has me in right now. With my pain "under control" and currently at a minimum level (Thank you Lord) I am realizing that I am feeling "content and happy"... and, if you regularly read my blog - you will know that over the last few months, I have really wrestled with the season of life we have walked through over the past year and a half...
There is so much yet to come. Oh how well we know that. (Lord willing, to see our land, our house and land, and begin to build the house/retreat house...) Some things are still hanging in the balance (timing of house sale, of land sale, of build, etc) yet, I believe strongly that God is in those details, and somehow, honestly, I am not worried.
I have realized that we just need to continue to walk in obedience to that which He has called us to. I have realized that this time at home has been a huge gift to me in many many ways. (honestly, that is a new realization over past month). I have realized that following God in this journey has been a "long obedience in the same direction" and it has been one of the most incredible adventures and one that I would never have imagined! Not always easy. Sometimes so incredibly hard that I didn't know if I would ever get up off my knees, but a journey none the less. Three steps forward, two back at time, but regardless - stepping ahead in faith.
Today I came across some sermon notes I had taken, and they were stuck in an older bible that I don't use as much any more, but obviously used in church one day. The sermon (not sure who preached it) was about Job and his encounter with a "HOLY GOD" and here are some of the points that I wrote down, or comments ... That there were many "twists and turns" in the story of Job, and yet through it all, Job remained blameless and upright! (beside that comment, I had written "O Lord, have mercy" and I am thinking that perhaps that comment was in regards to me!!)
I wrote that we are being invited into the story of Job so that we can experience WHO God is. I know that in some ways I thought that we as a family lived through a "Job Experience" and I can say (will speak only for myself on this one) that I have truly experienced WHO GOD IS and what HE ALONE can do in and through and with our "JOB experiences."
I also wrote that "Job had sure knowledge that God was in charge of his life, and what could be better than that!" I know that sometimes (or again I will speak for myself) we wonder if God is really got it all under control. But He does. And will bring it all together. It always makes sense when we look back. (sometimes 10 years after the fact!) The last thing that I wrote is this thought - "do we claim intimacy or nice familiarity?" Now that thought is a blog post in itself. Intimacy or "nice" familiarity. I know personally which word I want to use to describe my relationship with Jesus. The thing is - the one description demands that I get involved in relationship. A relationship HE describes as a marriage. An intimate relationship with the Almighty. O Lord, thank you so much for loving me more than words can describe. I know, without a doubt that it is this relationship that has carried me through these hard seasons of life.
I will take intimacy anytime! Because it is only in this relationship that I get to know and love the one who is in full control. And while I may not understand all that He does, or all that He allows in my life ~ there is this "knowing" ~ this "trust" that exists, and in that trust, I can be content~ which brings me to today, and just realizing that my soul is well! I feel content. And while I don't know what the season will hold, I KNOW who holds the season. Thank you Lord!
Just now, the words from a great great old hymn ran through my head. We sang these together as a family many times. We sang these words when our little Jay was taken to Heaven. I sang this song by myself with only tears as an audience! It talks about seasons, and about God's faithfulness.
Great is Thy Faithfulness ~ Lyrics by Thomas Chisholm
Born in a log cabin in Kentucky, Thomas Chisholm began as a school teacher at age 16, although he himself had no high school or college education.
He accepted Christ at age 27 at a revival meeting held by Frank Morrison, and became the editor of the "Pentecostal Herald".
A Methodist minister for a few years, he had to resign due to poor health. Thomas Chisholm lived in Winona Lake, Vineland and Ocean Grove, New Jersey. He wrote more than 1200 poems; in 1923 sent several to William Runyan (the composer of this hymn tune) who later wrote, "This particular poem held such an appeal that I prayed most earnestly that my tune might carry over its message in a worthy way, and the subsequent history of its use indicates that God answered prayer." (Osbeck 119)
This hymn was first introduced in Great Britain in 1954 by the Billy Graham Crusades.
GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS
Verse 1
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
Chorus:
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Verse 2
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Verse 3
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
We have refilled the new bird feeder, and I love watching the birds as they come and perch on it, and eat the shelled black sunflower seeds. The squirrels are not around it these days, which is a blessing. I have heard and seen Jays again in our yard. I love the pretty color of the Blue Jays. I have also come to love the red "smudge" like color on the finches.
Psalm 50: 1 says, "The Mighty One, God, the LORD, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets." (NIV)
I believe God is Sovereign and in full control. Like I have said before - I do not always "get" what God is doing, or allowing ~ but I believe HE is Sovereign and HE is in control! This verse attests to the Lord being in control ... have you ever wondered about the sunrise, and sun set... about the waves that come up to the shore and roll back...
As I watch the birds come, I am reminder of scripture that talks about eagles, and about sparrows... oh how the LORD loves us even more!
As I watch the sun that shines and warms the land ~ I am reminded of the way his love and grace falls on me, and warms this often cold heart, and refreshes this often dry and thirsty soul.
As I watch the snow melt and expose the dead grass beneath is ~ I am reminded that our life is but "a breath" (and oh how well we know that). I am reminded of how a seed has to die in order to spring to life again in the spring season. I am reminded of how like the snow covers the earth ~ his grace, love and mercy cover this woman! I wonder what He is "germinating" in my life, or how He is going to spring things to life, and to bloom in this new upcoming season.
I love looking outdoors. I love walking outdoors. I have missed walking the back forty with Oreo. Unlike last year, this year Alvin did not get a path plowed for us to walk on. I am anxious to go and see if the altar that I erected last year as a testament to God's faithfulness in my life - is still standing. (I have a feeling it will be just like we left it before the snow fell). I look forward to walking back there again soon. (gotta find my rubber boots!)
A look out of my window reminds me that things die in fall, get covered in winter, and spring to life in Spring. Tulips are one of the first things to poke out of the mud. Lord willing, this will be the last time I see them bloom in this location!
Seasons are varied. We also have seasons in our life. I thank God for the season He has me in right now. With my pain "under control" and currently at a minimum level (Thank you Lord) I am realizing that I am feeling "content and happy"... and, if you regularly read my blog - you will know that over the last few months, I have really wrestled with the season of life we have walked through over the past year and a half...
There is so much yet to come. Oh how well we know that. (Lord willing, to see our land, our house and land, and begin to build the house/retreat house...) Some things are still hanging in the balance (timing of house sale, of land sale, of build, etc) yet, I believe strongly that God is in those details, and somehow, honestly, I am not worried.
I have realized that we just need to continue to walk in obedience to that which He has called us to. I have realized that this time at home has been a huge gift to me in many many ways. (honestly, that is a new realization over past month). I have realized that following God in this journey has been a "long obedience in the same direction" and it has been one of the most incredible adventures and one that I would never have imagined! Not always easy. Sometimes so incredibly hard that I didn't know if I would ever get up off my knees, but a journey none the less. Three steps forward, two back at time, but regardless - stepping ahead in faith.
Today I came across some sermon notes I had taken, and they were stuck in an older bible that I don't use as much any more, but obviously used in church one day. The sermon (not sure who preached it) was about Job and his encounter with a "HOLY GOD" and here are some of the points that I wrote down, or comments ... That there were many "twists and turns" in the story of Job, and yet through it all, Job remained blameless and upright! (beside that comment, I had written "O Lord, have mercy" and I am thinking that perhaps that comment was in regards to me!!)
I wrote that we are being invited into the story of Job so that we can experience WHO God is. I know that in some ways I thought that we as a family lived through a "Job Experience" and I can say (will speak only for myself on this one) that I have truly experienced WHO GOD IS and what HE ALONE can do in and through and with our "JOB experiences."
I also wrote that "Job had sure knowledge that God was in charge of his life, and what could be better than that!" I know that sometimes (or again I will speak for myself) we wonder if God is really got it all under control. But He does. And will bring it all together. It always makes sense when we look back. (sometimes 10 years after the fact!) The last thing that I wrote is this thought - "do we claim intimacy or nice familiarity?" Now that thought is a blog post in itself. Intimacy or "nice" familiarity. I know personally which word I want to use to describe my relationship with Jesus. The thing is - the one description demands that I get involved in relationship. A relationship HE describes as a marriage. An intimate relationship with the Almighty. O Lord, thank you so much for loving me more than words can describe. I know, without a doubt that it is this relationship that has carried me through these hard seasons of life.
I will take intimacy anytime! Because it is only in this relationship that I get to know and love the one who is in full control. And while I may not understand all that He does, or all that He allows in my life ~ there is this "knowing" ~ this "trust" that exists, and in that trust, I can be content~ which brings me to today, and just realizing that my soul is well! I feel content. And while I don't know what the season will hold, I KNOW who holds the season. Thank you Lord!
Just now, the words from a great great old hymn ran through my head. We sang these together as a family many times. We sang these words when our little Jay was taken to Heaven. I sang this song by myself with only tears as an audience! It talks about seasons, and about God's faithfulness.
Great is Thy Faithfulness ~ Lyrics by Thomas Chisholm
Born in a log cabin in Kentucky, Thomas Chisholm began as a school teacher at age 16, although he himself had no high school or college education.
He accepted Christ at age 27 at a revival meeting held by Frank Morrison, and became the editor of the "Pentecostal Herald".
A Methodist minister for a few years, he had to resign due to poor health. Thomas Chisholm lived in Winona Lake, Vineland and Ocean Grove, New Jersey. He wrote more than 1200 poems; in 1923 sent several to William Runyan (the composer of this hymn tune) who later wrote, "This particular poem held such an appeal that I prayed most earnestly that my tune might carry over its message in a worthy way, and the subsequent history of its use indicates that God answered prayer." (Osbeck 119)
This hymn was first introduced in Great Britain in 1954 by the Billy Graham Crusades.
GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS
Verse 1
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
Chorus:
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Verse 2
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Verse 3
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Monday, March 8
Don't tell me that God is not in the details!
Someone once told me that they did not believe that God cared less about the small details about our lives. To which I replied that I disagreed. You see there has been too much in my life to prove to me that God IS a God interested in the details.
I have been sitting at my fav coffee place - _ou_ta_ n B_a_ (you can fill in the blanks for fun!) I have been here for a few hours - and a big mug of coffee and a Vanilla Bean Latte...
I needed to finish my homework for tonight's Beth Moore Bible Study. And, the last day of week 6 just really impressed me! Here are my thoughts on it.
Today was about the "priestly garments" that Aaron was to wear whenever he went into the Holy of Holies. I learned about the chestpiece, the ephod, the turban... and the fact that he had to wear these garments. (I am glad that I didn't have to wear anything "priestly" when I was in pastoral ministry.) The thing however that really struck me was that on the hem of the garment of the high priest - there were "gold bells and pomegranates: that were to alternate all around the hem. The pomegranates were out of blue, purple, and scarlet yarn, and attached to the hem with gold bells in between them. (check it our for yourself at Exodus 28: 33-35)
Aaron was to wear this robe whenever he ministered before the Lord. Listen to this though - why the bells? Because the bells would "tinkle as he goes in and out fo the LORD's presence in the Holy Place. If he wears it, he will not die." NLT Phew.... think of that - if he wears it - he will not die. And the bells signal his presence before the Lord!!
(okay, I hope this isn't sacreligious but I remember when Josh was a little boy - he wore the traditional "baby boots" that all kids wore (there was nothing cute about them) and on them I put bells on the laces. I always knew where he was and if the tinkling stopped I needed to go and look for him!)
So there were a few things that came out of this - and it has to do with the importance for Aaron to dress in this way EVERY time he entered the tabernacle. Afterall, really, WHO WANTED TO DIE? On his turban was a gold place that had the inscription HOLY TO THE LORD which was a reminded that Israel had been called out to purity!
Beth says in the manual, page 133 "What a holy God He is! And how flippantly we often confront the words "Be holy, because I am the LORD your GOD" (Lev. 20:7) My heart stands convicted when considering that I could dress in all of the holy robes designed by a divinely-inspired seamstress yet underneath would remain a sin-prone woman in desperate need of grace." Oh man - can you relate to that!! I sure can!! How easily we try to cover up who we are - but God sees the inside. O Lord, thank you for your grace and mercy!
Beth ends with some thoughts on God being a God of detail, not of generality. A God of individuality. And then this quote just impressed my heart in a big way: "Do not let Satan convince you that God is not actively involved in the intricate design of your life. God has not missed a single stitch or left a stone unturned on your behalf; furthermore, His activity in the details of your life most often displays His glory and beauty." (page 133 of the manual: A Woman's Heart, God's dwelling place)
I believe God is in the details. The details which involve timing. (which is a huge thing that I have learned over and over and over again lately). I believe God loves to hear us come to him and talk with him about our lives. I believe He loves to hear us tell him our thoughts - even as He knows them anyway. There is something about expressing them out loud (or in my print in my journal!) I want to tell you one of my detail stories: Ashley was going with Mennonite Children's Choir to a tour in South Africa in 1998. She needed a bathing suit, and well - let's just say, finding the right one was never easy. Before we left home we prayed - and I asked the Lord if he would help us find a bathing suit for $50 or less, and one that she liked. Off we went. We went to Sears, and found one, and she liked it. It had a striped upper, and a dark blue bottom. But - since it was the first place we decided to look around. It was also $49.99 so then I was asking the Lord - "Lord, does the $50 mean with tax or before taxes?" Anyhow... the weeks went along and we found nothing else. We went back to Sears and wouldn't you know it - the bathing suit in her size was gone. We were sad about that. One day a little later, she was at the daycare with me, and came on an errand run to Walmart. She went to look in the girls section, and I was getting the stuff I needed when she came running. In her hand was the exact same bathing suit, in the exact size she needed. When we went to the section, we found that there was only one... on a clearance rack, and okay, get this - it was marked to $24.99 .... it was on sale! With taxes, it was still well under $50. Now don't tell me that God is NOT in the details!
I hope that you (and I both) continue to look to God for each step of our lives! Since fall I have felt like I jumped off the cliff and I am free-falling ... thing is - while I hate heights, and have never jumped off a cliff physically - I am not afraid. I feel exhilerated, sometimes breathless. I feel sure that God is there to catch me, or to give me the "parachute" to use...
Regardless, I know that God is my God and fully in control. I don't get it most the time, but I trust Him for the details.
Lord, give us all strength to follow - one step at a time... and to dance - maybe the "two step" with Him...
Love to you all dear ones!! Don't let Satan convince you that God is not wanting to be actively involved in your life! Dance like noone's watching - to the tune that the Holy Spirit gives you. (after all these years ~ I am learning to dance ~and loving it! Learning to follow the lead dancer is harder than I thought, but I am learning!!
PS also posted on the Women refreshed blog, feel free to check it out womenrefreshed@wordpress.com
I have been sitting at my fav coffee place - _ou_ta_ n B_a_ (you can fill in the blanks for fun!) I have been here for a few hours - and a big mug of coffee and a Vanilla Bean Latte...
I needed to finish my homework for tonight's Beth Moore Bible Study. And, the last day of week 6 just really impressed me! Here are my thoughts on it.
Today was about the "priestly garments" that Aaron was to wear whenever he went into the Holy of Holies. I learned about the chestpiece, the ephod, the turban... and the fact that he had to wear these garments. (I am glad that I didn't have to wear anything "priestly" when I was in pastoral ministry.) The thing however that really struck me was that on the hem of the garment of the high priest - there were "gold bells and pomegranates: that were to alternate all around the hem. The pomegranates were out of blue, purple, and scarlet yarn, and attached to the hem with gold bells in between them. (check it our for yourself at Exodus 28: 33-35)
Aaron was to wear this robe whenever he ministered before the Lord. Listen to this though - why the bells? Because the bells would "tinkle as he goes in and out fo the LORD's presence in the Holy Place. If he wears it, he will not die." NLT Phew.... think of that - if he wears it - he will not die. And the bells signal his presence before the Lord!!
(okay, I hope this isn't sacreligious but I remember when Josh was a little boy - he wore the traditional "baby boots" that all kids wore (there was nothing cute about them) and on them I put bells on the laces. I always knew where he was and if the tinkling stopped I needed to go and look for him!)
So there were a few things that came out of this - and it has to do with the importance for Aaron to dress in this way EVERY time he entered the tabernacle. Afterall, really, WHO WANTED TO DIE? On his turban was a gold place that had the inscription HOLY TO THE LORD which was a reminded that Israel had been called out to purity!
Beth says in the manual, page 133 "What a holy God He is! And how flippantly we often confront the words "Be holy, because I am the LORD your GOD" (Lev. 20:7) My heart stands convicted when considering that I could dress in all of the holy robes designed by a divinely-inspired seamstress yet underneath would remain a sin-prone woman in desperate need of grace." Oh man - can you relate to that!! I sure can!! How easily we try to cover up who we are - but God sees the inside. O Lord, thank you for your grace and mercy!
Beth ends with some thoughts on God being a God of detail, not of generality. A God of individuality. And then this quote just impressed my heart in a big way: "Do not let Satan convince you that God is not actively involved in the intricate design of your life. God has not missed a single stitch or left a stone unturned on your behalf; furthermore, His activity in the details of your life most often displays His glory and beauty." (page 133 of the manual: A Woman's Heart, God's dwelling place)
I believe God is in the details. The details which involve timing. (which is a huge thing that I have learned over and over and over again lately). I believe God loves to hear us come to him and talk with him about our lives. I believe He loves to hear us tell him our thoughts - even as He knows them anyway. There is something about expressing them out loud (or in my print in my journal!) I want to tell you one of my detail stories: Ashley was going with Mennonite Children's Choir to a tour in South Africa in 1998. She needed a bathing suit, and well - let's just say, finding the right one was never easy. Before we left home we prayed - and I asked the Lord if he would help us find a bathing suit for $50 or less, and one that she liked. Off we went. We went to Sears, and found one, and she liked it. It had a striped upper, and a dark blue bottom. But - since it was the first place we decided to look around. It was also $49.99 so then I was asking the Lord - "Lord, does the $50 mean with tax or before taxes?" Anyhow... the weeks went along and we found nothing else. We went back to Sears and wouldn't you know it - the bathing suit in her size was gone. We were sad about that. One day a little later, she was at the daycare with me, and came on an errand run to Walmart. She went to look in the girls section, and I was getting the stuff I needed when she came running. In her hand was the exact same bathing suit, in the exact size she needed. When we went to the section, we found that there was only one... on a clearance rack, and okay, get this - it was marked to $24.99 .... it was on sale! With taxes, it was still well under $50. Now don't tell me that God is NOT in the details!
I hope that you (and I both) continue to look to God for each step of our lives! Since fall I have felt like I jumped off the cliff and I am free-falling ... thing is - while I hate heights, and have never jumped off a cliff physically - I am not afraid. I feel exhilerated, sometimes breathless. I feel sure that God is there to catch me, or to give me the "parachute" to use...
Regardless, I know that God is my God and fully in control. I don't get it most the time, but I trust Him for the details.
Lord, give us all strength to follow - one step at a time... and to dance - maybe the "two step" with Him...
Love to you all dear ones!! Don't let Satan convince you that God is not wanting to be actively involved in your life! Dance like noone's watching - to the tune that the Holy Spirit gives you. (after all these years ~ I am learning to dance ~and loving it! Learning to follow the lead dancer is harder than I thought, but I am learning!!
PS also posted on the Women refreshed blog, feel free to check it out womenrefreshed@wordpress.com
Sunday, March 7
need God's healing toUch...
God has made our bodies to be complex machines - there is no other way to describe them.
Fearfully and wonderfully made!
Lately however - I know that I haven't felt my healthiest - and unfortunately I notice that some of my "stuff" with my health - has been passed onto my kids. I hope it stops there and doesn't pass down to grandchildren!
This past week - a couple things have happened with my kids...
First of all, Ashley (as a follow up to when Michael had to call 911 a couple weeks ago) she had an ultrasound. I would never say "I told you so" HOWEVER - her pain was so similar to the pain I had in 1982 when I had two attacks. Ashley's attach sounded too familiar to mine (and my sisters and mom's) and off she went for an ultrasound. And yes, her gall bladder is not a happy gallbladder!!! In fact - it is full of gall stones which means Ashley will need gallbladder surgery.
My mom, my sister Mary-Ann, myself, my sister Heather and now my daughter will need to get it removed. At least it won't be the big surgical scar like mine. Belly buttons come in handy!
Today - we went and visited with Josh, Leah and our little Everett. As Ashley said to her brother "it looks like you got in a fight, and the other person won!" He looks pretty bad. A couple months ago - Josh began breaking out in hives. Hmm. perhaps soap, or food, or what about your cat? Last night it got the worst ever and Josh had to come home from work during the night, such was his swollen face, eyes, and hives. Huge hives. Once again I wonder if this is a variation of the allergies that I have (some are the same as my dad) and have now perhaps passed on to my kids. One of my allergies - the LATEX one - I had no clue but the last time I had a reaction - I was covered with hives too, and now am supposed to avoid it like the plague, and carry an epipen! There are other allergies - penicillin, pollens, grasses, dust mites, peas, soy, feta and on and on.... many of these are from my dad.
I can do nothing for my kids and what they are facing EXCEPT to pray!!
As I was thinking about this tonight, my thoughts went to one of my favorite scriptures. The scripture I CLUNG to in June of 05 and then again in March of 06 (which was when I almost died if it had not been for my sister!). I memorized the scripture and it meant more to me than you know! I want to share it with you tonight AND ask you if you would join me to pray for the healing of my kids bodies. I believe healing does come in several ways - and if God chooses to do it through surgery, or through doctors, or through HIS healing and divine intervention - well - God knows best. I will continue to intercede on the behalf of my adult kids. Thanks for your prayers on their behalf!
Psalm 103 NIV
Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Fearfully and wonderfully made!
Lately however - I know that I haven't felt my healthiest - and unfortunately I notice that some of my "stuff" with my health - has been passed onto my kids. I hope it stops there and doesn't pass down to grandchildren!
This past week - a couple things have happened with my kids...
First of all, Ashley (as a follow up to when Michael had to call 911 a couple weeks ago) she had an ultrasound. I would never say "I told you so" HOWEVER - her pain was so similar to the pain I had in 1982 when I had two attacks. Ashley's attach sounded too familiar to mine (and my sisters and mom's) and off she went for an ultrasound. And yes, her gall bladder is not a happy gallbladder!!! In fact - it is full of gall stones which means Ashley will need gallbladder surgery.
My mom, my sister Mary-Ann, myself, my sister Heather and now my daughter will need to get it removed. At least it won't be the big surgical scar like mine. Belly buttons come in handy!
Today - we went and visited with Josh, Leah and our little Everett. As Ashley said to her brother "it looks like you got in a fight, and the other person won!" He looks pretty bad. A couple months ago - Josh began breaking out in hives. Hmm. perhaps soap, or food, or what about your cat? Last night it got the worst ever and Josh had to come home from work during the night, such was his swollen face, eyes, and hives. Huge hives. Once again I wonder if this is a variation of the allergies that I have (some are the same as my dad) and have now perhaps passed on to my kids. One of my allergies - the LATEX one - I had no clue but the last time I had a reaction - I was covered with hives too, and now am supposed to avoid it like the plague, and carry an epipen! There are other allergies - penicillin, pollens, grasses, dust mites, peas, soy, feta and on and on.... many of these are from my dad.
I can do nothing for my kids and what they are facing EXCEPT to pray!!
As I was thinking about this tonight, my thoughts went to one of my favorite scriptures. The scripture I CLUNG to in June of 05 and then again in March of 06 (which was when I almost died if it had not been for my sister!). I memorized the scripture and it meant more to me than you know! I want to share it with you tonight AND ask you if you would join me to pray for the healing of my kids bodies. I believe healing does come in several ways - and if God chooses to do it through surgery, or through doctors, or through HIS healing and divine intervention - well - God knows best. I will continue to intercede on the behalf of my adult kids. Thanks for your prayers on their behalf!
Psalm 103 NIV
Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Thursday, March 4
thoughts from a cLaY vessel
It is 10:30 am and I am hanging out at my favorite coffee place - Mountain Bean. I came into the city at 6:30 this am with my man - dropped him off at the Firehall for his shift - went through the Starbucks drivethru to get some hot oatmeal and a bottled water (no coffee) and then went to Curves (after eating my oatmeal in the parking lot!) After a good workout (which included a power failure long enough to bring my heartrate down) and a shower - I was ready for the day. So since it was still early (about 9 am) I decided to come and hang out here.
At first, it was still quite QUIET in here... and then the rush came. I found my normal corner spot, and set up my laptop, got out my journal, my bible and my Beth Moore Study workbook and got to some serious work! And then the people came... or should I say a group of women who sat in the couches right next to me. A couple brought their children for the morning out. Needless to say it got pretty loud and I was trying to just concentrate on the "calling and privileges of Moses, Aaron, his sons and the rest of the Levites". I got the study done for today... but try as I might, could not help overhearing some of the conversations going on around me.
I love people watching. In this instance, the one woman totally controlled the whole conversation, sometimes allowing for someone else to say something. She had just come back from a trip to buy a vacation house... and it seemed or should I say sounded like the world revolved totally around her. So in the midst of the kids touching some of the MB merchandise, and the kids doing some spilling of beverages, and the "visiting" ~ she just kept talking, and talking, and well, still talking. (don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids and will take my own grandkids out for "coffee dates with Granny" )
Hmmm.... I just had to think, and hope that I don't monopolize conversations about myself. I like to think that I am a good listener! I know that sometimes Alvin and I leave a place and say, "ah we should have talked less!" I don't want to become a person who (because I am at home alone most the time) gets to dress up and go out and think the world revolves around me - because the reality is - it doesn't! (oh my goodness, the group of women just left, and the silence is GOLDEN!)
Anyhow - as I went to get my large mug of black coffee - Kara, one of the girls I had gotten to know, asked me where I was now? If I had changed to another church for work. You see when I worked in paid pastoral ministry - I changed almost all my meetings out to this coffee place. It was just a good place to meet and much cheaper on the budget to buy someone coffee vs lunch! So, I told Kara that no, I was not working at any other church, that I had resigned. And then she asked me if I am up to something else. To which I replied YES and told her a little about the retreat ministry! She thought that was very very cool. (of course, with serving coffee to incoming clients - there is only so much discussion you can have right?)
Which brings me to today!! And the fact that what I am rejoicing over was a culmination of meetings that took place here - Alvin, myself and our friend/architect Jerald. Mountain Bean, good coffee, conversation, planning... a few meetings happened here. Well - last Sunday Jerald handed Alvin an envelope with two copies of house plans for us to give the look over. (ladies and gentlemen - the envelope please!! drum roll!!!!!) That night, Alvin asked me to let Jerald know we are good to go!! And, now Jerald has handed these designs to Jordan to do the "working drawings".... honestly, I can hardly contain my eXcIteMenT! We are that much closer. (Alvin is that much happier as the time between now and the "build" gets closer with each day!) Jordan will need about 40 hours ~ we can hardly wait to meet with him. (insert BiG sMiLe here)
Then there is the other "small" thing... (I say that "tongue in cheek") We will re-list our house (with 65 acres) soon, and we will also relist our land (74 acres) on the other side of Hwy 12. God has already heard many prayers offered on behalf of these sales. Reality is - we need to sell the house - to pay for the build. That is the bottom line! The other day, as I was talking to God about this - "giving it to Him again" ~ I just have this confidence that He knows exactly WHO will buy our house and land, as well as who will buy the land on the other side. God knows.
He has already shown us that HIS timing is the RIGHT timing. We are believing that we will build in spring, and pray that God will continue to open the doors for us. This is HIS project. This is HIS minitry. This is HIS build ~ start to finish. We are the workers. We are only vessels. Clay Vessels. Fragile Clay Jars as 1 Corinthians 4 is subtitled.
bRoKeN
Fragile
At first, it was still quite QUIET in here... and then the rush came. I found my normal corner spot, and set up my laptop, got out my journal, my bible and my Beth Moore Study workbook and got to some serious work! And then the people came... or should I say a group of women who sat in the couches right next to me. A couple brought their children for the morning out. Needless to say it got pretty loud and I was trying to just concentrate on the "calling and privileges of Moses, Aaron, his sons and the rest of the Levites". I got the study done for today... but try as I might, could not help overhearing some of the conversations going on around me.
I love people watching. In this instance, the one woman totally controlled the whole conversation, sometimes allowing for someone else to say something. She had just come back from a trip to buy a vacation house... and it seemed or should I say sounded like the world revolved totally around her. So in the midst of the kids touching some of the MB merchandise, and the kids doing some spilling of beverages, and the "visiting" ~ she just kept talking, and talking, and well, still talking. (don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids and will take my own grandkids out for "coffee dates with Granny" )
Hmmm.... I just had to think, and hope that I don't monopolize conversations about myself. I like to think that I am a good listener! I know that sometimes Alvin and I leave a place and say, "ah we should have talked less!" I don't want to become a person who (because I am at home alone most the time) gets to dress up and go out and think the world revolves around me - because the reality is - it doesn't! (oh my goodness, the group of women just left, and the silence is GOLDEN!)
Anyhow - as I went to get my large mug of black coffee - Kara, one of the girls I had gotten to know, asked me where I was now? If I had changed to another church for work. You see when I worked in paid pastoral ministry - I changed almost all my meetings out to this coffee place. It was just a good place to meet and much cheaper on the budget to buy someone coffee vs lunch! So, I told Kara that no, I was not working at any other church, that I had resigned. And then she asked me if I am up to something else. To which I replied YES and told her a little about the retreat ministry! She thought that was very very cool. (of course, with serving coffee to incoming clients - there is only so much discussion you can have right?)
Which brings me to today!! And the fact that what I am rejoicing over was a culmination of meetings that took place here - Alvin, myself and our friend/architect Jerald. Mountain Bean, good coffee, conversation, planning... a few meetings happened here. Well - last Sunday Jerald handed Alvin an envelope with two copies of house plans for us to give the look over. (ladies and gentlemen - the envelope please!! drum roll!!!!!) That night, Alvin asked me to let Jerald know we are good to go!! And, now Jerald has handed these designs to Jordan to do the "working drawings".... honestly, I can hardly contain my eXcIteMenT! We are that much closer. (Alvin is that much happier as the time between now and the "build" gets closer with each day!) Jordan will need about 40 hours ~ we can hardly wait to meet with him. (insert BiG sMiLe here)
Then there is the other "small" thing... (I say that "tongue in cheek") We will re-list our house (with 65 acres) soon, and we will also relist our land (74 acres) on the other side of Hwy 12. God has already heard many prayers offered on behalf of these sales. Reality is - we need to sell the house - to pay for the build. That is the bottom line! The other day, as I was talking to God about this - "giving it to Him again" ~ I just have this confidence that He knows exactly WHO will buy our house and land, as well as who will buy the land on the other side. God knows.
He has already shown us that HIS timing is the RIGHT timing. We are believing that we will build in spring, and pray that God will continue to open the doors for us. This is HIS project. This is HIS minitry. This is HIS build ~ start to finish. We are the workers. We are only vessels. Clay Vessels. Fragile Clay Jars as 1 Corinthians 4 is subtitled.
bRoKeN
Fragile
Clay
"As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand." Jeremiah 18:5b NLT
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on eavery side by troubles, but we are not crushed. we are perplexed, but not driven to despair. we are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." 1 Corinthians 4: 7-10 NLT
"As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand." Jeremiah 18:5b NLT
"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on eavery side by troubles, but we are not crushed. we are perplexed, but not driven to despair. we are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." 1 Corinthians 4: 7-10 NLT
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