The new chapter begins

Today was the first day of this next chapter of life. This week is a week of continued "purging" in our home. It is unbelieveable how much stuff you accumulate in 26 years of living in one place! Everything on this land has been built by Alvin. I keep thinking it will be a very sad moment at such time as we sell - and pull out of our driveway for the last time. Our house isn't up for sale yet - but will be, Lord Willing - very soon.

So, today - I worked for a while and then had to go into the city for a few things, including a dentist app. It just really is too bad that I didn't do this a while ago when my plan was still in effect past tonight! I also went to the RM office to apply for our lot grade... accompanied by a cheque for $2300. Unbelieveable. I think it was at that point I had my first few moments of being overwhelmed. I am not working. I am NOT WORKING! It is true... and tomorrow will be my first day of unemployment!

Today as I drove - the reality sunk in even more. As I drove past McIvor Avenue - I realized that my car will no longer turn and head east off Henderson at McIvor. I began to think again about where I could work - and again it seemed that God was saying and reminding me to trust him. I want to - I just seem to keep wanting to supply my needs !! O Lord, help me to trust - to trust with all my being.

So - I bought some more containers. And I bought shrink wrap to put around the containers that I have already packed up. Michael has been helping Alvin a few days when Josh was at camWp - and on Friday Josh and Michael worked at the ceramic tile at the back door. Alvin is on holidays - and so it is good timing. We are off together finally. Tomorrow Ash is coming out too - and I can't help but think that we will get a ton of stuff done.

I am also signed up for a course at the school of Spiritual Direction in the States in October. I am really going on trust - as I am not working - so I will trust the financial aspects all work out. I can't remember if I blogged this or not, but a couple weeks ago, Ash and I separated my container full of change, and then I lugged it into Steinbach Credit Union to the money machine - and wow - it came to $802! Almost half of the cost to go!
Too bad I couldn't put any of this through my "professional development" fund at church. Kind of sad - to think I was eligible for a sabbatical that I never was able to take - would have been helpful now. Oh well - God knows. I believe that if this is truly what He wants me to do - that He will take care of the financial concerns that I have in regards to me going! Whih reminds me - I need to read all the books!!

Well I am going to go - it is getting late (contrary to what the time of this post will say) it is after ten thirty pm and I am tired. Tomorrow will be a full day. And, the first day of a new month.

God - thank you that you are my God. And I thank you that you have everything in your control - and I really don't have to get overwhelmed even though I do. Sorry Lord - I want to trust you for all these things - somehow I just get easily overwhelmed. Please help me to trust you for all the details in my life. I pray that you will take care of the financial details for this course as well, if this is your will for me to take it. You are a great God and greatly to be praised! Thank you for the strength to go through all the stuff in our house - it is emotionally stressful! But, in your strength - we can do it! And we pray in advance for the sale of our home. Lord, I love you! thank you for being my Saviour and my Lord. In you, I trust. Amen.Well -

relaxing with my girls (and my grandbaby)

It's dark outside - I am home alone. The boys (in the extended Klassen clan) are on their annual camping trip. They did this the year Dad K. passed away and then the year later. Last year, since Ash and Mike were getting married - we didn't do a camping trip, but a golf tournie. This year, the gang that went is smaller - with only three out of five families represented. Alvin, Josh and Mike are all there.

I got to spend some time with my girls - Ash and Leah. And my grandbaby too!! Even though my grandbaby is still "incognito" (smile!!) It was wonderful. It was also timely. We spent the night together at a hotel - the Inn at the Forks. It was wonderful. We got pedicures, spent time together talking, laughing, and doing "girly girl" stuff. This morning, after a night where Ash had to keep telling me to roll over so I wouldn't snore - we got up and headed down to the Riverstone Spa for a massage. Absolute bliss to start the day off this way. Absolute bliss.

I got to feel my little grandbaby's movements - although I am not sure if I felt a kick, or a tumble or just a little poke!! Leah woke up early this morning just because the baby was so active, although a few hours later, the massage seemed to put the baby to sleep!! We have laughed at the little one's movements!!

The rest of the day we spend talking and doing some looking/shopping at St. Vital Center. At the end of the day we sat in Ash and MIke's living room, checking out a couple things on the internet (the girls showed me a cool site called Etsy). And then it was time to head home.

As I was driving - I realized again how blessed I am to be a mom to 4 wonderful kids (two by birth, two by marriage). I realize that I am in the second half of my life (if I live to be 100 which is highly unlikely - but I like to think that 50 is midway... ) I hae realized that I am feeling pumped about the adventure that God is taking us on. It is really an adventure. My friend Lynda's words "Joy, God is going to do something amazing. All I can say is fasten your seatbelt - you are in for a ride!" My seatbelt is fastened. I am loving it.

I am feeling very thankful - for a wonderful husband (our anniversary is coming soon). For my wonderful kids - all 4. For our health - for the blessings that God has given, including this call to retreat ministry. Oh Lord - thank you - may my life be a testimony for you! And may you be the one to get the honor, glory and praise.

I am feeling very loved. Very very very loved. And that in itself feels won-der-ful!! I also know that even though this chapter of my life - the 7 years at McIvor is closing - that the new chapter has already begun! And - the greatest thing about the new chapter - is that within it holds the birth of my second grandbaby! I can hardly wait.

I saw so many babies in the mall today - and oh how I wish we were pushing our little Jay around too. We talked about Jay today. At 13 months of age I know he would have been getting around. I have no doubt that in heaven - he is keeping his great grandpa, great granny and great poppa busy!! I just wish he was here so that I could be gazing into his little eyes! I am blessed to have become a granny last year and will always hold my little Jay in my heart! And while we laugh again, and while we look at little sleepers for this little one that is due at Christmas - we continue to grieve the empty arms. We know that Jay is with Jesus and one day - we will get to hug him again. Really, that is what we have to hang on to and the only thing that brings comfort.

So - tonight, as I post this and go up to my room - set my alarm, and settle down for a sleep in preparation for tomorrow - I ask you Lord - to continue to fill my heart with the knowledge of who you are Lord - the realization of the blessing you have given to me in my kids and grandchildren (one in heaven, and on yet to be born).
I ask you Lord that you would give a good sleep to the guys while they are camping, and a great time together as family. I ask you Lord that already you would prepare the hearts of each one that gathers tomorrow to receive from you. O Lord - I am so blessed - and I thank you. Amen

The first of the lasts.....

Well it is Wednesday night, and I have experienced many of the firsts of the lasts in my ministry at McIvor. What I mean is that, being I have only 3 full days left of paid ministry - I am winding down - and doing a few last things. Tomorrow I will preach my sermon for the second last time - and then on Sunday - give it for the last time. I have loved the preaching component of ministry - and thank God for giving me both opportunity and affirmation. I pray that as I speak these last two times - people will be able to see Jesus only, and hear his words through my lips. I prayed about this sermon - and believe he has given me the words from his heart to mine. Lord thank you for the words you have given me to speak.

Today I was treated to a tasty lunch at Mongoes Grill and a great visit with my pastoral advisor Marilyn. She blessed me and has been such a woman of wisdom, support, love and a discerning voice in my life. Lord, thank you for Marilyn.

Today I took minutes for the last time - as we sat together one last time for our pastoral roundtable. I was blessed by the words Gerry spoke and shared the portion from Philippians 1 about God who began a great work in you will bring it to completion. (my translation, sorry, don't have my bible closeby). My dad and mom gave me this portion one year - I believe it - God is at work in us. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to minister with this team.

Today I met with about 15 women - 13 of us who happened to go to the Beth Moore event in Fargo a week or so ago. It was a time of hearing what God laid on their hearts - a time of sharing - it was good. I love the fact that Chris and Nely, Kim and Lisa, Karin and Leanne, Tara and Linda, Nellie and Irene, Irene and Lianne, Karis and myself were all free for a Beth Moore debrief. It was a first and also a last since I will not be in ministry to debrief with women after the next ones. However - God has been calling me to continue to minister with women - perhaps even doing coffee hours - not sure how it will look, but I feel like there is something I am to do about this. Lord, thank you for these women who blessed me tonight. Please show me my continued role in the lives of women.

It has been a day that I have done many firsts of the lasts. I want to continue to trust you for all things - Lord, please give me wisdom and discernment and clarity.
Thank you Lord. I sure love you!

Thank You Lord!

Well as promised, I am writing to update you on how the council meeting went at our Rural Municipal office!! We thank God for answered prayers! We thank you for standing in the gap on our behalf - and on behalf of Women Refreshed at the Well ministry. I would be lying if I said I was not nervous. You sit there and they have your future in your hands - with a yes or a no vote!! But then again, they didn't stand a chance with God on our side, and this is HIS Vision - his ministry.

So, we were there, and asked to answer a few questions. We left at about 7:30 - relieved that it was over and very thankful that we found favor in the eyes of council!

Lord, we thank you! We thank you for going before us - for helping us to find favor. This is your plan Lord - and we are only your conduits. Thank you for everything you have done and are going to do! We love you and praise your name!!
Great are you Lord!

Be Anxious for Nothing...

I am sitting here at home, with a couple verses running through my mind and over my heart. BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. BE ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING BUT IN ALL THINGS WITH PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION LET YOUR REQUESTS BE MADE KNOWN TO GOD.
Sorry, I may have quoted that a little off, not sure - but the reality is I know why God laid those on my heart just minutes ago. You see - Tonight is the night that we hear whether or not the Rural Municipality that we are moving into (Lord Willing) will grant our requests or not.

We had to take our information to them - the plans, the site plan, letters and reasons why we want to do what we are asking them to grant! And - almost $500 per request. ($1000 total)

We had to do that three weeks prior to their council meeting, which is tonight at 7.
We had to do this, as the plans that Jerald and we have been pouring over, are plans to first of all build a "barn" and then next summer to build the "house".
And, the thing is - the barn is bigger and higher than they allow. And the house, in order to do the ministry, we need to apply for the bed and breakfast permits. And, under that - they allow 2 bedrooms for use as B&B. We are planning for 5. (Jerald had wondered why I picked 5 vs 6 for instance - and all I can say is that 5 is the number that God gave to me for the max number of women at any one time for retreat)

So - tonight we find out if we are permitted to do both requests. Once granted - we can begin to build. Flip side - if not granted, we lose the money that accompanied the request, and there is no appeal. SO.... "Joy, be anxious for nothing..."

This is HIS Vision - and we are just the vessel God is using to do it. We are trusting Him to move their hands on this one and we have been asking our friends to pray!

So, please pray that we will find favor with the council tonight! I will let you know later!

Be anxious for nothing! Lord God - ruler over all things - you are the one who laid this Vision on my heart, and have entrusted it to us to bring to fruition. Lord, I am anxious - perhaps I am "council shy" in some ways, but I ask for peace as we go tonight and sit in on the meeting. I also ask Lord, that you would help us to find favor in their eyes. Lord, this is your Vision - I have absolutely no doubt of that - so I know that you are in control. Not me. Lord - we give you all the honor and the glory! Amen.

The countdown to the next chapter of life!

So today is Sunday - I came in very early - VERY EARLY like I usually do when I come in and drop Alvin off at the firehall. Then come to work, armed with a huge cup of Mountain Bean medium blend coffee. Ummm. It tastes like a real treat when I use cream once in a while, but for the past almost two weeks - my naturapath has me on a no sugar - no dairy - no white flour way of eating. (Yep you got it - no cinnamon buns to go with my coffee!) And, almost two weeks into it - I am feeling wonderful (and weight loss is inevitable when you take sugar and flour out) - and my mental fog is gone - it seems like I can think clearer. BUT MAN IS IT HARD!! Especially breakfast. ANYHOW - here I am at my desk - two hours before I have to be there - and with one hour gone, I figure I have time to write on my blog.

The countdown is on. I work today (Sunday) and then Monday to Thursday, and then next Sunday, and only one day left - Thursday, Sept 3 because I have planned a community parking lot party! So technically I have 7 days of work left. Yesterday someone asked me if I was sad. There is sadness for sure - let's face it, I LOVED ministry at McIvor - loved the people. But there has been hard stuff too - and as I have blogged before - the past 3.5 months have been way harder than I would have ever thought they would be. Guess I was naive.

I know however that there are no doubts, and no regrets to my decision. I also know, without a shadow of a doubt that it is a God thing! There is no arguing with God when he says something - and the reality is - the time to be done is NOW.
It is interesting how God works. Before I gave my notice - I was scheduled in for preaching the last Thursday/Sunday of August. And, the theme - Elijah and the Gentle Voice/Whisper of God. I have to say, I love how God works - as I totally get his whisper!! But, how do I speak on my last day - and what are the words He wants me to speak? I just want to bless people - my family in this local church.
So Wednesday - I sat down to write and by noon, I was done, only have some clean up of wording to do. Is this not totally God? Usually I struggle over sermons - but this one - when I sat down, came together like that. Thank you Lord!

So, today I will sing on the worship team, and then Monday to Thursday I will work at emptying out the office - cleaning up my computer files, etc... oh, and connecting with people through coffee times. Then Thursday I will speak for the first time, and then Sunday. If you are reading this - please pray for me - that I can speak without getting emotional i.e. crying. Tears are such a constant companion in my life - and they are okay but not when you are needing to deliver a sermon!

Well - need to run and practice. I just said good bye to my street friend Barry.
I wonder if I will ever see him again. He literally lives on the street. When I told him I would be done - he shook my hand, and wished me the best. The look in his eyes however, almost made me cry. Barry has become my friend. Barry - sometimes you can hardly stand the smell, but he has a special place in my heart. God has shown me alot through this man. Barry is one of "the least of these" that Jesus refers to. I wonder if I will see him again, or if one day I will hear that he has died. He jokes about having nine lives, like a cat - and today we talked about his nine lives almost coming to an end. He walks with a limp - and several times both Alvin and also my son Josh, have responded to Barry, laying on a Street.
I will never forget the time he recited the verse "Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me." I almost wept. Or the time we prayed together - at the Holy Spirit's nudging. I saw him through the eyes of Jesus that day. O Lord, bless my friend Barry - I know his heart is tender for you.
I believe that although he is ravaged by addiction - that he loves Jesus.

This is the 1st day of my last week - Lord, go before me - and allow me to speak and touch lives for your honor and glory! My God and my King - to you be all the honor and praise and glory - today, tomorrow and forever more. Amen.

All that I am

Tonight, while I was cleaning/purging one of the rooms in the house, I found a journal of mine - seems I am trying to get them all together these days. And I sat down and read through it. Fortunately, in those days, I journalled, but not to the extent that I journal now ~ so I could kind of breeze through the pages. And in one part that I called "listening" ~ I found a poem that I wrote .... thought I would share it with you.

All that I am

I come to you Lord
Here I am, standing before you...
My whole being naked as it were -
because You see me, inside out.
You know me, in my innermost places.
My secrets - my talents - my desires - my failures.
All that I am, but you make me feel whole.
In You, I am special.

All that I am, I owe to you
Because in you, I have life.
In you, I have power to go forth.
You forgive me from all sin
You free me from all my strongholds
You choose to forget my failures and give me hope.

All that I am - a new creation!
I come to you Lord
With a heart that is devoted to you.
I give you back - the talents and abilities you've blessed me with,
To use for your honor.

All that I am Lord, I give to You to use.
Lord, could you make me bold?
Lord, could you open my heart, my eyes, my ears.
I know you are Lord of my life,
Could you make my paths straight.

All that I am Lord - I give to you
Here I am Lord, all of me.
Use me.

written by Joy, April 20, 1997

*** Lord God - I thank you that all that I wrote then, is even more real today. And I continue to give you all of me - Use me Lord. Please use me. All of me, All that I am - I give to YOU. Amen