feels like Home to me ...

Feels like Home to me ...

The view from my deck - looking onto the labyrinth.

As I walked, I talked with the LORD about life, 

and He talked with me about what I needed to lay down

 

This time two weeks ago,  I was at The Mark Centre for a time of personal retreat. It felt timely as the winter on the prairies has been long and never ending!  From the moment I turned into the Mark Centre's lane, my heart felt like it was home.  This place has been retreat and rest for me 4 times and coming is never old.  I realize as I carried my "carry on" up the flights of steps, that I am getting old lol ... but I was thankful that I can still climb and still carry my 20 lb. carry on lol.   (That's a "gratitude")

My time in Abbotsford was unscheduled except for our Anam Cara Gathering with Cathy J. Hardy who also became a friend years ago.  The gathering would take place in Mission on Saturday afternoon to evening.  Otherwise, my time was free to do as I pleased.   My time here was a gift in so many ways.

So between Thursday night and Sunday noon - I walked the labyrinth at the Mark Centre, I read, I journaled, went on drives, sang, and spent alot of time with God.  

the most amazing little cafe that was suggested
by The Mark Centre

the Chai Latte was the best I have ever tasted 

I made an impromptu trip to see my niece in Chilliwak, and I also followed a suggestion in the Mark Centre's info book, to go and check out a little place called SippChai Cafe - which I did.  In fact I went there several times :)   (OKAY 4 times to be exact)

I also walked.  And it was my Friday walk in particular - that I was brought back to October of 2008 when Alvin and I walked the same route.  That January (2002) I had sat in Thailand with our missionary friend Louise Sinclair Peters - we were having coffee before the bus took us away.  I was sharing with her that although I was pastoring - I knew without a doubt that God was turning up the heat on the retreat vision.  She encouraged Alvin and I to connect with Steve & Evy Klassen in Abbotsford.  To hear that they had opened a retreat ministry warmed my heart and I stored the info away.

This was going to be our year of adventure - I knew that - our 50th birthdays, 30th anniversary, our daughter's engagement and then a wedding.  But right smack in the middle of the year was our first grand baby's birth!  So there was so much on our hearts, on top of our normal daytime jobs of firefighting and pastoring.  

And then our lives as we knew them stopped shortly after noon on July 24th, and our new lives began.The brokenness we experienced was indescribable.  We were a mess to put it mildly.  A. Real. Mess.   Although in the midst of the mess, we knew that our God was sitting there with us.  I can see that picture in my mind - God sitting on the floor with His arms around us, in the midst of a million broken pieces of our hearts strewn all around us.  Sitting - holding - and catching our tears in bottles.  (Have you ever wondered about this verse?  Why would he want to keep our tears?  Perhaps the most beautiful bodies of water in heaven are full because of all the tears, now there's a thought!)

So it was that fall in 2008 - towards the last week in October, that Alvin and I were told there was a last minute opening in the bookings at the Mark Centre.  We booked a flight and came to Abbotsford.  We needed the rest.  The change of scenery, and we also needed to spend some time with Steve and Evy.  We asked if that could be a possibility - and they obliged - and we made an appointment to meet with them in the upperroom at TMC.   I often wonder if we looked as bad as we felt.  I think we can mask up pretty easily.  We wondered what we would talk about - what was the most pertinent thing - if we just had an hour.  Well, in the end, the hour turned to two, and we were able to hear how the Mark Centre came to be, and we were able to share what God had called us to.  It is quite something to find people that you share a common ground with.  Different but similar.  We were so thankful for this time, and I am not sure that Steve and Evy realized how pivotal that visit was that day.

About 4 years later Steve came to the city for a couple things, and was able to come out to our place - we were still finishing up inside the house - but there we sat at a table, with Subway that I had picked up for lunch,  and we had some good conversation.  It was short and sweet but I remember that it felt like we connected - like siblings in a way - their ministry with ours.  I think it was from then on I began to call The Mark Centre - our "big brother in ministry".  

Since then I have had the joy to spend three more visits there, and have also had times of encouragement from Steve via email or phone text. We have also hosted Steve here and he did a day retreat called "Listening to God" and as well we hosted Steve and Evy, their son, and dear friend Cathy Hardy for supper and Cathy put on a concert! 

Steve has also been able to speak with our board chair, who was also able to connect with TMC board when our board were making some decisions and loved to hear some input.  Usually when I come to Abbotsford, a visit at Starbucks with Steve is just part of the visit.  I love how God does that - He connects people in ministry - and places - and similarity in call/vision.  

God spoke as I retraced same steps I had walked with Alvin in fall of 2008
and again God spoke into the depths of my heart

So this time as I walked the walk that Alvin and I had taken together in October of 2008, I realized that some things felt the same - but so much had changed.  At the time we met Steve and Evy for the first time, our kids had just come home from a little time away and heard God speak about retreat ministry - and building a combined space.  So when we talked with S and E - we knew that we would be looking for land, which we bought about five months after.  Our ministry at The Well just celebrated its 9th birthday.  Where does time go?

As I walked I realized that God brought us there in 2008, the same way he brought me back there three more times.  Brought back for a time of rest, renewal, retreat and giving the space for my ears to hear Him speak.  No wonder if "feels like home" when I drive into the lane.  In some ways, it has been home - to newness of life each and every time.  And to relationships between people we call "friend" and a ministry we affectionately call our "big brother."

I walked and realized that I looked different than I did then - going on 14 years in fall ... besides the obvious grey hair!  I believe that the journey of grief has left some lines, but so have the incredible moments of joy.  I realize I have changed over the past years and have experienced the really tough part of ministry (that people don't always talk about) as well as the blessings in the midst.  I realize God has changed me from being a "Mary" to the stark realization of how much a "Martha" was needed in this ministry.  But it was in 2018 at "Come Away" at TMC that I wrote the words from Him telling me "I am bringing you back to being a Mary" although if I am honest, I was not sure how He would do that in the midst of ministry were I am busy cooking and cleaing (is that not Martha stuff?). I don't believe he brought me back to being a Mary until COVID hit and then I saw his words become reality.

I assume that every time in the future (Lord Willing) that I am able to head back west to the Mark Centre - I will go eagerly to retreat.  I know every time I will look different, as age plays into that.  I look forward to whenever that time happens again, but in the meantime, I will hold the time with great fondness, like a treasure of great price held in my hands, knowing that God has spoke to me/us and will continue to speak there (yes, as He does here).  My ears DO hear ... as I am able to step out of the traffic, to be still and know that HE IS GOD!! To breathe deeply - and just be.

My time here in this beautiful place blooming with Spring - ministered deeply into the heart of this winter weary prairie girl! 

Cathy & I 

Cathy J. Hardy - I thank God he brought you into my life, and the women in our Anam Cara Circle. Thank you for walking with me - for speaking - for singing - for encouraging me - and speaking into the growth God is doing in me.  (Hope you can see yourself at the end of the table in the computer screen!!)

a table set for supper together
Amazing food - good conversation and LOVE in the midst

Theresa Hiebert - thank you for making sure my room was ready and even if you were not able to come to the gathering at Cathy's - so glad you were there by zoom!!  Love you my friend.  I think we are behind in some "Holy Listening" time!!

And Steve Klassen thank you for listening to the promtings of God, and for the way you and Evy spoke into our lives back in 2008, and blessed us as you encouraged us along our journey of beginning at The Well ... next time - Starbucks on Mt. Lehman - and I will buy :)  

on my way to Mission
such beauty to behold

So it was with love that I took this last pic before shutting the door on my room.  My heart was full, thank you again Mark Centre for all that the place holds for this prairie girl.  A space to listen.  A space to rest.  A space to just be.  May God continue to bless the ministry and all who enter into your place and may He continue to use it for His honor and glory!!

till next time ...

She Stands

I love creation and living in the country for most of my married life, has been such a gift to me, and a way that my faith has been nurtured and brought to life.  I have come to see that our GOD is such an amazing Creator!  It is mind boggling really, to think of all the species of animals, and birds and fish, and plants and on and on an on.  Amazing.  How can anyone say that there is no God?  How can anyone believe in anything other than that.  My brother in law loved science.  He especially loved stars and planets and the night sky, and brought that love to my grandkids one night when he lugged his telescope to the kids place, and amidst all the mosquitoes, showed them the wonders in the night sky.  Todd is now with the LORD and I can just imagine how he is enjoying heaven while we miss him.  One thing I laughed at is when he told us - “Yes,  I believe in the “BIG BANG” theory too.  I believe that God said "let there be …. and He clapped His hands together to create the world and the sound made a big bang!!”  I loved that explanation but somehow I don’t think that is what the Big Bang theorists really are talking about.  REGARDLESS … Our God is an amazing and awesome Creator and I love what I see around me, in my yard, in the back acreage, or along the walks that I take.  We have run out onto the porch at night to hear the Screech Owl, and have opened windows to hear the Coyotes howling.  I love watching and listening to the birds, especially the Blue Jays.  AND I love to close my eyes and listen to the symphony of creation - the rustling leaves, the croaking bullfrogs.  In the Bible it says that if we don’t praise - the rocks would cry out!  I believe creation praises the Creator, and I know that I for one, have been brought to tears over aspects of creation that God has used to show me His presence and his might and power.  Wow.

I also love trees.  I have been learning alot lately.  Let’s face it, I am thankful for the help of friends when it came time to planning the garden and carrying out the caring of it.  I did not know much about anything.  HOWEVER 9 years in, I have learned alot.  And I have come to love trees.  The tall OAKS are majestic to me.  They are rugged.  I love the whimsical look of the willows and realize they are fragile at ties when the weather really beats up a storm around them.  I love feeling the feathery softness of the new life of the evergreen trees - which then turns hard and prickly toward the end of the summer.  I love the apples that come from the apple trees, and the prickly nuts from the buckeye.  I love the fragrant blossoms in spring.  And I believe that we can learn alot from the trees, from their roots, and from what we observe.   

With that thought - I used the tree to represent my life … hope it makes sense.

SHE STANDS

She stands

Arms outstretched as far as they will go

In a posture of praise

Unmoving except for the wind that blows and moves her gently

Standing strong amidst all that is sent her way

She knows that she is planted 

Rooted deep in the love of the One who Created her

Roots

Oh how she loves those roots that span generations

Year upon year upon year

Establishing roots that give her depth

Nurturing her to the very core of her being

Roots that extend out and through places and time

Roots that give her the strength needed to stand strong and tall

And proud of who she is and what she has become

She stands

In her posture of praise to the One who created her

And who gives her all she needs through the seasons of life 

that have also been created

To give rhythm to life

As one season melds into the next and the next and the next

Lulling one to sleep with the sights, and sounds

The colors and the smells of each season

She stands

Her posture of praise

Arms outstretched to the ONE 

who has taken her through the heat of the summer

with its gentle rains and long days

Oh the summer breezes 

and the sounds of the crickets and the birds

The scurrying of the squirrels 

and the sound of the night owl

The glimpse of the doe crossing through the garden on the way to the pond to drink

She stands in a posture of praise

Leaves rustling and singing their own melody

With thanksgiving

She stands 

as the days get shorter and the sun sets sooner

and she hears the geese as they fly in big V's high over her head

Creation knows the season and what is ahead

Harvest Moon how beautiful you are

Shining down upon her in all of its orange and red glow

She stands tall and strong

and continues to hold her arms outstretched in praise

for this season of autumn

For the rains that fall

and the temperatures that make one put on a warm layer of wool

For the winds that blow

causing the leaves to flutter and fall and spin in a tornado of color

only to then land on the earth below 

where they gather with other seeds 

that have been blown 

and nuts that have been dropped

She stands strong in this season

 where life slows down and ceases 

and things prepare for a long winters nap

But she still stands determined

She may not like what is coming

but she is determinded 

and standswith her arms extended in praise

Knowing that the Creator 

has made seasons 

so that life and death will then eventually bring life again

in a while

A

Long

While ...

She stands

Arms outstretched but looking tired 

And at times almost dead

She knows that the season of winter if a long one 

but Praise comes from the core of her being 

even though she knows this season brings hardships

She knows they have to come

As it is in the storms that she grows stronger

Her roots keep her strong 

even  though she knows that they have fallen into a deep sleep 

Winter gives them a much needed rest

She needs that too

If she can just rest

Under the weight of it all

That is the bigger question

Can she stand under the weight?

Life has been a whirlwind 

that comes with the seasons she has lived through 

Year 

after year 

after year

Seasons of life have not been easy 

but she has endured.

In fact she has more than endured -

 she has thrived and grown

She has stood the test of time 

and thanks the Creator God for her roots 

that have been deeply planted by HIS life-giving water

and to 

So now this season of winter 

means she can rest

or at least try

Knowing that days will be short

Darkness will be long

Storms will be mixed in between 

The sun will shine and the sky will be blue

and the white blanket of snow

will sparkle like diamonds

and cover everything in its path

for

a

very

long

time

But even tho

the freezing cold chills her to the innermost ring of her being

She stands with her arms outstretched in praise

 she knows that this season is the longest

the harshest

And the one where she has to hang on 

with every ounce of her being

until Spring

She stands strong

Her arms outstretched

Pointing towards the sun that is waking up earlier

causing its warmth to fall for a longer period of time over her

She stands strong 

as she feels her roots remind her that they are still there

Giving her all that she needs for stability and strength

the way they have done for all the years of her life

As they begin to wake up

 and take in the sustenance needed for this season of new life

Buds appear and blossoms throw their fragrance 

Hues of greens envelope her

Her strength rises 

as she knows the winter has passed

 and that this new season  

is a time of praise

Praise for the new life

For the unfolding creation around her

For the promise and reminder of the goodness of her Creator God.

She stands strong 

knowing she has survived another round of seasons

The good

The bad

And at times even the ugly

okay (she shakes)

LOTS OF UGLY

But she stands

As a reminder that she is strong and mighty 

because of who the Creator has made her to be

She stands as a testament to her life 

and all she has weathered

She stands 

as a reminder that good roots are a necessary part of living well.

She stands

With arms outstretched

And if you are quiet you may even hear her song

As her leaves rustle in a quiet symphony of praise 

along with everything else that has come alive in the season of Spring and

If you are quiet 

you may hear the voice of the Creator acknowledging the praise of the created

She stands

Knowing what the Good Book says 

that to everything there is a season and a time for everything under heaven

And with arms outstretched 

She praises.

written with praise

by Joy

Feb. 20th, 2022

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NLT 

1For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 

2A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. 

3A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. 

4A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. 

5A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. 

6A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. 

8A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.

PS

I am also thankful for my friend, Spiritual Director and founder of the Anam Cara group that I am a part of, who has taught me much about looking within and loving my soul, who God has created, and who nurtures.  God has become known by the name LOVE to me during this process.   Not only is GOD the one who gives love to us, especially through the gift of his son Jesus who died for us, but God is LOVE!  Thank you LOVE for all that you have done in this old gal - in the depths of my being.  And thank you to my friend Cathy who as walked the journey with me - listening, encouraging, supporting, and being Jesus with skin on as she encourages me to walk the journey of my Faith - with LOVE.     You have taught me alot, and I know you have a love for nature the way our Creator God/Love has made it.   In that way we are similar <3 and I am so glad we are friends.