rewriting Psalm 40 in my own words

The sky is blue and the birds singing.  Some kind of unearthly rodent was at the bird feeder - hard to believe the Creator made such things, but He did.  Bigger than all the rest we have seen and something that looks different.  Perhaps he will soon be trapped in the live trap holding peanuts for him to try for. Perhaps that is why the birds are chirping as there is nothing to be found for them but the feeder hanging haphazardly on the window.  Seems the suction cups have given out.  Thinking there is a sermon waiting to use that illustration.

He is just lifting off the railing ....

in flight ....

getting into position 

almost :)

made it!!

love this silhouette 

Pontoon plane flies over head toward the airport a few miles away and it makes me wonder where people are coming from and who will be heading out next.  And it makes me want to travel.  Actually these days I would like to go somewhere far away where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops … oh hold it, that’s a song!  

I watch the leaves shimmy and shake as the wind passes throw them and I hear always think about the Bible verse that talks about the trees clapping their hands.  I always imagine that is what I am hearing.  The wind also passes past the wind chime and I hear the beautiful tones that soothe this soul. The tall grass of the bullrushes moves.  And I realize how creation is so good at praising and thanking the Creator, and does often!  

Oh there is the sound of yet another plane makes me want to run out and shout TAKE ME TAKE ME!  Ah that it would be so easy.  Running away from things is sometimes my go to thought, but is never one that is played out thankfully.  Although, if it wasn't for my husband, kids and grandkids, there are times where I think I would move far, far away.  

I sit here in the quietness of this house.  The quiet before the coming and going of retreaters that will begin tomorrow and go through the week.  The weekend will be cut in half due to ministry responsibilities here at home.

Breathing in - breathing out.  Seems this is the practice that quiets this girl’s soul. 

Breathe In and my heart says LORD I NEED YOU and breath out and my heart says BE MY STRENGTH.  The in and out rythmn of my lungs collaborates with the cry of my heart.  

The other day I had a beautiful experience when my new Dominican friend Mary prayed over me.  Wow, did she pray.   Later she said that the Psalm that God gave her to tell me was Psalm 40.  I knew this Psalm as I call it one of my own!!  Especially the first few verses.  They became my mantra 27 years ago when I was walking through my depression and also when Mom was dying in the hospital. Take a look:  Psalm 40: 1-4 NLT

“I waited patiently for the LORD to help me; 

He turned to me and heard my cry

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

out of the mud and the mire

He set my feet on solid ground

And steadied me as I walked along

He has given me a new song to sing

a hymn of praise to our God

Many will see what he has done and be amazed

They will put their trust in the LORD.”

I love those verses because they bring hope.  Sometimes life has a way of trying to pull us down. And if you were feeling a little bit down, the next thing can push you flat out, face down.  I know that as this has been what I have experienced lately.  The pit has been deep.  And just when I feel like I am sort of on my way out, I slide back in.

But as I look at this Psalm I am reminded again that God does hear my cry.  I know that from experience.  I know it to be true.  I know it.  There are times when I have felt like I have been holding on by “the skin of my teeth” as the old saying used to go.   Yes I know - teeth do not have skin!!  

When I looked that up the phrase it said This phrase first appeared in English in 1560 in the Geneva Bible, in Job 19:20. It provides a literal translation of the original Hebrew. Since teeth have no skin, the expression refers to the smallest possible measure. Source: theidioms.com

And seriously, holding on with the smallest possible measure at times is better than letting go!

I know that to be true many times in my life.   I know that in the midst of the muck, God’s Got This.  

So on this morning, as the wind comes and goes, and makes everything sing in its path, I sit here in my chair by the window and watch.  The window is open and I feel the breeze and I can hear everything on the other side of the pane of glass.

As the bird twitter and sing, and land on the railing, I am reminded of the Scripture that talks about how God, our Creator knows every single thing about the birds.  How much more he knows and cares about us, those who are created in his image and who his son Jesus died for.

To me that alone sounds like something that we should be singing about.

My soul has been in the depths - in the pit and I will be honest, sometimes it is hard to get out of there.  My enneagram number is both a blessing and a curse for me.  But it does help me to understand myself and my reactions and feelings that are at times deeper than I know what to do with.  

And in these depths that have been much like sea billows for the past little while - even in the tossing and turning, I know God's Got This.  In the stillness of this morning as I sit in this chair I can hear the LORD say:Breathe deep and be still.  I'm here in the midst of this all.  Trust me Beloved.  

So I am going to write this psalm again, for today, in my words.

Joy’s version of Psalms 40:1-4

LORD, here I am again.  Sometimes I am not so patient, but I am waiting.

Oh LORD I need your help. 

I don’t know what that help looks like, but I need it.

I know you hear my cries.  

I know you know my thoughts.  

I know you are completely aware of everything spoken and unspoken.

You know this heart, belonging to this old gal, needs you so bad.

You have lifted me from the pit before, and I know you will do that again.

Despair.  Even the word sounds hopeless

But YOU bring HOPE into the places that seem the most dark.

This muck and mire - feels like the stuff that holds onto your feet, 

The stuff that boots get stuck in as it suctions feet in place

But YOU are the only one that can lift me/us out of this place

AND YOU set my feet securely onto solid rock…

I see the picture of myself, mudcaked but standing.

Mud falling down my legs and pooling around my feet

YOU wipe them clean so that the ground is not slippery but secure

I am worried about slipping but you take my hand and bring me forward

Each step secure on you, the ROCK of my life.

And as I walk ahead, something is stirring within me

I feel it, rolling around, coming together and then out of my mouth in a praise that is new

A newly composed song sung to the most melodious tune

In turn, people see that it was only God that can do what they just witnessed

Because you O GOD, Sovereign One - you are the God 

who Hears

who provides

who heals

who wipes the mud off along with the tears

who gives breath and song at the same time.

I waited and you heard my cry.

Thank you.

Now with this personal rendition of my favourite Psalm, I sign off.  

For those of you who read this ~ thanks.

If you want to talk ~ feel free to direct message me.  

If you are feeling this way ~ I have good listening ears

If you want someone to pray for you ~ I can do that too.

If you just want to pray for me ~ I would love that.

Remember - keep turning to the only One who really can help!!

Love,

 j

Retelling my story through the lens of nature ... ordinary extraordinary willow

I am here, tucked a little out of the way, in the beautiful garden, surrounded by the luscious peonies that are slowly opening out of their buds that look like marshmallows.  

I know beauty when I see it.  I tower over the irises that are bluey purple and so regal in their beauty! And I oversee the buckeye tree that you often stand by and look at its prickly buds that eventually grow and then expel the shiny dark brown nuts inside.  

You see me and walk by me every time you walk the garden path.  I see you looking at me.  I feel your heart towards me. I know that you are pretty proud of me because I actually hear you talking about me to people.  About the "one willow who made it!"  I am resilient.

Sometimes you come to me, eye me up, as you stop and gently clip my boughs because they brush over people’s faces as they walk by on the garden path. I don't scratch them or hurt people, but I am a little bit in the way, and need to be tended to once in a while.

But, I’m growing almost as quick as you cut my boughs and I smile because you gather up the clippings and take take them and put them into water to grow roots so that you can plant me in other places!  That makes me chuckle because I always think that I am so ordinary - just an ordinary willow.  Yep NOT even a pussy willow or a weeping willow, although if you come near me and just sit a while, you may see my tears from time to time.  

Yes I think I am ordinary.  I do not have blossoms that turn into fruit. I do not have prickly things that grow beautiful shiny nuts,  I do not have leaves that turn a beautiful orange or red or yellow when autumn comes.  But YOU see something in me.  And I am seeing things about myself as well.  I feel like I am coming more alive within myself!  

YOU see my strength and the way that I grow whether the conditions are good or tough.    I know I have heard you and your husband talk about how quickly I grow, and how sturdy I am and how I missed the accidental mowing that my other willow siblings succumbed to.  (But I did not)  Was that coincidental, or the Creator's purpsoe for me, ordinary little me! 

There was a plan for me obviously, and here I am - taller than any of the other trees that you actually paid money for..  I am sturdier than all the rest.  

                                                                    

I am growing in leaps and bounds. 

I am vibrant and strong and green - having risen up from a small stick you placed into the mud.  

Not sure what your expectations were of me, but I have a feeling I have exceeded them all!  Yep, I have really surprised you.  

Creator knew that my characteristics where more than what met the eye for people.  He knew that even though people may think that I am seemingly non descript and very ordinary ~ Creator knows better.  

Yep, I sway in the wind, I bring shade when people walk under me and if you stop to take a good look, you have noticed that my trunk is big and sturdy and my roots go down deep. I can take the heat that beats down on me, and the rain that cools me and runs off my leaves.  Sure I lose a few bits and pieces of my leaves and branches if the storms get a bit violent, but I am still standing.

I can handle the endless dry spells of summer and then the freezing temperature of our endless winter only to come out of it strong, healthy, growing green and beautiful.  

My boughs clap and if you are quiet enought to hear my rustle, just slow down and stop and take it in.  Don't mind me, I'm just joining the other trees that are clapping their hands in praise to the One who made us!  His plan and purpose for this ordinary little willow is exceeding anything I could ever ask or imagine and this Willow knows who she is!!  Thankful.  Strong.  Courageous.  

** Thank you to my friend, and spiritual director, Cathy J Hardy, who encouraged the women in our "cloister" group to do a "retelling of my story through the lens of nature". I experience the goodness of God through Creation.  

I love that the created (you, me)  can worship as we are surrounded by such beauty.  So, I knew right away that I would use my favourite tree in the garden to help retell my story.  

Written today <3

Where is the "frog leaf" when you need it?

not a weed, but a healing medicine found in your grass

I have been thinking about my dad lately, and also having the urge to take a shovel and look under the snow to try and find some frozen frog leaf in my yard.  I need it.  The reason my dad is attached to that desire is because it was my dad who originally went into our yard and picked a frog-leaf to place on a wound I had on my leg.  That was years ago ...

Back before the time I knew about my Metis heritage.  Back before the time to ask my dad why he had not told us more about our heritage.  Back before the time I really cared about natural medicine because riding my bike and building forts was a bigger draw.  

     

I wished I had asked questions then.  I wished I had known my grandma Mary-Ann Thomas who was the area's  "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" if you are my age and watched the TV series, you know what I mean. I have reason to believe that this was exactly who my grandma Thomas was.  The midwife/doctor/medicine-woman of Stoney Point and area.  I have a feeling my Grandma would have also told people about Jesus so that she could also attend to their spiritual healing.  I believe she would have given our Creator God the thanksgiving for the natural medicines she would have used on people - such as the Frog Leaf.

But I was too young to ask questions, and by the time I started to ask, my Dad passed away.  My Grandma Thomas never got to hold any of us, because she passed away while my parents were on their honey moon, but I have a feeling my grandma and I would have been close and I sometimes wonder if any part of my character resembles her.  I like to think so <3

                                                        

So why am I thinking about frog leaf and going to the backyard to shovel snow.  Well it seems I came home from my trips with amazing memories, but also what we think is a spider bite that somehow in the days after I came home, got infected to the point where I was actually feeling a little scared.  (I will be honest, the thing in my mind was the words flesh eating disease)  So I watched with vigilance.  I drew a circle around it to show where the red, hot, painful, sore area had gone to, with a dotted line further out to show where it was not red and hard, but still sore to the touch.   

I went to the doctor who gave me a medicine but also the words "watch it and if it changes, go to the hospital as you may need an IV antibiotic instead" ... and today is three full days on the strong medication.  Not sure why, but I had not thought until last night to send the request to our church prayer line, for there to be a visible reduction in hardness, redness and pain by the end of today - and Alvin and I believe there is a definite change.  I am thankful for the doctor/medication and the praying people who raised the request before the great HEALER himself!

I firmly believe if I had that leaf ... the wound would have healed quicker than this.

I am just wondering if a frozen frog leaf would have the same affect as a fresh one in summer.

AND I am also thinking perhaps next year I will harvest a few and freeze them, so that at least I can give it a try if I need to!

I am thankful that if no other medicine wisdom was learned, that at least this ONE THING was passed from my Grandma to my Dad and to me.  I have used this on both of my children and myself in years past and always the wound healed quickly.  I know that God is the amazing Creator that created all the herbal remedies that we use.  I just wish I had a chance to sit and learn from my Grandma.

In the meantime, I will rely on this "old and cheap" but strong antibiotic that the Doc put me on (I have an allergy to amoxicillin so they have to use other things" but he said this one was good.  And rely on the prayers of the community of faith around me - that has prayed for healing.

I am thankful that it is a bit better than yesterday.

Thank you HEALER!

with love,

PS 

Okay also here is my method to using the frog leaf.

I would make sure the wound was clean.  Then make sure the frog leaf was also clean, by running it under water, and drying it.  

I would take the leaf, and fold it smaller, and then bite it all over.

Then I would unfold it, apply it over the wound, and put a bandaid on top.

If needed, I would repeat the process with a fresh bitten leaf the next day or day after as needed.

Are there remedies you know of that have been passed down from your grandparents, great grandparents?  If so, do you care to share?

Pondering a couple things over last couple weeks while laying on a pool chair!

The last couple of weeks have been amazing.  We were away with our besties in a place that can easily be called paradise!  Let's face it, swaying palm trees, beautiful blue water, soft sand are all recipes for rest and relaxation.  For me, it is also the place I hear God speak.  Don't get me wrong, I hear him speak in my house too, and in the hot tub, and in the car as I drive BUT there is something about walking alongside the ocean and just being with God.  Or at least, that is what I experience.

We had the joy of getting away to the Dominican Republic.  Back to Punta Cana which we had been before when we did a mission trip combined with a second week at a resort to debrief.  The DR is beautiful!  People are happy and so friendly.  Food is amazing.  And the sand, palm trees and ocean .. well you know.

While I was away, and in the last two days since coming home, I have decided to take some action to one thing that God has made clear to me.  That besides Sunday, which USED to be considered the Sabbath when I was growing up, I believe God is calling me to take a Sabbath once a week.  Sunday has become more than what it used to be - with having my husband working shift work for so many years, and then for the past ten years almost, I have had to work on Sundays often SO Sunday is not really my sabbath any more.  And if you are reading this, and honest - I would venture to say you are not experiencing sabbath the same way either.

Years ago, a book was highly recommended to me by a young friend who is like a peer mentor to me, Karen.  She encouraged me to read The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Cormer.  So I have purchased it, read it, marked it up a lot!  Shared it with others.  And now have been reading it again.  John talks about the importance of Sabbath.  And how he has done it.  This book spoke to my friend Karen and she has also begun taking sabbath years ago, and has encouraged me to do the same.  

I find it rather embarrassing to say that she encouraged me to do that YEARS ago, and now I am finally making the intentional plan to do so.  I have picked the day.  Put it into the calendar with a no ending repeat ...    I am working on some details and Lord Willing will begin next week.  I am excited in a weird way!  Maybe a little anxiety.  The thing I do NOT want it to become ever, is a legalistic discipline!    I also realize with ministry, there may be some give and take about day of the week and having to change it the odd time.  We will see.  But yes, excited!!

My friend & spiritual Director (Cathy)  has encouraged me to put self-care into my calendar as well - times where I can attend to me, my whole being.  She has encouraged me to think of it as daily/weekly/monthly/ quarterly and yearly.  I am still working on some of that decision making, but I am getting there.  

She also challenged me on how I say I really want to get up early for my Quiet Time with the LORD and asked what I was doing about that ...  (I want to say that there is more behind this question, but we can talk over coffee if you really want to know lol it was a bit embarassing to say lol )  So, the LORD and I have been meeting in the morning - often quite early for our time together, with more spilling out during the day.  (Ask the LORD to wake you, and he will!)

The other thing I have been talking to the LORD about is the word He gave me for this year.  The word is TIME.  I actually ordered a ring from @LisaLeonardDesigns with the word "time" stamped on it.  I have been doing rings for years - not sure they will be good for anyone when I am gone, but it is good for me to have it so upfront and close to see to remind me.  The word "time" may mean many things - so that is what I am asking the LORD to unpack for me.  I have a feeling HE will in his time!!

So needless to say, life is never dull.  It is a time of learning and growing.  A time of being still and listening.  A time of talking and writing.  A time of transition for this almost 65 year old gal!  

I have a feeling this year has many things in store!  It has already been pretty great with some travel with our kids and grandkids in January and now lately our travel to the D.R with our besties Al and Janet.  BUT I believe this year holds many things.  That idea could paralyze a person.  I remember one other year that I began by writing in my journal that I knew God held whatever he had between Jan 1 of 2008 till December 31st, 2008.  If you have been a friend, you know our hearts were shattered into a million pieces that year with the loss of our Grandson Jay Benjamin Klassen.  So whenever I write things like "I have a feeling this year has many things in store", I will be honest, there is this weird sense "Joy, you have no clue what may be in store" and thing is ... that is true.  

However my LORD has it all under his watchful eye, and his mighty care and He knows about my whole year.  So, #GodsGotThis !!    Till then, I am going to follow him on the things he is telling me - to begin to observe a sabbath for myself weekly, and to continue to put things in my calendar that help me with soul care and self care in a way pleasing to the LORD.  And to keep asking him to clarify my word "time" for 2023.  

Ask me about it sometime - let's pour a cup of coffee or meet somewhere and chat.  Hey it could even be on my Sabbath day, as it will be a time to rest and to worship. 

Thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts!  Feel free to comment, would love to hear from you.

with love,

J

Reflections on our reading today (as Kilcona has encouraged us to do)

On the eve of the 2nd day of this new year - I sit in the corner of my great room, in my favourite chair, with my "comfort" pad lol (heating pad) and there are many thoughts swirling in this brain of mine!  Normally they say to page dump first thing in the morning - but here I am about to page dump because otherwise I will no doubt crawl into bed with the same thought swirling, and that never serves me well!

So here I go.  Many of the thoughts come from the combination of my reading for today (Thanks Kilcona for encouraging this) and for the thoughts that came out while I was walking (yep, I began again so I am again #barefootinblundstones)

We are going through the Bible from Genesis, and include 1 Psalm, but most of my thoughts are from the stories in the first Book of the Bible.  Today the focused reading was Genesis 4-7

Here is what I noted:

Cain was a farmer and Abel was a shepherd and God loved Abel's offering.  I don't think this is about meat vs grain.  But I believe it was about giving God our offering off the top!  

Cain killed his brother!  WHAT?  How does blood do that to blood?  Later as I read it says that Lamech who is like the great great great grandson of Cain - also murdered a man.   Is this the first we see of generational sin?  

Cain killing his brother was about jealousy!  It was around here that the verse came into reading about "sin  is crouching at the door eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master."  Okay, this got me to thinking about some of my struggle with weight and specifically with food.   This was not what God was talking to Cain about (food) but I can not help but think of how this verse would/could apply to me today.  My struggle with weight, and with eating too much is not a new revelation to anyone who knows me. And this verse sort of made me think about food.  I do not believe that eating or that any food in itself is sinful.  However I believe that when I make food my idol, and/or run to food to fill a need in my life, then I think that is wrong, and definitely not helpful.  This is a much bigger conversation that I may or may not every have with people but suffice to say, I think that the enemy longs to use whatever he can to cause me to give in, to make something my "go-to" instead of God and I think that is where the problem lies, and where sin can be crouching at my door!!    It made me think of when we lived in Anola and we had barn cats.  There was one in particular that would crouch by the door, and take every opportunity to run in when the door opened a crack.  I think this is what the Scripture is saying ...  sin is there crouching, waiting for the smallest crack.  Scripture says "sin is eager to control you" but you have a part of play in this!  The enemy is not the victor!

Cain killed Abel but then God "marked" Cain so that no one would kill him.  Today I wondered - what did the mark look like.  It was obviously visible.  What are your thoughts?  The mark was enough for people to leave him alone.  

Have you ever wondered if the seal of the Holy Spirit upon you, is visible to others?  

I loved hearing about Enoch and how he walked with God and then God took him.  He didn't die.  he just walked with God and then he was gone!  Imagine if God did that today - what would YOUR family think? Would people look for you?  Or would people just know - here today and then gone with God!  What a thought!

Noah - oh boy - how incredible to be him.  He was blameless and loved the LORD GOD enough to do exactly as God told him.  OKAY remember that it had not ever rained like that before.  Noah had no clue what would happen other than what God told him.  And then the skies opened and the rain fell - and fell and fell and fell and fell ....' And inside the floating barn - what did that sound like?  smell like?   Can you imagine?  We plug our noses when we pass a farmer spreading manure on his property ...  what did that floating ark smell like?  

If there was an ark to be built today - who would God find to build it.  How did Noah have the courage to just jump right in and do what God asked.  Noah - build an ark.  Okay God

At one point, God decreases the number of years for people to live, to 120.  Interesting.  But even more so that Noah was 500 years old when he became the father of Shem, Ham and Japheth.  I. could. not. even. imagine!  I am tired enough at 64, without giving birth to children.  But 500 years old?   With years like that - when would someone say they were having a mid life crisis!! lol ...

NOW - chapter 6 and the word "giant Nephrites" and that they lived on earth and fathered children who became the heroes and famous warriors of ancient times" ... I think I need to do some more reading on this verse!!  HOWEVER the verse a couple verses later that talks about the LORD being sorry he had ever made them and put them on the earth and that it broke his heart!!  WOW ...  and then came the flood!

There are so many questions - or so many ways that I can imagine when I read Scripture.  There are places to drop into the story and imagine ourselves and perhaps try to imagine our response.  Let's face it, most of us like to know what is ahead, and like to have the plan.  Too bad life just isn't so predictable.

This is day 2 of the reading plan and these stories although very familiar, continue to bring out a new thought or question or inspiration.  So, looking forward to tomorrow's reading.

Just a few thoughts on Genesis 4-7.   Are YOU reading through a plan?  Maybe you want to join.  It is always more fun when you can talk about the Scripture portion, and joining the group gives you the chance to do just that!!  Thanks Alexis Tjart for administrating the group!!

Stepping into 2023

 

I am at the tail end of the first day of 2023.  What will this year hold?  This morning while in church, we were asked to share if there were any verses that God gave to us, and to read them out loud from where we were standing.  And God gave me this verse:  

Isaiah 43:19  NIV

"See I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

I also love it in the New Living Translation

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through the wilderness.  I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Is this verse for Kilcona?  Is this verse for me?  Is this verse for both?  As I have thought of it, I believe it is for both our church, and for me personally.  And in some ways I was not surprised that God gave this to me again this morning as this is a verse He has brought to mind a few times since June.  I believe it is a verse of incredible hope for the time ahead!  Something new!  But also the words that He has already been at this, at the "new" that He making!  For me, this is so exciting.

Yesterday I spent some time writing in the last pages of 2022.  There could have been more I am sure.  In fact the last couple months have been sparse when it comes to journalled pages. But as I wrote yesterday, God brought to mind a conversation that I had with my friend Cathy while I was in Abbotsford for the 3 day silent retreat for women. Cathy asked me if I had built in times of rest and refreshing.  And in the way only Cathy can, with such quiet love and grace, she encouraged me to look at my day timer or calendar, and plan weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly times where I step out and rest, renew and refresh.

(SO I have begun to consider what those appointments look like, but I know it is important for me to put these times in)

Today in church, while my kids Josh and Leah spoke, Leah talked and asked about whether any of us were carrying on with resolutions or goals that we had made last year.  And she shared how they had some goals that were simple and straightforward.  It reminded me of something I had done for a full year and a half and then I accidentally missed the day, and that blew me out of the water as I stopped vs just getting up and carrying on with 1 missed day!  (WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?  you may ask?  Well November 1 of 2020 I had decided to begin to walk outside - minimum 3-5 times a week, for minimum 10 minutes.  And in that first year and a half, I walked through rain, shine, snow, freezing temps, ice and some drivers who passed so close to me that my hair blew in the wind of the vehicle!  But then I went to a wedding, got home late, went to bed, woke up in the middle of the night with the awful realization that I had MISSED walking ... and that was that.  I did not just dust myself off and carry on.  No sir eeee ... instead it gave me this weird permission to just be okay to NOT walk daily.  *UGH I hate that I succumbed to my crazy all or nothing attitude once again!  SO today, I began walking again.  Just 10 minutes barefoot in my blundstones.  But it was 10 minutes and it will just get better I believe!

Today was a day where many of my emotions were visible.  My heart beat with love as I scanned the congregation and looked at each one of my kids and grandkids.  We worship in the same place, members of the same congregation.  Today I watched as my kids Josh and Leah also spoke, giving their last sermon in their official role as interim pastors.  What joy to sit under the leadership and teaching of my children!  My heart is so thankful LORD.  You have been faithful to us, and so good.  

I took my flags to church today as I knew I needed to begin the year flagging in the time of worship.  LORD what do you want me to do with the flags?  You have spoken through someone to me with the words "there will be healing when you flag" although the person who spoke those words to me did not know if the healing was mine, or someone who say the flags being used.  You have also impressed on me a couple months ago, the same thing.  LORD give me courage, and opportunity, and may your healing come to those who you are talking about.

I wept during worship.  I wept while I prayed for some friends.  I wept while I shared prayer time at the end of the service.   God you know all about this weeping.  One of my old pastors, said he thought it was perhaps a spiritual language ... you know LORD that there are many tears that have rolled during prayer.  

I hugged and received hugs.  I was aware of oh so much love this morning.  My soul was full.

I sang.  I raised my hands.  I prayed.  I listened.  I also talked with God.

And I was so aware that this is the beginning of the year.  The start of 2023.  And while as per normal, I do not know what the year holds - I do know the ONE who holds it.

There feels like so much to unwrap, to talk with the LORD about. - the rhythms of rest that I have to built back into my day, and into my calendar.  I need to sit with the LORD and let him speak to me about so many things, I can hardly contain the excitement that is within me knowing that God has such incredible things in store for not just me, but for each one of us!!  LORD GOD - I give you this year ahead.  Help me to trust fully in you, and to experience more of you Holy Spirit - in me, in my family, in my life, in our church.  MORE.

I also need to talk with the LORD about the word he has given me for this year.  He actually spoke the word to me a couple weeks ago.  Was it the word?  I wondered.  And then he brought it back to me again the other day.  LORD would you unpack that word, and show me what it is you wish for me!

And the verse LORD, can you please also open up that verse to show me something that you have specifically.  While I only read vs 19, I am not sure why - because the first part is so important.

FORGET THE FORMER THINGS.  DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST!

O LORD help me to keep my eyes on you.  You are first and last.  You are with me and will never let me go.  You know everything about me.  You know!!  So help me to trust you with the unpacking of this verse, and the WORD for 2023, and with everything you want to make clear at the beginning of this year.

I give you the glory - the thanksgiving in advance for all you have done - are doing and will do.

Help me to remember and to recall.  To live with a grateful heart!  O JESUS I love you.  Holy Spirit do you work in this girl!! Do your work.

Amen

Just doing what my Father told me

Unless I am outside, I always take my shoes off when I flag.  
It feels like "holy ground" and this girl doesn't want to be worshipping with dusty boots!

I am 64 and it has been the last likely 32 years that I have truly felt like my relationship with the LORD has grown - and surprised me so much.  I think it was learning about how much HE longs to have relationship with me, and that HE has a voice which I began hearing ...  

The more I heard Him speak - the more I wanted to hear Him.  And that means I needed to slow down long enough to sit, to wait on Him and to hear Him speak.  This is a much longer conversation and I know that people do not necessarily like it when someone says "God told me ..." but friends, I don't know how else to put it because in my life, most of what I have done in the past 22 years is ONLY because God told me!  It has been wild and crazy.  Its been a "fasten your seatbelt you are in for a ride" last 22 years! 

I went through a time where I wondered "God was that you, or my imagination?"  I went through times when I was brought to tears as I realized I could never have dreamt that up.  Seriously even the ministry we have been called to - was because God said!

SO I know without a doubt that God speaks/strongly impresses on me in so many ways!  Direct conversation that I hear.  Through just sitting and being and listening.  Through Scripture and through the voice of others that He sends. And I know without a doubt that I don't always want to listen, and oh my LORD is so patient with this gal!  

ANYHOW I guess it was sometime early summer God made it very clear to me that I needed to go and flag at our church. And not just at but I knew it was IN the sanctuary!  We are a church going through a transition as our Senior Pastor retired.  And so God laid this on my heart and He would not let go of it!  Several times I was close to going, and continued to put it off for next week.  But on this past Thursday I knew I needed to go and flag in the sanctuary and made plans to go yesterday (Friday) for a little bit.  

I took my flags (actually had them in my car since last Sunday) and headed to the church.  Spent time talking with my friend Lorrie, and then went into the sanctuary!  My phone I had forgotten to charge but I figured I had enough time on it for about an hour of worship music.  And to be honest, I have some rotator cuff issues and I was not sure how long I would be able to flag anyhow.  I was still unclear why exactly I needed to do that.

Maybe it is time to say that I do NOT like drawing any attention to myself.  Yes I know, some people say then how can you preach, or how were you a pastor?  Oh I hope it was always giving God the glory!

Flagging seems like it is pretty "out there" if you know what I mean.  Originally when I knew I needed to flag, I purchased the flags from CALLED TO FLAG which is in Abbotsford, BC.  I love her vision for her business and love that she prays over her flags as they are made.  I have watched her videos on YouTube and oh my goodness, would LOVE to move like her BUT I am 64 with some mobility limitations lol.

I ordered flags and began to flag in my own personal time with the LORD.  Then one day I invited a new friend who flags, to come and spend some time with me flagging.  I was so worried that I just didn't know how.  I remember when I took tambourine in worship classes - it was about patterns.  And Carol from Called to Flag also does patterns.  Anyhow that morning Lois told me that God had given her something to tell me and it was "healing will come when you flag".  Hmm.  I asked - my healing?  or the healing of those who see me flagging?  What is this about?  Lois did not know that answer, but I tucked it away in my heart and memory.  

So when I went into the sanctuary - I also sat and prayed - and asked the LORD what is it we need, or what I need to hear.  He has impressed some things on my heart - but those I am keeping close.  While I worshiped with flags to music on my iPhone, I also spent some time walking/flagging in between rows and sections - around the music teams space and the tech/sound space.  I felt like the flags were welcoming a blessing over those who sat in the chairs.  I also felt like the flagging was about spiritual warfare, and about anything that comes in to the space with people during the week and especially on a Sunday morning.  Let's face it, we are messy people and I think the enemy likes nothing more than to get a toehold in our lives, and to seek where he can steal and destroy.

SO in the cold temp of the sanctuary I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit as I worshiped with the flags.  The Holy Spirit and I on behalf of the family of God that meets at Kilcona.  Oh loved ones - you are so loved by Him.   I plugged in the cross, as I felt it was such a reminder of his great love for us!  

I am not sure what Lois meant by "healing will come when you flag" but I do know that I am changed during the time in worship.  This week I also heard from someone who told me how she was overcome with JOY when she sees me flag.  And I hope others are blessed too.  My audience, even though it is so public - is my LORD and KING Jesus!!  

An hour later - I rolled up the flags, put my shoes back on, and carried on for the day!  I did what my  Father told me to do and I had a feeling He was smiling .   Years ago I used the phrase "Dance like no one's watching" and somehow I feel that I did just that! 

Worship with abandon,

j

I love the colours, the shimmer and shine of the flags she makes

check out her website and YouTube

Ready for their ride home - they are about to go back into their bag 
which was specially made for me by Pat Hayes (Leah's mom)