BrOkEn for Him...

Today has been a "working around the house" day again. One of those days when I start off in one corner of the house, take something to another room, and then see something there to clean up... you get the picture! Alvin worked in the shop, making a set of steps for someone. As I looked outside, and saw him there, I realized how good it feels to be at home. Seems that for a while, we were only home to sleep. Getting up early, coming home way to late. Too many meetings. Too many hours of renovation work. Too many late nights with no supper, or a fast food one at best. I realized today, when I felt so good to be home, that all those late nights, and meetings take its toll on me. So, I am glad to be taking some holidays.

But now the house is quiet again. There are bags around the house... full of stuff to either throw out or give away to Value Village. I realize again the excess that one accumulates over time, and wonder how we get back to living simply. (that had been a goal of our caregroup a few years ago, or should I say, we read the book about it being a goal!)

As I work, I think. Lately, I have thought of so much. I have also journalled page after page per day... and I have also blogged more. So many thoughts swirling around. Some take up space in my soul and just there, and I am letting God work through some of them too.

One of the things that I have been thinking of alot lately is being broken.
While sitting waiting for a friend, I journalled my thoughts on brokenness. Only God knows to what extent I and my family feel broken! Words can't describe the feeling of your heart being blown to bits! To me, that is the ultimate of brokenness. I had read a comment that said, "those people God uses most to bring glory to Himself are those who are completely broken..."
I asked God "Lord, am I broken enough?" Something within me feels like I am, but would hate to feel what it would be like to be even more broken.
I sure feel broken. And the brokenness has touched all areas of my life. No wonder I keep asking God to bring the pieces together. This brokenness hurts like I have never felt it hurt ever before.

I realized there are mnay thoughts about brokenness
- usually brokenness is seen in a negative light
- being broken means there are many pieces or cracks
- the contents spill out as a result
- usually the broken pieces is deemed useless. Have you ever wanted to invest money and buy something that is broken?
- often a broken piece can not be fixed, or if it can - there is always evidence

However... in God's eyes... brokenness is a positive!
- when I am broken for God, then He makes me new and whole, and better than before
- in God's eyes, being broken means I am usefull!!

Then I wondered.... God, if you can take my brokenness (which is what you want) and make me whole again, and even better than before - I can hardly imagine that. But I am so excited and hopeful at the thought. I am wondering if I will feel the pieces coming together. I believe I will. In fact, I believe he is bringing them together in His time.

I have also wondered where else I need to be broken. It is a scary thought really. Let's face it, no one wants to feel the pain. Even when you are WITH GOD... it is still a painful journey. I guess I will just keep walking with my FATHER... and keep clinging to Him and trust that he will bring healing, and wholeness and O God, that you would bring joy in the process!

These words from scripture brought me to tears the other day. God heard my prayers.
Psalm 84 selected verses.
2b "My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." 5b "...blessed are those whose strength is in you...as they pass through the valley of Baca." 8 "Hear my prayer, O Lord God Almighty, listen to me, O God of Jacob. Selah. (or think on these things) Look upon our shield, O God, look with favor on your anointed one." 11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." NIV

O Jesus.... Lord God. Almight One. My heart cries out. You are the living God. In you do we trust. As we walk through this dark valley, O Lord, give us strength in all parts of our beings. O Lord, hear my prayer. And Lord, will you look with favor on us? I know that ultimately, we are to bring you honor and glory... and I believe that what you will do, will bring you the glory. So, I continue to ask boldly, knowing that you do bestow favor and honor. Lord, have mercy... hear my prayer. In your power, Lord, look with favor upon me and my family. To you O Lord, do we give thanks. Abba Father...
amen.