Of what shall I write ...

 

 Of what shall I write...

Of what shall I write...

As the clock makes its way closer to the midnight hour 

And the last day of this year turns before our eyes

From 2025 to the first few minutes of a new year 2026

Of what shall I write...

As my mind thinks back over

12 months

52 weeks

365 days

All filed and stamped PAST

Of what shall I write...

Sadness, sorrows, disappointments 

That are wrapped in and through the year

Of which we remember and keep tucked away deep within our heart

As if bringing them forward would remind us of pain, grief

And maybe of unanswered prayers

Even though we knew we had asked God to answer in his time and in his way, and will

Of what shall I write...

Of joys too many that neither time nor ink would allow

Of laughter - shhhh my heart ~ Can you hear it?

Of times with family, so deeply embedded into this Mama/Granny’s heart

Of seeing my three adult kids who I love and am so proud of, loving and supporting each other through the year

Of watching my grandchildren 

As they grow almost overnight

And give me the chance to hoot and holler

To encourage and cher

To capture memories with my camera 

To boast over, to hold, to tuck away and to ponder

Be still my heart!

Of what shall I write...

Of times sitting beside the man I’ve loved for 51 of met 67 years

Of the love and support 

And to mention prayers spoken in silence

Gratitude's breathed to God in the dark silence

As I lay beside him in bed with my hand on him as he sleeps

Of what shall I write...

Of memories mad as we ministered

Of the sound of people singing, praying

Sharing, worshipping

A foretaste of heaven

As my soul soaked it all in\as ministry closed and we stay with memories and thanksgiving

My soul … be still my soul

Of what shall I write...

As I think of the lasts I have celebrated here

And the threshold we are standing in now

The threshold between what was and was will be

The past and the future

Not knowing

Not anxious

Now worried

But certain its all under the sovereign care of our Almighty God

Whom we love and serve and desire to put first in all things

Of what shall I write...

There is so much

So many emotions

So many experiences

So many answered prayers

So much love

Ink and words could not capture

Be still my heart and soul

Ponder

Reflect

Let gratitudes flows the last minutes of 2025 turn to the first minutes of 2026

Of this will I write...

My heart

My soul

All is well

Happy New Year!

j

This is what I know ... at least for today

This is what I know … at least for today

I am warm

I am safe

I am so loved

I am feeling peace in the depth of my soul

There is no storm to run and take refuge from

At least not right now

But I am not naive enough to think that a storm will not come

When I least expect it.

I am glad I am not in the midst of a storm

I look out the window

As night has fallen once again

And all is dark

But I hear the wind blow

The chimes give it away

Along with the whistle of wind over things on my deck

It always seems stronger when the night is dark

And one can not see the wind causing the snow to blow in gusts

That fly into your face should you be out walking

Causing one to pull flaps down over ears, and coat collars tight around ones neck

I am glad I am not outside

The light in the. Yard has come on

Illuminating our front yard and part of the neighbours

It is funny how a little light can make a place more inviting

I love the light and often have the house lit up like a fourth of July fireworks

Whereas my husband would much rather turn lights off and only leave one or two shining

But as I age, I feel like my eyes need more light

I am glad that I can still see where I am going, 

And can see the light shining on my path.

It is still inside

Only the sound of the wind

Sound of the chimes

And the strong exhale of my husband as he sits beside a puzzle

Trying to do with one eye, what he normally does with two

Recovering from eye surgery will do that to a person.

It is quiet in this place

We are quiet.

I am glad that we enjoy the company of each other

And allow for times when presence is more important than words.

There is something about this day

The one that gave way to night about an hour ago

The calm breath of a Sunday

We both stayed home from church today, just because

Today, we both just needed to be home

I just wanted to be here where it was quiet, still, and just the two of us

It has been peaceful as I have sat in the chair that I also came to at 5 this morning

When the night paused and I awoke

And ambled upstairs

With warm fuzzy blanket, heating pad, and nice lazy boy chair

I am glad for those times to wake early, change locales and to just be

There is something about life these days

The quick and hurried pace of retreat ministry

Has given way to a slow intentional time

Of rest

Of conversation

Of a few cups of coffee

And a lot of time dedicated to allowing the body to slow down

To rest and to recover

To renew and restore

I am glad for these times in my life

Where what I have promoted for the past 13 years, 

I am able to experience myself.

LOVE is with me

LOVE is around me and within me

I am exceptionally content

In a place that I have not witnessed in quite this way before, or ever

A place I can not fully put into words

A place within that feels new and life-giving

While waiting in a threshold of my life

I am glad I can feel this, and can anticipate the adventure ahead with much hope.

And I am fully at peace

Without delay and right on time

Night has come

And this is what I know ... at least for today .

This House of Ours

a view from my chair

I sit in the house, our house, one that we have lived in for 13 years and 4 months.  The lights are off and I am sitting in the great room, where just a short time ago, was full of my siblings, and conversation.  And now my brother and sister in law are upstairs asleep, and my sweet man is downstairs.  I got the crepe batter ready to make crepes in the morning, and the white sauce made for the crepes.  Tomorrow we will begin making them for when our kids come.  

Tomorrow, Boxing Day is when we celebrate our Christmas this year.  We used to alternate when the guys were firefighting, so now we still do, And when Josh and Leah are at her parents, then that is when Ashley's kids are at their dads.  So tomorrow we look forward to being together to open gifts and just enjoy the family being together.

We are thinking that this will be the last Christmas in this house.  This time last year, the grandkids did not know that we would be selling, so they were apparently glad to have one more Christmas here.  For sure there will be pictures. Our house has not sold yet, and we took it off the market on Dec 1, and will relist in maybe Feb.  SO we can enjoy our house, and we really have been enjoying it.  

I am thinking of the house, and what it has seen in the last 13 and 1/3 years that we have lived here.  This ole house has:

• been Granny and Poppa's home for all of their lives.  This is what they have known and have jumped on the bed, thrown things from the bridge, and run races around the island.  My grandchildren have loved this space
• welcomed people we did not know when they came, and yet they left as friends
• heard the cries of our hearts
• also heard the symphony of praise that has come from our hearts and voices
• hosted many retreaters for sleepovers, but it has also hosted our grandchildren on overnights.  I will never forget the time that someone found Maverick's tippy cup tucked in between a couple pillows
• been full of hugs and kisses.  We have sung our grandbabies to sleep, kissed ow-ies and told stories
• been a place where we could pile in the hot tub,  it being a great place to spend with our grandchildren, playing in the water, but also watching for shooting stars and satellites
• been a space for drinking coffee with our kids over good conversation.  I have loved the times when there are some unexpected coffee visits
• been a space where dreams are shared and plans are made
• also unfortunately been a space where shattered dreams have been shared
• been a refuge in many ways
• been infused with Holy Spirits presence and tangibly felt
• been covered with prayer from the start, and is still covered with prayer
• been a place where secrets have been shared and kept
• entertained our family over breakfast's, lunches and suppers too numerous to count
• entertained angels unaware as well
• hosted life groups and a very close "Sisters Loved By God" group, and continues to this day
• heard prayers offered on behalf of friends
• been so quiet as my QUIET TIME with Holy Spirit has happened daily
• been cleaned by a young woman who has become a sweet treasured friend
• seen us celebrate birthdays with our family as well as Christmas, New Years, Easter, Thanksgiving and well just LIFE together
• been thoroughly enjoyed - a house full of friends over events and meals and coffees
• has been a place where as family we have sang along while our son and or daughter played on the guitar
• listened to our old piano being played
• been sat in my corner prayer chair and watched the blue jays
• been and seen and experienced even more .....

You see this house of ours has become a testament to the goodness of God to us and our family. We have gone through some hard things in our lives together, but one thing we know is that God is so faithful and even in the hardest of times, God is there with us. This house was built with the love of family. And it is with love that we are able to continue to meet for another Christmas, to share, and talk, and eat together, open gifts, share the WORD together, along with perhaps a mid aft snooze. 

We are glad that we were able to spend today with our siblings except for one brother.  We are glad that Tim and Jody could come from Kelowna and stay one last time here as this has been their home base since they moved.  We are glad that the laughter will permeate these walls.  

If these walls could talk, I believe they would talk about great joy, some sorrow, and a whole lot of love.

I wonder, once we have moved, and when the new person will one Christmas sit here in the silence, if they will be able to hear what has happened over the years.  

If I am quiet, and the sounds in my head cease ... I can imagine it.

And until the day that we are leaving, I will be thankful for all this house holds in love and memories.

Not everyone has those and so I am not taking them for granted.

Guess I should get downstairs now, as crepe making time will come soon enough.

Night John Boy (some of you may not know that reference lol)

I can almost see that ole house with the lights being turned off.

Guess mine needs to go off now too ~ Night.

with love

J

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

 

I sit in the comfy confines of my chair

Gazing out the window where creation has transformed into a proverbial winter wonderland

As if the Creator himself is shaking a huge water globe 

And the flakes are loftily falling

Being caught by the wind in a dance of the snowflakes

I breath in the beauty 

As I drink my tea, Earl grey with Cream and a little too much sugar (probably) but no one else will know because I’m not sharing 

The afternoon is a lazy one

With the making of lunch past and supper future, being the only 2 things on my agenda

I love these snow days

Where I can stay in and listen to the wind chimes expressing their music in a symphony of praise 

The daylight is slowly turning towards night

And knows we are one night closer to the longest night

Where darkness falls sooner and lasts longer

Making room in the day for more stillness 

And a chance to experience darkness as a friend

The words of the ballad “Sounds of Silence” play in my thought

“Hello Darkness my old friend”

Who would think there could be gifts in darkness

I’ve known darkness that brought me to my knees

With the cries of my heart mingled with tears

But the darkness of this night coming is different 

December 21st

Midwinter has come.

The winter solstice

Wildlife will hunker down early

Streetlights will come on early and stay on longer in the morning

The darkest night, a time to sit with the radiance of a candle

Light shining into the darkness

For me, representing the Light of Christ into this world.  

The gift of stillness ~ In a season of over-fullness

And a chance to breathe in and out

And to receive the gifts that this silence, this stillness, this longest night has to offer

The gift of darkness ~ a time of quiet reflection as we go in to ourselves and search out what it is we are feeling, knowing, seeing in this dark

The gift of darkness ~ a stillness

Time to sit with the LORD whom I now refer to as LOVE

A gift of rest ~ to celebrate this time where creation is still, stars shine

Creation and the Created we all recognize this give of the longest night

And celebrate this time to breathe and receive.

“Darkness is not the absence of light; 

it is the womb that births the sun.”

 - John O’Donahue