Breathe on Me

This morning while I was having my QT with the LORD,  He told me to "Sit Joy and watch outside through your window, and see Me."

So I did.  I sat here in my favourite chair.  The one that at the beginning of Covid, I took it and turned it around so that it was in the corner but facing the outside.  And it became my place to sit and spend hours with Him.  Yes, I share the space with retreaters, but it really is "my" space where I meet God.  That being said, I had someone who spent hours sitting here in November, and her experience she shared was pretty amazing too.  

ANYHOW, this morning, He told me to sit and look outside on this grey skied day.  Actually perhaps the calmness before the storm, if we are going to actually get the weather they predict to hit this evening.

Out of that stillness, came these words:

O Breath of Heaven ~ 

I sit and feel your breath upon me, upon the land.  

I can't see it but I feel it.  

Gentle 

Around me, creation feels your breath and in turn breathes it in.

I see the starkness of the trees.  

Bare

Grey, brown and black hues amidst the thick blanket of snow.

Skies are grey.

It is still ~ the chime is not singing

Not much is happening 

except the nuthatches and chickadees coming to gather seed at the window feeder.

O Breath of Heaven ~ Breathe on Me

I who feels like the trees

stark with no clothing to adorn them

their leaves turning into mulch under the snow

their branches bare

their tops reaching into greyness

yet, they are a home to birds 

who bring a splash of color to their bleakness

I feel their stillness, and truth be told, 

I like the stillness

 the winter ...

With a chance to feel a reprieve

to sit in the season where seeds are as if dead

anticipating the day 

they will spring to life under the watchful eye of the Creator God Himself.

O Breath of Heaven

Breathe on me Holy Spirit

Nooma (the Greek word for wind or spirit)

"The wind blows wherever it pleases.  You hear its sound, 

but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.  

So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."   (John 3:8)

Breathe on Me ~

into my barrenness

into the greyness of life that I feel 

with its weariness during this long season

Breath INTO Me Breath of Life ~

down into the depths of my roots

 that are dormant and resting

And even in the resting, breathe on me

guiding me to your nourishment needed at this time

to prepare me for the next season

When what looks dead springs to life.

When creaking bare boughs sprout buds 

and turn to rustling leaves

Breathe on Me

So that in this bleak time of winter in my life

I know your work is happening in the unseen

and in the resting 

and 

in the stillness.

Breathe on Me

reminding me that your breath removes and refreshes weariness

Your breath fills places 

that feel empty

alone 

and almost dead.

Your remind me that the grey barren bleakness will give way to new life and beauty.

This rest is needed for what will come!

Breathe on me Holy Spirit ~ 

Breathe into the stillness

Into the bleakness

of winter 

Breathe!

May HE breathe into your winter too.  I know that many many many people are feeling weary.  Be Still my friends.  Sit with the Almighty One. Let his breath fall on you and restore those places that only HE can fill and restore.  Rest with Him in this winter of your life.

with love,

j

perhaps a little more about the previous post

This isn't a picture from today but I like this one  so I thought I would share it here.

Today is Friday.  The sky is sort of blue.  The sun is shining (Thank You God) and I sit inside a warm. home, with a fire going, as I watch a huge squirrel polishing off the bird food on the deck!  This is my day and I am thankful today.   I am thankful for many things in the midst of these tough times.  However, as I am thinking backwards and reflecting on the last couple days, I feel it is important for me to respond to some messages I have gotten.  

I want to clarify, that I was not looking for any pity at all.  Seriously this is life.  This happens even without Covid, that sometimes we are the subject of someone else's words.  So no pity needed.  And really - I am not a victim at all.   It was just me - Joy - sharing my heart on my blog.  Now, that being said, I appreciate your feedback.  I guess I realized that people do read this blog.  

So let me respond - and may God direct these words.  As I write, I am listening to the LIVE gathering that is on, with our Health officials.  So the reality of ongoing Covid stuff is real.  I know it.  I hear it.  I feel it.  And I grieve over it in some respects.  And I will be honest, it makes me just want to shut off life and just sit with creation - enjoying the sound of the wind and the chirping of the birds, the movement of the clouds, the feel of the January sunshine on me.  But then again, that is also what I like to do even without covid and its ramifications on our life. 

Think of it - I am sure I am not the only one that looks backwards and the last two years feel like this merged block of time vs 2020, and 2021 as two separate years.  Life is too short to be caught up in the whirlwind of craziness. 

I spoke the other day about my encounter with those emails/words on facebook etc that created some hurt. And I expressed my heart.  I know that many of your are experiencing hard and hurtful things as well. I am very aware that actions have caused alienation, and have caused loneliness and so many struggling with mental health.  And I know that while we want unity, many of us have been affected by broken and cut off relationships.  And while there is a lot to your reasons why you do or say something, the same goes for each of us, me included.  

I am also aware that MY actions have caused the same for others, and I am sorry about that.  I really am.  Nothing feels worse than broken relationships. Nothing.  

I think the thing that made me the most sad is not just that people feel they have the right to tell you off, but that people feel they have the right to tell you (or me) that you don't love Jesus (according to their bar that is set) to which I want to say "Who in the world gets the right to be judge and jury on our relationship with the Almighty?  As if God Himself saves us on the basis of a vaccine or not.  As if TRUTH is only there for one side or the other.  Where do we as believers get off on telling someone that they are not a believer?  Or that they are severing relationships because 

I suggested to one person that perhaps we could agree to disagree, but that was not enough.  That was made very clear.  Instead we navigate life, walking around, and over and under the big elephant in the room, and he continues to grow bigger.  I would be the first to say, there are often times when I am in a conversation, and I have no words.  Why?  Because I will be honest - I am not trying to defend why I did or did not do something.  

I am aware that these times are hard.  I recognize the emotions that have come out.  I myself have had to give God my confession, repenting over anger from time to time.  I think we all have to account for ourselves and seriously what is good for you may not be what I choose and vice versa.  

But the anger...  I guess my worry is, what happens to the anger that we are seeing out there?  Where will it go.  How will relationships ever be restored.  That is the part that really saddens me.

Believe me, I am not a victim. And like I said - please do not "poor you, I feel sorry for you" me... again, I was just sharing my heart.

We talk about unity - and come from all of this on one side, but then post something that really is nothing more than stirring a pot, or causing dissension to rise, and confusing people.  So what is your point really? We have a responsibility to God first, and from that should flow the outward responses.  And if your response and mine do not align - and if agreeing to disagree does not do it for you - then that is okay.  You can easily unfriend or unfollow anyone on facebook - even me.  Do we only have unity when we are all on the same side of the fence?  May God give us that wisdom.

Oh man, at this point, I am not even sure if I know what I am trying to say.

Perhaps the bottom line should just be this.  Speak with love.  Don't rip strips off of people.  Pray for others even when we do not agree.  Do not judge, as Scripture say that the way we judge will be the way we ourselves will be judged.  If that one doesn't shake us - then what would.   Find ways to love on people even anonymous ways that may bring joy to someones day.  And don't give up on one another.  As God has not ever given up on us!!  

Instead - I think there are ways that can help us navigate through this time:  I have been trying to do this, and some days are better than the other.  But I suggest:

• Stop! - taking a good breath (or two or three) and recalling Gratitude!  Name three things that we are grateful for (I like to reflect either in the morning for the day before, or at the evening.  
• And give it all to God - stretch out your hands, palms up, unclenched and even say "God I am giving all of this to you.  You are the only One that can make any sense of it, and bring true peace to my soul."  
• Spend time listening for His words. Quiet.  Settled. Ears attentive.  Ask Him to "Speak LORD for you are listening." 
• Live life fully.  Go for that walk.  Step out of the craziness and take in His creation. Listen to some good music as you walk.  Or talk with Him out loud.  Don't worry you see people talking out loud these days all the time - as many are on their cells with earbuds in - so you won't look weird!  lol
• Journal or blog  (but be willing to have the feedback, OR turn off your comments lol)
• Laugh with your children.  Sing to the song on the radio.  Dance like no one is watching!

With that, I close - I am stepping out of the craziness of life and spending time with Him as He is the only one that stays stable.  He stays faithful.  He stays loving and kind and forgiving.  Going for that walk now!! 

In closing, I leave you with this Scripture:  Psalm 73:25-26 from The Passion Translation

 

Whom have I in heaven but you? 

You’re all I want!

No one on earth means as much to me as you

Lord, so many times I fail; 

I fall into disgrace.

But when I trust in you, 

I have a strong and glorious presence

protecting and anointing me. 

Forever you’re all I need!

O LORD you are ALL I/we need

with love,

j

from the overflow of the heart ... the mouth speaks

Tonight I sit here - a bit shaken in some respects.  I will be honest - I think I need to just get the heck off of facebook.  It is not a place of encouragment or inspiration.  It leaves me feeling sad and empty.  So why keep looking one would ask.  And the answer is - I really do not know.  I need to get off.   Now that being said - I am also aware of the ones that are persevering on through life and have posted posts that are fun, and truth filled and life giving.  And it lets me breathe.  Thank you to those of you in my friend circle, who have spoken and breathed life into these days of confusion, of disunity and of ripping down the other person.  Thank you.

Life has been tough.  It has been full of decisions made for our own good, and for the good of our family.  We are very aware that our decisions also have ramifications for others.  But I am glad in this moment, that my immediate family are all on the same page.

Since August, I have also been made very aware of those who not only do not agree with me, or my stance and our decisions, but have decided that they have the freedom to tell me in no uncertain terms how dispicable I am.  How our ministry is NOT in align with Jesus and His call.  How we are not worthy of anyone supporting us or even coming.  I see those emails.  I read them.  And it does affect my heart.  In fact it affects me greatly.  But I will carry on with the things that we have chosen as a couple and as a family and as a ministry with the advice and consultation fo the board. 

My family knows that these emails affect me deeply.  It is hard to see and hear such ruthless words from the lips of other christians, in this case, specifically christian women.  Absolutely RUTHLESS.  My heart breaks.  And then it can quickly change to the point where I want to tell them exactly what I am thinking. I want to yell SHAME ON YOU!!  And then, I hear -  Be Still My Soul. Be. Still.

Living for Jesus is not easy.  I have shared that with a sweet woman who just recently gave her heart to Jesus.  Following Him does not mean the road is easy. Living for Jesus puts you in the place where people can ridicule you for anything.  And thing is, they feel that they have the right, and the authority to do so. And these days - people are acting so entitled.  Be still my soul. Be. Still.

When people are telling me that I am not in alignment with Jesus and His call to ministry - Be Still my soul.  When someone tears the strip off of me, and then returns the next day to tear the second one off - Be Still my Soul. 

There are many things in this time that I do not know - but there are many things that I DO know and we live by - we know that Jesus is LORD and HE is Sovereign over all - even Covid.   HE IS OUR SAVIOUR.

I do know that what God called me to - we are more in line with that vision now than we were when Covid hit in March 2020.  Ask me about that sometime - about when Jesus spoke to me and told me "I am brining you back to the beginning - to what the call to ministy here is all about."    I do know that I feel I am walking in alignment with the Father and His call to me, and His call on my life.  

Today, I celebrate my spiritual birthday - January 26, 1966, I gave my heart to Jesus.  Today, 56 years later, I have NO doubt who I am following - and it doesnt matter if the email in my inbox tells me otherwise.  I know whom I have believed and whom I am following.  I know what our call to ministry was and is, and I know we have not strayed from that. NOT AT ALL.   

When I think of Jesus and His call on my life, I have a picture of living fully for Him.  It is of a rootbeer cup/mug with the froth foaming over the top.  It is all about the overflow.  I want to live fully for Him, and I don't just want a little bit of Jesus - I want you all!!  The overflow is the bonus.  

I want to live in that overflow.  So that the words I speak come up out of the heart that has Jesus as LORD.  I want the words to be in align with what JEsus wants for me.

It seems so simple but I know it isn't. 

We all seem to think we have a right, an entitlement, to tell the other person off, or to tell them how stupid they are.  But what is that about except the opinion that what we have to say is superior to all other thoughts.  I feel like I have witnessed, that in our times of putting the other person down, we do not stop long enough to even think about what it is we are saying and its affect on the other person.  Oh God, please help us.  And LORD GOD please forgive us and others who have operated in this way. 

My heart is breaking over some things these days.  Over some things close to my heart.  But Oh God, help me to speak words that give life to the other person REGARDLESS of what we agree on OR what we agree to disagree on.  From the overflow of my heart LORD, may my mouth speak words that bring life.

Oh LORD may it be. May, It. Be.

with love,

j

"Covered in affection and surrounded by your mercy"

A few years ago, I had been asking the LORD to tell me "LORD what do you call me?"  You see I believe He has a name for all of us.  I don't mean our given earthly name, but the name, perhaps a pet name or nicknme for us.  I had a hunch that He had one for me and so I asked Jim.  And He did not and soon I began to hear it, and to see it.  "I call you BELOVED" and I knew without a doubt that He had spoken.  That was the year that my son and I went and got a tattoo at the same time.  I got my name written on my forearm - as a reminder.  Because ... I so easily forget.

One of the singer/songwriters that I love to listen to is husband and wife team - Jonathan and Melissa Helser.  They have just put out some new songs, and they are speaking deeply into my soul.  When I listen, or when I watch via youTube, I am drawn into worship.  Actually I wish I was there in their great room worshipping.  

This is the song that has currently been playing and speaking deeply to me.  It is called "I am Your Beloved" 

There have been times when I have chosen to sit with the LORD (highly recommend doing this, imagining you are cozied right up on the Father's lap, your head against His chest, listening to and feeling the beat of His heart for you!). When I spend time being with Him, i experience the rpesence of the holy spirit with me.  

It is in these times of being with the LORD, that I know who I am and how much He loves me.  It is in these times I experience the love of the Father, the grace that Jesus covered me with when He died for my sin and rose again, and the presence of the Holy Spirit who is in me, around me, and so close I feel His nearness.  And I worship.  The warmth that runs through my body - it is undeniable.  I feel it, not once, but over and over again, like an electric current that can only explained by the presence of the Spirit rushing in and over and through me.  "Oh how we love you, oh how we love you" are the words spoken by Melissa. And she goes on to say "You're the one always running down my road.  You're the one always running down my road.  Covering me with affection and clothing me in mercy.  We can not outrun your love.  We can not outrun your love.  Your the one thats always running.  Your always running.  You're always running.  Covering me in mercy. We drink it in.  Its not one time, or two times, or a hundred times.  its thousands and thousands and athousads and thousands of time.  We drink it in.  We let the weight of your mercey cover us from head to toe. We let the weight of your mercy wash away the shame and the filth.  You cover us with affection and surround us with your mercy and we drink it in."

As these days of January go from one to another, God has been doing a work in me.  A work of transformation.  A work that is hard to describe but it is my prayer that people will one day see how God has transformed this gal.  And, I believe He will be tranfsfroming me from now until I am with Him.  We "never arrive" this side of Heaven, but we can let Him do the healing process, the refining process, the restoring and the transforming.  I have had, and enjoyed the time being able to drink it in!!

These days are pretty quiet.  I believe that is a gift of Covid.  The gift of stillness and the gift of rest.  Years ago He told me (while at the Come Away retreat at Mark Centre in November 2018) that He was going to bring me back to being a Mary.  I knew what He meant as life in ministry had gotten full, and it was full of Martha activity.  Of serving which involved cleaning, cooking, serving, and then repeat.  In the fullness of ministry, I had stepped out to spend time in a silent women's retreat, and this is one thing He said.  And then I kind of forgot about it - till Covid hit.  

Brining me back to being a Mary.  I blieve this is who I am at heart, but also see how He gave me the strength to be a Martha.  I remember those days in the early days of ministry, when the pain from fibromyalgia was so bad as I vacuumed and cleaned and cried out in yells to God - "what are you doing with me?  I can't do this."  But then I did.  AND He gave me joy in the serving.  Seriously !!  Only. God.

So coming back to being a Mary.  Comeing back to my heart.  Coming back to sitting with Jesus.  To weeping as I gazed upon His beauty.  To cry out and know He had heard my cries.  Oh, I love how He does what He has done in me!!  

So those are my thoughts on this day in January.  Oh God I give you the glory!  Great things you are doing in this gal! And oh how I love YOU!

Sitting with Jesus today, 

j

PS Here is the link to the song on youTube:  take a listen

I am Your Beloved

OFFICIAL LYRICS 

[Verse 1]

I’ve Heard the Accusation
And I’ve Heard the Propaganda
I’ve Heard the Lies
They Whisper to my Soul
That I have been Forsaken
And I’ll Always be Forgotten
No Matter what I DO
It’s not Enough

Then I Heard a Voice

As it Opened Up the Heavens

Reminding Me

Of Whom I’ve Always been

[Chorus]

I am Your Beloved

You have Bought Me

With Your Blood

And on Your Hand

You’ve Written out me Name

I am Your Beloved

One the Father Loves

Mercy has Defeated all my Shame

[Verse 2]

There’s no Accusation

Or any Condemnation

When I Look into my Fathers Eyes

They don’t See my  sin

They only See Redemption

This is how my Heart

Has been Defined

I can Hear a Voice

That is Louder than the Thunder

Reminding me

Of Whom I’ve Always been

[Chorus]

I am Your Beloved

You have Bought Me

With Your Blood

And on Your Hand

You’ve Written out me Name

I am Your Beloved

One the Father Loves

Mercy has Defeated all my Shame

[Bridge]

The One who knows me Best

Is the One who Loves me Most

There is Nothing I have Done

That could Change

The Father’s Love

The One who knows me Best

Is the One who Loves me Most

There is Nothing I have Done

That could Change

The Father’s Love

The One who knows me Best

Is the One who Loves me Most

There is Nothing I have Done

That could Change

The Father’s Love

[Chorus]

I am Your Beloved

You have Bought Me

With Your Blood

And on Your Hand

You’ve Written out me Name

I am Your Beloved

One the Father Loves

Mercy has Defeated all my Shame

I am Your Beloved

You have Bought Me

With Your Blood

And on Your Hand

You’ve Written out me Name

I am Your Beloved

One the Father Loves

Mercy has Defeated all my Shame

[Spontaneous]

I can Hear the Feet

Of the Father Running

I can Hear the Feet

Of the Father Running

OH, I can Hear the Feet

Of the Father Running

OH, I can Hear the Feet

Of the Father Running

It’s Like a Stampede of Grace

Coming my Way

Mercy I Never Earned

Grace I Never Deserved

Coming to bring me Home Again

I can Hear the Father

Calling my Name

I can See the Face of my Father

I can Hear the Voice of my Father

Calling out my Name

I can Hear the Father

I can Hear the Heart

I can Hear the Heart of my Father

Here He Comes

Here He Comes

Here He Comes

[Bridge]

OH, the One who knows me Best

Is the One who Loves me Most

There is Nothing I have Done

That could Change

The Father’s Love

OH, the One who knows me Best

Is the One who Loves me Most

There is Nothing I have Done

That could Change

The Father’s Love

LYRICS I AM YOUR BELOVED BY JONATHAN & MELISSA HELSER

The "take aways" and "gifts" of Covid

YES there is a post after a few pictures!!  

Two years ago, our family was very excitedly looking forward to heading to Cuba for two weeks.  While we were there - the news was beginning with stories about Corona Virus.  My grandson asked me “Granny, will the Corona come to Canada?”   I quickly assured him, “No, it won’t.”   A reminder that we should never be so certain about anything!!  Little did this Granny know that “Corona”  would not only come to Canada, but it would come to every country in the world and with a vengeance.

I know I am not the only one that feels tired of all this.  Just plain tired.

I know I am not the only one that is tired of the “Covid talk” that is part of pretty much every conversation - if not at the beginning, you know you will go there.

I know I am not the only one that has struggled with a combination of disbelief and anger at times.

I know I am not the only one that knows someone who has lost a family member during this time, and perhaps they died as a result of the affects of Covid.

I know I am not the only one that would like to hole up somewhere and come out when this is all over and done.

But … this is the real world.  And Covid is still around in one variant or another.

Spreading like wildfire.

Which makes me even more tired to think of it.

SEE?  I have just spent about 240  words talking about it … gah!!  

STOP THIS MADNESS!!

Yesterday I had a friend ask me if I could answer a question that she as asking a few people.

The question was could I send her a text, to say what I felt Covid has personally taken from or given to me.  It could be general or specific.

I obliged  immediately.  I did not need time to think, I knew exactly what I wanted to say - but I had more than one word and told her that she could choose which word to use.   

What did Covid take away? 

Well that was an easy one.  I said TRAVEL.   The trip we took, that I mentioned in the first paragraph, continues to hold such a special place in our hearts.  We enjoyed two weeks away with our kids and grandchildren - spending time in the beautiful blue ocean, playing in the pool,  going out on catamarans, enjoying music,  taking long walks on the sand and on an on.  Our grandchildren were 10, 8, 7 and almost 4.  They all talk about it to this day, and we know it holds a special place in their hearts.  We long for the time when we can go away again.  We used to try to do a family trip every two years … this would have been the year.  We are opting out for now.  So to come up with the answer to the question, was not hard.

TRAVEL … Covid took that away.

And what has Covid given?

Well that answer came easily too.   REST.  More time with family and more time with Jesus.   These are the gifts of Covid.  

I remember when March 2020 came and things were starting to close.  Calendar slates were wiped clean.  Meetings were cancelled.  For us and the ministry, I had to cancel many bookings.  I remember I got finished and had a cry.   And, then it began.  Quiet days - many of them.  And I realized that REST had begun.  It was during this time, that God began to speak to me and I knew that if my calendar had stayed full, I would not hve been sitting in the big chair, spending many many more hours with him.

When Covid began, and everything else was halted, I made a decision.  I took the big chair that was in the corner of the great room, and moved it so that it was turned toward the window, and when I sat in it - I was looking outside.  That space became my space.  It became the place that I would go and meet with God.  It became the place that I would go to just be.  It became the place that I would sing and pray, listen to music and weep.  It was the space where I would listen, reflect and write.  And yes, sometimes I had a nice little snooze in this chair too!

I know without a doubt that this is a gift.  A gift that has come out of something terrible.  Yes, I think Covid is terrible and we all know it is still going, and may get even worst before it gets any better.  But in the midst of all this - in the midst of anxiety which has become something a bit more familiar to me - is this gift.  The gift of REST, more family, and more of Jesus. 

So, I am thankful.

Sometimes we fail to see the beauty in the broken. 

But in it … God is there - He knows - He cares - He carries.

And He, in his time, brings all the pieces back together.  

#God’s got this.

It’s not profound, but those are my thoughts today, from this big white chair in the corner.

With love, 

j