Tonight I sit here - a bit shaken in some respects. I will be honest - I think I need to just get the heck off of facebook. It is not a place of encouragment or inspiration. It leaves me feeling sad and empty. So why keep looking one would ask. And the answer is - I really do not know. I need to get off. Now that being said - I am also aware of the ones that are persevering on through life and have posted posts that are fun, and truth filled and life giving. And it lets me breathe. Thank you to those of you in my friend circle, who have spoken and breathed life into these days of confusion, of disunity and of ripping down the other person. Thank you.
Life has been tough. It has been full of decisions made for our own good, and for the good of our family. We are very aware that our decisions also have ramifications for others. But I am glad in this moment, that my immediate family are all on the same page.
Since August, I have also been made very aware of those who not only do not agree with me, or my stance and our decisions, but have decided that they have the freedom to tell me in no uncertain terms how dispicable I am. How our ministry is NOT in align with Jesus and His call. How we are not worthy of anyone supporting us or even coming. I see those emails. I read them. And it does affect my heart. In fact it affects me greatly. But I will carry on with the things that we have chosen as a couple and as a family and as a ministry with the advice and consultation fo the board.
My family knows that these emails affect me deeply. It is hard to see and hear such ruthless words from the lips of other christians, in this case, specifically christian women. Absolutely RUTHLESS. My heart breaks. And then it can quickly change to the point where I want to tell them exactly what I am thinking. I want to yell SHAME ON YOU!! And then, I hear - Be Still My Soul. Be. Still.
Living for Jesus is not easy. I have shared that with a sweet woman who just recently gave her heart to Jesus. Following Him does not mean the road is easy. Living for Jesus puts you in the place where people can ridicule you for anything. And thing is, they feel that they have the right, and the authority to do so. And these days - people are acting so entitled. Be still my soul. Be. Still.
When people are telling me that I am not in alignment with Jesus and His call to ministry - Be Still my soul. When someone tears the strip off of me, and then returns the next day to tear the second one off - Be Still my Soul.
There are many things in this time that I do not know - but there are many things that I DO know and we live by - we know that Jesus is LORD and HE is Sovereign over all - even Covid. HE IS OUR SAVIOUR.
I do know that what God called me to - we are more in line with that vision now than we were when Covid hit in March 2020. Ask me about that sometime - about when Jesus spoke to me and told me "I am brining you back to the beginning - to what the call to ministy here is all about." I do know that I feel I am walking in alignment with the Father and His call to me, and His call on my life.
Today, I celebrate my spiritual birthday - January 26, 1966, I gave my heart to Jesus. Today, 56 years later, I have NO doubt who I am following - and it doesnt matter if the email in my inbox tells me otherwise. I know whom I have believed and whom I am following. I know what our call to ministry was and is, and I know we have not strayed from that. NOT AT ALL.
When I think of Jesus and His call on my life, I have a picture of living fully for Him. It is of a rootbeer cup/mug with the froth foaming over the top. It is all about the overflow. I want to live fully for Him, and I don't just want a little bit of Jesus - I want you all!! The overflow is the bonus.
I want to live in that overflow. So that the words I speak come up out of the heart that has Jesus as LORD. I want the words to be in align with what JEsus wants for me.
It seems so simple but I know it isn't.
We all seem to think we have a right, an entitlement, to tell the other person off, or to tell them how stupid they are. But what is that about except the opinion that what we have to say is superior to all other thoughts. I feel like I have witnessed, that in our times of putting the other person down, we do not stop long enough to even think about what it is we are saying and its affect on the other person. Oh God, please help us. And LORD GOD please forgive us and others who have operated in this way.
My heart is breaking over some things these days. Over some things close to my heart. But Oh God, help me to speak words that give life to the other person REGARDLESS of what we agree on OR what we agree to disagree on. From the overflow of my heart LORD, may my mouth speak words that bring life.
Oh LORD may it be. May, It. Be.
with love,
j
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