9 months

Today is April 24th, and my grandson Jay Benjamin Klassen would have been 9 months old. It has been a day of reflection. Today I took daisies to Sunnyside. I walked to where he was buried. Sunnyside is actually a very beautiful place - it is a scenic view of the whole city. Today it was cold and windy, unlike some of the warm weather we had this week. I could not help but think of the morning that we buried Jay, at sunrise. It all seems very surreal still, and yet very very real.
As I thought about my little grandbaby, it seemed like I was conscious of the empty ache in my arms. In OUR arms.

Today I reflected. I realize that 9 months later there are many things that I have learned through my Grandson's short life. I also realize that many people still do not know what to say. I have thought of a few things that I want to say to you - and may God give me grace as I do this.

I AM A GRANNY! Some people try to say the right thing, and tell us that one day we will be grandparents. I want to say that I AM a Grandmother now. Alvin IS a Grandfather now. It's just that while other friends get to hold their grandchildren, my little grandson is being held by the arms of the Father.

I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY GRANDSON! I get it that some people don't know what to say but just ask me about my little grandson Jay. Let me tell you about the things that I treasured in my heart while I watched him grow inside his mommy. Let me tell you about the way my kids prepared for his arrival. Let me tell you how WE prepared - I will even tell you about the quilt that I made - my first one and how I put a piece of my grad dress in Jay's quilt. Just ask me - and let me talk. One thing we know and that each of us agree on is that we never want to stop remembering him. His life was short on this side of Heaven, but he made such a great impact on our hearts and in our lives. We will always remember our firstborn grandson Jay Benjamin.

I LOVE SHOWING OFF HIS PICTURES! One of the greatest gifts the kids got was from their friend Jeremy, who came and took the most beautiful pictures of Jay. Ask me to share the website with you, and maybe even watch it with me again. I weep each time I watch it, so please be prepared. I am pretty proud of how beautiful and how perfect my little grandson was. I have put his website on the bottom of this post should you want to watch his dvd again. (thank you Jeremy)

ASK US HOW WE ARE DOING! I realize that right now, some people just want to hear that we are "okay" or "better" or have "worked through our grief" - but the reality is: we don't really know what it means to be okay, or better. And our grief - we will never be done working through it. Being "okay" or "better" implies that life has gone on and everything is rosy. For us, the reality is, the life we knew before ended on July 24th, and we are all different now. I think we can say that we are perhaps "moving forward" more than we are going backwards. And we do laugh again.

WE STILL APPRECIATE THE HUGS! Sometimes people want to say something and then end up saying something that makes us cringe. We know that people just feel helpless, but the best thing you can still do is give us a hug. We have walked with Jesus for many, many years, and we know Jesus as our Saviour and we could recite all the God-answers for you. So, just hug!

PRAY FOR US! If you know us, you will know how to pray. If you don't know us well, I think that even if you just breathe our names to the Lord, He will interecede on our behalf. O Lord, hear our prayers.

Today my grandson Jay would have been 9 months. In his short little life, he has taught this Granny more than you know. Maybe one day we can share over coffee!

Jay Benjamin Klassen - born and died July 24th, 2008. Absolutely Perfect! 9 months later, I miss you more than ever little one!
www.jeremyhiebert.ca/jaybenjaminklassen