sympathesizing with the TIN MAN

When I was young, I knew that my mom lived in pain.  She often slept up in a chair.  I didn't understand it but I knew this was a fact.  Living in pain is a fact of life for many many people.  I know that too.  I also understand it.  Pain has been a very constant part of my life.  Physical pain that is ... for a number of years.  OFFICIALLY my pain was recognized as my doctor in 1995 and given a name:  fibromyalgia.

However, it is not noticeable for the most part by others, unless they see a limp, or a stiffness, or my hands on my back, or taking some extra strength pain meds.

In my life - I have just kind of worked through it.  Mainly because I hate PITY.  Don't want to hear any "oh poor you" ... I hate that.  I also lived through it till now because - it makes no sense to complain as that changes absolutely nothing, and only gets you PITY or puts you in your own "pity-party" and I hate that too.  

Over the past 16 years - my FMS has had a few flare-ups, and most of them were stress related.  At some points, changing gears on our standard car was hard to do ...  or holding my arms at my side caused aching right through to the middle of the bones!  I don't know how to explain it other than feeling like the "tin man" from the wizard of OZ.  Can only imagine how his rusty limbs felt!!

Last week I stepped up my exercise - and my walking.  Not sure - was that why the FM hit with a vengeance this past weekend and on into today?  But it is such a catch 22.  Everything feels like it is rusted and can't move - and so you don't want to move - but then you know if you don't move - you will feel worse so you do move and exercise but it is painful - but that is good even though it feels bad.

hmmmm.....

anyhow - yesterday I did not do anything - I didn't even walk.  DIDN'T feel good about that.  SO I was back at Curves today and I clipped my pedometer back on this morning - at this point I have only done about 7000 steps, but hey - that is about 6000 + more than yesterday!

Just needed to vent a little.  But more than that - if you are praying friends - would love your prayers for this.  Pray that I will continue to walk through this - and take it as it comes.  Pray that I won't ever get to the point where I can't pick up my grandkids, or get down with them.  That is what really scares me.  And pray that I can continue on, without landing in my own little pity party!  Thanks all.

GOD IS GOOD.  HE IS HEALER .... and He knows about every ache and pain in my and your lives!  Every one - spiritual, mental, emotional and especially as I speak today - the physical!  

With that - I am going to get these joints moving - got some cleaning up to do!

ps 
I have just sat down again after the clean up blitz in the condo (not a big clean, just the mini one - you know, dishes in the dishwasher, crumbs off the table, dirty clothes in the basket, etc)  I read through the above again, and my first thoughts were:  "what kind of post was that!! sounds like a whole lot of pity calls to me!!"  AND my next impulse was to just delete the post.  BUT I will leave it.  It is my reality but what I think I want to add as a ps is that ALL of us have pain of one kind or another in life.   I AM NOT ALONE!!  But, the redeeming thing is this:  all that I go through ... I think can cause me to be more compassionate with others who also have pain.  So that is my prayer, that while walking through this tin-man pain, that I will be able to come alongside of someone else, and offer encouragement, support, prayer, and hope!  There is so much of life to live!!  It is my prayer that regardless - God will use me to his glory!  So.... forgive the "poor me" post!!   I really didn't intend it to sound that way.  :)