.... ah Michael - are you still home?

Yesterday, after Alvin kissed me good-bye, and left for work, I did as I usually did (unless there are retreaters here and then I am usually up at 6) ... but yesterday I set the alarm for another almost two hours (Alvin gets up for work at 5:45) and I laid down.  Then I heard it.
It is hard to describe in writing - but it was like someone was scratching a plastic cup.  At first, I thought it was my old alarm clock, having a little struggle turing the numbers as each minute passed by.  No, didn't seem to be that.  It would be a little intermittent, but I had soon decided that it was likely a mouse in my nightstand drawer. (Okay, in Anola, we had the occasional country mouse in our house!)  And sometimes they were in the strangest places - checking it out, nibbling here and there until we caught them efficiently on a sticky trap!  (sorry, I do not want any mouse activists protesting on my blog now!! lol)  Micky and Minnie Mouse ... they are cute.  Little mice with long tails in your house - NOT so cute!  ANYHOW back to yesterday morning.

I by this time, was sitting on my bed - listening.  I tested Alvin and said - "I think there is a mouse in my nightstand drawer" to which he texted back.  "Open the drawer"  to which I then replied "I can't" ... and his next text was "just do it."

SO I texted my favorite son-in-law Michael (ya, I only have one s.i.l ) and asked him if he was home?
He texted back - yes did I need something.  I told him I thought I may have a mouse, and next thing I knew he was over and downstairs to my aid!!  

Well - not to draw this out any longer.  I opened the drawer - and he shook it a bit - nothing.
But then we heard it again ...
I moved some tissue paper off the top of my stand, and took the plastic cup in my hand and then I noticed it, AND heard the sound.  There in the bottom of the cup was a bug - a beetle of some sort (not sure if a mouse would have been nicer lol) and we realized it was HIM making the noise, trying to get up the sides and out. (which you have to wonder how he got up the sides and IN - wouldn't he get out the same way.)

So I laughed sheepishly.  Michael laughed and went home.  Later my daughter called and asked if I could come help her cause there was a mouse in her drawer!! LOL

It seems really stupid doesn't it.  That a grown woman - would be held hostage by the fear that there was a MOUSE potentially, and sitting on her bed with her feet up!! Unbelievable!!  But there I was.
I realize that I am easily held hostage by my fears.  Fear of heights (hate roller coasters).  Fear of water (my feet have to touch all the time, and since I almost drowned once, I am not a lover of swimming in the water).  Fear of trying new foods (I am kind of a plain jane eater).  What is it that keeps us fearful of situations/circumstances/new experiences?  

13 years ago - God called me to something.  He laid the vision for the ministry on my heart.  He spelled it out - what He was thinking - and seemed to be entrusting his vision for retreat ministry to ME.
At the same time - I was reading in Exodus - where Moses was called to lead the people out of bondage.  Moses - he sounded fearful to me - "God - maybe you could ask my brother Aaron?  He is much more eloquent than I am " ...
Later, God used a few scriptures to continue his call to me - 
One of them was this one, and seriously when God gives you this verse - You just have to trust and obey!

Joshua 1:9

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged,for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

You see - God doesn't call the equipped, but equips the called!  He knows what he is calling us out of - or in to.  We don't always see the whole picture.  We may just hear a little "nibbling" and have a whole other story concocted in our imagination - and become fearful.  But God - he just says "trust me" "be strong and courageous"  "don't fear"  "I am right here with you!"

When I look backwards at the call to ministry - 13 years ago - I stand in awe! 
Honestly, the call I received - hearing God speak - it was so clear - and was the beginning of many many MANY conversations with God - conversations that literally changed my life, along with that of my husbands and my kids. 
Sure - several times I was very fearful.  "God? you really want me to quit my job of 25 years?"  "God?  Now what?  I am done this work - so here I am ... waiting."  "God? You are asking me to do that?  I need you to confirm please Lord."  "God, you have called me in so distinctly - please call me out when the time comes - just as clearly."  "God - do you really think I can do this?"  
Those are just a smidgen of my thoughts/my remarks to Jesus - my Lord and God.  And in return - He gave peace during the waiting times.  He gave courage.  He gave trust especially when I could not see the steps ahead.  He gave strength when I felt weak.  He gave me assurance when I was anxious.
He gave me encouragement when others were doubting what we were doing.  

BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS
DO NOT FEAR
I AM WITH YOU
PEACE I GIVE TO YOU

Today, I am still on this journey - the one where my seatbelt is still fastened and I am still sitting on the edge of my seat.  We are opened, and the ministry is going - and I am not sure who will come - or how many - or how often or ??
But thing is, I am really quite good with how God is bringing them in.  And, in the midst of all I am learning, and doing, and being stretched in ... there is peace, and strenght and encouragement and no fear!! 
NO
FEAR 

....
oh, except for the mouse  or, ah, the beetle. (oh I am so embarrassed!)
I thank God for giving me a son-in-law that runs to my aid
(it helps that they are living in our yard while they build their house -
so he didn't have to run as far!!)

O Lord, thank you - for all you give me ...
family who run to my aid
experiences that stretch me
but most of all - your strength, your courage given to this 55 year old granny who wimps out at the sound of a mouse in the drawer.
Gotta love it!!  Ah, country living.  (and a great sense of humour to go along with it!)