...the work of our hands...

Psalme 90
by Steve Bell

Satisfy us in the morning with your love
Satisfy us in the morning with your love
That we may sing for joy
And be glad in all our days
Satisfy us in the morning with your love

Match the days lord of our sorrow with your joy
Match the days lord of our sorrow with your joy
May your deeds be always known
To the ones you call your own
Match the days lord of our sorrow with your joy

May the favor of the lord
Rest upon us and our land
And establish for us all
The work of our hands
Yes the work of our hands

Lord for us you have been a refuge from age to age
Lord for us you have been a refuge from age to age
Before the mountains were formed
And the earth and the world brought forth
You are the everlasting lord

May the favor of the lord
Rest upon us and our land
And establish for us all
The work of our hands
Yes the work of our hands

Questions

Today Josh and Alvin worked on a little casket for a sweet little boy that is already at home with Jesus. It is something they wanted to do for the family.

Almost two years ago, Alvin worked on a little casket for our sweet little grandson who Jesus took home before he breathed this side of the womb.

Somehow, making little caskets is not something we want to ever be experts on..

but instead they are a labor of love...a labor of tears.. .

a representation that something has gone terribly wrong in our lives.

We continue to weep
for the young family who just lost their sweet little guy last weekend.

I have been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman CD beauty will rise

which was written after his little daughter Maria, also went "home" to be with Jesus

in spring of 2008.

One song in particular speaks to my heart.

Losing a child... I wish no one had to experience that pain - ever.

Reality is, it has struck right at home for us...

and now for this family whom our kids are good friends with.

O Lord, be their/our strength.

Here are the words that spoke to me today - from the album beauty will rise


Questions
by Steven Curtis Chapman


Who are You God
For You are turning out to be
So much different than I imagined

And where are you God
Cuz I am finding life to be
So much harder than I had planned

Know that I am afraid
To ask these questions
But You know they are there

And if you know my heart
The way that I believe you do
You know that I believe in You
Still I have these questions

Like How could you God
How could You be so good and strong
And make a world that can be so painful

And where were you God
I know you had to be right there
I know you never turn your head

You know that I’m confused
By all this mystery
You know I get afraid
But if you know my heart
As completely as I trust you do
Oh you know that I trust in you

Is it true
that fore every tear I cry
You cry a thousand more
Cuz you weep for those that weep

And are you, just holding yourself back
From crushing all the pain and evil in this world
For reasons we just cant understand for now
But isn’t there a day of redemption coming
Ohhh
Redemption is coming
Ohhh

Quickly Lord, come quickly
Lord, come quickly
Ohhh
Ohhh

So who am I God
That you would raise me from the dust
To breathe your life and your love in me
You know that I believe

its sunny but i don't feel the warmth

it is monday
the 19th of July
there is a slight breeze
fluffy white clouds fill the sky

as I stand on my deck
it is hard to believe that on such a beautiful day
there is such unbelievable grief that has touched and invaded another young family
and that although on the outside the sun shines
inside it is blackness of despair

not all is as sunny as the world appears
i remember that all too well
the "living life as if in a bubble" feeling
going through the motions
attending to things that have to be done
but feeling nothing but loss

hearing the laughter and chatter of people
its sunny
but i didn't feel the warmth
it is as if all time stopped

last night i wept again
tears
waves of grief
prayer lifted up
mixed with more "why God" "why?"

as dinner dishes were being done
and alvin was cutting grass
we got a call
Leah, sobbing on the other end
and I heard the devastating news
our kids friends
lost their littlest child in a drowning accident

words can not contain the grief
tears sum it all up
as night fell
the pillow was soft
but sleep did not come

Why God? Why?
those questions rose again from my heart
and once again I was reminded of words my daughter Leah said when our little Jay died
"it is a mystery only God understands"
the reality is we will never get it
not this side of heaven anyhow
But God knows right?

my thoughts just now went back
to when our little Jay went to be with Jesus
we met together over that weekend
on the Sunday morning
with Josh and Leah
Ashley and Michael
Great Grandma Klassen
Alvin and I

and together,
with tears streaming
we sang Great is thy Faithfulness
and It is Well with my Soul

It was one of the hardest times to sing
It was hard to sing of God's faithfulness
when I questioned whether He had truly been faithful in our situation
It was hard to sing of my soul being well
when it was so numb all it could feel was shattered

But in my heart -
in the very depths
I knew what I beleived then
and what I believe even more today

Do I believe He knows
Do I believe He is in control
Do I believe that He loves us more than we will ever understand
Do I believe He cares
Do I believe in all things He is Sovereign

As hard as it is to say when times are so dark
I say it...
I do believe.

I weep for this mom and dad
I weep for the rest of the kids who lost a little brother
I weep for the grandparents who lost a grandson
I weep for the aunties and uncles who lost a nephew
I weep for the kids who lost a cousin and a friend
I weep for those around the family who grieve with them
and lift them up in prayer

I weep
I pray
I petition God on their behalf
for peace
for comfort
until they feel the sunny warmth of life once again


Psalm 23:4 (New Living Translation)

Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.

O Lord, will you please be their strength in this dark dark valley.

Please be their comfort during these days, weeks, months and years to come.

Lord, please be their peace. O Lord, hear our prayers on their behalf. Amen

tears on my pillow

Last night, after Alvin and I turned out the lights, as I was falling asleep, God turned my thoughts to my grandson Jay. I could hear the deep breathing of my husband beside me, I knew he was already fast asleep. My thoughts tumbled one after another... my heart overflowed...and my tears welled up and rolled onto my pillow. We are almost at the two year anniversary of our little Jay Benjamin's birthday. And how hard it is. We still feel great depths of grief in our beings. Our journey through grief will continue for our lifetime. As I laid there, I remembered and wept.

Today I wake up, and remember last night's tears. I am also aware it is the 18th today, and that our second grandson, our little Everett John is 7 months of age day. Today his mommy will put a little sign on him and take a picture to chronicle his month to month growth spurts. And I may even look at one of the MANY video clips I have of him. What joy this brings. We feel great wells of joy in our beings!

Tears on my pillow of grief.
Tears on my cheeks of joy.
Great grief and Great joy co-exist....
I thank God for my little ones, and feel very blessed as a Granny.

As our families (Klassen/Hayes) walk this week towards the anniversary of Jay's birth and going home to be with Jesus, on July 24th (08) ... please keep our kids, and our two extended families in your prayers. It is through your love, your prayers and your friendships, that we are lifted. Thank you.

July 16th building day

No rain in the forecast.

There were second story walls to be built!

As I was pulling out of the yard, I got out to take a picture and Alvin was up on the second story floor.

I teased him and said he looked like the "golden boy!"

When I came back in the late afternoon, the "man power" had increased by three men - Brennan and Michael and Andrew .

As each wall goes up - it becomes more and more real for us. I am not doing the hard part, and yet my heart often skips a few beats when I realize what is finally happening. The vision God entrusted to us 10 years ago - is coming to fruition. Yes, we are still a long way away from opening the doors and inviting women to choose us for a "bed and breakfast retreat" or just a "day retreat" BUT with each nail, with each drop of sweat, (and yes, with each bill paid) we are just trying to be true to what we believe God has called us to do. It is not "ours" but HIS vision, and this is so exciting.

Please know that I share this "build" excitement with you - NOT to toot our horns (really, we mean that) BUT to instead bring you into the unfolding of this vision, as you have been our family, our friends, our prayer support! We love you. Thank you for your prayers on our behalf, especially as the guys build. And continue to drop in, take a look (hey, you could even bring a cold drink or two or three... or more!) and talk with the boys!

Thank you for loving us and sharing in this exciting times!

We love and appreciate you all!

... now I guess I better get packing!

We are down to 2 weeks at 35066 Springfield Road!

Packing... well, Leah packed and I played!

Yesterday Leah and Everett came out to Anola. What a reprieve I got... reprieve from packing boxes. Honestly there is so much dust that I have disturbed that my nose has been constantly running, and the sneezing is common! So, when Leah and Everett came out it was such a welcome reprieve in my day! Leah came out to help pack. And me - well, someone has to hug, hold, talk to, take pictures of, play with, cuddle Everett - so it may as well be Granny!!

He is changing so much. Each time I see him he is talking more - squealing more - laughing - looking at everything - I feel like all I want to do is sit and watch him. So, I did. (well he had a little nap and then Leah and I ate lunch and chatted!) But when he got up - because there are limited things at our house now (no high chair, no jolly jumper, etc) I just sat myself down on the floor and played! And Leah packed AND I was thankful!

At this point there is less and less to pack up. The kitchen stuff will be packed last - canned goods, dishes, etc. However, alot of the drawers are done in the kitchen. In fact downstairs all the shelves and drawers are cleaned out. Upstairs too - except for our clothes. That is where I am really procrastinating.

Alvin and I cleaned up the garage - as I think I will do a garage sale. There is some stuff that would be suitable for someone else's home or cottage (day bed, captain's bed, hide-a-bed, dressers, our bedroom suite, a drafting desk, wall unit, etc.) I just need to convince my boys that one of them should come an help us carry the remaining stuff out of the house! Alvin can't do it alone, although he would try! So, I think I may try the garage sale for this Sunday (if I can get the stuff out in time). I will say it here - I really really hate garage sales. I am pathetic at pricing. Pathetic at bartering (which is very obvious in countries like Cuba or the Dominican Republic or Mexico!) But - we really want to get rid of this stuff. (and if someone else wants to cart it away - the better it is!) Time will tell.

But back to yesterday - it was soooo good to be with my little grandson! It was so nice for Leah to come and pack for me. (Ash packed last week, and Leah this week - I am so thankful for the extra hands! Thank you girls!) Yesterday's was a reprieve that brought life to my being!!


also posted "lie, deny and look surprised" on my other blog at zephaniah3verse17.blogspot.com

The BEAM

Last night, after a great meal at the Plett's (Betty and Willy) we ventured to the land to take a look at what the boys did during the day. Yesterday was a big day for Josh, Michael and Alvin. Actually Alvin said later, that he was very concerned about the day - as there was a HUGE (HEAVY) STEEL BEAM that was going to have to be lifted and put into place.

When we got to the land, brother Rick (Alvin's youngest brother) was there dumping some fill for us. Now Rick has been very instrumental in the plans (once Jerald did the design) and we are very very thankful for his talent and skill. We owe him big time believe me.

I teased Rick about "styling" ... note rubber boots with shorts. He laughed and said his wife had already mentioned that. HOWEVER, when I brought clothes for Alvin to change into at end of the work day - I realized I forgot to bring his shoes, SO Alvin is "styling" too...Hmmm maybe it is just "Klassen style!"

So here is the beam. Alvin said it was all he, Josh and Michael could do to turn it over when it was on the ground. That heavy! They used the bobcat (Alvin at the controls) to lift it, with Josh and Mike helping to get it into the exact place...

It sounded like major work! But, it is done!!

Betty wanted to know square footage, and here she was "measuring it out" with leg widths.

So, yesterday was a big day. Today the boys are at the land again, and I am at home all day, packing. I think I may have some company, as Leah and Everett are planning to come!

It is almost 9 am and I have gotten up, had breakie with my man, gave his a hair cut, made their lunch for today, helped him move stuff to the vehicle to take to the loft, made and baked cookies, did dishes and prayed as I washed the dishes... Now I will pour a cup of fresh coffee (second pot of the day) and make a couple calls, and get packing!!

This is the day that the Lord has made - the sky is blue.

Slight wind.

Sun-shiny day!!

I will rejoice and be glad in it! (even if I have to pack!!!)