Christmas reflections ... leading up to the end of 2011

Christmas has come and gone.  My little 3 foot tree still shines brightly.  This is the second year in a row that we used the little tree that we had given to Mom K when she moved into her apartment.  You see, this is the THIRD place we have lived between moving from Anola July 2010 till now, December 2011.  I have been "temporarily housed" for 17 months.  Honestly, we did not think it would ever be this long, but we are dealing with it :)

Our tree decorations, house decorations, and tree stand are all stored in our semi trailer on site here.  Not sure where they are in the stuff, but it is in there.  I put up some garland that I bought, with a couple strands of little lights ... to get in the Christmas mood since Alvin was jokingly accusing me of being a Grinch about decorating!  (gotta love that man!)

I wanted so badly to enjoy the season this year.  And I believe we did ... more than normal.  I had done a fair bit of my shopping on line - so that took some stress away.  I had made a wish list (few posts back) and there are still many things on the list that I don't know if I will get done before January 1st.  Some may have to carry over to next year's Christmas.

We celebrated with our kids - in our "traditional" Christmas Eve style ... got together at Josh and Leah's - ordered in Chinese Food and played cards and just hung out for the evening.  We got to spend some time with Ev - and well, that is simply the best!!  Before we went to their place - Alvin and I went to the first of 3 Christmas Eve services at Eastview.  At the end, anyone wishing to join the choir for the Hallelujah Chorus, was invited to come up.  Alvin and I went.  That song simply gives me goosebumps!!

Christmas Day - our kids were spending time with their other side of the family (Hayes and Thiessen's) and so Alvin and I went out to the Lake and spent Christmas Lunch at my sisters, with many of my Thomas side.  It was relaxing and fun, although we missed those that were not there.  We did not consume as many mashed potatoes as normally since my "little" brother Tim, and Jody and niece Amanda were in Hawaii.  The day was so beautiful, and above normal temps.

The kids, Everett and Alvin and I had our "Christmas" on Boxing Day.  We began with waffles - and then gifts - then later we went to Josh and Leah's after Ev's nap - and spent time walking and playing in the snow at the park.  And then back to decorate a gingerbread house (Ev licked a few candies before putting them in place!) and then supper, and more play time, and then after Ev went to bed we hung out in the downstairs and watched a Christmas movie together.

Our Christmas was relaxing and just so good.  It was quite something to see Everett enjoying Christmas from his 2 year old view!

One thing that we also included on Christmas Day, was a trip to take some flowers to Sunnyside Cemetery.  We didn't feel like we HAD to ... but we WANTED to. You see, our firstborn Grandson would have really been enjoying Christmas here with us - as he would be 3 and a half.  So often I see kids and size them up, and realize how big our little Jay would have been and the things he would be doing!  What a great pair of buddies Jay an Everett would have been,  We parked the car, and I grabbed the flowers from the backseat.  We walked to the little headstone, and I laid them down.  I know that our grandson is in Heaven - and honestly, he doesn't care if I lay flowers.  But, every celebration, every milestone - Jay Benjamin is just so much a part of my heart.

I stood there and wept.  All of a sudden, they just flowed.  Alvin put his arm around me and hugged me.  I just miss our little boy so much.  We can only wonder what he would have been like, or how much he and Everett would be alike ~ or maybe not.  Only God knows that really.

I also realize that Jay is spending his eternity now already, with Jesus, who was the baby that came to the manger, and the Saviour that died on the cross for our sin, and the one who rose again three days later.  I sometimes just dream about heaven - dream about what Jay is doing and what my parents are doing.  Reading the book HEAVEN IS FOR REAL was such a good thing for me.  It has been suggested to me that I have not "worked through" my grief yet because I still talk about our little Jay.  WORKED THROUGH???  Only those working IN their grief knows that you never get THROUGH it .. but that the journey changes you and also changes with time, but you are never "over" it or "through" it ... as if grief only hits for a period of time and then voila! it is gone!!  (sorry, maybe I am sounding a little abrupt here)  My grief/Our grief journey WILL change with the years ... but it will always be "our" journey and we won't be THROUGH it till we get to kiss our sweet boy in Heaven when we go there!  THEN we will be THROUGH it!

It was beautiful at Sunnyside.  Springlike weather.  Not much snow.  And so peaceful.  I am thankful that we were able to stop their before heading to the lake.

Many emotions have made up my season of Christmas.  Music has moved me.  Movies have made me laugh.  Scripture has challenged me.  My grandson Everett has brought so much joy into our Christmas.  We have enjoyed this season ... and have also enjoyed reflecting in this post.  We have hugged friends, laughed with family and friends, talked over coffee and plum pudding, wrapped gifts and unwrapped gifts!  But the greatest gift of all ...  see the Scripture below!

Isaiah 9:6

New Living Translation (NLT)

 ⁶ For a child is born to us,
      a son is given to us.
   The government will rest on his shoulders.
      And he will be called:
   Wonderful Counselor,^[a] Mighty God,
      Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

PS ... sorry, I think I rambled!!

PSS ... thank you to Betty, my sweet friend, who helped me realize something on my wish list last night, when she made me a nice hot cup of homemade hot chocolate with whipped cream!!  Now I can check that one off too!!

lulling myself to sleep

I am sitting here in our kids house.  Alvin left to go home and since we are here in separate vehicles, I am waiting until our kids get home.  Everett is fast asleep in his room.  His "new" room as we call it.  His "new" bed (no crib for a few weeks now).  His room is pretty nice - his daddy and mommy have painted it, and made it special.  It has a bit of a "wildlife" theme going on, complete with a little "bear head" mounted on the wall to complete the theme.  Don't worry it is a child friendly bear head!  They have given the room a fresh and new color and coat of paint, and then drawn some mountains, and trees and a few other little things.  Everett has adapted quite well to his new room.  And, he loves having it pitch black, and does not want anyone laying down beside him.  He made that clear to them right away.  So after the bedtime routine is finished (get his jammies on, brush and floss teeth, read, sing and pray) then he goes into his sleep sack and they kiss him good night and shut the door.  It is a very easy routine, and has made babysitting very easy ever since he was very little!  ANYHOW.  Tonight I came and didn't see him because they were already in process of putting him down for his sleep and I didn't want to create any stir. Then they came out, and turned his baby monitor on.

It was very cute to listen to.  Everett was busy talking.  "Elmo.  Elmo. Elmo.  Me. Me. Auntie. Auntie.  One Show.  One Show.  Daddy.  Daddy.  One show.  Poppa.  Tractor ..."
Those were a few of the things he said.  It is cute actually because I realize he loves ALL of the things he said!!  He talked a lot more ... interspersed with some other stuff - a sort of sing-song-talking or LULLING himself to sleep.  Leah said he has been a real busy two year old - with many activities/family/friends/Christmas gatherings/later than normal nights/fuller than normal days and that he is tired, but is likely trying to wind down.  Before too long, it was quiet, and has been since.  Our little Sweetness is fast asleep.   Lulled to sleep.  I have to admit, his talking made me smile!  I think I even heard my name mentioned!!

I looked up the definition of "lull" in the online free dictionary.  Here is what it says:

ThesaurusLegend:  Synonyms Related Words Antonyms

Noun	1.	lull - a pause during which things are calm or activities are diminished; "there was never a letup in the noise" letup pause, suspension, intermission, interruption, break - a time interval during which there is a temporary cessation of something
	2.	lull - a period of calm weather; "there was a lull in the storm" quiet calmness - an absence of strong winds or rain
Verb	1.	lull - calm by deception; "Don't let yourself be lulled into a false state of security" calm, still, tranquilize, tranquillise, tranquillize, calm down, quiet, quieten, lull - make calm or still; "quiet the dragons of worry and fear"
	2.	lull - become quiet or less intensive; "the fighting lulled for a moment" calm down silence, still, hush, hush up, quieten, shut up - cause to be quiet or not talk; "Please silence the children in the church!"
	3.	lull - make calm or still; "quiet the dragons of worry and fear" calm, still, tranquilize, tranquillise, tranquillize, calm down,quiet, quieten lull - calm by deception; "Don't let yourself be lulled into a false state of security" compose - calm (someone, especially oneself); make quiet; "She had to compose herself before she could reply to this terrible insult" appease, assuage, conciliate, gentle, gruntle, lenify, mollify, pacify, placate - cause to be more favorably inclined; gain the good will of; "She managed to mollify the angry customer" reassure, assure - cause to feel sure; give reassurance to; "The airline tried to reassure the customers that the planes were safe" comfort, console, solace, soothe - give moral or emotional strength to

It has made me think - what would I be saying as I lulled myself to sleep? What would I say as I tried to make myself calm, or still!  (oh boy, being still is sometimes the hardest thing to do!)   Sometimes I hop into bed, and it takes a very long time for my mind to settle down enough so that I can fall asleep!  It seems that is when the thoughts of the day are going a million miles an hour in a million directions!  A few times I have finally just gotten up, turned on a light, found a paper and pencil and written down something so that I don't have to worry about forgetting int he morning.

Sometimes though, I have found that I have prayed myself to sleep.  Praying for an old friend whose daughter has been going through some cancer ... praying for a friend who is trying to regain her strength after having cancer .... praying for my kids... praying for our ministry.... praying for myself ... praying for my friend's husband's job hunt .... praying for a friend with depression ... and on and on.
I find that more often than not, I fall asleep praying.

The other night I put on a beautiful CD that I bought at Eastview from an artist who used to be with the Beautiful Unique Girl tour through Family Life Network.  (sorry I don't have her name here with me) but it is such a nice CD that she made especially for those who find it hard, like she does, to go to sleep.

I am going to try to begin to go to bed earlier so that hopefully I can wake up easier in the morning.  I am not a morning person, but I really really want to be, and think that perhaps this is the answer.  When we begin to do B&B/Retreat, I will for sure have to get up early!!  Thinking I may have to wear some earplugs when Alvin is home, since we are in a temporary one-room set up and the TV would be a bit hard to fall asleep too (although I have no problem falling asleep on the couch!).  I have a constant ringing in my ears too.  CONSTANT!  Have had this since June 2009.  And when all is quiet - the ringing is even more noticeable!

Lulling myself to sleep!  If there was a "baby monitor" put in beside me, with someone listening in - what would I be saying to lull myself to sleep?  Perhaps you would tune into my dialogue with my Father!  You may hear things like Thank You Lord!  I am so glad that all I have to do is meditate on things of Him.   To be still.  To quiet myself!   Actually to allow Him to lull me to sleep!  Safe in His arms!!  (will have to tell you about my dream some time!)  I leave you with the verse in Philippians 4:8.  As you go to sleep tonight, may you and I both think of these things as listed here - and may God grant you a sleep that is restful - refreshing, and renewing!  Night my Friend.  Good-Night!

Philippians 4:8

The Message (MSG)

 ^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

updating my wish list

So, today is December 27th.  I have a wishlist for Christmas ... and I have added "and the week ending January 1st) onto the title.  I just seemed to run out of time, and still consider this the Christmas Season.
If you scroll down you will see that all of the ones in BLACK are the things that have been done. Note that there are still many unmet wishes!! These are the things that are still in RED.  Have to do something about this.  Some of the things are "in process" while some are just well, still unmet and I have no plans for them yet.  




My WiShLiSt for Christmas:  (and the week ending January 1st!)

• have a hot chocolate with whipping cream on it 
• find a new ornament with "Joy" written on it, and purchase it
• get a photo taken of Alvin and I for our christmas card
• write our Christmas letter and get it out BEFORE Christmas
• buy someone I don't know, coffee or hot chocolate
• watch a Christmas movie
• go and tour the "lights" of the city with Alvin
• have coffee with a friend at my favorite coffee shop
• sing a christmas carol while driving in the car, and don't worry about who is watching
• make something special for my co-workers - just because they bring me such joy
• donate my time in some type of volunteer activity
• put together a christmas hamper for someone who needs it
• make a gingerbread house with my grandson Everett
• go for a hike in Bird's Hill Park, and end with coffee at Pineridge Hollow OR a weiner roast
• write a note and mail it by snailmail, to someone whom I have not seen or talked to in a long time
• visit with someone older than me
• take flowers to someone 
• make peppermint cookies
• put a puzzle together with my husband (I bought one, and took it out of the box, does that count?) 
• go Christmas caroling with friends
• get a pedicure with my daughters
• make a snowman
• knit something for someone
• try a new recipe
• spend some time "retreating" and use the time to read through the Christmas Story as recorded in the gospels
• 
  

Our little "sweetness" turns 2

an open letter to my Grandson Everett John, who turns 2 today!

Auntie Ashley took these pictures of Josh, Leah and Everett in fall, at McIvor Park

How can it be little one, that you have grown into a sweet little 2 year old that we see today
Gentle and sensitive
Kind and loving
Funny
Busy
Determined
Learning new things
Taking it all in as you run, and talk, and touch, and play
Oh sweetheart, how I love you so.


Two years ago 
Can it really be two years?
that we waited together ~
anxious for your arrival
and rejoicing when we finally got to touch you,
to gaze at your sweet little face,  to smell you, and to kiss your little cheeks.


How can it be 2 years already
 ~ that we have loved you
and you have loved us in your little two year old way
Every time we hear your little voice calling us - "Granny"  "Poppa"
Or see the little twinkle in your eyes
Or get the sweet little kiss from you
Our hearts melt.
You have completely got us, hook, line and sinker
This Granny and Poppa, are absolutely smitten. 
We were from the very first time we laid our eyes on you!


How can it be little one
that you are already 2.
What this year will hold, we can only imagine.
It will begin with you becoming a brother to your new little sibling
How will you adapt and adjust?
Time will tell, but somehow, we can imagine that you will want to help, 
you will want to touch the soft baby cheeks
and you will want to plant those soft little kisses on your baby's cheeks too.


How can it be little one
That you have gone from the little one snoozing in the laundry basket
to the sweet toddler we celebrate today,
who loves to run, and slide
who loves to ride the old wooden horse
or the riding toys
who loves to swing
and climb
and read
and color
and play 
and dance and twirl
and enjoy your friends.


Where has the time gone sweet one?
And how quickly it will continue to go.
Granny somehow doesn't want to miss any of this
I love to see you growing so strong, active and healthy.  
And I am often  taken back to the days when your daddy was your size
you are so like him
and yet so like your mommy
Only God can create you with all the best parts of both of them!


We love you so little One.
You will continue to grow
You will exercise your will
You will challenge your parents as only a two year old can!
You will learn
You will copy
You will live life with the gusto that a two year old has
And we will love you more
and more
and more with each day!
The way a Granny and Poppa can!


Happy Birthday to our little sweetheart!
Everett John Klassen
You are 2 today!
We celebrate YOU!!

Everett the day we celebrated his "half" birthday in June.

Everett "driving" the boat in summer, and watching as Poppa backed it down and into the water.

Ev and his Mommy

My Christmas WiShLiSt

What do I wish for, for Christmas?
Not the things that you can buy, but the things that bring some joy.
Things that involve special moments, with special people during this special season!
Things that are perhaps a surprise, and other times planned.
Spontaneous, and yet intentional.

Perhaps this will be the year that Christmas comes without the "hurried, worn out, rushing about" feeling that often usually accompanies my Christmas season (unfortunately).  SO... I am going to do something, and make a list of things I would love to do before Christmas, or part of this season!  (I won't lie, I got this idea from my daughter and her friend!)

My WiShLiSt for Christmas:

• have a hot chocolate with whipping cream on it
• find a new ornament with "Joy" written on it, and purchase it
• get a photo taken of Alvin and I for our christmas card
• write our Christmas letter and get it out BEFORE Christmas
• buy someone I don't know, coffee or hot chocolate
• watch a Christmas movie
• go and tour the "lights" of the city with Alvin
• have coffee with a friend at my favorite coffee shop
• sing a christmas carol while driving in the car, and don't worry about who is watching
• make something special for my co-workers - just because they bring me such joy
• donate my time in some type of volunteer activity
• put together a christmas hamper for someone who needs it
• make a gingerbread house with my grandson Everett
• go for a hike in Bird's Hill Park, and end with coffee at Pineridge Hollow OR a weiner roast
• write a note and mail it by snailmail, to someone whom I have not seen or talked to in a long time
• visit with someone older than me
• take flowers to someone 
• make peppermint cookies
• put a puzzle together with my husband
• go Christmas caroling with friends
• get a pedicure with my daughters
• make a snowman
• knit something for someone
• try a new recipe
• spend some time "retreating" and use the time to read through the Christmas Story as recorded in the gospels
• 
  

just something about the past three weeks...

I have been off work for just over 3 weeks now, and return tomorrow to my "donor service rep" job with CBS.  (which by the way - if you have ever THOUGHT of donating blood ~ now is the time!!)
I am feeling like I am starting a new job even though I have only been off work with my hurt leg! I love that I love my job!  I love that I actually miss my co-workers.  I do not take that for granted.

SO that being said, as I look back on the past few weeks, they have been a "gift" in a few ways ~ NOT THAT I WOULD CONSIDER THE FALL A GIFT ~ but the time to just sit and to just "be" was very timely.  Timely but hard.  It IS hard to sit and get other people to bring you stuff (especially the first week and a half when I was on crutches)  Hard to walk with crutches and carry my cup of coffee.  It forced me to become quite inventive!

Before my fall, I had poured out some of my thoughts to God one day - thoughts about struggling with lack of discipline in my life in all areas.  In fact my journal entry from October 28th said this:
"Is my lack of journal entries an indication of my heart?  O Lord ~
I think my struggle is a lack of discipline in my life.  In all areas.  I want to do, what I do not do.  I am so pitiful at times.  So pitiful!"

That morning as I wrote in my journal, I was waiting for something to be completed, so I had taken my journal because I knew I would have time.  I wrote some more as I sat waiting.
"It is a time to sit and wait.  Seems I sit and wait when I have to and yet Lord, I often don;t choose to willingly sit and wait!"

Ohhhh....  little did I know that less than 5 days later, as a result of my fall down the steps, I would be forced to "sit and wait" and make the best of it!  But God knew that.  And in retrospect, I am thankful for the time as I sat, waited, listened, journaled, read, had my QT with the Lord, worked on my online course in Soul Talk, and was just able to "be" which I totally understood even before this forced waiting time!

It was also a time for me to become very appreciative of all that my husband (my sweet man) and my kids do for me.  And all that they mean to me.

But as I look back, I realize that as I become more mobile and as I become more involved in being able to work again, and as I become involved in the fullness that leads up to Christmas, I really do not want to lose what I learned during the time off.  How easily I fall back into old patterns, into old routines and into old undisciplined life style.

I want to live fully in all ways but do not want to become consumed by being BUSY.  Man, I hate that word!  It is just NOT a good word!  So I will become more intentional about my time and the best things to put into it.  I don't want to miss a minute of the amazing moments that each day holds!
I want to develop some more discipline ... some routine (although even the word routine sounds kind of boring!)  I want to embrace life and live a life of thankfulness. I want to make sure that I DO put "first things first!!"THESE are my thoughts today!  O Lord, please help me because I can't do it alone!

we remember

I want to live for peace.  Peace in my life.  Peace in the life of my family.  Peace in the world.
My dad, who was a WWII veteran, and amputee because of it ~ spent the last years of his life as an advocate for peace.  He spoke at many schools.  One time Shaw Cable produced an interview that a student had done with my dad being interviewed.  My dad went to war.  He said it was the thing to do!  Each young man wanted to fight for the King.  In my dad's family - two of them went to war.  Both returned, however they returned with many scars of war - some visible, most not.

My dad used to tell the kids that were spellbound ~ listening to his story ~ that we have to live in peace.  That War should not happen again.

When my dad went to war, he left behind a mom and dad (and many siblings).  His mom gave him something to take.  It was a little black leather New Testament.  She asked him if he would promise to read from it each day that he was away.  My Grandma Thomas - I wished I had known her.  A woman of great faith.  A woman who embraced life to the fullest.  A woman who loved her family so much.  I can only imagine the hug that she gave to my dad - her son who was 3rd youngest in a family of 13.  Or should I say I really can't imagine.  I have had to send my son off to study in a different city - and that was hard enough.  I have never, Thank God, had to send my son off to fight in a war.

My dad loved his mom.  I know that just from the way I saw him talk about his mom.  At this time, before he left, he promised her that he would read it.  And, my dad said that he did.  He read it every day - even if it meant reading it while sitting in the latrine.  My dad also said that he carried this New Testament in the inside breast pocket of his uniform.

My grandmother's faith was strong.  At the point where my dad went away to war, he knew about God but had never given his life personally to Jesus.  He had never made that choice, for whatever reason.  But, I have no doubt that he knew what it meant to accept Jesus forgiveness, and what it meant to make Jesus Lord of his life.  He just did not see the need.  After all, he was young - just barely a man - and he had his whole life ahead of him.  He surely didn't need God at this point.  I have no doubt that my grandma was on her knees in prayer ALOT while my dad was growing up and then away fighting a war.

Fighting was his choice.  Fighting was his obligation.  He went away strong, healthy, full of life and ready to do what needed to be done for the sake of freedom.

My dad was hurt in Italy.  A country that is so full of romance these days.  It held many memories for my dad.  Memories that woke him up in a cold swet often during his nights.  Memories that he kept hidden away for the most part - except for the obvious schrapnel wounds, and the very visible loss of a leg.  My dad began to tell his story in written form,  about the night a shell landed close to where he was in the trenches.  He said that he laid there for a very very long time.  In fact, so long that when his comrades found him - they thought that he was dead.

He said that as he laid there thinking that this was his end, his thoughts turned to his Mother.  He remembered how she had asked him to read his bible daily.  He said he laid there knowing that if he died, he would die without giving his heart to Jesus BUT he said that he hoped that his mom would think that perhaps he had, and that she would have some peace thinking of that.  I found that really interesting.  Interesting that there he was - faced with death (which he thought was just a matter of time) and yet he still did not choose Jesus as Lord.  There was no deathbed conversion happening.  That to me is very very interesting.  It was not until my two sisters were born that my dad gave his life to Jesus Christ at a gospel meeting at St. James Gospel Chapel.  And he lived all out for the Lord for the rest of his life - fully embracing the grace that he experienced, and the forgiveness of sin!  Thank you Jesus!

As a little girl - I remember sitting on my dad's knee and taking my finger and touching his scars and asking him why he had them.  His answers were always short - and I didn't ever ask him more.  My mom told me how hard it was for him to learn how to walk again.  She met him at Deer Lodge Hospital when he was flown home from the hospital in England.  It sounded like love at first sight.  My dad however had to learn how to adapt to life minus a leg.  My dad had a girlfriend then who didn't have time for him any more when she realized life would not be the same.  My dad had been a dancer, and a square dance caller ... how in the world would he dance now!! My mom told me how, when he began to use crutches, and then to get used to using an artificial leg - that he fell alot.  She talked about how she would want to run and help him, but my dad did not want help.  And he for sure did not want any pity!

As a little girl I remember when my mom would let me take out his medals and look at them.  I remember asking about them and imagining them pinned to my dad's uniform.  As a little girl I would look at the picture of my dad as a soldier, that my mom had on the dresser.  Handsome as all get out!
The picture taken before his life and mind was filled with the horrors of war.

War - should never happen again.
We have to live in peace.
These were my dad's words.
In fact, my dad died November 2 - just mere days before he was scheduled to speak again at Sun Valley School.

We must never forget.  NOT that we are glorifying war, but that we will remember not to take freedom of country for granted.

We must never forget the families that lost loved ones on the fields during WWI, WWII and all of the wars that have been fought, and are being fought right up to the present day - combat missions.
The tears that run down the faces of the mothers ...
The broken hearts.
The sacrifice of life - for "freedom"

O Lord, let there be peace on earth and please let it begin with me!  This is my prayer on this day when I am choosing to remember the past.  Let peace begin with me!




This version of In Flanders Fields was written by Helen Litz, and sung by her choir, Winnipeg Mennonite Children's Choir.  Ashley (my daughter) sang with the choir from time she was 9 till 18.  It is a beautiful but haunting rendition.