is being set apart, and being a living testimony the same thing?

Okay, forgive me, but there may be some long-winded rambling happening here - as I am "talking out loud" and processing the ton of thoughts going through my mind lately.  Old thoughts.  New thoughts.  Ever present reality thoughts.  Sometimes, like lately, I have not been able to get away from them!  They occupy my waking moments, and often my nighttime ones as well.  They are thoughts about being "set apart" for Jesus Christ. 

I grew up (first 20 years of my life) in a Brethren (Plymouth Brethren) chapel - Arlington Street Gospel Chapel.  At the time, I remember my dad telling me a story about one of the elders, who held a fairly important job with the city.  My dad told me that Mr. G often went to dinners where there was drinking happening, but Mr. G, being a Christ-follower, did not drink, and he would not even stand with a glass of water in his hand, in case someone did think it was a drink of some kind.  That impacted me as a young girl.  I remember telling someone who said that was stupid, and that we can't be responsible for others.  Hmmm....  in the bible, there is scripture in Matthew.  Oh, and it is also in Mark ... and wait a moment - it is in Luke too.  The same words - three times?  Must be important!  Here they are:

Matthew 18:6

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

⁶ “But what if someone leads one of these little ones who believe in me to sin? If he does, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and be drowned at the bottom of the sea.

Mark 9:42

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

⁴² “What if someone leads one of these little ones who believe in me to sin? If he does, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.

Luke 17:2

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

² Suppose people lead one of these little ones to sin. It would be better for those people to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck.

The person I had the conversation with, many years ago, the one who thought and said that we can not be held responsible for another person's actions ... and that if someone stumbles, that is their sin, not ours.  Well ... I guess she interpreted it differently than I do.  If the Bible is the inspired WORD of God, which I believe it is - then it is ACTIVE and LIVING and pertains to today as well, and the way I see it ~ we ARE responsible to not cause someone to stumble.  I think that is the bottom line.  "Having a millstone tied to a neck and being thrown into the sea ... that is pretty severe."  Yep ... pretty severe, but then again - why would we want to cause someone to stumble especially if the Word warns against it.

You see, going back to my roots in the Brethren church, I was taught something then, in my childhood - which I still believe is relevant to today.  We as believers have to be "set apart".  There has to be something different about a Christ follower.  I think it is NOT what we say, so much as how we live.  

And in how we live - I think that the person I am in my quiet days at home MUST be the same person that you meet in Sobeys, or the same person that you see in the pew on a Sunday morning.  And, being that I am in ministry, I believe I am called to a higher standard, as people are watching.  Not everyone believes in transparency however, and I think  it must get hard deciding who sees what and when.  I also know from experience, when I was in pastoral ministry, that people WANT to see authenticity and transparency in leaders!

Yes, it makes leaders vulnerable at times, but it also makes you real.

Sometimes it is hard not to be judgmental, I realize that. And I am sorry for those times when someone has felt judged.  I am also sorry for those times when I know I judged someone.  I guess somehow, my being raised to think that believers need to be set apart, does cause some issues at times!

I realize that being set apart is not a hot topic these days.  Remember I also grew up in the times where things were either black or white.  Now things have gotten quite grey (so to speak) and personally I think that we have "dumbed down" christianity to make it appealing.  Truth is - Jesus is the one that is the appeal of christianity, and following Him is not for the weak kneed because truth is - being a christian IS OFTEN HARD!! But oh, how worth it is - being in relationship with the ONE who is the giver of life, the redeemer, the one who covered our sin with his blood on the cross! AND the one who gives us life!!

I guess, the thing is - He died for our sin - whether we live a life set apart or not - we can still have forgiveness through grace!!  (Thank you Lord).  

I just think that living a life that is at least somewhat different - somewhat set apart - is just less confusing for those who are watching.  Oh, that reminds me though ... like my friend said years ago ... "we can't be held responsible for others."   Hmmmmm ..... or can we?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I have just had the joy (about a month ago) of being introduced to a young woman, who has quickly become a friend, and I truly think she is a gift from God to me!  I have had the joy of listening to her, and talking with her, and also praying for and with her.  It is refreshing to spend time with her, as she is a new believer, and my goodness - she is wanting to follow Jesus with ALL her heart.  I see how she, without anyone telling her (although she does has some great mentors in her life) , has chosen what she has to walk away from, in order to be more like Christ.  I see how she, NOT being raised in a Christian home, is wanting to be more like Jesus in all she does.  (Sometimes I think when we are raised in Christian homes, we become complacent and make our own rules to justify our means!) 

I have, with great joy ~ seen how she feels that being a Christ follower means that she is "set apart" and that the old life has to be left behind, as it was not life giving, in the true sense of the word LIFE!!  Of course - she is not using those words ... but I see, how deliberate she is - in choosing how to walk, to be more like Jesus.  She gets it.  So why do we (those who perhaps have walked the christian walk for a while) struggle with it, and make all kinds of excuses for the lives (and often the lies) that we sometimes live.  O Lord, please help us to not be causing someone to stumble - especially someone who is yet to know you, or someone who is has just fallen in love with you Lord.  

She has taught me alot about following Jesus in all that we do - actions, lifestyle, words, thoughts, habits ...  and I am so thankful! She has also made me very aware of how I need to be a living testimony of you Jesus!!  She has never heard the old story about the elder ... she has likely never ever read those verses yet ... but she knows that following you Jesus - makes her life different.  And I stand in awe of what you O Lord,  are doing - and are going to do through her - because she is willing to live with you in charge of her life!!  Thank you Lord!!

O Lord, may I take my own post to heart - and live for you - no matter what - no matter where - no matter when!  To let you shine through my eyes, and to be seen through me.  That is a huge thing - but Lord, I really want to be more like you.  MORE LIKE YOU JESUS!!

imagination

over the course of the morning

i   snuggled one grandson while he drank his milk 

and played  pretend downstairs

imagining all kinds of things

building a mini mall

going to the zoo

talking with a lion

making coffee

doing construction work

laughing

talking

following

pretending

and all the time marvelling

at imagination that is  within this grandchild of mine

and wondering

when do we as adults

loose that sense of wonder

that sense of imagination

or is it just there

waiting to come out

at the first chance

imagining

what if

imagining when

imagining where

imagining who

imagination

somehow

that  couple hours spent

in wonder and imagination

made me feel  relaxed

and renewed

but then again

perhaps it was just sitting and cuddling and hugging

and talking and playing and imagining

with my grand babies

who show me that life

is

very

very

precious

and each moment

valuable

and 

not

to

be 

missed!

ahhhh.....

thankful for this day's lesson

who would have thought

that this old granny could  learn something from someone so little!!

what does a nightmare, today's sermon, and a parenting class have in common?

Part ONE:

Yesterday, before I went to bed, I put my thoughts on paper.

They were mostly thoughts of confession.

Of honest and deep cry out to the Lord about things in my life, that continued to rear up from time to time.

thoughts recording a cry to the Lord, to forgive me for unconfessed sin in my life

thoughts asking him why I continue to revert to old patterns, or old nature

I went to bed with the Lord in my thoughts.  And with forgiveness

Part TWO:

Last night I had a dream.  

It was actually more like a nightmare, cause it made me a little frightened.

I thought I would remember it, but I am only remembering part of it.

In my dream, I was at the home of family (not that I saw faces of my family, but I felt like it was family, if that makes any sense) or perhaps it was my house, and family was over.

We were sleeping.  

When we woke up - in the room we were sleeping in, there was a huge tree/branch that had been tossed in, and was leaning up against the head of one of the beds.

We were shocked, and could not figure out where this massive thing came from. 

It was actually very beautiful - deep deep brown, and almost shiny brown as if it was varnished.

But the reality set in, that someone had thrown this at us, and the pure size and weight of it - could have really hurt someone if it had landed on them.

The thing is - we could not figure out who threw it at us while we slept as the door was locked on the inside.

This reality was unnerving to say the least.

How did someone get in with the door being locked.

How did someone throw it at us while we slept without anyone hearing/seeing/knowing

How did the person get up.

As we looked at this big tree - or branch, in spite of the fact that it being thrown at us could have wounded or killed us if we had been hit with it, it actually looked  beautiful, with many branches going off it - it was intriguingly beautiful in fact. 

Hmmm....

Part THREE:

Today in church - Delbert preached on “the Promise of God” as part of our series on the Holy Spirit.  His text was John 14 - one of my favorites.  You know the part (or if you don’t find a bible and read it for yourself)  The part where Jesus is telling his disciples that he will be leaving them, and they are  - well for lack of a better word - just totally confused at what he is saying.  Jesus tells them “believe in God - believe also in Me.”

“I am the way, the truth and the life ...”  When Philip was wanting “proof” Jesus told him - “the Father is in me!”    I wonder if Jesus wanted to take Philip (and the rest of them, and well, even me) by the shoulders and gently shake us and say - “Watch what I do!!!”

But Jesus - well, what can I say.  He is the great I AM - and never seemed to get exasperated with them (and thank you Lord you don’t get fed up with me!) but he goes on to tell them - that He is going to help them through this, and He will send them another helper - the promised Holy Spirit - their helper - their advocate!!  

Jesus said to them “IF YOU LOVE ME, OBEY MY COMMANDMENTS ...”

Ah, it is all about love.

HIS love for them.  His love for me.  His love for us.

Love.

And then, Jesus says - “...when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative - that is, the Holy Spirit - he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.  I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart.  ....”  (John 14: 26-27)

Delbert said something that I wrote down. He said, “can you allow the Holy Spirit to convict you, lead you, guide you and use you to encourage others?  The Spirit of Truth will convict, will humble you and will give you Joy and Life!!  Everything that you do HAS to glorify the Father!!  Are you able to live life and bring honor and glory to the God, the way that you are living today?

Part FOUR:

After we left our first service at Eastview, we went to our kids church, where we are joining them in a course called Sacred Parenting.  We want to be a blessing to our grandkids, so this is part of attending this with our kids.  ANYHOW ... 

As I sat there, and listened to how we can parent (or now in our case, how we can grandparent) with either two approaches - 1) Child-centered approach or “God-centered”.  The second approach is the one we should seek - as it is the one wherein we are God-honoring in the way we raise children who really are HIS Children first, before they were ours!  We are called to bear and raise children for the glory of God.  And how when we raise children using a God-centered approach - as Gary Thomas says (he is the writer of Sacred Parenting) “We live in the midst of holy teachers.  Sometimes they spit up on themselves or us.  Sometimes they throw tantrums.  Sometimes they cuddle us and kiss us and love us.  In the good and bad they mold our hearts, shape our souls, and invite us to experience God in newer and deeper ways.”  Sacred Parenting, Participants Guide, page 29)

SUMMARY:

SO to summarize - what does a nightmare, Delbert's sermon, and a parenting class have in common???

This post, while being vague about what it is I “gave” to God again in confession - I just have to say that I know we all struggle with stuff that we need to give up over and over again - and we all have stuff!!  Big stuff - little stuff - in between stuff - stuff that we give up and it keeps coming back !!  This is all about dying to self right?  I know that I need to die to self daily and sometimes well, it doesn’t happen, and the old nature sometimes feels like it is just hiding/crouching to jump back into my life!!  ANYHOW ... I have had the niggling feeling (if that is a word) that all of this is part of something whole that God is wanting me to see.  This is my take on things.

First of all - about dreams ... I do not always remember my dreams.  I do not always have dreams that mean anything.  However - there are times when I feel like my dreams are about something. I have to say the dream unnerved me.  Actually to the point that going to church, it was still kind of hanging over me.  I was trying to “make sense” of it somehow.

Delbert’s concluding remarks in his sermon -  “can you allow the Holy Spirit to convict you, lead you, guide you and use you to encourage others?  The Spirit of Truth will convict, will humble you and will give you Joy and Life!!  Everything that you do HAS to glorify the Father!!  Are you able to live life and bring honor and glory to the God, the way that you are living today?”  Well - those words  made me actually sit up and I think it was then that I realized that the tree branch in the dream was likely not a branch but a ROOT and it represented the thing in my life that I gave to the Lord again last night. It was a big root, and very beautiful looking with all of its little roots coming from it.  Isn't that just like "sin" - sometimes we don't think it is sin - because it doesn't look bad, and perhaps it is often has an alluring effect on us, or captures our attention.  Let’s face it - we talk about cutting out something at the root of it.  We all know what roots can do to foundations when the root goes growing undetected, and then causes cracks etc. And the fact that in my dream, the huge thing was thrown in to us while we were unsuspecting/oblivious/asleep seemed to make me think of the subtleness of some things in my life - that don't seem too bad - but perhaps are just not good to do or think or be involved in.  And the part of the dream where I realized the door was locked - and yet someone had come in and thrown it at us, and left - unnoticed, made me think that perhaps it is not someone else throwing these things in, but that it is stuff in me that I need to clean up.

And then, going to the parenting ss class just reiterated the need to be living a live that was God-honoring so that my children/grandchildren can see Jesus through me - and that HE will ultimately get the glory.

It felt like the parts all came together - and that they all underscored the other - and it all made sense.  And it doesn’t matter really what my struggle is with (don’t worry, it is pretty common, and not anything illegal in case you are worried about me!) BUT the thing is (sin is sin - regardless of how bad we think it is, or how acceptable) I need to cut the root out - once and for all - and let God take it - and live a life of freedom out of obedience and love for the Lord.  

Maybe this makes no sense to anyone else but me!!! But hey - what does a nightmare - Delbert’s sermon and a parenting class have to do with it?  Everything!!  It makes sense - and I know that God uses many ways to get our attention, and well - He has mine.

O Lord God - I continue to give you my life - my all - I want to keep laying down self - so that you can fill me Holy Spirit with your might and your power.  I want to live freely in you - and to be an obedient child of yours!  I want to live a life wherein others can see you, and can smell the fragrance of the Holy Spirit wthin me.  O Lord - I praise you for who you are - for what you are doing - and for how you continue to make yourself known to me - and Holy Spirit - for your ability to convict, guide and give Joy and LIFE.  Thank you Father for being the great I AM.  Thank you Jesus - for dying for me - and covering me with grace.  Thank you Holy Spirit for being my helper, and advocate and for your power at work within me.  I praise you Lord God!!  Amen.

Man of Sorrows, what a name!

I grew up in a little Brethren chapel - Arlington St. Gospel Chapel - in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
This was the church that my mom and dad began attending after my dad gave his life to Jesus.  I attended here right up until I was just over 20, at which time I left to attend the Mennonite Brethren church that my husband was a part of.

Lots has changed - I have changed.  I have grown in my love for Jesus.  I have grown in my love for the Word of God - the Bible.  I have grown in my prayer life - and I see the Holy Spirit at work and I am in awe!

Tonight, on the evening of "Good Friday" I am sitting here alone - mulling over the events of the last couple days.  Last night - we hosted a Christian Passover meal - and then watched a segment from the DVD - The Gospel According to Matthew.  Today we sat in the first service at Eastview Community Church, and the story of Jesus going to the cross for me/us - again washed over me - and in me.
What a Saviour!!

In the past hour or so, the words from a hymn that I grew up with but have not sang in a long time, they have kept running across my thoughts.  The Song is called Man of Sorrows - and I can "hear" it being sung on a Sunday morning.  We didn't use a piano or organ for the Breaking Bread service, which we did every Sunday.  That is one of the sweetest parts of my Brethren upbringing.  We broke bread and celebrated the Lord's Supper every Sunday - and NO - IT NEVER GOT OLD!

We sang out of a little black "Believer's Hymnal" with only words, no notes ...
And one of the men would start the tune.  At a certain point in the hour, someone would pray for the bread, and then go and tear the loaf in two and pass one half on either side and we would pull a piece from it - and take and eat it in remembrance of HIM.
Then another man would pray for the cup.  A cup full of strong communion wine - and one silver cup would be passed on either side, and we all drank from the same cup.  DO THIS IN REMEMBRANCE OF ME.

I miss that.
Breaking Bread every Sunday
pulling a soft piece of bread from the loaf
taking
eating
in remembrance of Him.

The cup
strong smell of wine
a sip taken and cup passed to the next person
As oft as you do this - eat this bread
drink this wine
do this in remembrance of Me until I come

Lord.
I
remember
what
YOU
have
done
for
ME.

And I thank you!

So these words - they are speaking to my soul.
May they also speak to yours,
This rendition also includes part of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah
but the main part - is the same!!



Man of Sorrows,” what a name
For the Son of God who came
Ruined sinners to reclaim
Hallelujah! what a Savior!

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood;
Hallelujah! what a Savior!

Guilty, vile, and helpless, we
Spotless Lamb of God was He
Full atonement—can it be?
Hallelujah! what a Savior!

Lifted up was He to die,
“It is finished!” was His cry;
Now in heaven exalted high;
Hallelujah! what a Savior!

When He comes, our glorious King,
All his ransomed, home to bring
Then anew this song we’ll sing
Hallelujah! what a Savior!


Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/108#ixzz2OzJX8H8g

"whatever you ask in my name..."

This morning, while reading in the gospel of John, I had an "aha" moment.  I love it when that happens.  I will be honest though, sometimes it is over Scripture that I have read over and over, and heard read often.  This morning, I decided to begin reading the account of "Holy Week" in the gospels. And today, I decided to begin with the gospel of John.  I started in chapter 11 verse 45 (just after Jesus raised his good friend Lazarus from the dead).  I read about how the Jewish leaders plotted to kill Jesus, how Jesus was anointed at Bethany (Mary poured a pint of expensive perfume on Jesus feet and wiped his feet with her hair), about Jesus predicting His death, about him washing his disciples feet, about predicting his betrayal, and then I came to chapter 14 where the title is "Jesus Comforts His Disciples".

Now this chapter, chapter 14, is a chapter I have heard OFTEN.  In fact, I have heard it a lot!  I have even used it, quoted it, spoke about it at funerals.  It is the chapter that begins with "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me.  In my Father's house are many rooms, if it were not so, O would have told you.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a   place for you, I will come back and take you to be with  me that you also may be where I am."  And then I kept reading - and this is where my "aha" moment was.  It comes just after the part where Philip tells him/asks him "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us."  To which Jesus responds:

John 14:9-13

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁹ Jesus replied, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don’t know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking me to show him to you? ¹⁰ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I speak are not my own, but my Father who lives in me does his work through me. ¹¹ Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do.

¹² “I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. ¹³ You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.

It was right at this point, that I noticed a little "key" image beside the text, which means there is more for me on this portion, and I should look at the bottom.  It was there that my bible notes directed me to Luke 11:9 regarding asking for things in prayer.

Luke 11:9

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁹ “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

The little "key" icon took me to the bottom of this page as well, and this is what it said "the word translated 'ask' is aiteite which is used in describing a beggar approaching a generous person.  One should not think he has the right to demand anything from God. he will supply His children's needs' they simply need to trust Him.  Many times people ask for things that are not according to God's will, and must realize that He will only give the things that are "good" (agathon_ in light of eternity.  What God deems "good" may not be what the believer desires, bit it is that which God has chosen to carry out His Plan and bring the believer into a closer relationship with him."

Now, I don't know why, like I said, after reading this scripture and hearing people speak on it, that it was an "aha" moment - but when I read the "key" explanation in my bible, it was !!  I am sure that I am not the only one who has prayed a prayer and tagged on "if it is your will Lord" to the end of it.  I often think that is NOT bold praying, but have sometimes felt that by saying that, it is "giving God" the "out" in my mind, just in case He chooses not to answer this time.  I don't think I am the only one that has felt that (like I am the one to give God an out so to speak!)  We are supposed to pray believing - to pray fervently and without ceasing - to come boldly to the throne of Christ.  And sometimes I start off that way, and then somewhere during the course of my prayer, I feel like I wimp out.  (Am I making any sense?  Is there anyone who resonates with this feeling of wimping out?)

Don't get me wrong.  I believe that we need to come boldly but also with reverence to the One we are approaching.  I believe we need to pray that we are in God's will, but I also think that sometimes we come "unbelieving" that God will answer, and then we tag on "if it is your will Lord" and somehow we feel like that is the right thing, and walk away from our prayer feeling "phew, I have prayed, I have interceded, I have asked it and he will do what He wants for me, with that prayer."

I have prayed FERVENTLY often ... I have petitioned God.  I have "stood in the gap" for people who needed prayer.  I have "held up the arms" of people (referring to when they held up Moses arms while a fight was going on, and while his arms were up, the people were winning, but when down, the people were losing, so they physically held his arms up).  I have sat with someone who lost her child, and heard her recount how they prayed together before the family left that day, and yet there was an accident, and her son was killed, and others were hurt.  And how she told me that her husband said (in regards to prayer) that God is going to do what he wants regardless of us anyway.

I have questioned WHY GOD when the answer seemed so contrary to what seemed RIGHT for that instance.  I have thanked God - even when it was hard, because the answer didn't seems to fit.  I have also thanked God FOR answered prayers the way I thought they should be answered.  (note: I said answered the way I THOUGHT they should be).

I have talked to people about their use of prayer, as if God was this "lucky charm" that they pull out when they want something ... i.e. a close parking spot, a goal for their team, etc

I have responded/watched with so much joy, and tears, the answers to prayers that are literally MIRACLES such as the absence of a tumor when the doctor goes to operate, or a limb that "grows" in front of someones eyes.  I know, these things ~ we don't see as often do we?  Is it because as some people say "it just doesn't happen today" or is it because of our lack of faith, our lack of praying with boldness?  

Going back to the "aha" moment for me - it goes back to describing how the word that is used in the scripture - the word to ask - is depicted by thinking of a beggar approaching a generous person.  The beggar has no right to demand anything - but approaches the generous person.  Oh Lord .... that is me - often - a beggar.  I know that you will supply all my needs, I know it is about trust.  The part of my "aha moment" was when I read in my footnote: He will only give the things that are "good" (agathon_ in light of eternity.  What God deems "good" may not be what the believer desires, bit it is that which God has chosen to carry out His plan and bring the believer into a closer relationship with him."

Of course - it is God who deems the best, or the good - and it IS all about eternity.  It is all about what will bring me closer to Jesus, the lover of my soul!  It IS all about bringing God the glory!! 

Why was this "new" to me this morning?  Not sure, all I know is, it was.  Or maybe it was "new again" so to speak.  Just as Jesus spoke with his disciples, bringing them comfort, helping them to understand his relationship with his Father - and how if they believed HIM, they believed the Father - because they were one - I am thinking that perhaps this morning, JOY KLASSEN (me!)  needed this reminder to, a "refresher" first thing before I started my day!  And for that, I am so thankful again!  Thankful that the WORD of God is truth!!  It is living and active!  And it brings me "aha" moments as I read!  The eyes of my heart continue to be opened and enlightened!  To God be the glory!!

Now .... on to my day!

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Daughter, Ashley

How can it be - that this time 28 years ago, I was gazing into the eyes of my little blond haired, blue-eyed bundle of sweet joy! Our Ashley Marie born March 23rd.  A little sister to Josh.  And our gift from God - as we had really wanted a girl.  In those days - we did not do ultrasounds unless the doctor really thought there was a problem.  AND so we did not know the sex of the baby until he/she was born!  I was so sure we were having a girl (just like I was so sure we were having a boy when Josh was born).  SO SURE although I began to feel "bad" for being so sure it was a girl, that I went out and bought a "boy" sleeper just in case!  We only had girls names picked, and the girl would be either Ashley MARIE or Ashley NICOLE.  I think Ashley suits her name, Ashley Marie.

So we celebrated yesterday (I am not writing this on Sunday, being today, since I kept falling asleep yesterday when I was trying to write something).  We enjoyed waffles and all the fixings, and I made her "grasshopper" pie as her choice for a birthday cake!  We lit the traditional birthday torch - and sang, although rather subdued singing since Mattie was sleeping.

This year I decided I would do an acrostic for each of my loved one's birthday - and so, here is Ashley's!  ( oh my, I just realized I forgot to post for Alvin!!)  But today we bask in the memory of family spent celebrating Ashley Marie!!

Amazing at many things - but most of all - amazing at being a MOM!!
SINGS "like an angel" - this is how everyone described Ashley's singing!! She has sung from the time she could make a noise!!  Her singing has blessed many - and especially this mom!!
HOME-body!!  She loves to travel - but she gets homesick fast - which is a good thing I think!!
LOVING.  This needs NO explanation!!  She loves her family and friends fully!
Extends forgiveness and grace. Ashley does not hold grudges and I have seen how she forgives people quickly and also uses grace in relationships!

Young version of ME!!  I see so much of myself in my daughter that it is scary!!  (NO just kidding about it being scary!!  But there is alot that we share - her and I!!


Musical:  not only does she sing, but she is skilled on the piano and the guitar!!  Ashley also played french horn in junior high (much to her chagrin!!)  Ashley is musical to the core of her being!!  Her music has touched the lives of many - and she has used music therapy to reach out to people, including her Grandma, as she was dying.

Accomplished!  Ashley is a multi-tasker and gets the job done.  She has accomplished much in her 28 years - travel, schooling, work, but the biggest and greatest accomplishment is becoming a mom to Matilda Joy!

Ready to help ~ Ashley is always there to help me and others when needed - whether it be cleaning, baking, dropping off a meal, helping me out with a computer bind (of which I have many) or just being there for me!!

In Love with Jesus!!  I love watching what the Lord is doing in her life, and with her and through her - and it is my prayer that God would continue to make her into all that He has for her!

Encouraging and enjoys life!

Ashley, my dear sweet daughter - the one that God gave to me - our desired daughter!  I am so glad that  you are YOU!!  You have touched my life sweet daughter.  The very things we tease you about - the strong willed-ness is something that you can use in life - to get ahead, as you persist in areas whether it be relationships, or schooling, or just learning more and more about being a mom to Mattie.  I love watching you!  I see myself in you and I sometimes am amazed at how much we are alike - and yet still different.  You have alot of dad in you too!  You sweet daughter -  I love with all my heart - and I thank God for you!  I could not imagine my life without you!!

I pray that this year ahead is full of excitement and lots of wonderful times with Michael, with Mattie and with us!!  I look forward to living so close to you all!!

Happy birthday dear daughter - you my sweet One - are SO LOVED!!

Love you more than 5!!

Mom

xoxoxo

a second helping

Tonight I have been filing, or should I say, I have been going through some bins, in an attempt to clean up some of the stuff that was filed away in a hurry (in a big rubbermaid bin!) It was some stuff from a combination of 2009 and 2010.  Some bills (which I filed now) and some personal stuff (articles, etc) and it feels oh so good to get the stuff in folders and filed!  YES!!  I love that feeling.

I also had a chance to read through some personal stuff.  Some stuff brought a little pain as I read it (sometimes you think the hurt is gone, but it is still there ...)  Other stuff made me smile.  Then I was also doubly blessed when I found a letter that my sweet daughter Ashley gave to me.  There is no date on it, but I guess I am thinking it is likely from the same time period - 2009 to 2010.  It was like a "second helping" of blessing!!  I am so thankful for this reminder - of surrender!

Hey Mom, 

I was just at my piano singing and playing, and as I sang one of the songs I could picture you in my head singing it.  The words reminded me of you, and how you are trusting God, surrendering to him, praising him and being faithful.  I love you and I'm always so encouraged and inspired by you and your faith.  

here is the song:

Surrender

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King.
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life.

And I surrender, ALL to you, all to you
And I surrender, all to you, all to you

I'm singing you this song
I'm waiting at the cross
All the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
for the sake of knowing You
the glory of Your name
to know that lasting joy
even sharing in Your pain

I surrender, all to you, all to you
And I surrender, all to you, all to you

~~~~~

Love you,
Ash