a word from one of my pastors - on FAITH

I love my church.  Absolutely love it, and thank God for the family of God that we worship with on Sunday mornings.  I am realizing that doing retreat ministry has changed our weekends, or especially MY weekend - a lot - and so I am just delighting in every Sunday that I get to physically sit in the pew.
Today was one of those Sundays.  (next Sunday I will be home with a retreat-er so will not be in church).

Anyhow - the sermon series is called "Essentials by Design" and this Sunday Pastor Delbert spoke on "Faith".  (Last week it was LOVE)  The scripture he used was from 1 Timothy 1: 12-16 where Paul is writing to young Timothy.  Paul talks about how God "considered me trustworthy" or other words would be "judged me" or "sized me up" AND God put Paul into serving Him!! Paul - the one who was the great persecutor of Christians - was stopped dead in his tracks - and for the very first time, with blinded eyes - he (as Delbert put it) "gets to see Jesus!"

Delbert explained the difference between "believing in God" and "faith" which is "acting upon the things you know that are true about who God is!!"  Jesus says - "Joy (insert your name instead) - have faith in me - and that the things I have done for you (going to the cross for your sin) - those things are true!!"

But Delbert also challenged us to move away from "strictly believing" and "act upon what we know!" And also to let Jesus go deeper with us!!  It is important to share our story with others - and "when you tell your story - there is an eruption of praise that comes out of you!!" (as Delbert said it)

An eruption of praise!!
Oh my goodness - what joy - what delight - what praise - all to the One who has redeemed me, and made me one of His own!  A sinner saved by grace.

Somehow - the sermon was so very simple - and yet so very profound!  I left pondering the words that I heard.

I believe that we all have a story.
But perhaps not all of our stories include Jesus Christ - redeemer - Saviour - Rock - Comforter - Counsellor - the great I AM - ....
I am so thankful Lord - that you are my Saviour - my beloved - and you love me SO much.
You have given me a story to tell - and may my life be an eruption of praise!

You Surround Me

For some reason, I was thinking tonight of a song that I loved the first time I heard it!
It is by one of my favorite musicians - Brian Doerksen and the son is called You Surround Me.

Lately, there has been a lot on my/our plate.  

It seems that since January 1 of this year - there has been a lot on everyone's plate.

A buffet of emotions for us to chew on ...

A plate overflowing most of the time.

There has been tons of good stuff

But there has been tons of hard stuff.

Really HARD stuff.

Lately we have been praying hard - for many things

And we have seen God answer in some amazing ways.

But we have also seen people and friends going through some really really tough times

So I am reminded again - YOU O Lord, YOU SURROUND ME!!

You will never let me go

I can't live my life without You

oh such beautiful words

such a timely beautiful reminder

I am glad that I am listening to this song just now - as I get ready to get to sleep

The words can resonate in my being while I fall asleep ... (I especially like the Gaelic)

You

Surround

Me!!

The words go like this:

You surround meYou indwell meYou're beside meEver present always nearYou're the whisperCalling my name gentlyLove eternalReaching to me jealous for me

(Chorus)I will stay with You foreverArm in arm we'll walk togetherYou will never let me goI can't live my life without YouMy whole will to live is for YouYou've awakened me to know

I can't live my life without YouI can't live my life without YouI can't live my life without You

there is just so much .... so.very.much.

we likely could all say this at one time or another

I feel like I am eating my own words these days, as I look around me and see so much pain
well maybe not eating my own words, but definitely putting my own words to the test
(having just delivered a sermon a couple weeks ago on suffering and pain)
there is just so much
so much suffering
so much cancer
O Lord ... there is just so much.
so
very
much

"I am with you"

Yes Lord, I know that
But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could see you
and I wish I could talk to you - face to face
I wish I could see your eyes!!
I wish I could ask you the hard questions that just always seem to rise to the surface
You know Lord ...
all those "why God" questions
that there are no answers for ...
at least not on this side of heaven
and I have a feeling when I see you in heaven - my questions won't mean a thing any more!

"Trust Me"
Lord.  I do.
Or at least I THINK I do.
It really is called "blind trust"
because I am choosing to trust - even when I can't see
I am choosing to trust - even when it looks dark
I am choosing to trust ~ even when it feels like there is no good answer coming
I am choosing to trust - because I know that you are GOD and YOU are in control!

"Do you believe it though?"
Of course God - of course I believe you are in control
Of course I know I need to trust you with all my heart
Of course I believe!!
But well, sometimes God - I feel like I am going through motions
And I hear my words coming out but sometimes I feel like my heart is trying to catch up
But I do believe
O Lord, help my unbelief at times!
O Lord, strengthen my faith!

"Will you trust me in the dark too?"
Lord, I think I have trusted you in the dark
I called it the dark night of the soul
It was so dark - so incredibly black.
I trusted you because well, because I felt like I had nothing else!!
Nothing but you!!
YOU ARE ALL I NEED
I know that.
You are truth, and life
beginning and end
rock, shelter, refuge, provider,
creator, guide, shield, King, judge,
Almighty, beautiful Saviour, the Door, Eternal One,
faithful and true, the Good Shepherd,
I know that you are just and good, that you are loving and kind
that you are merciful and near to the brokenhearted
I know that you are the RISEN LORD, and that you alone are GOD!!
So yes Lord, I will trust you - even in the dark.

"Then give me you family.  Give me your friends.  Give me your journey...
Entrust each one you love, each one you are praying for ... along with your own life...
Entrust it all into my care!!"
Lord, there is so much - like I said - with cancer alone, it feels like there are so many suffering
(trust me)
I wake up at night - and think of them - and pray
(trust me)
Sometimes I feel like I have my kids, my grandkids clutched tightly in my hands
(give them to me completely - trust me!)
And my friends ... O God, there is just so much!
I see their facebook status, I talk with some on the phone
I hear about them through mutual friends
(trust me)
O Lord - help me to lift them before your throne

"And you too!!!  I am here - give me your stuff too"
Yes Lord, I am just feeling a little out of sync
A little tired - and in need of some good quiet time with you
Feeling a little overwhelmed with how full life is at times
And with the pain around me
It just seems deep and like a surrounding circle
It just seems like so very much...
that I just seem too tired to even talk out loud to you...
I am so glad Holy Spirit that you are living within me - and you speak -
with groans that can not be expressed in words ...

hmmm... maybe that is what I can hear if I am really really quiet!
just before I fall asleep
I am so glad Lord - that you are here for me - always
and you... you never slumber or sleep!!
I love you.

This is the scripture that just came to mind - it is one of my favourites!!  This is about my/our God!!

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

the sermon

It feels like it has been forever - and well, I guess it has been a couple weeks.  My thoughts have been tied up in sermon prep for a sermon that I presented today, at our home church (Eastview Community Church).  It was a sermon on When Life Hands You Lemons - or "living well when life isn't" ...
or the bottom line - it was a sermon on pain and suffering.

I struggled through sermon prep.  Now, I love the prep part as there is always something that I learn when God has me preparing a sermon.  I cut and paste, cut and paste... add something here - delete - save - print - read it out loud - and on and on.  However it was right around Tuesday of last week - that God made it clear, that the sermon was done - and now I just needed to read it out loud a few times, so that it would flow well on delivery day.

Delivery Day - it was last Sunday - and in both services.

I get asked often - "do you get nervous?"  I do get nervous.  Actually pretty nervous.  However, I also think that if I didn't - then I would be doing it in my own strength - now in God's.  Usually after the first few lines - I feel like God just unfolds it.  And then - it is done.

I was very conscious last Sunday - of the pain within our circle - within our congregation at large - and within our friendships - and as I shared last Sunday - it is so obvious - that life is NOT an easy stroll - but instead - it is hard work. That Jesus never promised our life following him would be easy - NO - he told his disciples in John 16:33 - that in the world there would be troubles but that He has overcome the world!!

Our church it seems, has gone through hard stuff - pain and loss - since the new year.  On Sunday - I was VERY aware of pain and suffering within the congregation as I saw tears flowing after.
I also feel like we have - within our little family - the pain and loss - losing my sweet friend Audrey, and then my oldest niece within weeks later.  Lately, I have been struggling with some physical suffering - with the same old fibromyalgia issues.  My sister has been having some health issues - and my close friend is waiting to go through chemotherapy after a double mastectomy.  And then add to that - hearing about friends from school who are battling their own cancer fights ...

Looking at the pain and suffering - could paralyze us couldn't it.  Sometimes it seems like even cancer alone - is crowding into our inner circles - and it is just plain ugly.  And I have come to realize that there are times when I can become very consumed with my own pain that I can get into my own little pity party quite nicely - and well that isn't good for me or anybody.

The year that we lost our little Jay - I had begun the year - as I do EVERY YEAR in my journal - with giving it to God - from January 1 to December 31st - every single day.  Of course we don't know what the year will hold - we found that out in 2008 when the year looked like it was packed full of celebration!  (no one ever thought of our little grandson's silent birth would be part of our year) Thing is - this is how we live - in really - blind trust - taking one step and then another - sometimes trying to plan - sometimes flying by the seat of our pants.  But all along - we are walking a journey with Jesus leading/walking with us/carrying us/rejoicing over us/singing over us/delighting in us ...  Jesus must be the main part of our days!!  Keeping our eyes FIXED on Jesus - oh YES!!

ANYHOW ... those are some of my thoughts - some of you had asked about the sermon - and if you want - you can go to our church's website and click on the link and listen/watch for yourself.
www.eastview.org

For such a time as this...

I love these two!
My sister, and my niece
xoxo

Today I wept.
It was unexpected.
I was just asked if I would say grace.
But I was not just saying grace for food that I had prepared and put on the table
I was also asking for God's grace on my sister and niece, who I have the pleasure of hosting
"For such a time as this"
Those words, from the book of Esther, have been running through my mind often lately
God knows
He knows the times
So here I was this morning, asking God for his peace
His grace
His healing
His tender mercies
over my sister, my niece and their families.

For such a time as this.
I believe that when God called 13 years ago
and spoke His vision for women's retreat ministry to me
entrusting it to me, and to us ...
He knew.
He knew that the ministry would spring out of utter despair and sorrow
when we lost Jay
it is NO surprise in retrospect
that it was in those days that God spoke ...
and that he gave more plan, more details to our kids

For such a time as this ...
I believe that when God spoke this vision to my heart
He also knew that there would be a branch to the ministry
that back in 2000, I would NOT want to hear
No!
O GOD please don't speak to me about starting a ministry that would provide a place
for peace
for healing
for retreat
for renewal
for quietness and solitude
for those walking the journey of intense grief.
O GOD please no.

Back in 2004, one of my friends with prophetic gifting, spoke into my life.
She told me of the dream God had given to her
But back in 2012 she told me a part that was missing
A part that she said she saw, but could not share
She said "Joy, in the dream, the grief on your face - was so intense"
She told me that after I had shared with her that I felt our journey in grief, would also be something that would be a part of who comes here.
O Lord ... for such a time as this.

Back at the end of January, I was showing someone the bedrooms
And I shared with them why we called the one room RESTORE
And I said - that anyone can stay in this room, but we felt it would have a ministry of its own.
I think my words were this:  "Who knows, but perhaps women from all ages/all walks of life will find this room a place of solace, whether they have lost a baby, or a child, or a grown adult child.'
Within a couple weeks, we stood around my niece's bedside, as she was taken off of life support and into the arms of the Almighty One.
And I immediately thought about my sister.

So it was this morning, as I prepared breakfast for Heather and Melissa (mom and daughter/sister and niece) I prayed ...
I have prayed for their stay here.
It has been a deep plunge into grief, and well, life has a way of making us so busy
that we don't get a chance to step out of life, into a place where we can just be with God -
They invited me to have breakfast with them, and to say grace.
And I did
but there were some long pauses in an otherwise short prayer.

O Lord - you are the healer of broken hearts - of shattered pieces.
I know that
You are the redeemer of ashes - for joy
I know that
Your mercies are new every morning
I know that
You are faithful.  You are Sovereign.  You are in control.
I know that, even though at times, my head and my heart fought over this!

It is very special to be able to offer this space, for my sister and niece
For such a time as this.
I have thought about my niece Keri alot today
And well - I know she is experiencing the fullness, and the wholeness, and joy that we can't describe
But O Lord, how we miss her.
O Lord ... how we wish we could have given her one more hug
One more I love you
One more little bit of teasing as her uncles loved to do
One more compliment

I know that we will be together again - all of us - grandparents, parents, our grandson Jay, my niece Keri ...
I know that with God - time is measured much different
And while it feels like forever - it is merely a breath.

So, in such a time as this,
I praise you for being the God of all comfort - of all healing - of abounding love and grace
And I thank you that your mercies are new every morning
O Lord - may that be what my sister and my niece feel today ...
and tomorrow
and the next days after

And may the pieces of their hearts, and my brother in law, and nephew through marriage, and their family - may those pieces come together in a way that only YOU can do GOD
because THEY NEED YOU to do that.  WE NEED YOU!!

Lamentations 3:23

The Message (MSG)

^22-24 God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
    his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
    How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
    He’s all I’ve got left.

thoughts from yesterday ...

It has happened every year since our little firstborn grandson's birth.  The days leading up to his birthday are hard ones.  They are a reminder that we will celebrate Jay's birthday without Jay.  They are a reminder that our lives stopped that day, and new lives began.  Yes, with remnants of the old us, but new lives with changed people.

When our little grandson was born - we prayed... and prayed.... and prayed.  Minutes passed ... more minutes, and then it became very real.  Jay was with Jesus, not with his mommy and daddy, or with us. Even writing that, the "feeling" grips my heart and the cold feeling washes over my being.  I will never forget that day.

I realize now, that people did not know how to enter into the deepest pain of our lives.  And now, five years later, I get it.  Let's face it, losing a baby is not something we ever want to be able to be used to ... I still think it should never happen.  I still want to know WHY GOD?  However, I also have come to see that losing babies, happens more than I ever knew.  I am very aware of pain of loss in many young couples arms.

Since that day - 5 years ago yesterday - I have come to forgive the hurtful and insensitive things that were said to us.  And I have just said, "O Lord, they have never encountered this, and hopefully they never will."  Since that day, I have wept so many tears, that I am sure God has many bottles stored with them.  Since that day, I am convinced that He has wept with us too.  Since that day I have taken many flowers and laid them on the little gravesite.  Since that day we have also encountered joy in the grandsons that Josh and Leah have also had, and their births have brought much joy.  MUCH MUCH MUCH joy.

I have seen that God redeems the broken pieces of our hearts.  And he puts them together.
I have been able to forgive those who I felt stepped on the pieces as they lay shattered around us.
I have been able to pray for others who have gone through such heart ache.
The prayers for my kids - I can't describe that.
Honestly, there is NOTHING like the pain of seeing your kids in such deep pain, and not knowing how to help.  There is no way to help - besides a bit of practical help, other than that ... oh man, I prayed.

Since that day - I have also seen how God redeemed the ashes for joy, and has brought new mercies.
It was during that time - God said to get the ball rolling on the ministry.  What I thought was "bad timing" on His part (not now God, don't you see that we are mourning?) but soon realized He was also speaking to our kids about the ministry too ... and the reason we built how we built, and where we built and all of that ... is because of how God laid it on the broken hearts of our kids, and they shared that with us.  So, in this ministry Women Refreshed at the Well ... I see how something beautiful did come from the greatest sorrow we have ever experienced.

5 Years ago - I made phone calls to important people in our lives.  Family, and a few close friends.
Our friends wept with us.  Our friends asked us to come over to just cry, or talk, or sit in silence.
One pair of those who were there for us were Al and Jan - and we will never forget those phone calls.  The reassurance of people praying.  The reassurance of their broken hearts for us.  Within minutes - Al had gotten a prayer chain - stretching all over the world - praying on our behalf.  Family prayed.  Friends prayed.  Strangers prayed.

So it was good, that this week - from Monday to yesterday, we were hanging out with Al and Jan at their cottage.  We got to talk about those phone calls ... and they let us talk again, about remembering our Jay.  One friend on facebook put it this way when I put something about missing Jay, on my status. She said this:  you will never forget...and that's a precious thing. Jay is so blessed to be born into your loving family. I love that although his time with you was short, he left such an imprint on your hearts


You see - yes - we only got to know Jay as he was growing inside his Mom ... but we dreamt about him  - what he would be - who he would be - how we would grandparent.  And then we got to hold him, and let the tears fall from us, onto his little blanket.  His imprint on our hearts is huge ... and always will be.

I sometimes imagine how he is in Heaven.  Alvin dreamed about Jay just after we had his little burial service.  I imagine the joy of his great grandparents - all of them - and I believe they knew exactly who he was, and I think they are spending their time with him.  Sometimes I have asked the Lord to tell my little grandson just how much I miss him.  I realize that once I am in heaven - all the "WHY GOD?" questions that I have here - will no longer be a question I will care to ask.   I know that one day - we will be together - and what a day that will be!  

Till then I will thank God for the time we could hold our little grandson ...
I will thank him for walking/carrying us through the hardest times, and for continuing to bring healing and joy again.

Yes, it was a short time, but the imprint on our hearts is huge!
We will never be "through it" or "over it"  (why do people say things like that?  "Are you over it yet?)
No ... losing Jay is part of our story - a story that God knew about, and knows about still.

And our hearts continue to get stronger where the breaks were.
And we will always remember.

And, I continue to thank God for the dvd Jer put together for us.
Jay Benjamin Klassen

weathered. worn. wrinkled.

my hands
weathered
worn
wrinkled

hands that love my grandkids 

these were my hands when I was months old
not weathered
or worn
and certainly not wrinkled

hands with a story
I thank God for that!

I look at the hands 

weathered

worn

wrinkled 

oh the story they could tell

the places they have been

the things they have done

the hands that have been clasped in them

the tears that they have wiped

the ticklish spots they have tickled

weathered

worn

wrinkled 

oh the story they could tell

the things they have made

crafts they have created

baking they have baked and delivered to others

knitting they have done (purl one, knit one)

counted cross stitches they have stitched

weathered 

worn

wrinkled

of the story they could tell

of mission trips

and holidays

with family and with friends

of folded laundry

and ironed clothes (before everything was wash and wear)

weathered
worn

wrinkled

oh the story they could tell

of hugs around children’s necks

and applying bandaids on scraped knees

of turning pages of story books

and tickling backs of sleepy children

of ring around the rosie

and skipping rope

of playing tic tac toe

and helping little hands write their names

of smoothing hair

and touching an arm for assurance

of holding hands while crossing the street

or just because holding the hand of someone you love - feels so good

of caressing the love of your life

and gentle touch on the little loves of your life

and all the touches in between, given to children who have blessed you

weathered

worn

wrinkled

oh the story they could tell

of turning the pages of Curious George

but also turning the pages of her favorite book - the Bible

of writing letters

and penning poems

of journalling and blogging

hands that have given direction to children

have picked loved ones up when they need a hand

hands that have made a cup of coffee

and opened the door to entertain friends both old and new

weathered

worn

wrinkled

oh the story they could tell

stories of her hands being used

to love

to care

to help

to guide

to work

to teach

to craft

to have fun

and to serve

Hands

weathered

worn

wrinkled

touching the hands of another

who has the whole world ahead of them

O the stories their hands will tell.

I look at the hands

weathered

worn

wrinkled

and I see the hands of my mom

who has been with Jesus for many years now

I remember her hands

and realize that her hands helped me become who I am today

but I realize that the hands I see

weathered

worn 

and wrinkled

these

hands

are

mine!

O Lord, please make these hands to be an instrument of your peace and your love.  

May you give me strength to serve you with my hands.  

Please Lord, give me the strength to use them for your honor and glory.  

Help me to bless others with my hands.  

O Lord, may you use my hands to bless my husband, my kids, my grandkids, 

my family and friends - both old and yet to meet.  

Thank you for the stories my weathered, worn and wrinkled hands tell.  

To you O Lord, I give praise, and thanksgiving and glory!  

Amen.