Hunger & Thirst

Hunger & Thirst

"I am the Living Bread"
Bread
"I am the Living Water"
Water

Hunger
Thirst
Eat
Drink
Be satisfied
Live.  Live eternally! Live

The road is long, rough and dusty
Sweat rolls down my cheeks and onto my neck
One foot in front of another
Step.  Step.  Step.

Lips parched
Mouth dry

Between hunger and thirst
My being is finding it hard to distinguish between the two
It just knows it's in need of sustenance

As the green trees are lush because of the water
So my being feels like it needs to be fed and watered
Not thrown a few crumbs... but fed real food
And to be able to drink from an overflowing well.

"I am" He says - Living Bread.
"I am Living Water!"
Whoever believes will never hunger or thirst again ~ EVER.

O LORD GOD, it seems so simple.
Why would I not choose to keep eating and drinking from you
And yet often ~ I revert to the crumbs of fast food and sips of other drink
that only temporarily feeds and quenches the empty hunger and thirst of my soul.

"I am the Living Bread.
Eat!"

"I am the Living Water.
Drink!"

"Believe.
Live."

Plodding along step by step
I realize that I often stop short and sell out to the quick and easy
because I get tired, or bored or just sell myself short.
Your Way O LORD isn't always easy
I know that, so why do I keep getting sidetracked
I am a seasoned traveller
Walking this route with you for the last 50 years
And yet, I still get taken by surprise.
You have carried me.
I've walekd hand in hand through mountains and valleys
You've fed me.
You've quenched my thirst.
You've given me the pull up when I've landed face down.

I know YOU are life
Yet like being on a diet, sometimes I treat you the same way -
and try other things while knowing nothing else fills, quenches or satisfies my soul

You are my bread.
you are my water
You are sweet to the taste
fully satisfying
fully quenching

Remind me Holy One
to keep eating
to keep drinking
from YOU!!

I love you Lord.
Joy
written in journal Jan. 8th, 2016
while in Huatulco, Mexico

time

I can hardly believe 

the number on the calendar

15

today is the fifteenth

where  oh where does time go

second upon second

minute upon minute

hour upon hour

days

weeks

months

I want to shout STOP

just 

STOP

and let me revel in this moment

at this time this day, this month, this year

but I know time ticks on

time was not created to stand still

but to be a marker of moments

hours, days, weeks, years

a marker of milestones

of family, friends, acquaintances

of appointments,

meetings

and coffee dates

in my life lately time has marked

advent walk through 

ministry retreaters

Christmas parties

and family birthdays

and everything that belongs to this wonderful season of Christmas

time ticks on

and I find myself attending my grandchildren 's Sunday school program

and my grandson's kindergarten concert

beaming

waving like a granny gone mad lol

and sitting misty-eyed

because I am remembering other times

of Christmas pageants and school concerts

and yet it feels like yesterday

when I got to the school an hour before in order to get a good seat

time

you measure moments

celebrations 

but also sorry and life changing events

we wait for time to pass

then lament where it has gone

It is a respecter of no one

although at times we hear that "time has been good to them"

time teaches us that we need to treasure the gift of today

without trying to rush to the surprise of tomorrow

time ticks

as hair turns grey 

and hands wrinkle

and steps get slower

and yet in one's mind "it seems like yesterday"

time

my best friend  - my not so best friend :)

you make me frazzled when overbooked

and yet at other times you make me quite content in the moment

fully aware

fully awake

fully alive

to the time around me - 

to sights, sounds, smells 

without you

I'd never know the grace that comes with age

the wrinkles that come with laughter

and the wisdom that comes with living life

without you

id never move out of my cozy house

or comfy pew

or complacent job

or walk in adventures with my husband, my kids and my grandkids

without time

i would never see my grandkids grow

and run and talk

i would never see the beauty that God brings our of ashes

I would never see the forgiveness that happens after its worked through

I would never see the heart heal after broken into a million pieces

I would never venture out in boldness 

and Id never learn to count my blessings

time you are my friend and sometimes you feel like my foe !!

you felt like you were never ending when I was a child

carefree and living a simple and good life

but now as and adult you cause me to reflect backward and sometimes i feel old

time

you have reached through the good times

but felt like you stood still during the sorry

and yet time

you've grown me

you've defined moments in my life

you have sealed occasions in my memory

and have made me realize in retrospect

the great life God has given me

through my 57years of time

time

you measure my life

but you are a gift from God

and I am so thankful

- Joy

December 15, 2015

"time has a wonderful way

to show us what really matters"

- Margaret Peters

breath of God

Based on my quiet time with God this morning, as I was lead to read Ezekiel 37 which is about the valley of dry bones.  These are my thoughts.

carried away by the Spirit

he was taken in a matter of no time at all

to a valley

not just any valley

but one of desolation and eat

bones were everywhere

dry

dry 

bones

too many to count 

and while standing eyes wide open 

in wonder and astonishment

he head the voice of God

clearly 

God was right there 

and asked him a very interesting question based on the sight before his eyes

"Son of Man can these bones become living people again?"

everything within in felt like that was impossible

yet, just being there, carried by the Spirit of the LORD 

he knew he was going to see something amazing

he had that feeling

"O Sovereign LORD" he answered 

"You alone know the answer to that."

and then he heard the Sovereign LORD during him to speak a prophetic word

from the lips of this visionary prophet

not just any words, but words that came straight from the mouth of God, to his

"Dry bones listen to the Word of the LORD.  

This is what the Sovereign LORD says, Look I am going to put breath into you

and make you live again.

I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin.

I will put breath into you and you will come to life.

then you will know that I am the LORD."

the prophet stood there briefly

digesting the words given him to speak

breath

life

wow!

And then he spoke clearly and boldly to the dry bones

and before his eyes

the valley resounded with the rattling of not just one

but thousands of bones

shaking

moving

rattling

what a noise

what a sight

even though scattered

each bone knew where to attach with the other

making up complete skeletons

And before his eyes

muscles and ligaments attached 

and then skin ~ 

full complete bodies

but while complete

they had no breath

But the sovereign LORD told the prophet to speak prophetic words again

calling to the valley

and specifically calling to the bones

"O breath from the four winds

breath into these dead bodies

so they may live again."

and there before the prophet's eyes

that all came to life

before his eyes - they stood

the sight of a mighty army totally taking his breath away

prophetic word revealed

spoken

and come to be

the prophet was brought to his knees by it all

and by the realization of the sovereignty of the LORD GOD that he served

"But what does this mean O Sovereign LORD?" 

and the  LORD GOD explained it all message of new life

to a people ini bondage

in exile

and without hope

dry bones

breath of God

new life!

And as I read about the prophet's encounter

I knew it was for me today

my dry bones can come to life

because of the breath of the holy spirit within me

And so I breathe deeply ~ 

waiting for him to fill my being

Today

I choose life!

Peanuts BlueJays and Woodpeckers

This picture does not do him justice at all!!

The sun is shining
The air is crisp
And the porch beneath my barefoot is cold reminding me that it's December
I dump the container full of peanuts into the bird feeder
and having stripped the wrap off of the seed block, I place it quickly on the prong
Knowing that within minutes my family of feathered friends will be there

I take my seat in the comfort of my home
Fresh cup of coffee in hand - I watch
and there they are in all their beauty.
a living reflection of the Creator
the jays beauty reflected by the shades of blue and sometimes raucous behaviour
the magpie who has found the bird feeder to be an easy snack
huge and powerful he flies in barely stopping to grab a peanut in its shell
he flies in, chasing all the others away merely with his intimidating presence
(and I thought the Blue Jays were big)
the nuthatch who loves to hang upside down and peck away at the block of seeds
and the woodpeckers with their red marked heads and speckled bodies arrive in all sizes.

God's array of beauty
in feathers, beaks and calls
Ive heard the Jay as he sits on the feeder looking towards the window and calling a specific call
which whether its his intent or not ~ when I hear it I know the peanuts are all gone
(the woman at Birds Unlimited did warn me about rationing the peanuts with the Jays!)

And then last but not least the cute little chickadees who (as my grandkids say) sing "chicka dee dee dee) when they are around

I watch them on this quiet sunny morning
and I realize that God's giving me many teachable moments through my feathered friends
If I believe the Bible is true - which I do
I believe what it says when Jesus uses the examples of the birds of the air
they are not worried about their lives because He cares for them SO how much more does he care for me!
Sometimes I forget that
and live my life as if I am in control
as if I have to make all the decisions alone
in my physical life I know i live recklessly and willfully rebellious often
Even though the Holy Spirit within me makes me aware of His presence and nudging
Oh how often I must quench the Spirit
Lord forgive me.

As I watch the birds eating for their sustenance and fuel
i realize the times i eat because I feel empty but its often not because of physical and real hunger
He has remained me today that He cares about ti all
each breath
each drink
each morsel of food
And has told me that He alone can fill that void
that I try filling with sweet things other than Him

I know that all the sweets in the world (or in my cupboard)
can't fill me up
He is the Living Bread
He is the Living Water
HE IS

I sat and watch the Blue Jays as they shake the peanuts to see perhaps if the shell contains one peanut or two
They pick up and drop and pick another
and sometimes shake it far back into their fullest and pick up one more peanut
Often they come to the feeder one after another like I have watched the planes at Chicago airport come in one, then another and another
This is God's Blue jay runway outside my window.

Oh and I just realize all the peanuts are gone
And i decide to and dump another container fools that I can continue to enjoy the teachable moments
of this hour
of this day
of my life

And then - like the kisses that God often places into my life as a reminder that HE is GOD and HE is HERE ... he sends the biggest woodpecker ever at the feeder.
The beautiful pileated woodpecker,


This is the Scripture the LORD led me to today:

Matthew 6:24-34New Living Translation (NLT)

24 “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

³⁴ “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Grateful!  May You also enjoy some teachable moments throughout your day!
blessings

joy

butterflies and other randomness

I keep thinking that I should change the name of my blog - but then it makes me smile as I remember when my son said "hello country mouse" to me and smiled while he said "Mom I knew you would love blogging"... and I do, but lately I have had no time it seems.  I wonder how many of my thoughts remain in my head and heart.  And I guess that's okay.    I realize that this middle aged - hmmm perhaps leaning a little farther past middle aged (unless I am going to live to be 114) is growing older (and I hope more and more kind, gentle, loving and gracious!) but some things do not change - I have thoughts, musings and I chase a few butterflies!!  (perhaps some of you smile because you know me, or you do this yourself)  You know you are in the middle of speaking and something catches your eye and there goes the thought and onto another one.  It is often that I see my kids just look at each other and smile.

So I figure I will just put a few of those random thoughts that I am having today - out there.  Maybe there are still a lot of butterflies!!

Here goes.

• my husband knows so many random things.  I will admit that sometimes I google (the odd time)  to see if he is right and he is.  How does he know these random things?  He just does.  For instance - about geese.  About their test flights as little ones learn how things go.  Or about how they "gather" together ... or why geese don't soar like the eagle we saw in our yard
• my foot has been bothering me.  I think I broke something in August - and so I am left with some pain and some weird "clicking"... thing is, I made myself a 100 day challenge and I am exercising in some way every day.  Perhaps this has increased the wear and tear on my feet and thus the issues lately.  
• apparently JetDry mixed with water and dish soap make for some beautifully streakfree windows.  Unfortunately ours are not streakfree and I think I missed the cut off to get someone to come and clean
• my friend Meggie is my most spontaneous friend.  I love being able to text and say "have you eaten supper" and then to be able to meet.  Her visits are life-giving.
• when I was writing about the streakfree windows that I don't have lol my auto correct kept trying to change it to just the word streak which reminded me of the time some of the boys on our Grade 11-12 Quebec Ontario School Tour went streaking after they snuck out ... NOTE:  I did not see this, I just heard lol
• today is grey and soon the snow will fly.  I hope we do have the el nino inspired winter that the Farmer's Almanac is predicting for Manitoba
• yesterday one of our pastor's (Pastor Dave Ens) talked about fear which included his fear of the flexed arm hang when he was a kid in school and the Fitness testing was coming up.  I realized I feared anything like that ... I loved playing baseball and soccer but I hated having to do the sit-ups, or the running ... hmm some things don't change!!
• I am a MARY ... love to sit at the feet of Jesus.  
• I have learned (with the help of the Holy Spirit) to become also a MARTHA and just realized that when I serve people - it is a gift that I can give them.  
• when I go to a party I like to find one person to talk to and sit in the corner.  I do not like big things with tons of people 
• I really don't like talking on the phone ... neither does my husband.  However ministry has forced me to do call backs and phone calls.  But just shooting the breeze on the phone - its hard for me
• I am an introvert 
• I love being a mom and a granny.  I had a granny ... my mom was called granny ... I am a 3rd generation granny!  :)
• I find it hard to keep rules at times - especially with my grandkids 
• Alvin made me learn how to drive a standard on Portage Avenue.  After trying for the third time to get through a light intersection - I think he was regretting it
• I have never skied but I wish I had learned. 
• Most of my wardrobe has some form of black in it
• I love salty things.  I also love sweet things.  Sometimes I love them at the same time *sigh
• I love working out when it is finished!!
• my only regret in life is not going into Education and becoming a Kindergarten teacher.  Instead I went into daycare.  Not comparison in pay or holidays!!  But it was good.
• my first dog was a little apricot coloured Pomeranian my dad bought me - and his name was Tippy.  Tippy met his fate when he lived on my brother-in-laws farm while we were building
• I love to sing but realize that lately I love listening more than singing myself.  
• Alvin and I have been known to laugh until the tears roll down our cheeks and we are almost peeing our pants.  Sometimes the thing that set us off isn't even funny.  
• raising our kids in the country was truly one of the best things I think we could have done for them
• my sweet friend Maxine inspired me to pray for my kids before they got on the bus every day ... that morphed into praying whenever we left from one another.  
• my first 20 years of life I was raised in a Brethren church.  The thing I cherish the most is that we broke bread (Lord's Supper) every Sunday.  I miss that
• my husband eats best when I am cooking for retreaters!!
• I love to knit.  My first project was a big sweater for my husband.
• I loved to bike but then didn't bike from the time I was about 14 until I was about 53 ... 
• my husband kids me about looking like a circus bear on my bike lol
• the first time I went biking again - I promptly wiped out
• the big beautiful eyes of my grandchildren will melt this heart any time
• while I love the idea of sleeping in past 7, I realize that I hate it when I wake up at 9 and feel like I have wasted the day (um, sounds like my husband's thoughts)
• my friend Josie and I bought t-shirts from a little store in Beausejour.  They had a dog on them, and he was smiling.  There were flowers.  It said Love is Beausejour Manitoba.  WHAT WERE THEY THINKING ... a dog? flowers?  And what were WE thinking when we not only bought them but WORE them.  Sheesh
• my first paying job was working at Smitty's Restaurant in Garden City Mall.  Still remember the ugly burnt orange with white puffy sleeves uniform - looked kind of like a little swiss girl. 
• I was a daycare founder/director, in the field for 25 years
• I was a pastor in our home church for 7 and a half years.
• I worked for Canadian Blood services for two years 
• Out of all my jobs - I miss CBS the most!
• at our church, I have a look alike apparently.  Cory and I have been mistaken many many times for one another.  
• I was the one that picked the color for the barn, and the navy color for the house.  Never before was a color decision so poured over
• I love the sound of water - fountains, oceans, rivers.  It is like a soothing balm.
• when I go to the Forks in the summer, the smells, the sounds, make me feel like I am on holidays somewhere
• the fountain in the SCU on Lagimodiere has not been on the last many times I have been there. but it always smells like a pool!
• we need a new hot tub cover
• being asked to be with Michael and Ashley while Ash was in labour with Matilda was a real gift for me.  
• the song from my childhood that I have sung to all my kids is called "The birdies in the treetop"
• God speaks to me - and I love listening!
• I like to be spontaneous and the ministry schedule has clipped my wings a lot in the spontaneity department!
• the best thing is to be all together with our family - kids and grandkids - whether it is just in one of our houses, or better yet - away on a holiday.  We travel real well together.
• we did a mission trip with Josh, Leah and Ashley joining us - in 2006 to the Dominican Republic
• we have two sponsored kids - one in the DR and one in Indonesia.  (World Vision and Compassion)
• I love bold fresh black coffee but sometimes I take it with cream as a treat
• my kids make me laugh out loud
• so do my grandkids
• there are very few people who still greet me with a kiss on the lips - this btw was a THOMAS thing.  
• I am thankful for my friends who speak into my life
• ministry makes me tired at times but it also is the place that brings life and where I know I am called
• I hate it if someone makes me feel stupid.  Ya, you don't want to do that.
• my favourite book is the Bible.  I just can't decide on the version right now.
• I hate wearing socks.  My daughter seemed to get the same thing ... so did my grandkids.
• I love watching the bluejays and other birds that come to the feeders.  
• God speaks to me in so many ways through creation!  Thank you LORD.
• chocolate - love it
• favorite pie:  chocolate pie and also rhubarb ... oh and lemon meringue .  (oh boy now I am craving
• white wine or red?  I used to like Red - then switched to white and now I think I prefer red again
• don't like winter ... but it is coming 
• we just turned the clocks back except for the one in an upstairs room because I forgot to ever turn it ahead!! 
• I just signed up for a painting class at our church - should be fun and interesting
• working on the theme for the advent walk through here - 3rd annual

Well ... that's enough randomness I guess - NOT THAT ANYONE HAS TO READ THIS but perhaps you did!  Hope you had a cup of coffee with it!  TTFN  (ta ta for now!)

hugs,

I almost fell off my chair!!

I am convinced that God must smile when He gets to show off His power, His might, His love to us
especially when we are least expecting it!!

It has been a full couple of weeks lately.  I am working along with a team of sweet sweet women (family and friends who are considered family ) on some ministry stuff.  Now, I will admit - I am prone to worry at times - especially when it involves money!!  While we were talking, I shared this with the planning group who were all quick to tell me that this idea is HIS - the ministry is HIS and HE will do what He does best - and that is being involved in our lives, in the ministry, and providing for us.  

On the weekend when I was doing my QT with Him - while reading in 2 Corinthians where Paul is talking to the church there about giving and about ministry.  At one point he tell them that "as a result of your ministry they will give glory to God and they will pray for you with deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you."  I was so deeply impacted that these verses on giving/on ministry, on God's grace, on our testimony was there that day because this girl (me)  needed to read that.  I finished my quiet time with prayer written in my journal giving God my angst regarding this ministry idea we are planning.  (a fundraising banquet)

It is all about Him.  This ministry we always try to hold loosely with upturned hands.

Alvin and I have seriously I don't think EVER in this way been on the same page in such a profound way.  He was the one that at one time before opening the ministry - felt that success was going to be measured by $$

On the way to HMI camp the one night he told me that God had impressed on him that we should not advertise on radio etc as he feels God is bringing those who need to come through word and mouth/social media Facebook and that instead we need to develop and pray about our donor base.  It is just a little overwhelming when I think of all God is showing me these days.  HE TOTALLY OVERWHELMS THIS COUNTRY MOUSE!!  And yet, every time HE does, I am always so surprised!!  I am so glad that He is so involved in my life!  Where would we be - where would our family be - where would our ministry be - without GOD!!

ANYHOW so here is the part that almost made me fall off my chair.  

Every Tuesday night is a concert of prayer at our church, Eastview Community Church.  It has been going for almost a year straight - right through summer.  I was not able to go since early June - for one reason or another - and my soul was missing it so much. (SO INCREDIBLY MUCH)  Last night I was able to go and in the morning - Alvin strongly encouraged me to go.  Now he sometimes comes too - but I know that prayer is definitely an area of gifting God has given to me.  SO I looked forward to going all day - and my heart was so joyful at the thought of meeting with the others to pray and listen on behalf of others.

Well, yesterday we also booked the even idea - Thursday, November 5th and knowing that means I have to give a deposit - so I will be honest - the anxiety was up a notch or too.  Nothing like a little angst to make you get on your knees again.

So last night I got there - and sat down.  As I was sitting there - in stillness, listening, praying - I was silently conversing with the LORD and my thoughts were such:

"okay LORD I felt like I needed to share about the ministry - about board members - about the banquet - about the finical concern - about sponsors, about donors . And I need to have a clear sign from you LORD because I don't want to sound like my request for prayer is soliciting for money ... so I will wait for a sign.  But then again God - you are so big - so powerful - that I know you could just get someone to pray for the ministry and these concerns if you want to.  So I will wait and see what I feel you are saying to me about it all."  I almost felt a little cheeky saying that - almost a little like I was trying to tease God into a response!  I knew God can do the impossible but still.

Well ... about half an hour later - Tania  begins to pray and she began with how she has felt an overwhelming sense to pray for me and for the ministry.  Well she prayed for every single component of my thoughts PLUS more ..

Then her brother Mark E prayed for prophetic gifting for me (I will have to tell you that story sometime, but it was also so on the dot) and then Mark's wife Allison prayed for strength and health and no pain with my FMS ...

I am not sure if I was sitting there with my mouth open or not - I felt like I was!!  God - He was really showing off to me - and I was totally dumbstruck!  I was totally blown away by God.  I can't help but think He had this huge smile too - like  He was saying - "well, you wanted me to show you didn't you!!"

I just actually got off the phone with Tania as she had to leave last night before it was totally over - I had shared with the rest about what God had done and wanted to tell her too.  She said she had very briefly talked with her friend Nikki who is on the board and had  told her we were having a banquet - but that was all. She told me that she just knew that God was saying she had to pray aloud for me and the ministry.  SO she did.

Oh man - over and over again God shows His power and might to me.  Over and over and over again.

I know HE is a God who wants to be involved in my life - right down to the details.

The other day, as I had told you ~ during my QT as I had prayed - I ended the journal entry by saying "LORD please blow my socks off once again."  Well seems like he stepped it up a notch!! Glad I was hanging onto my chair!  

ONLY.  GOD.

YES

ONLY.

GOD

Listen up - Moses is speaking!

These days, I am working through the Life Journal Bible reading plan put together by Pastor Wayne Codeiro (who we had the great privilege of sitting under his teaching one Sunday while we were in Hawaii)  I have started on this plan before - but this year - I am bound and determined to read through the Bible once again.  I have to admit - Leviticus ... not so fun reading ... but now I am in Deuteronomy and it is getting better.  Reading it through the S.O.A.P approach makes me read, observe, apply ...

ANYHOW ... today I was reading in the beginning chapters of Deuteronomy.  These are the chapters where Moses is speaking to the people and giving them the last big talk (BIG talk) before they cross into the promised land - leaving Moses behind.  (I have wondered how Moses felt - the sadness but that is for another post, not this one).

This chapter holds some of the verses that I love!!  Here they are:

4 “Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone.[a] 5 And you must love the Lordyour God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. 6 And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. 8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Moses is telling them - LISTEN UP!!  UNDERSTAND what I am telling you!  He is telling them to see the LORD as Sovereign!  To love Him with ALL their heart, soul, and strength.  To commit not just a bit - but WHOLE heartedly.  To tell their children !  Even to write them on the doorposts so that they will never forget!  After all - you go in and out of a door several times a day!!  What a good way to remember.

And this portion made me think.  And as usual, I have more thoughts than actual answers.  My thoughts take me into a place of contemplation ... and a place of wondering what my response is.  

Here are some of my thoughts:

Do I really love my LORD with all my heart?  With all my soul?  With all my strength?  If so ... what does that look like in my every day life?

I want to commit wholeheartedly.  My "word" for 2014 was "abandoned" as in I want to be totally abandoned to Jesus!!  Do I live a wholehearted commitment to Jesus?  And what does that look like in my life?

Do I talk to my children about the LORD?  To my grand children?  Is living for Jesus part of my every day in - day out conversation?  Do my children know that I am in a relationship with Jesus Christ?  Do I recount the faithfulness of God to me, to Alvin and I, to our family, to my parents, to my grandparents.  (My grandparents were first generation to love Jesus as LORD of their lives)

What are my thoughts in response?  I am so thankful that Jesus knows that I am so human - and often so negligent in my relationship with Him.  YET He still loves me so completely and unconditionally.  And covers me with such amazing grace.  WOW ...   In my every day, my thoughts are often on the LORD. He affects the decisions I make, the answers I give, the actions I take.  HE affects my relationship with others - family, friends, and acquaintances as well as new friends I meet through our ministry.  

I know that I want to be totally abandoned/totally and wholeheartedly committed to the most amazing Saviour Jesus.  I also know that sometimes I just run ahead on my own - as if I can handle life just fine.  (NOT)  Commitment is often hard - as sometimes you may not feel like doing/being/participating - but I have come to see that following Jesus - HE never lets you down.  My life is a continual giving up and giving over to Him.  Continual!  It's about laying it all down before HIM ... often many times during the day.  I am so glad He is good with that!  

Do I tell my kids, my grandkids.  YES!  I thank God that Alvin and I raised our kids in a God-loving home.  We may have done a ton of things wrong as parents - but we kept God as head of our home - and that was RIGHT :)   Over the last 15 years especially we as a family have seen over and over how God is at work in our lives - in mine, in Alvin's, in our marriage, in our kids, and I see how the grandkids hearts are already in tune with Jesus.  Over the last 15 years, we have walked through such extreme lows and such amazing mountaintop experiences and a whole lot of dusty road miles!  Seriously - there have been such hard times that we were face down often.  But always in hindsight - we see the plan that has unfolded and while we don't understand parts - we continue to believe He is Sovereign and in control.  Living our life in ministry now - has given us a new boldness, a new awareness of where the LORD leads you if you are willing to go on that adventure with Him.  Yep - an adventure for sure!  This is one reason that I really want to write my story - as I want to put in print even some of what the LORD has been up to in our lives - so that my grandkids can see HIS faithfulness to the generations!

I often wonder if I had been in the tribes of people - going from Egypt to the promised land - but wandering around for 40 years in the wilderness ... would I have been so rebellious - so heart hardened - so disobedient?  I will never know will I.  However, I know that sometimes this gal wanders around a lot - in her own wilderness, and one thing I know for sure - that walking WITH the LORD is way better than running some other way, or refusing to follow.

LORD GOD - you are my God and your are the ONLY ONE.  Help me to love you with all I have - my heart, soul, and strength.  Show me the times I am half-hearted.  Help me to be fully committed to YOU and to be a woman of faith for my kids, my grandkids and those who may come to know me.  May my life be a living testament to your faithfulness, your love, and your grace.  May all who enter through the doors to my home know that YOU are LORD of my/our life.  Amen.