PJ Mondays on a Thursday

PJ Mondays is marked on my calendar.  It is a short form meaning Prayer with Josie.  And for Josie, it means Prayer with Joy.

Josie has been my sister friend since we were 10.  That is a very very long time.  We met at Beausejour Elementary School in Grade 4.  I remember when we met.  She went to school with me until I believe Grade 8 when she then transitioned to MBCI.  It was then in Grade 11 that Josie and I lived together in "the White House" as (then) Mennonite Brethren College called it.  The White House was right next door to Redi-Mart (I think the Red Gym building is there now).  It was 1974-1975 and I am often humbled to think that our parents trusted us that much to live on our own at the age of 16. Two country kids!

Anyhow, I digressed.  I just wanted to say that Josie and I have been besties for a long long long time.  Through thick and thin.  Through weddings, birth of babies, deaths of my parents, moves (for them) from province to province, from country farming to city working.  And the most amazing thing is - for us we don't have to be in one another's space all the time, and aren't.  Life is just like that - and she has more kids than I do, so her life is fuller with family.

BUT the one thing we know is that - we will reach out to one another in good and bad.  And I know that in my friend, and she knows that in me - we will pray for one another.  We have one another's back and families in prayer.  I can't say enough about that part of our relationship.

Almost two years ago, the year that we celebrated 50 years of friendship, Josie and I finished off our 2 night Friend Getaway by sitting in a little park in Carman.  While the sun shone, and people worked around us - we sat there talking and then decided to finish our get away with a concentrated time of prayer.  We prayed for one another, and then for our spouses, and then our children, and our grandchildren.  I am not sure how long we prayed - but as the hour(s) passed, Jo and I stormed the throne room with our prayers.  It was amazing and beautiful.  Tears ran.

Last year, we did not go away for a friend getaway, but we spent the best part of a day in fall at Birds Hill Park.  We made a fire, brought breakfast, thermoses of coffee, lawn chairs.  We ate, laughed, talked and inhaled wood smoke lol .  The day looked to be a wet one, but it did not rain, and in fact I believe the sun shone once in a while.  While we were there, sitting by one another, we again stormed heaven on behalf of one another, our spouses, our kids and our grandkids.  We praised God first of all for the prayers that had been answered on behalf of our kids.  That was the beautiful part, and always is when we can look back and see the faithfulness of God!!  Prayer moves the hand of God I believe and brings us into deeper relationship with the Father.  SO. GOOD.

So after that time, and at the beginning of this year, we decided to pencil in PJ dates on our calendar - once a month.  We say pencil because we know that they travel to see their kids often ... and that depending on life, it may not always be the third Monday of every month that we have a "PJ" happen.  We just know that it will happen at the right time.  

PJ.  Prayer.  I believe firmly in the power of prayer.  Since my early 30's encounter with the Holy Spirit,I have prayed and prayed and prayed.  Prayed over everything. Okay, sorry, no, not everything.  I have not prayed for a parking stall close to store :(I have also had the privilege of being a part of a huge prayer line through our bestie Al Fast who is the hub of this line, sending out requests as they come.  Sometimes that can feel overwhelming, but yet amazing to know that people are there to pray for you.  I will say something here tho - I know that prayer lines can also just be righteous gossip lines and I encourage any of you, if you are part of a prayer line, or prayer team - PRAY.  If you get a request - stop immediately and pray.  Tell the person you prayed for them.  One of the worst things for me is if I have said I would pray and then I forgot, which is why in the past year, I have prayed immediately if at all possible, yes, even with a facebook comment.  BECAUSE our good prayer intentions can be just that ... and intention.  So I encourage you to pray right then and there for someone vs saying "praying" or "I will pray".

Prayer is a big part of my life.  Of the life of my family.  Prayer on behalf of others.  Prayer in person, or by email, or text or like this morning, we face-timed and prayed together.  I believe there are times when we should kneel, or lay prostrate before Him. But I also believe we can pray anywhere, any time, and in any way.  We can sing our prayers, write our prayers in our journal (whole other blog post) ... we can lay hands on people.  We can weep through our prayers and we can also literally cry out to the LORD.  Our eyes can be open or closed!  I think the prayer rules that perhaps some of us grew up with, were just things we thought was good because of reverence to the MAKER ... and I am not saying they aren't good (kneeling by bed before bedtime for instance, or folding hands and bowing heads) ... But what I am saying is I believe God doesn't really care how we come before him, just that we COME.  Like a child comes to their parent, crawls up on our knee, lays their head against our heart, and just talks.  Just like that!  That is how I believe my God wants me to come!!

This morning we came before Him.  Josie and I.  First one and then the other.  In prayer for each other and our walk of faith.  In prayer for our families.  In prayer for our grandchildren.  We prayed.

Coffee cup on one side.  iPhone in our hands.  Hearts and Heads and our voices tuned into Heavens throneroom,   Prayer raising up - transcending time, and space.  From our lips to the heart of the Father.

PJ Mondays happened today on a Thursday.  And it was good.  So good.

Who have you prayed with lately?  Who have you prayed FOR lately?

During this time of world crisis with the COVID-19, we can still pray for one another.

If you are someone who would love prayer - I would love to pray with and for you.

Email me at joyandalvin@gmail.com and we will decide how that happens.  And in the meantime keep brining your voice to the LORD, and know that those things that are too hard to speak of - the WORD says that the Holy Spirit speaks on your behalf.

I am also leaving you with a song from Rosemary which has blessed Alvin and I since we heard it at her concert last December.  PATH OF PRAYER ... please listen - and even subscribe to her channel on Youtube.  You won't be disappointed as her songs will calm your heart.  

Praying together,

with love,

 J

Chickadees, Life Reminders and Singing

They sing. It's early morning, sun is getting up still and I can hear the song of the chickadee. It is unmistakeable and beautiful .


During the day I see them, and many other birds including my Blue Jays (which hold a special significance for me) as they come to the feeders. Yes, I should figure out a different plan, as the squirrels also love the feed that falls though the deck below and sometimes ends up in the vents in our cars! However, I am not really willing to put their feeders anywhere else. Why? Because I love watching them from our front window.


The Blue Jays, the chickadees, the nuthatches, the woodpeckers including the odd appearance of the big Pilated Woodpecker. And oh, even the crows come when they can to take peanuts away from the Jays.


Regardless of the weather - they come. Even when the seeds are down to a minimum, they come.

And they are teaching this gal about life.


What are my lessons today:

- In the midst of the unknown they sing. EVEN IN THE MIDST OF A PREDATOR DANGER

- they do not worry about whether my feeder is full or not, they just go to where they hope there is food, or has been food before

- they trust that what is in the bowl is for their own good

- the internet says they know where the food source is (which is why it is a good thing IF you are feeding birds, to continue to feed them and not just quit)

- they sing and call for many reasons. Did you know that for instance, the cute little black capped chickadees .... have 16 calls!! 8 of them are regular and they believe that their language is complex like the human language!! This to me was unbelievable and so fascinating!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reKoV7pD9CA


The other day, the song HIS EYE IS ON THE SPARROW was on my heart. An old one, but such a good one. One that I grew up with, and hope that it never evades my memory!

I searched wikipedia and found this re: His Eye is on the Sparrow: "The theme of the song is inspired by the words of David in the Psalms and Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew in the Bible: "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye (Psalm 32:8). "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Matthew 6:26) and "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows" (Matthew 10:29–31).

Civilla Martin, who wrote the lyrics, said of her inspiration to write the song based on the scriptures:

Early in the spring of 1905, my husband and I were sojourning in Elmira, New York. We contracted a deep friendship for a couple by the name of Mr. and Mrs. Doolittle—true saints of God. Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for nigh twenty years. Her husband was an incurable cripple who had to propel himself to and from his business in a wheel chair. Despite their afflictions, they lived happy Christian lives, bringing inspiration and comfort to all who knew them. One day while we were visiting with the Doolittles, my husband commented on their bright hopefulness and asked them for the secret of it. Mrs. Doolittle's reply was simple: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." The beauty of this simple expression of boundless faith gripped the hearts and fired the imagination of Dr. Martin and me. The hymn "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was the outcome of that experience.


My mom was much like Mrs. Doolittle. Whenever in the hospital, my mom was known by the nurses and doctors as such as the "sweet little lady in Room number ..."      Like Mrs. Doolittle, she was always thankful. I remember the time that she even thanked the nurse who had poked and prodded her for a long time, trying to get the vein to give a sample of blood. My mom lived her life - she was "Jesus with skin on" to those around her. She was sweet and thankful at all times right up until she quit talking and lapsed into her unconsciousness a few days before her heaven going. I know my mom loved watching the birds too ... her bird book was one of the things I wanted when she passed away.

I think that God made the birds to teach us about life. I believe HIS eye is on the sparrow, and the chickadee and the Blue Jay ...  I believe his eye is also on me! 

Me and my anxious heart. Me and my million thoughts that crowd my sleep. Me and the tears that sometimes roll down my cheeks for seemingly no reason.  Me - this 61 year old wife, mom, Granny, sister, aunt, friend ... ME.  

I believe his eye is on the birds of the air such as the lowly Sparrow or the cheery little Chickadee, or the brave Blue Jay -  but that his heart is even more for us - his creation that He put a soul in. It is this soul within me that sees the birds, and is reminded of, and understands HIS love and care towards me. It is the soul within me that knows HE is with me through each day, no matter what. Even though these anxious days of the "Virus" ...  It is the soul within me that looks for His fingerprints all over my day, and also recognizes the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit within.

 If I was the chickadee I would be singing!! Hey ... who needs to be a bird!! He has made me - and  I have a voice to praise Him.  I can sing!  So, the song that was on my heart the other day - I have it here below, by one of my favorite artists - Join Me in praise!!

 

I sing because I'm Happy, I sing because I'm Free

His Eye is on the Sparrow ~ and I know He Watches Me 

love

  J

"

It would be so easy to be anxious ...

Steady my heart
Breathe in, breathe out.
God ... it would be so easy to be anxious ...
Help me to feel YOUR presence in the midst of this.


It seems that this is what I continually need to do - to breathe and let Holy Spirit speak in deeply to the depths of my being.
And he does - no doubt - He really does.

There are things that are happening these days that could cause us to stop dead in our tracks,
and want to run for the hills, with our families all intact with us.
Things that cause us to second guess who we see and how much.
Things that cause us to wonder, did I wash my hands long enough?  How long does it take to sing the ABCD song ..

It feels crazy and sometimes I want to shout STOP IT!!
Like that would make any difference except to give me voice for the angst that can easily build up
Angst like how much worse will it really get?
What if it .......  (you can fill in your blank)

And in the midst of it all, His voice speaks:  Peace!  Be Still.

Peace.
Be
Still


PEACE
BE STILL

And it takes me back to Scripture that I read just a little while ago during my daily reading - in the book of Mark.  Many of you have heard this story of Jesus Calming the Storm.

Mark 4:35-41 New Living Translation (NLT)

Jesus Calms the Storm

35 As evening came, Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake.” 36 So they took Jesus in the boat and started out, leaving the crowds behind (although other boats followed). 37 But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water.

38 Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?”

39 When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. 40 Then he asked them, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

41 The disciples were absolutely terrified. “Who is this man?” they asked each other. “Even the wind and waves obey him!”

When I think of it, I (we) are like those disciples in the boat.  Now, I don't like the lake per se (almost drowned when I was 12) BUT in my early years, from the age of birth to 10 years old, I crossed our LAKE WINNIPEG many many times.  USUALLY my dad was the driver of the barge that I was riding on.  I had faith in my dad, totally trusted him when he was driving that or the motor boat.  Thing was tho, our Lake Winnipeg can whip up into a nasty storm and believe me, you do NOT want to be on the Lake during that time ... or if you are, you were likely praying that you would get to shore safely.  

If you have had this experience, you know the feeling in the pit of your stomach - of the waves taking your boat up and down - and the water splashing into the boat and onto the people with every wave.  Let alone the fear of not being able to see the shore, or the worry about even getting there.  Then the worries about - what if I end up in the water?   Lake or Sea experiences can be very frightening, and we see that fear expressed in the disciples!  

Thing is, they had yet to find out who Jesus REALLY WAS... which is expressed in their question to Jesus "Teacher don't you care that we are going to drown?"  

Maybe they were tempted to shout "Jesus - wake up - how can you sleep during this?  Get up and help us - do something!"  They did not say that, but really, I think those thoughts were likely on the tip of their tongue.

And Jesus ... He got up.  He rebuked the waves and wind!  And it was still.  

Just like that.  Peaceful.  Calm.  Still

It is an interesting story, placed in between his parable teaching, and then right before Jesus delivered a demon possessed man.  I think it makes so much sense.  

And this is what I am thinking -  (don't shoot me if you don't agree, remember these are MY thoughts on this, and my blog :)

I believe that the enemy/devil knew about the demon possessed man.  He knew that when Jesus and his disciples reached the other side of the lake, the man who had lived in the tombs because of his demonic possession would greet Jesus.  Which he did.  He ran and fell on his knees before Jesus.  The demons within him spoke, addressing Jesus.  The demons name was Legion because he said, "for we are many" and then begged Jesus to send them from the man, into the heard of pigs.  Yes - demons know who Jesus is.  Remember how the devil became the devil?  Demons shudder at the sound of Jesus name.

I believe that the devil knew what Jesus was going to encounter and he didn't like that.  And I think he was likely quite pleased that there was fear in the boat!!  (until Jesus spoke)

The longer it took to cross the Lake the better it was ... I believe the devil knew that he could use those waves to shake the disciples belief, and have fear set in ...

The longer it took for Jesus to meet the demon possessed man ... the better (I think maybe that is what satan thought) as remember the devil likes to kill steal and destroy - but Jesus delivered this man and gave him LIFE TO THE FULL!!

I believe that God is fully in control, and He allows NOTHING to happen without his knowing.  But look at Job, we know that hard things - tragedies do happen.  We may not, NO - clarify - WE DO NOT usually understand why bad things happen ... but God still remains sovereign.   I do not understand why God gives satan permission to shake Job to his core, or to sift Peter like wheat ... and lets be honest, I know I am not the only one that has shouted out WHY GOD WHY... WHY DID YOU .... (again you can fill in the blanks)

I will also say, I think as with any of us who are parents and we have heard the ranting and ravings and tears of our children ... I believe our Father is okay with our stuff too!  We do not have to feel bad, or "sinful" for expressing our heart to our Father God.  

SO ... in the midst of the storm (which I am sure the devil loved to see those waves scaring the life out of the men in the boat) ... Jesus spoke and Peace came!    In the midst of the worst ever life for the demon possessed man in the tombs - Jesus spoke and delivered him and filled him with Peace and gave him LIFE to the full.  

My thoughts are that this Scripture is for me - for you - for us today.    I am not normally an anxious person.  My anxiety started back when I was pastoring after losing my grandson Jay.  I had not know anxiety up to that point.  It felt overwhelming and like I needed to run.  Lately, my anxiety has been big again (starting last summer). While I know have the tools to know why it happens and how to work with it, it still feels like I am being smothered.  I hate it.  Lately I have experienced a bit more, along with a sadness of what is happening.  Thing is, in regards to then latest thing flooding our lives ... we need to listen and pay attention to what our government is encouraging us to do in the midst of COVID-19.  

Is God in the midst of this - I believe He is.  Could he just snap his fingers and kill the virus, I believe He could.  Why doesn't He?  Well, that is a big question that I am not going to tackle here - but what I do want to say is this - I believe in the midst of this "storm" I am hearing HIS voice - Peace!  Be Still.    I believe that the BE STILL part is for me - for my soul, for my anxious heart, Peace.  Be Still.    I believe that God knows this and also knows the end of it, and that somehow the journey through this section of life is going to bring about things that we could never imagine - for our good, and for the good of others, and for HIS good.  

I also however believe that the enemy satan still is the one that wants to kill, steal and destroy and wants us to be fearful in this time.  I believe he loves to see us doubting the goodness of God, or even if He is Sovereign.  I believe that the enemy wants to see us living lives that are fearful, and despair filled, and anxiety laden and whatever else you are feeling, but friends, let's not let satan rob us!  Lets press into Jesus.  Pray!  Sing!  Worship!  Read His Word.  Sit in His presence.  Listen for his voice!

Remember that Jesus warned his disciples and us ... about the thief ... but Jesus said, HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.  Jesus said that in this life we would have trials - but He has come to bring life to the full.    So, in the midst of all of this ... when it would be so easy to be anxious - breathe in - breathe out - and experience all that Jesus has for you - in the midst of these times!  

Those are my thoughts for today,

Trusting my LORD for peace during the midst of this storm!

With love,

J

her bright smile filled up the room that I had come into with my heavy heart and confusion ...

I sat across from her

her bright smile filling up the cozy room where I had come with my heavy heart and confusion

I don't know where to start I told her

and she smiled and said, "lets call it a movie, tell me how it rolls"

and so I did

I talked about the things that have transpired over the past 11 years

things I thought I had put behind me

not that I was over them, or through them, 

but more that I was choosing to remember them no more

Father God does that with us all the time. 

And I said, I thought I had forgiven

however more things in my life (things that unfolded in the last year)  all of a sudden woke up that big sleeping giant 

and I was surprised and shocked and confused as to why one big thing brought the other thing back to life.

As if these two big "giants" were related.

Prior to the visit, 

I thought it was confusing.

My son said that he believed the woman with the big smile definitely had the skill set to help me work through this unrest in my soul.

This feeling that I was not able to quite put my finger on, so I called it "anger"

Actually I told her that it felt like "road rage inside me"

(to be honest, I have never experienced true road rage (thankfully) while driving, but this felt like what it may be like)

But that confused me too since I know that anger hasn't been a huge part of my life

in fact whenever I get angry, I get dizzy

almost as if God wired me that way as a way to say - "back up, step away from the situation and breathe!)

maybe the feeling wasn't anger

did I have to name the feeling?

And the one with the smile

she knew exactly what to do with my junk

the messiness that I carried and dragged into her office with me

In her gentle ways she pulled out some questions based on what I said

"Let's go back to this ..

Okay imagine you are sitting with those people, and I am right beside you but I am not saying anything, I am just there for support - tell me - imagine you are there now - what would you say to them?"

with tears streaming down my cheeks as if I was right back there in 2008

I spoke up

boldly

confidently

articulate

sharing my heart

and they sat there, and heard me speak.

With my eyes closed and tears streaming down

I expressed my feelings on the situation.

And all of a sudden I knew

I had a voice!

Then after we talked about that (the above paragraph and the imaginary meeting/conversation)

She said, "Fast forward to the latest stuff - the recent "thing" (the one that blew the 11 year old past out of its holding pattern.

How do you feel?

Out of that feeling, what do you have to say?

And as I sat again with eyes closed, speaking to those who needed to hear (but were only there in my imagination)

I again began to speak out loud ..

But I did not need to say much when it happened...

And it was like a light bulb turned on, I said, "oh my goodness, I think I understand.  I think I get why this recent past stuff, brought the old sleeping giant to life.  It is because I was not given opportunity to speak.  I was told what I needed to do, what we needed to do. I was not asked how I feel about this, in fact feelings were likely the farthest thing from the minds.   I was told what would happen and not ever asked, what do you think, let me hear you on this."

The two things are 11 years apart.  Different scenario.  Different people.  But some thing was the same.  

AHA ... my soul got the connection between 2009 and 2019 -  and now her smile was joined by mine.

And then we talked of future things

Life changes, and possible realities that are coming from current conversations 

We talked about friendships and I shared how my circle was changing and it felt like it was smaller

We talked about those in the smaller circle around us

not the ones that were "friends" but true inner circle friends

She asked who is on that inner circle around me. (other than my family)

We talked about prayer warriors who walk tightly shoulder to shoulder with me

the ones who didn't back away from raw comments, confusion or messiness

the ones who spoke to God on my behalf

the ones who spoke into my life, even if the "speaking in" was hard to hear.

And then we talked about inner circle friends who were there for both Alvin and I

The ones we did life with.

Not just once in a blue moon acquaintance friends, but the ones that were in our life often and with whom we shared deeply, and just had fun with too.

She smiled lots yesterday

and she gently encouraged words to come, tears to run, and celebrated the "light bulb turning on" "aha" moments.

She allowed me to process feelings that I had.

She encouraged me often to - 

"Close your eyes and breathe.

In

Out

Breathe

When you are ready, open your eyes again."

And hour and a half later I walked out differently than I walked in.

An obvious difference in how I felt.

In how I would feel going forward.

In how I would remember 2008, and 2019 and the giants were no longer big and menacing

Some words came out of the conversation for me.

One of the words was the same as the word God gave me this year.

It is LOVE.

The other is ACCEPTANCE 

And this word was given to me the other day by one of those prayer warriors in my inner circle.

This life sometimes is hard.  Well, actually it is OFTEN hard.

And that's okay.

It is not a cause to pity me, or anyone for that matter.

Actually if you know me well, you will know that if there is anything I hate (yep thats a strong word) It is pity.

NO ... life being hard is about still walking forward.

And walking it with Jesus because seriously without him, I am not sure how I would ever do it.

Because you see, 

in the midst of the messy

In the midst of the tears - the memories - the forgiving.

In the midst of the situations that make us stop and question

There is the loving embrace of the Father 

and his tender mercies which are new in the midst of the hard days.

And ... in the midst of the hard stuff, God provides people to meet with us.

People he gives gifting and skillset to.

Like the one with the smile

That listened, and gently spoke into my life.

And brought me to the place where I experienced the peace of God in the midst of the messy.

She smiled

I smiled

and I believe the Father smiled too.

PS.  Rebecca Dolyniuk is the one with the smile - and if you need to talk with someone - I really recommend you give her a call!!https://rndtherapy.ca

NOW, on another note - I just heard a song sung by a group of women we hosted a week ago - and I asked them what it was - and this is it.  It is so beautiful.  may it bless your soul today as well.

an Ursula experience

It is a strange thing when you think you have put something hard behind you but then have something come up and the old thing from the past rises up inside of you, taking you to a place that doesn't look or feel nice.  Not. One. Little. Bit.  In fact, it looks and feels ugly to the enth degree.

In fact, in my mind, if I could think of a picture to capture the way it rises up, the picture would likely be this one - 

When my daughter was younger and she watched The Little Mermaid, and this scene came on, I could not help but feel that it was really scary, and evil.  There is nothing good about this character.  The is scary and when she rises up out of the sea, she is bigger than life and keeps growing.

This is kind of how I have felt lately as some things in my present have resurrected the past.  The past that contains memories that my heart has worked with, and I have given over and over again to the LORD.   (what? its back, no you take it LORD) .  It seemed to come to a culmination yesterday and I was just so angry which surprised me because I don't think I am an angry person at heart.  But I recognized anger right away.  

It makes no sense really.  The things that set me off were/ are not even related to the things in the past. or at least not really that I can see at first glance inward.  It could be just something I saw, or or read.  A post, a text, a message on facebook.  It could have be a feeling of being left out, or a feeling of being made to feel stupid. Or maybe all of the above!! And I know, and see, how each one of the "could be's" have the potential to bring that Ursala up out of the water in all her ugliness.  And yesterday Ursula presented herself - so ugly - and seemingly bigger than life.  And I felt like I could not breathe.  

So I shared with a prayer warrior friend that I needed prayer.  I needed someone else to help hold up my arms like they did with Moses. She is always there for me.  Well, I believe I am there for her too.  In her wisdom she asked if I wanted to share what was going on, and I did.  

As I wrote it down to send her in a text, I was not sure I liked how it sounded or looked when I read it back - there in black and white, and see that it makes you look hmmm what would be the word? Maybe messy is the best word.  Yes - I am so messy.   I don't like how feels nor do I like how it looks either. 

I needed to let someone else speak into my life, and to see someone else's response to me.  Just to hear someone say she understands.   (Maybe because she has been part of my journey way back when ...) and instead of being made to feel like I am a real "case" ~ my arms are quickly lifted by her prayers and encouragement.  Just like Moses friends lifted his arms when the battle got to be too much.

You see, I didn't need answers, I just needed the friend(s) who ask the hard questions and presses into the Father on my behalf.    I have to say that I have 3 friends who really go deep with me and we pray for one another - there is no fluff in our conversations.  I love that. It is much easy being vulnerable when you know someone is praying for you.

Then last night I was able to physically get out of the house and breathe.  I did not have to be home for the retreater, she knows the ropes.  I was able to get outside of my four walls and breathe deep.  This helped.  

I know this is a post that says a whole lot of nothing about something lol.  You don't need to know any details about that which pushed me to the edge yesterday.  You do need to know however, that when that happens to you (and it likely will at some point) ~ you need to run to the WORD.  Even if you don't read it, even listen to it on audio ... and to just SIT with the Father and ask His Word to be renewed in your mind.  Sit with him, like you would on the knee of the most amazing Dad ever. NOW:  I know some of you may have a problem with imagining a dad image for God.  I get that, but I don't have a problem, in fact, I love thinking about my relationship with my Heavenly Father who yes, has characteristics of a Mother, and ... at risk of sounding mean, this post is really about me and my thoughts, and I thank God that I had a earthly father who pointed me to my Heavenly Father, through his love and actions towards me).  Yesterday I wept.  Some of the tears I knew where they were coming from.  Some of the tears were tears of the past as well.  It's like my heart opened up and the tears leaked out!   I actually talked with two sisters over the day,  who both pointed me back to Jesus - thank you ladies.  We all need friends in our lives who dare to ask the hard questions.  Who dare to challenge us on what we see.  And who dare to call us out when they think our behaviour or response is not good.  I thank God for friends who through godly wisdom challenge me to press into God and examine my heart.

I knew I needed to run to the WORD.  I knew I needed to sit with the Father.  I knew I needed to call in some reserves for extra prayer support.  I knew that again, I had to call the enemy out and tell him he was not going to use any of this to get me down, and further more he could go back to hell where he belongs.  Yep, I learned that through Priscilla Shirer in the War Room - and so I did - I called out to Jesus - outlaid - full strength voice (my retreater was out for a little while so she was not frightened by me!) and I prayed out loud with tears running down my cheeks and then - I also told the devil where to go!

The other thing I knew was that it was time to go and see Rebecca, a therapist that God has put into my life for such a time as this.  It seems we need to sit and talk.  So the appointment is set.  I just have to say that she - is such a gift from God, and the way she works with clients is amazing.  If you are walking through something and you need to see a counsellor, I highly recommend Rebecca Dolyniuk.   You won't regret that decision.

Today I feel better.  

My bible plan for today started off with the title "The Overflow from the Heart" and "Wrestle with God in prayer" and you have to know (if you are reading this) that this is where I am at.  I want my overflow to be that of joy.  I am wrestling with the Lord on a few things.  Yes, I know - HE ALWAYS WINS but he lets me wrestle with him on things. And I am so glad.  I am his Beloved!!  

And tomorrow - I get to walk into Rebecca's office and sit on her cute couch and talk.

Oh Lord, I love you!  I know I am your beloved! Thank you LORD GOD that you are in all of my past - in the my present and in my future.  Even the hard stuff.  You walked those days with me, and you are still walking with me. Thank you for amazing sisters who are there for me, encouraging, calling out, and challenging me when needed.   Thank you for your WORD which continues to shed light onto my feet and to point me always again and again to the Truth.  Thank you that I can keep growing, keep learning and keep healing. I am so thankful LORD that you are not mad when I come to you broken and messy, no in fact, like a parent with their child, you wipe off the dust from my knees, the tears from my cheeks and you embrace me!  Oh Father - Papa - Abba I love you.  And LORD thank you for giving wisdom to therapists who can also help us walk through some tough patches. I praise you LORD GOD ~  For this day, and all it holds.  I say thank you!!  

I love you LORD!   Love, Joy

PS:  a little note on seeing a therapist/counsellor:  a few too many times I have heard people say "no I don't need a counsellor" or they go to see their pastor.  Now, remember I pastor'ed too but I would say that pastors "normally" are not certified counsellor and should be sending people out to those who also have the resources.  Like the insurance company said at a seminar, unless a pastor has the counselling designation behind their names, they should not be counselling.   I know people who do not think it is "bad enough" to see a counsellor or hear "it's too much money". and I hear you on that. It does cost us money.  But your life, your mental health is worth it.  

I should have taken the Sleep Juice!

It's 1:30 am.  Too late to take sleep juice (a herbal product).  I have laid in bed for a while - and have decided to just get up, come upstairs and sit by the fire.  It's not the first time I have done this routine. The ringing in my ears seems extra loud tonight.  That just never goes away, although sometimes other noise lessens the continuous ringing in my head.  Ringing is one thing.  But sometimes, some nights (okay, MANY nights) the thoughts in my head are noisy too!  I keep a book beside my bed which I often reach out to in the dark, and scribble the thought down in ink so as to let it go until the morning.  But that idea was not sufficient for me tonight, or should I say this morning.  Which is it?

It's dark outside.  And it seems everyone/thing is asleep, or still.  (well everyone/thing except this gal). Maybe it was the coffee I drank at 7 pm.  Mental note regarding late night coffee consumption.  In fact, I am thinking perhaps I should cut back on coffee and not drink it at all after 4.  

There are many thoughts in my mind - bouncing around like the silver balls in the pinball machines.  I have often thought it would be cool to have all the thoughts in my head recorded.  Or on second thought, maybe not, as I am thinking they would be so scattered that one would just laugh.  My children have often laughed and looked at one another when I say something that is totally unrelated to the conversation we were in ... yep, there goes another butterfly I have sometimes said.  You know how butterflies fly here and there, often surprising you from whence they came.  Well that's me.  

Those thoughts that go from one extreme to another.  Some serious, others whimsical.  Some just spoken out loud, but perhaps should have been kept to myself.  Do other women in their sixties do this?  Am I that much of an anomaly lol

Tonight as I laid in bed my thoughts recalled people I needed to bring before the LORD.  Some of the same names that I had prayed for earlier.  Other names were somehow attached almost like threads, to the names of former prayers.  I love how God does that.  He brings people to mind.  And then I pray.  Years and years ago, we had a friend (who is now with Jesus) and he used to talk about how he peddled on his stationary bike, and prayed for people.  He shared that he had a big notebook of names to pray through.  Now, I realize that people all have different prayer habits, but let me tell you that having a huge list of names to pray through is not one of my habits.  Over the course of my life, I have also felt bad a few times when someone thanked me for praying for them, and I knew that I had not yet prayed (so thankful that others had).  So I have adopted prayer habits such as 1) NOT telling people that "I will pray for you" but instead actually praying for them then, either in person right at the time, or over the phone, or even over text or email.  I don't think God cares HOW we pray.  He knows anyhow, and seriously, it isn't like God NEEDS us to pray however I believe it is about coming before him with the prayers that are on our hearts concerning those we love.  Another prayer habit is 2) NOT making a list of names to just read through or call out, but instead to pray as God brings people's names to my heart.  Okay, let me be honest.  For me, there is nothing inviting about just having a list of names.  Don't get me wrong.  I know that for some people, this is the best way for them to pray for others.  HOWEVER, for me, a list of names is not something that inspires me to pray.  I instead love how God brings a name to mind.  And when that happens, I pray for that person. The best part about this is when I have perhaps let someone know for instance, that I was awakened in the night with God laying their name upon my heart to pray, and then finding out about how they were spending time with the LORD about then, or going through something that needed prayer.  You know, God is amazing the way HE uses us in His Kingdom work!!  I love that!  

I guess maybe the other thing that I believe, is something an older friend told me once when I shared how I had been praying and fasting at a specific time each week for something significant, and that week I had missed it.  She looked at me with a big smile, and told me that this guilt was not of God, and that she also said that the prayers of the saints are eternal - and that just because I was on a time line, didn't meant that the prayers offered before, weren't still prayers that God knew and heard (and collected in the prayer bowls that are mentioned in the Bible).  Seriously - I love the Scripture that talks about the bowls of prayers in the throneroom! 

Prayer.  I know that prayer definitely changes things.  It draws us closer to the heart of the Father. It brings Heaven closer to earth so to speak.  Prayer finds us sometimes wrestling with answers, and other times prayer increases our faith.  Some people say prayer is just coincidence.  But stop praying and see what happens with your coincidences!!

When my children were young, I began to pray with them about everything.  I would pray before they got on the bus.  For appointments - for interviews - for jobs - even for bathing suits!  (yep, this is an amazing AMAZING God story - ask me about it!!). I would pray with them about things they were afraid of, or wrestling through.  Yes, we did the normal prayer as in saying thanks to the LORD before meals, or bedtime prayers.  But prayer was way more than that.  It was really one way I wanted them to see that we can talk with God anywhere, any time, eyes open or shut, on our knees or standing up, walking running or driving, out loud, or in our hearts.   As my children came to me with their joys and heart aches, their successes and their failures, their wants and their needs, or just to sit with my arms around them as they rested on my lap - THIS picture was the picture I wanted them to experience first hand, and learn about how this is such a living illustration of how the Father wants us to come to him with every single thing, and also to come just to be with him in silence.  As a mom to my kids, I heard every request and every reason behind why the request should be granted.  I heard the rebuttals and the pleading.  I also heard the thank-yous and sometimes the why-nots.  As a mom I also was able to hold them while they cried, and hold them as they laughed.  And then were the times when they would just come and want to be held in a warm embrace.   You know, I experienced this first hand myself, as a young child.  My dad was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but oh he loved us kids.  And I loved sitting on his lap being held, being in conversation with him.  As a little girl, I got to experience the love of my earthly father, and I believe this helped me understand the amazing love of my Heavenly Father - Papa.  God.   And in turn, as I raised my children, and to this day as I also help to pour into the lives of my grandchildren, I want them to know how approachable and present the Father is to them, and how He loves for them to come to him with everything!

Prayer.  There is much to be said on the subject.  However the biggest things about prayer have been learned through my life of communion with the LORD.  My prayer has grown because of my relationship with the LORD.   And I don't take any one of those moments - those requests - those conversations - those times of being with Him in silence for granted.

We all need people around us that will pray.  in each of our lives, I believe we know who that circle is.  The ones that text to say, "hey you were on my heart so I prayed for you" or "woke up in the night with you on my heart, so I prayed."  Or maybe it was an older person in your life who you know prays for you daily whether you think you need it or not (my parents did this - I know because I could hear them as they prayed for me in their room at night).  May the circle includes life groups that spend time praying each time they meet (ours does) or may include our spouses, or children who will put their hands on you and pray (I will admit, that is one of my favorite things) ... or as just happened not that long ago, having my oldest grandson pray for me!   We need a circle around us of people who pray with us, and for us whether we ask or not.

I hope that perhaps I have been, or can be that person to you!

Love Joy

PS ... I am praying for you now:

Father, I thank you for this time in the wee hours of this day.  LORD you have given me this space when everyone else is asleep - to think, to write and now to pray. Thank you for that.  I thank you for the way you impress names on our hearts, to pray for.  I thank you for how you hear, and your answer.  I pray right now for someone who may read this.... LORD if they are searching for you, may you be found by them.  If they need forgiveness, may they speak to you, and experience your redeeming love.  I pray that if someone that reads this needs to know how much they are loved by you - may they encounter your grace and experience a tangible sense of your love.  YOU Papa, are Sovereign.  You are fully in control.  May your will be done in their and my life - and your Kingdom come on earth - as it is in Heaven.  Amen.

God ordained encounter in the Chicago O'Hare airport

Should have gotten a pic with him, but not so great at selfies...  So I just snapped this one 

The Chicago airport is a bustling place.  People of all shapes, sizes, heights and race bustling back and forth, along with the honking of vehicles that are transporting those who need a ride.  I love to people watch.  I had a couple hours of it in the itinerary today, but that quickly turned into more time as the plane was delayed.  There is only so much coffee one can drink.  I moseyed on back to F4 where the plane was supposed to be arriving shortly for our flight.  Surveying the small waiting area, I saw one place toward the corner.  A lone man sat there, with a seat beside him.  I went and sat down.  He moved his bag over to give me more room.  I mentioned that perhaps the plane would be even longer than expected, to which he replied that he was just hanging out in that area as he had some hours till his flight. And from that our conversation ensued.
Dan, a man who began his dream job with United airlines (not a pilot) after he retired from his main job.  He asked me what I did, to which I replied, that I had been a pastor, but now I am the director of a non profit retreat ministry.  He looked at me, and asked me which denomination I had been a pastor for.  He quickly said, not that it matters, but he knew not all denominations were for female pastors.  He then asked me more about the retreat centre.  He told me he was happy that it also included women AND men for retreating, as he felt it was so needed.  Somehow we had a segway to the YouVersion app and he mentioned that he loved a certain translation.  Our conversation was short but sweet and I gave him a business card, and told him to look us up if he and his wife ever came to Manitoba.  He took out his wallet and tucked the card into it.  (I have a feeling I may hear from him one day).

The airline personnel went on the loudspeaker to say the plane had arrived and we would be boarding once it was checked over and cleaned.  Dan said it would be about 15-20 minutes more for me, and then he turned to me and said, "would it be okay if I prayed for you?"  I said absolutely.  And there we sat in the corner - the two of us, my hand in his.  He lifted me before the Throne Room.    He thanked God for the divine encounter and for bringing me along into his life at that time.  He prayed for me and the ministry.  Once he said Amen, I prayed for him. When we were done, I told him how I needed that encouragement and prayer.  I shared that my heart was heavy today, as I had received some really hard news from a friend. I looked this new friend in the eyes and thanked him for praying for me.

I had to run to the washroom and then came back to get into line to board.  I looked in the corner and he was not there.  For a brief moment, I wondered if he was really a UNITED airlines worker, or if he was an angel that God sent to encourage me.  But as I walked to give the ticket agent my passport, I looked to the left and saw Dan over on the other side.  We exchanged smiles, and a wave.  New friends.  Prayer buddies.  God-ordained.  Amazing.  ONLY. GOD.