She sighs ...

She stares as the sun rises

Brilliant in all its glory

Waking up the earth with its radiance

She knows that people take myriads of pictures

Trying to capture the rays, the colours, the splendour of the morning

Knowing the sun is rising later with each new morning

And setting earlier with each evening

Although also brilliant, and with a splendour all of its own

The sun shows off the Creator’s creation

Neither sunrise or sunset is better than the other

But equally breathtaking and awe-inspiring

She sighs …

She looks around

At creation doing its thing around her

Geese flying in v formations

Taking turns at leading

Take offs and landings are all equally noisy

The honking never gets old to those who watch …

With awe in the spring as they arrive

And with a sense of foreboding when they are leaving this province for the promise of warmer weather

She sighs ..

She shuts her eyes and breathes in the smell of autumn

Overturned fields ready for their rest during the long cold spells of winter

She smells stubble burning and remembers the time the burn got a little too close for comfort

And yet the smell brings a nostalgia all of its own.

She shuts her eyes and hears the croaking of frogs and crickets

Knowing that they too will look for places as the weather gets colder.

Where do grasshoppers and crickets live for the freeze of the prairies

She sighs…

She keeps her eyes shut

And lets the sun shine on her

Warming up the places that were cold after the early frost of September 

Remembering days when she was young and the sun felt like it was helping her grow

Strong and sturdy

She sighs…

She looks up at the clouds that have gathered on the west and are blowing closer to home

Knowing that perhaps some rain will fall

But the rain drops feel good as they fall on her

Just a few that quickly turn into an autumn downpour

She nods,

Knowing that the rain is good for all of nature as it anticipates its hibernation

She smiles at the day 

Wondering what it will hold during the hours that are bookended by sunrise and sunset

Watching creation around her gathering and storing pinecones, and acorns

And laughs as they climb the feeders on the deck and empty the peanuts the Jays have not yet taken

Surprise on them!

Raucous bad boy of the bird world

You make so much noise but still,  you are simply lovely

Beautiful in all your splendour

Blues whites and black intermixed in all your glory

Do you really know where you are taking those peanuts?

Will you find them when the snow falls and the days are cold?

She feels laughter coming up from the bottom of her, to the top and it billows out in sounds that only the Creator hears

She sighs…

With a sigh that is not one of sadness or despair, 

But a sigh acknowledging what is to come

“For every thing there is a season”

That is how the creator has designed our life to be

Goodness, even the grass knows that it has its time - 

It is here and then withered..

Flowers are here today and gone ..

And all the seeds of the garden are now either dead or dying

Knowing that the season is upon them, and unless they die, they can not live again

All of Creation is an object lesson for the world to see

All of creation is in a season of continual praise to the LORD GOD 

To whom all praise is given, and from whom all blessings flow!

She takes a long look at herself, after studying creation around her

She stands tall and sturdy  and acknowledges her roots

Deep roots

Sturdy roots

Nourished by the water that they drink up

She has often taken her roots for granted 

But knows without them, she would not be standing

After the many storms and winds she has weathered in her lifetime.

She knows she is admired by many

Through each season of her life she shows off without even thinking

And she too becomes the object of many pictures taken and posted on instagram and facebook

She has a different splendour than the sunrise and sun set

But none the less - she is a prime example of the Creator’s workmanship

And she is captured in photos -  differently with every single season.

She catches her breath, as she hears it

(Even the girl walking in the yard stops,

Turns her face heavenward, eyes shut, and takes it all in)

And quickly joins in the symphony of praise .

She hears the sound of creation praising

Let all that has breath praise the LORD!!

Everything has joined in 

Even the trees are clapping their hands around her

The rustling is overwhelming as leaves blow in a song

She looks

And lets the wind blow her arms

Imagining the dance she is doing for the Creator

And the rustle that accompanies the dance is like praise

She looks and sees that seemingly overnight, she has gone from brilliant green to hues of orange and red and rust and yellow

She sighs knowing that the colours are a necessary part of her season too

And while she will be aflame in colour

It will be short lived, especially if a wind comes and shakes the life out of her

Shaking the colours off of her and onto the ground below

She sighs because she knows this season is the last hurrah before a season of rest …

It is necessary

It is part of her life

Living and dying 

Colour turns to a dull brown and grey that becomes bleak in its appearance

And as she hunkers down for a long winter’s nap

You can hear her sighing quietly …

But it sounds like a prayer ~ 

Of thanksgiving

and a prayer of acknowledging that life without seasons of rest ~ Is exhausting

Even to a mighty Oak.

And as the rain turns to ice and snow

As the squirrels have burrowed

And the geese have flown south

She shuts her eyes and thanks her Creator for the gift of this season, 

Knowing it is just for a time 

…. And her sighing stops as she rests.

Happy Autumn,

love 

j

Heart full to overflowing - complete with tears

Yesterday my heart tank was full and overflowing.  It was Sunday and we had been looking forward to the day for a long time.  It was no longer about zoom church, or online video church, or live feed church but it was about gathering in a space together as the church used to do pre-Covid-19.  One thing for us, and a pretty major thing at that, was that we decided to leave the church we were at as members, and join the body of believers at Kilcona Park Alliance Church.  Lest it sounded easy - it wasn't.  Let me back up a bit.... well maybe more than a bit.... stick with me ...

I grew up at Arlington Street Gospel Chapel and at the age of 20 I left to join Alvin at his church.  He grew up at North Kildonan Mennonite Brethren Church and then when it birthed McIvor M.B. Church, he and his family moved there.  He got baptized there at 18, and at 20 - we got married.  I joined him there and we were there for 32 years.  NEVER HAD I EVER THOUGHT WE WOULD LEAVE A CHURCH!  Leaving "A Street" was for marriage reasons.  But I did not think we would ever leave a church again. We got involved, raised our kids while still being involved, and the last 7.5 years I was a pastor there.  I did not think there was any good reason to miss a Sunday! That was how I was raised!  SO when we left McIvor, it was hard.  We left the "family" that helped us grow in our faith.  We loved the body there and it was one of the hardest decisions we have had to make.  

We did not "church shop" as many do.  (that is no secret to pastors either, even if you think you come and just sit in the back) Instead we decided to just settle into life at Eastview Community Church.  It was just a mile closer and it was still within the M.B. Conference of churches ... and remember Alvin is a dyed in the wool M.B'er.    Once again, we became members, and got involved pretty much right away.  

Our children and grandchildren had all settled at Kilcona Park Alliance Church and we would go whenever there was an event that our grandchildren or children were a part of,  or a Men's event, or when Josh preached, or children were dedicated, or the Worship Arts Cafe or the Christmas Production.  We loved going.  We also recognized people from McIvor who had transitioned there.  Going to Kilcona felt warm and inviting and our hearts always were filled when we went.  

A couple of years ago however, something changed in my heart.  It was a simple comment made by Josh during a time when we were all at the lake and the kids (who are all also involved in Kids Ministry) were talking about the need for people to help out, and Ash had said that Maverick had no teacher.  Josh said, "Well you know Mom and Dad, if you came to Kilcona you could help teach."  My heart knew that this was where I wanted to be.  I had stepped off of Leadership Board and also Women's ministry and was feeling very detached.  Ministry life had gotten full and I was not able to be in church much on Sundays.  To be honest, I was feeling very alone and lonely at times.  When Josh said that, I knew that I would transition in a heart beat - but I also believed that God would have to make it very clear to Alvin as I did not want him to go just because of me!  So, I prayed about it.  It was hard to be patient as I just felt it was so clear we needed to leave ECC for KPA ... and when Alvin reengaged into a committee a year ago, I will admit I felt like my heart sank a little.  But I still remained relatively silent about it all.  I did have a couple friends who were praying about it tho.  Within months, Alvin knew that he needed to finish up his duties there, and resign from the committee which he did in May.  We then let our pastors at ECC know in June that we were leaving, and then we also connected with the pastor at KPA to let him know we were coming.  God had moved Alvin's heart, and we both knew it was the right time.  I also want to say that we had done some processing with our kids as well, and had their blessing to join them.  (For us, this was a very necessary thing as we did not want to impose ourselves on our kids in their place of worship no matter how much we wanted to, we needed their blessing to do so) 

Let me just say this for the record.  Moving churches within COVID-19 times - is a weird and hard thing to do.  How do you get to know people?  Fortunately we already knew some besides our kids. I have enjoyed a couple coffee times with different women already.  This did my heart well.  Last week we had coffee with Pastor Bruce and Nancy and they welcomed us to Kilcona from a pastoral point of view.  We all know that changing churches is hard on many levels and no church wants to "steal sheep" as the saying goes.  But to change because you want to worship with your family, and to witness your children and children's children be nurtured in the faith as well - that is priceless and a good reason for changing churches I think.  For my husband, he is chomping at the bit to just DO something .... even stacking chairs at church brings joy as he is a hands on - get to meet you type of guy.   ANYHOW ... the preliminaries were all done - and we have even taken in our first "church meeting" and one "watch" meeting on a Sunday morning.  But we were waiting for the kick-off.   

Yesterday we took our lawn chairs and headed to the parking lot of Kilcona Park Alliance Church.  There were two options - you could sit in your car and tune into the churches station on the radio and watch and listen in the warmth of your vehicle ... OR you could bring your lawn chairs and sit social distanced at the front.  So that was what we and our kids and grandkids opted for.  It was chilly - windy but oh so good.  But I was glad we brought blankets.

The worship was great.  The fellowship conversations were great.  And sitting with our kids within our wingspan was wonderful.  My heart was full.  And then the song at the end made it overflow, and as it overflowed, so did my tears...   

The night before,  the church had hosted their Drive-In Movie:  TOY STORY 4 and Pastor Bruce's sermon was called GOD STORY and he used some similarities from the movie.  It was a great sermon! He talked about 3 things that he thinks God may be wanting to teach us through this strange time of Covid ... 1) that discipling of children starts at home 2) that God knows the plans He has for us and 3) that he believed God was using Covid-19 to "shake up the Church and remind us that Church is something we ARE vs something we go to.  And that it is not about watching but of PARTICIPATING with others and to BE THE CHURCH.   WE ARE THE "CHURCH" ...      YES!!  My heart resonated with his words to this flock in the parking lot!!

And then in closing,  Chris the Worship Pastor brought 19 monarchs that were all ready be released, and she shared how these ones will fly south and Monarch butterflies may take as many as 4-5 generations before they return back to where they were born here in Manitoba.  She talked about the beauty of generations - and it was so cool for her family, there were 4 generations in the same church.  There for Alvin and I, were three generations. (all of our parents are in heaven)  She however also talked about perhaps someone was there who were first generation, but the impact of each of us on the generations to come ... just like the Monarch visual.  

Chris then talked about the song they were going to sing in closing .  The song "THE BLESSING" by Kari Jobe and her husband Codie Carnes came out pre Covid and was a song that brought goose bumps the first time I heard it (and since). It is based on the priestly blessing from Numbers 6: 24-26  - the same blessing I often spoke over our congregation if I was wrapping up a Sunday service at McIvor, or the one I often prayed over our life group, or our women's bible study, and almost always without fail would choke up as I spoke it over the family of God.... 

“The Lord bless you

    and keep you;

25 

the Lord make his face shine on you

    and be gracious to you;

26 

the Lord turn his face toward you

    and give you peace.

Chris shared how people asked her "Are you going to sing this one with us at Kilcona?" and she knew one day she would, but only when it was time.  And she said that it was that time to do it.   So they sang and played and people joined in.  

With one arm raised towards Josh and Leah sitting just in front of us,  (with the sun shining from behind, I noticed that my arm extended brought the shadow right to them - a visual for me) and the other arm around my daughter and stretched towards the rest of the family ... and with tears rolling down my cheeks - I sang and felt like it WAS the right time .. for changing churches, for this beautiful song to be sung and to be able to sing it while sitting in our little cohort of 10, worshipping together at the same church.  

My heart was overflowing and ran out and over in the form of tears.  It was such a very very tangible God-moment for me, and Alvin both.  We talked about it as we drove in the car - and knew that it was also a blessing on what we decided to do, and have done.  Our hearts are so full of thanks and praise to the ONE who is our LORD and Saviour Jesus Christ!  HE has blessed us more than we can speak - and it is up to me as my kids mom and grandchildren's Granny to recall HIS faithfulness to my generations after me. We are so very thankful!  

to encourage you...

Perhaps you are a first generation Christ-follower - praise God!  He has a plan for you!   Perhaps you are not married, or you are but don't have children - YOU still have an impact on young and old around you! Not having children - doesn't make you exempt!  Perhaps you are a mom or dad with a wayward child - don't give up!  Your prayers for your child are never wasted!  Neither are your tears <3

This is my post, and my story HOWEVER God is writing YOUR story ... stop, reflect, praise, thank and recall.  

He is not done with you yet friend!!

love,

j

PS Here is the song - hope you can listen 

https://youtu.be/Zp6aygmvzM4

Saying Hello to September While Glancing in the Rear-view Mirror at it

to begin: Sometimes in life, we welcome in something new, but we also take a good long look in the rearview mirror - reflecting backwards at the beauty (or harshness) of something - 

These things make up our lives.  The good and great, the bad and the ugly is all woven into the threads of our lives - each and every one of us.  September always makes me stop to remember as it is in recalling the past that we see so much about who we are, where we have come from, and what we need to be thankful to God for!!  This blog post is about all that!!

The sky is grey today and the winds are cool

The weeds in the garden are fewer and growing slower

And some leaves have begun to change their green for yellow

The flip of a calendar page reminds me that this is September

The month of fall

And today as I snuggled under a quilt with a heating pad

I was reminded that this is the month of temperature change

I love Autumn

But I also feel sad at times

It really is the opposite of Spring which I love as well - and likely just as equally as Autumn

Spring is where new life bursts open before our eyes

While Autumn or Fall is really a symphony of praise to the creator!

As creation turns the most brilliant colours before our eyes

But then ... the leaves fall, and die.

There are a few things that I love about fall ...

Our wedding in 1978

Memories of my daughter Ashley & Michael's wedding <3 font="">

Combines on fields late into the evening

Big round hay bales

Colors of every hue

Flying leaves

Huge squirrels carrying pinecones to their homes for winter (just witnessed this)

Acorns

Geese returning from the north to the south - their honking and flying "v's"

The sound of crunching leaves

The small of leaves that have piled and are beginning to decay

The coolness of the days that makes us put on sweaters

Pumpkins

Corn Mazes

Thanksgiving

Woodstoves, Campfires and Fireplaces get used more

The smell of the house when the heat is turned on for the first time (is that dust?)

AND .... the smell of burning stubble.

I realize that for many, the stubble burning in the fall isn't easy.

I am asthmatic too, and yet this smell doesn't bother me 

It takes me back many many years ...

When our house in Beausejour was being built, and we were living in our cabin at Sandy Bay.

The cabin - simply built on lake front property.

Sufficient 2 bedroom cottage,  NONwinterized cabin (this is a key point).  It had two bedrooms, a roll away cot for Tim, and with a breakfast nook that was built, and became a bed at night.  

That was where I slept.

Thing is - we had no running water unless someone physically ran to my Auntie Dot's to get it in a container.

That was before the time of water coolers, and water jug delivery!

We also did not have an indoor washroom ... instead it was about a 50 step walk to the outhouse that was nestled by some trees.  I was very used to outhouses as I grew up on Elk Island, with 4 seater outhouses (which really is a very gross idea when I think of it, but it was practical - killing 4 birds with one stone so to speak lol)

Camp finished for the season.  The big barge that took the campers over was moored for the season.

And we, the Gerald Thomas Family hunkered down in the cottage on the edge of Lake Winnipeg.

We would be there for at least a three months.  Housing was hard to find in Beausejour for the "in between" until our house was finished (which would not be till the next spring). 

I was in Grade 4 and my brother Tim was in kindergarten. Brian had not yet joined our family through adoption yet.  Dad and Mary-Ann worked full time at Polaris, and Heather was attending the Senior High (now named Edward Schreyer School).  Mom stayed home and kept "cottage" and had our lunches ready for us, and supper when we got home.  Funny, I still remember my lunch bag that was purchased for my grade 4 year!!  The things you remember!!

I realize now that my mom must have had a combo of hard living with the primitive accommodations but also, she must have enjoyed some sweet time with the LORD in the silence of the country while we were all away in Beausejour.  I am starting to understand my mom more and more as I age, and figure I am much like her in that I enjoy the silence and solitude .

I remember those early mornings of climbing into the car.  Sometimes if Dad was away on business or had to go early, Nelson came and picked up in his (what I thought to be) sporty red car, since he was dating Mary-Ann he also got to drive us some days!!

I guess that experience in fall of 67 at the age of 9, it really was an adventure.  

Let me tell you, when the season turned into Fall ... we woke up and could barely walk across the ice cold floors.  I dont think my dad built the cottage with the intent of EVER being in it into the winter months ...

Like I said ... no running water .... no toilet .... 

Yet those things added to the adventure - and running over to my auntie Dot and uncle Tom's for a bath was part of that too.  I loved Auntie Dot so much!  Her and my dad were pretty close, and having her as neighbour meant a short run through the bush and we were at her house.  There was always laughter there!!

And on top of every thing else ...  there was smoke from burning stubble!!  We would drive highway 59 to the turn off at Gull Lake, and then go right into Beausejour .  About an hour from door to door (Polaris) and then off to school.  (Sometimes I think we may have been dropped off right at school).   Thing is, while driving to Beausejour, we drove through many miles of fields and the farmers were burning their stubble.  Sometimes the smoke was thick across the road.  Other times, it was just beginning the burn, or ending, and the smoke was drifting upward in a mesmerizing dance of smoke.  The smell .... even as I type this, it is as if I can smell it. It is one of those comfort memories. 

So the other day, when Alvin and I were driving and I smelled that, it whipped me back down memory lane - over half a century ago!! (yikes) .... 53 years to some of the best memories ever!  And I once again told my husband everything that he hears yearly during the season of Autumn.

(He never says "you told me that before" )

September:  You seem to have snuck up on us although you have come in with a very cold breeze! Seems to me it is time to pull out the sweatpants again!  Turn on the fireplace and make a good cup of coffee!

What do you hold September of 2020?  No doubt you will show off the Creator's handiwork once again.  It has already begun - as I see some yellow on the bush outside my window.  Autumn is a time of unspeakable indescribable beauty.  One of the reasons we loved Henderson Hwy (where we built) was because of the beauty of the trees and we often took fall drives out here when we lived in Anola. 

But September, what else will you hold?  In this year that began with such gusto and turned into a muddle mess of COVID-19 ... nothing is "normal" any more ... but September, I have a feeling that you will bring beauty into this hard year!  We know that September will bring with it a much anxiety laden return to school for my grandchildren. And dance class, preschool, hockey and soccer, as well as (the best part) a return to church IN THE BUILDING!   It is hard not to be anxious during this time. TBT I AM ANXIOUS ... But I have to continue to trust that GODS GOT THIS as well.  

In all of this, the past 6 months, COVID-19 has put us into a very different, slow life.  Let's face it - it has been hard.  But I believe it would have been harder without GOD in it.  So for September I am going to choose to embrace the beauty in each day - even if it seems not to have any.  I am going to choose to breathe deeply of the goodness of God.  I am going to choose to embrace the in between time where we remember the "old normal" and try to find the "new normal" although really, someone once said, "Normal is only a setting on a dryer!"  ...  I think she was onto something.

Life is to be lived FULLY.  Jesus said that He had come to bring life, and life to the full!

What does HIS fullness look like to me?  

In living fully, we need to take today, thank God for it, and see where we see HIM all over our day.  Even in the toughest days that may come ... we still need to look for HIM.

In living fully, we need to look at ourselves and see where God is at work in us - because if we let Him - guaranteed He is at work.

So September - I say a big HELLO to you ... yep, I wonder what you will hold, and I have a feeling there will be some surprises along the way!  I also know that you will show off and praise the Creator through your splendour!  I am looking forward to that ...

And the sadness that also comes with my Septembers ... I am okay with that too, because I have come to understand that as well.

You've Got this God - I know it!

Hello sweet September!

with love

j

PS:  Now, if you have read this - feel free to comment below - what does SEPTEMBER mean to you?  Let me know!  Enjoy this month.... and grab a sweater!

An ode to Arvid, and a prayer as he rides ...

                                                                   

I look at my bike, Helmut hanging off the handlebar

and try to remember the last time I went for a ride

me the one who is early sixties, and feels more like a circus bear on a bike

than a cyclist ...

This summer our lives include hosting a man like none other I know

at least in the cycling department

and in the extreme dedication to use his bike as the means to a greater cause

A man whom some say must be crazy to do what he does (who does this when they are my age!!)

And who knows, maybe at times he thinks that himself

However you would never know that...

Its about a call to something greater,

Its about a relationship with the ONE who gives Him strength - Jesus.

Its about thousands and thousands of little faces that play before him

while he pedals ... (the Mully Children's Family) 

minute to hour to hourS to days to weeks ... 

not always a Guiness World Record attempt

but ALWAYS one man doing something extreme and great - for a greater cause

A man that is loved by many..

A man who's greatest cheerleader is his wife, and his kids and grandchildren<3 p="">

A man who is loved and encouraged by friends

And prayed for daily ... by many

O LORD GIVE HIM STRENGTH TO DO THIS - for your honour and glory and for the lives of these children in Kenya.

These days, the call makes him get up before the sun

at a time when most of us are turning over one more time in our sleep

And cycle well into the end of the day.

When most of us have been well fed and reclining for hours already.

The call makes him do what others would not even dream of...

To ride his bike for hours, when many are enjoying the coolness of a pool

To ride his bike for hours, when it is raining (or sometimes worse)

To push his body past what seems impossible

And to go to places physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually that only God knows.

Arvid ...

You listen to him speak, and his voice cracks with emotion

when talking about the children - the ones that ruined him for the ordinary...

He and his wife Ruth - changed through this big big family and a call to "be a voice for orphaned and abandoned children rescued by Mully Children’s Family, a street children’s rescue mission in Kenya, Africa."  (Arvid's words on his site)

The cause Arvid cycles for, is also about a man and a woman (who our friend knows so well)

who felt a call to something greater ...

who felt a call to greater love than just for their own flesh and blood family

who gave it all up - for something more - even greater than anything they knew ...

a call to with a motto of Saving Children's Lives ...

for the past few decades.

Charles and Esther Mully.   www.mullychildrensfamily.org

And were able to fulfill it because of their relationship to the ONE who gives them strength.

The same ONE as Arvid gets strength from - Jesus.

I have the easy job.

I can watch him, wave to him, encourage, donate, and lend our loft for these thirty days.

We can let his crew set up on our property 

And let them use our water to wash off his bike at the end of the day ..

That is an easy job - a no-brainer really....

Arvid has the extremely hard job - body, soul, mind and spirit.

But the ONE we serve will be the ONE that gives him strength.

I can sit inside when the rain falls

Arvid does not have the same luxury to just come in out of the rain, and keep dry.

His cycling is not for the faint of heart - and like I said, we know NO ONE like Arvid.

But there is one thing I can do.

I can wave sure ... but the most important thing I can do is to pray.

So Let me do that now.

LORD I bring Arvid and Ruth before you and thank you for their friendship.  Thank you for Arvid and Ruth's love for the Mully Children's Family, and also for his dedication to fundraise full time for them.  LORD you see every single rotation of his pedals.  You know every single drop of rain that may fall on him even now as I write.  You know his physical needs.  We ask you LORD GOD to provide for them all.  Thank you for his massages that have helped his legs, and his adjustments that have helped his body.  And now LORD GOD we come before you and ask you to give him all he needs especially in this middle third of this journey ... the mental and emotion struggle that happens, and the physical fatigue and toll that the long days and little sleep have on him  - LORD would you give him life giving thoughts while he peddles.  During this middle ten days would you speak your words into his mind as he peddles and would you be the wind Holy Spirit in him.  We pray against this dreaded middle part, and ask you to bind the enemy from any discouraging thoughts.  Would you LORD GOD continue to be the One that Arvid can fix his gaze on.  And would his sleep be deep and restful at night.  We pray for you to keep his body, soul, mind and spirit - Strong!  LORD thank you for MCF!  Thank you for Ruth, his partner and his best encourager in this.  Would you also give her strength during this time of supporting!  Help us to remember to pray for Arvid.  LORD would you be the one to remind us many times, and also every single time we pass him, to lift him before your throne.  LORD GOD - we give you the praise, the honour, the glory and the thanks for Arvid, and for Ruth and for this extreme call!!  Be their strength LORD and Holy Spirit, ride with him ... Amen

ps. This is unsolicited - but since I have you hear - please read this too and consider how you can be involved ...

What can YOU do???  Well .... you can pray!  You can stop by the end of the driveway and encourage the team, and cheer him on.  BUT he is doing it to raise money for the MCF ... so please PLEASE consider a DONATION!!   Follow this link and donate now ... any amount helps.

http://grandpascan.com/donate/

Selah

I grew up in a Brethren chapel, and my favorite time of my 20 years in the little church on Arlington Street was Sunday Morning "Breaking of the Bread" service.  I loved it for so many reasons.  I loved how the elders would announce the song out of the little "Believer's Hymnbook" and then pick the tune it would be sung to (we did not use an instrument for this service).  I loved how they would share something from the week - whether it be Scripture, or something they learned, or that God showed them.  I loved that at about 9:40, one of the elders would pray for the bread, and then come to the front and break the loaf in two, and send one plate on either side, for people to take a piece out of.

The bread symbolizing His body broken for us ...

And then right following another elder would say a prayer for the wine, and again, come and send a silver goblet filled with communion wine, one on either side ... (I think there was a reason my mom and dad and the family sat in the front pew lol).

I also loved hearing Scripture read from the old King James Version (since it was THE version to use then)  - and I remember when the Psalms would be read and some verses ended with the phrase "Selah".  Now adays some newer translations use the words: interlude or pause in His presence.

I love that -  "Pause in His Presence" ...

Looking up the definition of Pause - I found this on yourdictionary.com

Pause is defined as "a temporary stop or rest".  This is exactly what God has done for me since March 15th when I emailed everyone to cancel their retreats. While that afternoon was hard, I knew in my heart that God had something in store for the time we were closed.  God has given me a "Selah" ....

It has been (and continues to be) a BIG Pause for ministry here at the retreat house.  (Being that it is our personal home complicates the reopening - but it is okay.  I am at peace with that.).    I realize some people want need the retreat badly (especially for some after having to home school their kids unexpectedly.  (that would NOT have been easy for me to do even though I was a daycare director for 21 years!)

Who would have known that the virus we heard about while we sat in our hotel room with our grandchildren watching the news (while on vacation in Jan-Feb to Cuba) ... would create such pandemic!!  But none of that was outside the scope of what God knew, and God allowed.

SELAH ....  INTERLUDE ... PAUSE IN HIS PRESENCE

This post is about my selah experience ...

It began with the LORD making something very clear to me one day as I was having my Quiet Time with Him  (and I should look back as I may have blogged about this) ...  He told me one morning in April, as I was sitting in His presence, that I had not, because I had not asked.  This confused me, and I talked with the LORD about that.  I thought it was about healing for my brother-in-law who was dying of cancer.  But the LORD quickly told me, no, it was not that, but "You have not asked for my fullness" ...

Thus began the last few weeks (at this point almost 3 months) of sitting, seeking, listening to Him.  Let me tell you HE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT when we come to spend time with Him.  He has also made me fully aware that what He spoke to me back in fall of 2018 when I went to the silent retreat for women in Abbotsford, was now coming to fruition.  At that time He told me "I am calling you back to being a "Mary" ..."   At the time, with a full slate of retreaters and events and going into another year of retreats ... I seriously had not had time to even ponder those words.  But then came the PAUSE ...  and today I realize that I have been able to live a Mary-life these past few months.  Oh my soul - breathe!

I have found out many things about my LORD and Saviour Jesus over the past few months.  I will admit that these things are not new revelations.  I am just delighting more in them.  The fact that He wants an intimate relationship with me!!  Relationships take time - lots of time.  Lots of being with the other person.  Listening.  Sharing.  Human relationships have those aspects yet pale in what our relationship with Jesus is like!  Oh how I love Him.

I have delighted again over and over in the conversations that we have ... yes, I mean that.  And would love to have that conversation with you if you think God does not talk - because my friend - He sure does!!  I found that out in the early 90's and sometimes our time together knocks me off my feet - and I no longer have to think, "hmmm was that you LORD" because at this point - 30 years in of hearing His voice - I have to say, this SHEEP knows the voice of the Shepherd.

I have delighted in reading of His Word, and have come to learn about feasting on it.  I began an online reading plan - one year through The Word with Nicky Gumbel - the guy who wrote the Alpha Series and it is good.   I will admit, I dreaded the Deuteronmy and Leviticus readings - there is nothing easy about reading all the laws.  I am so glad with Jesus, we are not bound by laws but under his New covenant, we can live so differently.   Scripture comes alive - and I am enjoying those times.

And I am learning to feast on His word ... that one should have come earlier, but it has come about by going through a 40 Day Sugar Fast.   I put that off, tried it for a day, put it off again ... and then bit the bullet.  I have to say that thinking of the question "Do you love sugar more than you love God" really took the breath out of me.  I have to admit that the idea of fasting from sugar scared me ...

But in the process of that, I have come to see many things about myself.  And the biggest thing is that I did run to sugar before I ran to God.  (so much more to be shared if you wish over a cup of coffee if you want to hear more) .... I just shared that little bit to say that I have asked the LORD more and more to help me to feast on Him whenever I feel like running to sugar (and believe me we run to other things too, this was just my very obvious one)

In this Pause I have also grown more in love with my family - husband, kids, grandchildren ... as we have had to pause from so much else that has called us and begged of our time - and the pause has given us more time to spend together.  I thank God for each of them!

Yes, this Pause perhaps could have been a time of scrubbing walls, and washing windows, cleaning drawers, etc ... but instead it is a chair pushed so that it looks out the window, and a table that is often used to let people eat by the window, is now my place to sit and have my QT.  The beds are messy because the kids have played on them, and slept in them ... and there is Lego in the rooms as they have been able to built and leave it for the next time they are here.  This Pause has meant we are not hosting outsiders but the life inside of these walls has been rich - oh. so. rich.

I realize after saying this, that this was really a luxury in many ways, at at time when some were working their butts off.  Believe me, I am not flaunting this, nor am I taking it for granted.  But for me - I am recognizing it for what it was for me.  It was a "pause" that was really "forced on us" due to Covid-19.   The work I was doing came to an immediate halt.  And I realized how much I had really needed to breathe.  So, I am thankful and while,I have shared all this, please know that I am not at all bragging.  We all walk in our relationships with Jesus differently and grow and learn at different speeds even incur faith - I just wanted to share some of what I have gained from during this forced pause.

NOW THAT BEING SAID ...

 I also know that NOT EVERYONE COULD PAUSE like this.

I have friends who are nurses, and doctors ... friends who have worked in fire and paramedic ... friends who have worked in stores ....  YOU COULD NOT PAUSE!   In fact I am sure you wished for times to pause as I know your lives sped up.   Believe me, I am so thankful for you all.  I could mention names, but I know if you read this, you will know I am talking about you!!  (maybe even leave a heart on a comment or facebook or instagram so I know you read it) ... thank you so much for doing what you did ... for working non stop/overtime/crazy busy shifts.  YOU are the true heroes in all of this, and I hope somehow you are also able to pause and breathe!  

I wish to end this post with Scripture - may you be blessed by it!

With love,

j

Psalm 3: 3-4   The Passion Translation 

3 

But in the depths of my heart I truly know

that you, Yahweh, have become my Shield;

You take me and surround me with yourself.

Your glory covers me continually.

You lift high my head when I bow low in shame.

I have cried out to you, Yahweh, from your holy presence.

You send me a Father’s help.

Pause in his presence