missing "home"

definition of a squatter:

an individual who settles on the land of another person without any legal authority to do so,

or without acquiring a legal title.

Yesterday I was at the condo (Mom Klassen's condo) where we have been living since the middle of March.  Ashley came over to hang out with me - since I was waiting for the cable guy to come and put cable into the condo.  We have been without tv/internet for what seems like forever!  And I decided to get it in here since there was a good deal!

Anyhow - Ashley said, "Mom, I am glad that you finally got cable in - so that you don't just feel you are living like squatters!"  We laughed, but really - that whole thing had been on my mind.  The living like squatter's thing.

It is now into the beginning of our 11th month since we moved from Anola.  Yes.  11 months.  And since that time we lived in the top suite of Josh and Leah's barn (until they moved in March) and then moved into Mom K's condo - which is still furnished.  I actually thought I could do this well ... but some days, it is a struggle.  We have no "home" anywhere.  Although, I don't want to be either pitied, nor ungrateful because while we don't have a home - we DO have a place to come and sleep! (Even though we really want to sell her condo!)

Sometimes I can get down.  Sometimes Alvin can get pretty down too.  This whole thing is taking us way longer than we would have liked, and had thought.  Sometimes I just want to turn the clock back a few years...

The other day was a bit of a downer kind of day. I watch how hard Alvin works.  (And can't help but remember when he worked day and night on our house in Anola this time 28 years ago - except then he was 25 years old, not 53!!)  Alvin works hard and works long.  And, I see when he is just plain tired.  And me - well I find it hard to see him tired. I have been trying to be there more often - and trying to make sure there are meals ready for lunch.  (living on site will be so much easier eventually!)
Occasionally I see him frustrated and a little down, however, what I love about him is that he never stays down for long.  (unlike me) 

Just yesterday as we were driving to the land we had this conversation:
Me:  "Do you ever wish we hadn't have moved from Anola?" 
Alvin:  "No, I am so glad we did.  It is nice being close to the city."

Me:  "Do you ever wish we hadn't have started this project?"
Alvin:  "No, right now it is sometimes hard, but when we are done, it will be so good."

And inside, it felt like I exhaled again.

You see - the vision God laid on my heart, is not just one mine - but my husbands and also my kids.
And, the bottom line - if we didn't know (without a shadow of a doubt) that this is God's vision for women, and just entrusted to us --- we would just give it all up when we got discouraged, or down, or tired.  BUT ... we believe there are reasons He has entrusted it to us - and want Him to find us faithful.

There is the saying that "home is where the heart is" and when I look at my life - my life is in the palm of HIS hand (Thank you Lord!) I have my husband by my side, my kids and grandson around me, my friends who share in our lives... what more could I want? Oh, and I have a good bed to sleep in - and a couple pillows to lay my head on! 

So ... I can keep living like a squatter for a while - because I know - it will all come to be!  God is Sovereign over this - and what he has called us to do - He will equip us to do it.  Sure - things may change but He never does!  Now when I get feeling anxious, or feeling home-less ... I just need to remind myself what He said in the following scripture which came to mind.  I have put them below in two versions which I love - the NIV and also the paraphrase THE MESSAGE.

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Matthew 8:20-22
New International Version (NIV)


20 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
21 Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
22 But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

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Matthew 8:20-22
The Message (MSG)

20Jesus was curt: "Are you ready to rough it? We're not staying in the best inns, you know."
21Another follower said, "Master, excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have my father's funeral to take care of."
22Jesus refused. "First things first. Your business is life, not death. Follow me. Pursue life."

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Bottom line:  He just wants me/us to trust Him with it all ... and to follow him!  He never said it would be easy. (take a look in  the Bible -  I can not think of any scripture where Jesus says following him will be comfortable, or convenient, or any of those words!! ) And, it is not without anxious moments, or worries.  However - in putting Jesus first - He also tells us to give our cares, worries, anxieties, questions (all of it) to HIM.  And in this - in His strength to pursue life fully!  After all - Jesus said in John 10:10b that He has come so that we may have life - and have it to the full!  He wants us to put him first - and to pursue life fully!!  This is my prayer.  We value your prayers on our behalf as we continue to build this ministry's "home"