I have just re-read it, and figured I would post it now. But, it feel like it is not complete. So after the original post, I am feeling like it needs to be finished. So that is my intent. You are invited to read these words as raw as they are ... they spilled out of my heart that day.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made
Body
Soul
Mind and
Spirit
Made in the image of God
with His stamp all over us
and with our ears tuned to his voice
our eyes fixed on his face
our heart poured out
as the Holy Spirit pours in ...
The heart
the core of our being
the part that loves unconditionally
that overlooks mistakes and misunderstandings
that forgives
the heart that carries a myriad of emotions all at the same time
so many emotions that they sometimes overlap one with the other
The heart
the part that loves unconditionally
that overlooks mistakes and misunderstandings
that forgives
the heart that carries a myriad of emotions all at the same time
so many emotions that they sometimes overlap one with the other
The heart
that spills over with joy
joy that is indescribable
but also the heart
joy that is indescribable
but also the heart
that weeps when sadness overtakes it
and tears rise from the depths of the heart, spilling out through through the eyes
running down onto cheeks
one after another
and when you think that you could not possibly cry any more tears
there are still more
coming one at a time from the eyes
running down onto cheeks
one after another
and when you think that you could not possibly cry any more tears
there are still more
coming one at a time from the eyes
the eyes ..
that show expression
love, joy, peace
anger, fear
hurt, sadness and grief
the eyes
that show expression
love, joy, peace
anger, fear
hurt, sadness and grief
the eyes
the window to the soul
exposing it
at a time when you do not want it exposed
nor do you want it analyzed
because right now
to be honest
it feels raw and confused
disappointed
and very very broken
and as I look around,
I see those pieces falling to the ground
what was once beautiful
now looks like it is beyond repair
..............................................................................
So that was the original post written but never posted, and now - where do I go with this? The last stanza - pieces falling to the ground, what was once beautiful now looks like it is beyond repair ....
It reminds me of something beautiful that I have seen. It is called: Kintsugi: the art of precious scars. https://www.lifegate.com/kintsugi
On their website it says: "
By repairing broken ceramics it’s possible to give a new lease of life to pottery that becomes even more refined thanks to its “scars”. The Japanese art of kintsugi teaches that broken objects are not something to hide but to display with pride.
This whole thing has made me think of what I wrote - the raw words were written at a time when we were already grieving knowing my brother-in-law would likely only get healed in heaven. I was feeling disappointed with God. I spent a two hard weeks just climbing into my big chair by the window, laying my head against the side, NOT opening my Bible, NOT journalling, NOT praying ...
The time with the LORD was spent really just curled up on His lap, "being" with Him. And weeping in His presence. Not understanding anything that was happening. And also being confused by it all.
The pieces were broken, and falling to the ground ... It was almost as if you could hear them.
The beautiful bowl, cracked, chipped and broken. And thing is - it felt like nothing would be able to repair, or restore, let alone bring those beautiful pieces together ...
But then God, the master designer and LORD GOD over all, the great I AM took those pieces, even the littlest flake of pottery that was laying on the ground. And he took the gold, and he lovingly pieced it all together with His gold ... He made the scars precious, and the piece more beautiful than before ... and every single piece was there, glued with the gold. In many ways, the scars are more noticeable, but they are beautiful, and makes the piece one of a kind.
Today my sister-in-love and I went for a walk. (Sunday marked 4 Sundays, and yesterday was a month since Todd went to be with Jesus) We talked about missing Todd (her husband) and we talked about life now. We also talked about those weeks of petitioning the throne room on behalf of Todd - for healing here. We talked about wondering - was our faith strong enough? were we praying the right way? Why does God heal that person but not Todd? And then we talked about even in the midst of the deepest sorrow and loneliness, we know Todd is living his best life, and if given a chance to come back, we are pretty positive he would say no.
Those shattered pieces are still laying around on the floor ... it feels too early yet in the journey of grief to even want to do anything with them, except just acknowledge their presence around us. But I know from past experience personally, that God IS the redeemer of broken pieces ... He takes them, puts them together, uses His gold to do that, and make us whole again. We may never forget the scars, they may become less obvious with time, but we will always see the gold that has brought them together and made them precious. They will one day be PRECIOUS SCARS.
O LORD make us all a living piece of Kintsugi art. May your healing be the gold that sticks the peaces together. We love you and give you our lives, and our brokenness knowing that you are redeemer, healer, sustainer and the Lover of our Soul. Make us beautiful LORD - in your eyes we know we are! And instead of hiding like a broken vessel - we will shine with your gold showing up where we needed to be restored. OH LORD we love you. Amen
With love,
j
PS ... precious scars ... that just struck me, the scars that one day I will see - the scars that our loved ones in heaven are already seeing - in the hands and feet of our Saviour Jesus ... oh those are precious. It is because of Jesus - his death and resurrection - that we can say those precious scars represent everlasting life for each and every believer in Jesus. Now THOSE are precious scars. Thank you LORD.
exposing it
at a time when you do not want it exposed
nor do you want it analyzed
because right now
to be honest
it feels raw and confused
disappointed
and very very broken
and as I look around,
I see those pieces falling to the ground
what was once beautiful
now looks like it is beyond repair
..............................................................................
So that was the original post written but never posted, and now - where do I go with this? The last stanza - pieces falling to the ground, what was once beautiful now looks like it is beyond repair ....
It reminds me of something beautiful that I have seen. It is called: Kintsugi: the art of precious scars. https://www.lifegate.com/kintsugi
On their website it says: "
By repairing broken ceramics it’s possible to give a new lease of life to pottery that becomes even more refined thanks to its “scars”. The Japanese art of kintsugi teaches that broken objects are not something to hide but to display with pride.
This whole thing has made me think of what I wrote - the raw words were written at a time when we were already grieving knowing my brother-in-law would likely only get healed in heaven. I was feeling disappointed with God. I spent a two hard weeks just climbing into my big chair by the window, laying my head against the side, NOT opening my Bible, NOT journalling, NOT praying ...
The time with the LORD was spent really just curled up on His lap, "being" with Him. And weeping in His presence. Not understanding anything that was happening. And also being confused by it all.
The pieces were broken, and falling to the ground ... It was almost as if you could hear them.
The beautiful bowl, cracked, chipped and broken. And thing is - it felt like nothing would be able to repair, or restore, let alone bring those beautiful pieces together ...
But then God, the master designer and LORD GOD over all, the great I AM took those pieces, even the littlest flake of pottery that was laying on the ground. And he took the gold, and he lovingly pieced it all together with His gold ... He made the scars precious, and the piece more beautiful than before ... and every single piece was there, glued with the gold. In many ways, the scars are more noticeable, but they are beautiful, and makes the piece one of a kind.
Today my sister-in-love and I went for a walk. (Sunday marked 4 Sundays, and yesterday was a month since Todd went to be with Jesus) We talked about missing Todd (her husband) and we talked about life now. We also talked about those weeks of petitioning the throne room on behalf of Todd - for healing here. We talked about wondering - was our faith strong enough? were we praying the right way? Why does God heal that person but not Todd? And then we talked about even in the midst of the deepest sorrow and loneliness, we know Todd is living his best life, and if given a chance to come back, we are pretty positive he would say no.
Those shattered pieces are still laying around on the floor ... it feels too early yet in the journey of grief to even want to do anything with them, except just acknowledge their presence around us. But I know from past experience personally, that God IS the redeemer of broken pieces ... He takes them, puts them together, uses His gold to do that, and make us whole again. We may never forget the scars, they may become less obvious with time, but we will always see the gold that has brought them together and made them precious. They will one day be PRECIOUS SCARS.
O LORD make us all a living piece of Kintsugi art. May your healing be the gold that sticks the peaces together. We love you and give you our lives, and our brokenness knowing that you are redeemer, healer, sustainer and the Lover of our Soul. Make us beautiful LORD - in your eyes we know we are! And instead of hiding like a broken vessel - we will shine with your gold showing up where we needed to be restored. OH LORD we love you. Amen
With love,
j
PS ... precious scars ... that just struck me, the scars that one day I will see - the scars that our loved ones in heaven are already seeing - in the hands and feet of our Saviour Jesus ... oh those are precious. It is because of Jesus - his death and resurrection - that we can say those precious scars represent everlasting life for each and every believer in Jesus. Now THOSE are precious scars. Thank you LORD.
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