Beautiful!

My girls.... one by birth, one by marriage but both mine! I will get back to that thought... work with me here :)

Today I went outside for a double walk (I walked the back path twice). Just me, my thoughts, and my dog Oreo. Alvin had not come home from his night shift yet. The air was crisp. The sun was already bright. The snow was whiter than white! As I walked I thought, I prayed. I walked on the path that had fresh snowmobile tracks, and prayed for my son in law Michael, who had snowmobiled there yesterday. Of course then I prayed for both he and Ashley. Then, I thought of my kids Josh and Leah who are in Saskatoon with my nephew Daniel. They took him for his hockey tournament. I thought of them, and prayed for them as well. I listened to the bird, who's call sounded like one of the rings on my cell phone. God, thank you for your creation. I watched Orrie as he ran ahead, and recalled my blog the other day, about how Oreo was an object lesson to me, teaching me about my walk with God. I passed by the place in the snow, where Alvin had stopped yesterday, when we were out walking with Ash and Mike, and he had drawn something in the snow, after Michael had asked about some thing he saw across the field. Lord, thank you for my husband, who is so practical, and so knowledgable...(the kids know that Dad will always have an object lesson for them!)

Then, I came in, a little frozen (hmmm forgot to put on my long johns this morning for my walk) and gave my husband a kiss and hug, and had a good cup of hot coffee.

Fast forward to now. I have just finished "church". I watched the Beth Moore bible study on Esther, the DVD lesson number 1. I was laughing when I talked with Karis the other day, and told her that I have always disliked my second name, and now I have decided it is a great name. My second name is Esther. Yes, JOY ESTHER.

I wept through todays lesson. When she talked about her little grandson feeding his dog little goldfish crackers...

I wept when she talked about her mother-in-law burying her second child and saying "It's too much, it's not fair, it's not right!"

I wept when Beth talked about wanting her husband to find her beautiful, and when he kissed her neck, and she kissed his, and how he loved being with Granny!
This is what I was thinking I would be called. Granny.

And then, God spoke to me even more, and he just reemphasized something that He has been telling me for years... it is about being beautiful in God's sight. It is about being precious. About being COMPLETE IN HIM (Colossians 2:10) about being HIS LOVER AND HE CLAIMS ME AS HIS OWN (Song of Songs 7:10) and its about the "the Lord our God show us his approval" (Psalm 90:17). This is all about being beautiful, and precious in His eyes... it is about Him KNOWING us. Intimately - flaws and all.

Years ago, God laid a vision on my heart. A vision for retreat ministry for women.
He laid out the whole plan - what it should include as to what the house should have inside it, the purpose, and it was because of this vision that I left my career of 25 years in one field, and followed him. Well, he circumvented that plan, for a time... and called me into pastoral ministry. I, the least likely. Really... I have no seminary. (okay, perhaps you are reading this, and are surprised that I have been one of your pastors without credentials!!) Anyhow, I struggled with that decision, and asked God to affirm each step of that way... putting out the fleece several times. And the rest is history. I have been in pastoral ministry for 7 years this May. Amazing. (although I still struggle with being "uneducated")

ANYHOW, lest you think I am bunnytrailing AGAIN.. let me get back. I realized within a very short time frame, why He called me into pastoral ministry (for whatever length He will be the decider of). Within weeks, I was meeting with women, listening and praying with. If there is anything that I have gleaned over the past 6.5 years of ministry it is that there are so many women who do not realize how beautiful, how special, how precious, how loved they are by God. And when women struggle with earthly relationships that often make them feel less loved, they have to know that GOD LOVES YOU and thinks you are beautiful.

Eventually, when the retreat house becomes a reality - everything in the place will be picked, chosen, thought of, so that ultimately women who come will feel cared for, precious, aware of the beautiful women they are! It will be a feast for the senses Lord willing.

Okay, this bunny trail takes me back to my first statement... about my girls. One by birth - Ashley Marie (now Thiessen), one by marriage - Leah Michelle - both mine, and both loved, and might I add, I think my girls are so beautiful!!

I love my girls so much. I love being with them. I love laughing with them. I also know that we are so good being able to cry together, and I wish we haven't had to do so much of that. My girls, Ashley and Leah are beautiful. Their personalities are uniquely their own, and I love that about them. They have different gifting, and different talents. They both love life, even though right now life feels like it has been sucked out of us all. I love watching them together. Ever since Leah joined our family, when she was seventeen, Ashley simply adored her. It was so important that whomever Josh fell in love with, would also love Ashley. And Leah became the big sister that Ash never had and now she did.
Ashley and Leah are sisters and best friends.

I think my girls are two of the most beautiful women I know. They have outer beauty. There is something about their eyes too... They also have inner beauty that shines through their eyes, and makes them all the more attractive. I believe that is why they have so many people who love being with them. They both are able to make people feel special, and loved, and important. They make me feel special as their mom, and their friend.

I love my girls and think that they show such beauty through their relationship with God, who has given them the beauty I see! (inner and outer) I love how they process, how they talk about God, how they wrestle with faith stuff. I wish we didn't have to wrestle so much over this past half year. Their beauty oozes from their relationship with God, that is their own relationship and their own walk.

I love my girls. I love spending time with them - together, and also one on one. I do not take that for granted. It is a special and rare gift. Thank you God... for my girls (and for my boys too!! but that is another blog!) Thank you God for making me a woman who is loved - who is complete in you Lord - who is precious and who you know intimately. Thank you for making me a wife, a mother, a granny! Thank you for laying the vision for retreat ministry for women, and Lord, may you make that a reality! Thank you for the beauty that you have given to my girls. For your love Jesus... Thank you.

(The vision God laid on my heart has officially been a registered charity called WOMEN REFRESHED AT THE WELL, and can officially give tax receipts for any donations, should you ever wish to make a donation to a ministry. Consider WRATW!! But, more than that, please pray for God's will for this ministry.)