today

Well - today I left work on time - and appreciated the fact that there was nothing pressing on my agenda for tonight. With Alvin working nights - it makes for some quiet thinking time for me.

Today I cleaned up filing cabinets at work - have a little to finish, but it was quite the task. I refiled some - put some in recycling - and shredded some. It was fun to see some of the things that I filed away - never to be seen again, until today! In this day and age so much of it is on electronic filing in our computers.

In the afternoon, as my son and husband were passing by from one job on the way to another, they stopped and took the couch out of my office to return to Meggie (our office admin, and my friend) who lent it to me many years ago. It is kind of wierd really - packing up my stuff and moving it out - actually there isn't that much.
My husband was in the jellybean container that I have mounted on the wall... a fun type of dispenser that has dispensed MANY MANY MANY candies over the last 7 years.

Today as Alvin left - he said to Meggie - "well Meggie - this may be the last time you see me here" ... I think it caught Meggie off guard - but it also made me realize again that I am almost done. Done - in more ways than one it feels like.

These last 3 months have been alot harder than I thought they would be. Maybe I didn't really know what to expect. After all, I have never left a christian organization before. One thing I know is that I have no doubts and no regrest. However, there is a sadness.

On Sunday two people spoke with me on separate occassions. I have a feeling that it will be harder and harder for me to keep dry eyes, as I noticed on Sunday as two of us wept together. Tears are just part of my life, and part of this process. I know that for sure.

One person asked me if I would have even worked part-time .... if that had ever been a consideration. Funny thing is last year in March, someone spoke some prophetic word to me, and apparently told some or part of our executive, that I needed to work part-time. But she said in March this year, the time for that (for me) has passed. Sometimes I wonder what God wants us to do, and what we miss....
And why do we miss things? I have noticed that we miss it because when God speaks we either don't hear him - or we hear him but are too scared to follow - or we just think we know best.

I have learnt alot over the past 15 years about hearing God - and even more over the past year. About hearing God in the midst of pain - and joy. About hearing silenece at times when I wish I heard his voice. About hearing him say NO. About hearing him tell me to move on something.

I am still learning about listening to God. Right now I am praying about/thinking about the last sermon that I will give to McIvor - actually the last Thursday and Sunday that we have summer services - the last week that I work. That was planned before I gave my notice - funny how that happened. I am trying to be still and hear what it is God wants me to say, about listening to him!

I have three weeks left of work - and two weeks to get my sermon together. Needless to say, I am praying alot these days. God give me all that I need to make it through to the end - and to finish well! O Lord - I need you.