its tougher being hurt by a friend ~ than an enemy

Friends. Life is full of them. In one of Dr. Crabb's books, he mentioned how he wrote down the people in his life who he knew where there for him. The other day, as Alvin and I walked - we talked about this - and we spoke the names of those who we knew/know without a doubt "are there" for us and have been there for us. It was quite a list actually.

Friends. Last week I dropped in on one friend for an hour and a cup of coffe, I sat with another at Pineridge Hollow ~ it was good. On Wednesday, I sat with my kids - who are at the top of our list of people - and that was good. It was a hard week - and on Thursday Alvin said that he believed that being with our kids on Wednesday for most of the day, was exactly what I needed.
So true.

Friends. Gotta love them.

I did some impromtu calls - some planned coffee times - an impromtu supper (so glad two of our friends had nothing up and just came for the visit!) We invited two of our good friends over for breakfast yesterday, and tonight - we get to feed supper and enjoy fellowship with two more friends. I love being able to do impromtu stuff. It seems easier to do the impromtu stuff when we are the age we are!

But today I was reading a new book I got - just released by Paul Boge - THE URBAN SAINT ~ The Harry Lehotsky Story. It is so good - I wish I had met Harry in person - I know I was greatly moved by the recording he left to be played at his funeral. In the pages I have read today - I came across something that was written - "It's tougher being hurt by a friend than an enemy." Ah, ouch... How true. I realize that part of my pain - my loss - is the hurt that happened that was associated with friends that were in my life. I realized that all my life - I never had anyone who I was at "odds" with - and all of a sudden, I have this hurt surrounding things that were said and done/or not said or done ~ at the time when we lost our little grandson, and after - that affected relationships to this day. And I realize this is all part of grieving that continues on. If I was alone in this then Alvin would be the one to bring perspective on it all. Thing is ~ his hurt at times seems even deeper. Alvin thinks there should have been resolution. Me ~ I don't know what that would even look like. All I know is that there are a couple friendships - two in particular that have changed, and I am so sorry about that. So sorry. And as I said, the quote from The Urban Saint ~ pained my heart, as I realized it is part of my story too. I realize that forgiveness has to be in the equation. And then choosing to "remember no more" is perhaps the key. And right now I will be honest ~ that is the struggle, as the hurt continues to "bob up from under the water, like a balloon you are trying to keep under the water, and just can't."

One day I hope we will be able to look back on it all without pain ~ and smile. Till then, I will keep thinking, keep praying, and keep giving it to God and keep stepping forward. Till then I will remember days past, when life was different, and friendships were easy. That was before we lost our little grandson ~ and before our lives changed. Somehow I guess we were easier to understand then or was it that some friendships were more superficial than we thought? It is quite amazing, as Dr. Crabb said, who is there for you and who are not. Or perhaps those who do things (they think is in your best interest) and it causes hurt. What does it mean to be a friend who sticks closer than a brother? Hmmm... food for thought.
I hope that in the future ~ I can "be there" for those who I am friends with, and whom God gives me the love, the grace and the courage (that is the big one) to reach out to.

Friends. Perhaps now is the day that you count yours! And thank God for each one.
And, may God give you the courage to be a friend to someone in ways that may take you outside of your comfort. Perhaps reading the story of Harry Lehotsky would help you understand that. Regardless - thank God today! And then step up and be that friend.