 |
| Grab a cup of tea or coffee - it's a long post ! |
Webster defines the word "remaking" as to make anew or in a different form! I believe this is what God is doing with me!!
Today it dawned on me today - an "aha" moment actually. A moment that took me back to November 2018 when I was sitting in a chalet at the mark centre while being registered in the 3 day silent retreat for women there in Abbotsford, BC. This was the second time I had taken in this beautiful time of retreat - in silence - surrounded by women and silent - go figure!!
The first whole day, as I was spending time with the LORD in silence, reading, praying, reflecting - God spoke to me and told me that it was time for me to "return to being a Mary"...
Now you may not understand the significance of those words to me that day. I shared what I had heard God say, with the Spiritual Director that was assigned to me, and I shared what that meant to me. And I would like to share that with you now too. Maybe you should pour yourself a big cup of tea or coffee while I explain!!
Here goes:
When we began ministry - just over 7 years ago - I struggled (and that is a good word) with being a Mary in a ministry that primarily required me to be a Martha. Do you know the story in the Bible? The one where Martha was busy in the kitchen preparing the meal for Jesus while Mary (her sister) sat at the feet of the LORD taking in his every word. Martha could not take it any longer, and spoke her mind to the LORD who instead of telling her that she was right, told her that her sister Mary was the one who was doing the better thing. Okay. Even if I am a Mary at heart ... I know that if we didn't have the Marthas in the world then we Mary's would be hungry, and our houses would be dirty, and our clothes would need to be cleaned, and our children fed and on and on. There is a need - a big big need for the Marthas!
So we started out ministry, and one meal at a time.... one bed being remade at a time ... cleaning one toilet at a time ... grocery shopping ... doing laundry ... vacuuming .... and on and on. This girl knew that I was doing a whole lot of MARTHA work and boy was I struggling in that. I was struggling physically. My body was racked with fibromyalgia pain - so much so that I often vacuumed and cried out loud to God - "God, I don't know what you are doing with me here!" "God, I am not sure I can do this." Believe me, I was always glad that no one came into my house during one of my ranting sessions.
Becoming a Martha was hard work. I was done cooking (I thought) after having been married and feeding my husband and family for over 30 years at that point!! SO DONE WITH COOKING!!
I was making beds 5 at a time - doing loads and loads and loads of sheets and towels and you name it! And the loading and unloading of groceries. One load at a time, I was beginning to see Mary as a faint memory ... and I was wrestling, sometimes it felt like tooth and nail - with the new me. I had not really picked this new identity! God had.
I remember standing overlooking the great room from the bridge on the second floor and feeling like now I was trapped in this - we had invested all our time, energy and money to build the house, and to do it for the sake of ministry ... and I felt trapped. Ugg I hated that feeling. But then a friend helped me to understand something. Our friend and his wife did training/ coaching with the "Barkman Method" ... if you look this up it will tell you that "the Barkman Method measures various aspects of personality and can be used as an assessment tool. It measures your interests (what do you enjoy, what motivates you both personally and professionally), your behaviour (what is your style in performing tasks and relationships) , your stress management (what happens when your needs are not met) and also organizational orientation or in other words how you manage and organize your life both professionally and personally. It is different than other personality tests though in that the Barkman Method "aims not only to describe your personality, but also to evaluate your needs by exploring your usual behaviour, motivational needs and stress behaviours."
Our friends Winston and Virginia offered this testing assessment to us free. So Alvin and I took it. Before we had a chance to meet with them to find out what our assessment showed, our friend was here for a day leadership retreat. As he was leaving I asked if my assessment showed up anything interesting to which he promptly replied that it had. He went on to say that he thought I would score high in one area, as he had seen me at work here in ministry and felt sure I would score high. However in that particular area, I scored so low it took him off guard. He said "Joy have you ever asked ..." I stopped him ask said, "Have I ever asked the LORD what he is doing with me in this place?" To which my friend said YES. I proceeded to tell him that at least once a week I had the conversation (sometimes loud) with the LORD. My friend told me that my score surprised him until he realized that in my own strength, I can not do the ministry calling I have. It is only in the strength of the Holy Spirit that I can minister and it looks completely like I was made for this!
Well I have to tell you that was the moment when the elephant jumped off my chest. All of a sudden I knew that when I felt like it was too much - it was because I was trying to do it on my own. I was trying to do a Martha - and resenting every single meal or load of laundry or vacuum job, or toilet cleaning - because it felt like too much! I realized in that moment - the BIG AHA moment - that in my own strength - I can NOT do this calling .... it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit!
Let me tell you that day - my life changed!! (Thank you Winston and Virginia for helping me see this!). You see this Mary - could not be the Martha without the Holy Spirit's help. And boy did I need the Holy Spirit!
So that was back a few years. Since then I have been doing ministry - me and the Holy Spirit - but I felt like Mary was hiding in some back room as there was no time for her to sit at the feet of Jesus other than stolen moments between serving meals.
So now, lets fast forward to what I told you at the beginning. Back in November of 2018, in my chalet at The Mark Centre as I was spending time with the LORD in silence, reading, praying, reflecting - God spoke to me and told me that it was time for me to "return to being a Mary"...
My heart leapt with joy. I remembered what it felt like to be a Mary and the prospect of returning - it was wonderful to think about. I shared that ... I penned my thoughts about it in my journal ... I even told a couple people about that while they sat at my kitchen island watching me prepare their meal. I was told that it was time for me to return to being a Mary. YET ... up to March 15th - these words from the LORD were neatly written in my journal, and etched in my mind - but had not come to life in me! 18 months of those words sealed away waiting I think, for such a time as this. NOW ... this is the time.
With "COVID-19" and all its implications - our life here has been turned quite on its head. Retreats were cancelled. Emails sent out. And within an hour our life opened up in the way that we have literally nothing but time!! And you have to know that for me - this held a combination of relief, anxiety, and excitement. How is that in a nutshell!
The thing is ... I have nothing but time now. I don't have to fit my QUIET TIME (affectionately called QT) with the LORD in between meal making - NO - I have all the time in the world to just sit with the LORD. This is the most beautiful thing about COVID-19 is that it has freed up the time to JUST BE (which is all about what our ministry is for) ... ironic that now I am the one retreating in this space!! I am the one that is called to "step out of the traffic" and the one to "just be" ...
And it is very common to sit down at my new window space with my coffee, Bible and journal, and to look up and realize I have been with the LORD for a two-three hours. Time flies!
In this time, He has spoken loudly. Yep, he speaks. I knew that from a long time ago - but I am enjoying the fact that our conversations are happening daily now. I have just begun my third journal for this year. Normally I buy 4, sometimes 5 for the year. I am in number 3, and only in the fourth month. I may need to buy more. (I always buy all of them at the same time, as I want them to be identical for the year I am in). This years journal says "The Best is Yet To Come" on the front. This has become my mantra for the last couple years!
My time with Him is so sweet. I always hate to leave the spot where we have been meeting.
I can't describe it. It is personal and intimate. I have learned so much over the past month alone. He has called into the deepest of intercessory prayer like never before. He has challenged me with the words "you have not because you have not asked.." He has told me what to ask for. He has surprised me but He has also witnessed my weeping on many many occasions. This time is precious. Me and Him. He calls me Beloved and I almost always end my time with I love you LORD.
And today it dawned on me ... He is RE-MAKING me ...
Remaking me into a woman who has fallen head over heels in love with HIM more and more.
Remaking me into a woman who desires HIM above all else.
Remaking me into a woman after GOd's own heart.
Remaking me into a woman who asks for MORE of Him in my life, so that people will only see Jesus when they see me.
Today it dawned on me that 18 months ago, He told me that "it was time for me to return to being a Mary" and my heart just smiled when I was reminded of those words to me. You see - his timing is perfect. It was for such a time as this. He is at work - Re Making this gal - and I am so glad!
There is a book called "Being a Mary in a Martha World" ... I did not write it, but I think I could add a chapter entitled "The Re-Making of Joy Thomas Klassen". (insert big smile here)
My prayer for you is that you would enjoy some MARY time of your own! And maybe trust HIM for your own re-making!
with love,
J
If you have read this far - thanks!! Hope it has blessed you! I hope you will take a few more minutes and listen to this song!! Love it!!
No comments:
Post a Comment