Coffee Thoughts (no periods, no commas)

My thoughts run a million thoughts a minute - with no periods - no commas - 

they just run 

one after another - overlapping, tumbling thoughts ~

I have often wondered when someone will invent a device

that can be attached to your head

and record every single thought that runs across your mind.

then again ~

maybe we don't want them all recorded,

as they may not be suitable for other people to read about!

Thing is - people don't need to know about all our thoughts

but God knows my thoughts 

whether they are written or thought of

whether they are spoken out loud or in the heart

He knows.

I sit here this morning

at my computer

It seems that I think I have something to say

but feel too tired to pick up my pen and write it in longhand ~

So I sit here ...

coffee cup beside me

computer in front of me

and thoughts whirling around in my head

a million thoughts a minute.

The sounds of the morning ~

wind chimes on deck

(these chimes were expensive, and have stood the test of time)

The sound is like heavens music, if you can imagine that

peaceful

soothing

these sounds bring joy <3 p="">

The birds are singing ~

many different sounds and songs

representing the many different birds in our area

there is a reason why they are called SONG BIRDS!

I thank God for these winged friends who bring joy with their melody

Motorcycles are driving down Henderson

We are far enough removed that the sound is not offensive in any way

but it always gives me a picture of freedom lol

Wind in your face.

Sun on your shoulder.

It always seems like you are riding fast when you are on the back of a bike!

*note - maybe we should go for a ride today

Inside I hear the sounds of a dryer going

and the washing machine washing clothes

and as each of them comes to the end of their cycles

a beautiful little childhood melody plays ...

It makes me thankful that I have a home to live in, and clothes to wear and appliances to wash and dry them.

I realize not everyone has this luxury.

So when I hear the childhood melody - I will say thank you LORD for these practical blessings

My commercial coffee maker warms up the water in its internal tank.

Reminds me that it is also a luxury I likely take for granted

A big cup of coffee

Red Lake Coffee at that.  (it is hard to switch to anything else once you've had this!)

My cup on the table reminds me that I am loved.

It is a cup given to us on our anniversary, and the friend knew I collect hearts

As they are  #remindersofhislove

So often we I go through life taking for granted the things that are in my life

Blessings that I don't alway see as a blessing any more because it has become routine

So today, my cup calls me back to HIM - to HIS LOVE for me - my Jesus.

And drinking from this cup, seeing the hearts is a reminder that He is all over my day.

My thoughts run a million thoughts a minute

About my life - my marriage with my sweet man

Yep I take that for granted too

How years ago a 16 year old guy walked down steps into the school cafeteria

And I knew he was then one.

So often my thoughts can focus on what I don't have... instead of what I do have.

An amazing husband who loves and cares and brings so many things into my life/our life together

I am humbled to think of how life could have gone

with someone else, or being born into a different family, or being born in a country

Do your thoughts go there sometimes too?

My thoughts are a million thoughts a minute it seems

about my family

my kids - all four of them

and my grandchildren - 1 in heaven and 4 here with us!

My thoughts can often border on worry but mostly are filled with joy

And thanksgiving to God for giving me the husband, and kids and grandkids that I have

Oh He has been so good to me!

My thoughts these days are many - too many to count

The circumstances change daily

I don't have to say the word for anyone reading to know what I am talking about.

Thoughts swirl around our health and our safety.

But the thoughts also swirl around the beauty of this time of year

The buds that will soon come and open

The fluff from the poplars that will fly and put my allergies into overtime

Wood-ticks that may crawl on us and hopefully found before they dig in for their lunch

Ponds that have the frogs croaking

No doubt tadpoles that will be swimming

Gardening that will get done once the last frost happens

These thoughts of mine

whirring a million thoughts a minute

are like butterflies that are flying all over the place

here one moment and then gone off ...

my kids laugh at that, 

how I can come up with something in the midst of a different conversation ...

can I blame it on age? lol

My thoughts these days can be calm and then change to anxiety

some fear of the unknown ahead

But He usually gives me the assurance that HE (my God) has it all under control

My thoughts don't have to make sense

I may not understand HIS thoughts or ways, and TBT I rarely do.

But He is saying, you are going to be okay

Hold on - don't let go of me - just keep walking and when those times come that you cant

I will carry you

You are going to be okay

Actually you are going to be more than okay.

My thoughts are of relationships that are put to the test

people that are lonely due to restrictions.

Churches that have gone to online live services

New worship songs coming out in the midst of it all speaks to HOPE beyond what we know

Hope found in Jesus!

My thoughts are of someone we love who is getting closer to heaven it seems

thoughts of why God don't you heal HERE on earth

mixed with thoughts of knowing God is Sovereign and knows the plan for each of us

my loved one included

My thoughts change in the darkness of night

when everything is still

everything is literally dark because of night

those thoughts some nights hinder sleep from coming easily

My thoughts if spoken out loud would be

LORD REALLY

will something good really come out from this

or will we quickly forget this time that you had us in

a time of slowing down

of being with those we love

of reading THE WORD

of praying

and times of worship

And my thought are that this is time of resetting 

A time of recasting vision

A time of drawing us back to the heart of the Father

.

He is reminding us that in the midst of this unknown

HE never changes.

My thoughts are about how the time of being alone, and quiet here without retreaters to host 

has created so much space for me to sit with the LORD

in stillness

in rest

and to listen

And beyond the wind chime and the birds

Beyond the sound of motorcycles or lawn tractors

Beyond the sound of my coffee maker and washer/dryer

I hear him.

He speaks 

My journals are full of recorded conversations over the past few weeks

Yes - I said recorded conversations.

Ask me about that sometime.

He speaks in a voice I hear.

Before He speaks, I know that He has drawn me into a place, and a position where I am ready

To hear what He has to say

As a Father to his daughter

As a Bridegroom to his Beloved

He speaks

As the sheep recognize the voice of the Shepherd

I (as one of those sheep) no longer question if the voice I hear is God.

Because I recognize Him.

My thoughts that are running a million thoughts a minute seem to still in that time

And I hear him speak

I write down the words, the conversation

Like a mad woman - not fully understanding it all

Until after we "sign off" with "I love you LORD" 

I then go back and read it.

Father to daughter - His love letter to me.

I am thankful that in the midst of my life

When my thoughts are whirring much like my washing machine is right about now - 

That I can hear OVER my thoughts

And can hear HIS thoughts - which are music to my ears and my heart

Not unlike the wind chime that sings with the breath of the wind stirring it

So the breath of the Holy Spirit stirs me

And my heart calms

All gets quiet

except for His voice.

Coffee thoughts on a Thursday morning

representing a cross section of an hour of my life

Full and overflowing

Yet still and I am able to be in the "present" with the Presence of the Holy Spirit.

And I sit from the mug with hearts on it.

I take in the sounds and sights

And I feel His presence with me

And I sip coffee ...

And hear him say - "It's all Going to be OKAY ... actually Joy, it's going to be more than OKAY.

I've Got this!!"

#GODSGOTTHIS

written with love, 

j

PS take some time to enjoy this song - listen to the words!  You're Gonna Be Okay

the Re-Making of Joy Thomas Klassen

Grab a cup of tea or coffee - it's a long post !

Re-Making!  This is a time of change.  With so much being cancelled here at the house - all retreaters/ministry - this means I have time to sit with Abba/Father.  I have LOTS of time.  It never ceases to amaze me how I can sit down and then look up at the clock and find that a couple - three hours have passed by!  This is one of the greatest gifts of being in this "covid-19" season that we have been thrust into.

Webster defines the word "remaking" as to make anew or in a different form!  I believe this is what God is doing with me!!

Today it dawned on me today - an "aha" moment actually.  A moment that took me back to November 2018 when I was sitting in a chalet at the mark centre while being registered in the 3 day silent retreat for women there in Abbotsford, BC.  This was the second time I had taken in this beautiful time of retreat - in silence - surrounded by women and silent - go figure!!

The first whole day, as I was spending time with the LORD in silence, reading, praying, reflecting - God spoke to me and told me that it was time for me to "return to being a Mary"...
Now you may not understand the significance of those words to me that day.  I shared what I had heard God say, with the Spiritual Director that was assigned to me, and I shared what that meant to me.  And I would like to share that with you now too.  Maybe you should pour yourself a big cup of tea or coffee while I explain!!

Here goes:
When we began ministry - just over 7 years ago - I struggled (and that is a good word) with being a Mary in a ministry that primarily required me to be a Martha.   Do you know the story in the Bible?  The one where Martha was busy in the kitchen preparing the meal for Jesus while Mary (her sister) sat at the feet of the LORD taking in his every word.  Martha could not take it any longer, and spoke her mind to the LORD who instead of telling her that she was right, told her that her sister Mary was the one who was doing the better thing.  Okay.  Even if I am a Mary at heart ... I know that if we didn't have the Marthas in the world then we Mary's would be hungry, and our houses would be dirty, and our clothes would need to be cleaned, and our children fed and on and on.  There is a need - a big big need for the Marthas!

So we started out ministry, and one meal at a time.... one bed being remade at a time ... cleaning one toilet at a time ... grocery shopping ... doing laundry ... vacuuming .... and on and on.  This girl knew that I was doing a whole lot of MARTHA work and boy was I struggling in that.  I was struggling physically.  My body was racked with fibromyalgia pain - so much so that I often vacuumed and cried out loud to God - "God, I don't know what you are doing with me here!"  "God, I am not sure I can do this."  Believe me, I was always glad that no one came into my house during one of my ranting sessions.

Becoming a Martha was hard work.  I was done cooking (I thought) after having been married and feeding my husband and family for over 30 years at that point!!  SO DONE WITH COOKING!!
I was making beds 5 at a time - doing loads and loads and loads of sheets and towels and you name it!  And the loading and unloading of groceries.  One load at a time, I was beginning to see Mary as a faint memory ... and I was wrestling, sometimes it felt like tooth and nail - with the new me.  I had not really picked this new identity!  God had.

I remember standing overlooking the great room from the bridge on the second floor and feeling like now I was trapped in this - we had invested all our time, energy and money to build the house, and to do it for the sake of ministry ... and I felt trapped.  Ugg I hated that feeling.  But then a friend helped me to understand something.  Our friend and his wife did training/ coaching with the "Barkman Method" ... if you look this up it will tell you that "the Barkman Method measures various aspects of personality and can be used as an assessment tool.  It measures your interests (what do you enjoy, what motivates you both personally and professionally), your behaviour (what is your style in performing tasks and relationships) , your stress management (what happens when your needs are not met) and also organizational orientation or in other words how you manage and organize your life both professionally and personally.  It is different than other personality tests though in that the Barkman Method "aims not only to describe your personality, but also to evaluate your needs by exploring your usual behaviour, motivational needs and stress behaviours."

Our friends Winston and Virginia offered this testing assessment to us free.  So Alvin and I took it.  Before we had a chance to meet with them to find out what our assessment showed, our friend was here for a day leadership retreat.  As he was leaving I asked if my assessment showed up anything interesting to which he promptly replied that it had.  He went on to say that he thought I would score high in one area, as he had seen me at work here in ministry and felt sure I would score high.  However in that particular area, I scored so low it took him off guard.  He said "Joy have you ever asked ..."  I stopped him ask said, "Have I ever asked the LORD what he is doing with me in this place?" To which my friend said YES.    I proceeded to tell him that at least once a week I had the conversation (sometimes loud) with the LORD.  My friend told me that my score surprised him until he realized that in my own strength, I can not do the ministry calling I have.  It is only in the strength of the Holy Spirit that I can minister and it looks completely like I was made for this!

Well I have to tell you that was the moment when the elephant jumped off my chest.  All of a sudden I knew that when I felt like it was too much - it was because I was trying to do it on my own.  I was trying to do a Martha - and resenting every single meal or load of laundry or vacuum job, or toilet cleaning - because it felt like too much!  I realized in that moment - the BIG AHA moment - that in my own strength - I can NOT do this calling .... it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit!
Let me tell you that day - my life changed!!  (Thank you Winston and Virginia for helping me see this!). You see this Mary - could not be the Martha without the Holy Spirit's help.  And boy did I need the Holy Spirit!

So that was back a few years.  Since then I have been doing ministry - me and the Holy Spirit - but I felt like Mary was hiding in some back room as there was no time for her to sit at the feet of Jesus other than stolen moments between serving meals.

So now, lets fast forward to what I told you at the beginning.  Back in November of 2018, in my chalet at The Mark Centre as I was spending time with the LORD in silence, reading, praying, reflecting - God spoke to me and told me that it was time for me to "return to being a Mary"...

My heart leapt with joy.  I remembered what it felt like to be a Mary and the prospect of returning - it was wonderful to think about.  I shared that ... I penned my thoughts about it in my journal ... I even told a couple people about that while they sat at my kitchen island watching me prepare their meal.   I was told that it was time for me to return to being a Mary.  YET ... up to March 15th - these words from the LORD were neatly written in my journal, and etched in my mind - but had not come to life in me!  18 months of those words sealed away waiting I think, for such a time as this.  NOW ... this is the time.

With "COVID-19" and all its implications - our life here has been turned quite on its head.  Retreats were cancelled.  Emails sent out.  And within an hour our life opened up in the way that we have literally nothing but time!!  And you have to know that for me - this held a combination of relief, anxiety, and excitement.  How is that in a nutshell!

The thing is ... I have nothing but time now.  I don't have to fit my QUIET TIME (affectionately called QT) with the LORD in between meal making - NO - I have all the time in the world to just sit with the LORD.  This is the most beautiful thing about COVID-19 is that it has freed up the time to JUST BE (which is all about what our ministry is for) ... ironic that now I am the one retreating in this space!! I am the one that is called to "step out of the traffic" and the one to "just be" ...
And it is very common to sit down at my new window space with my coffee, Bible and journal, and to look up and realize I have been with the LORD for a two-three hours. Time flies!

In this time, He has spoken loudly. Yep, he speaks.  I knew that from a long time ago - but I am enjoying the fact that our conversations are happening daily now.   I have just begun my third journal for this year.  Normally I buy 4, sometimes 5 for the year.  I am in number 3, and only in the fourth month.  I may need to buy more.  (I always buy all of them at the same time, as I want them to be identical for the year I am in).  This years journal says "The Best is Yet To Come" on the front.  This has become my mantra for the last couple years!

My time with Him is so sweet.  I always hate to leave the spot where we have been meeting.
I can't describe it.  It is personal and intimate. I have learned so much over the past month alone.  He has called into the deepest of intercessory prayer like never before.  He has challenged me with the words "you have not because you have not asked.."  He has told me what to ask for.  He has surprised me but He has also witnessed my weeping on many many occasions.  This time is precious.  Me and Him.  He calls me Beloved and I almost always end my time with I love you LORD.

And today it dawned on me ... He is RE-MAKING me ...
Remaking me into a woman who has fallen head over heels in love with HIM more and more.
Remaking me into a woman who desires HIM above all else.
Remaking me into a woman after GOd's own heart.
Remaking me into a woman who asks for MORE of Him in my life, so that people will only see Jesus when they see me.


Today it dawned on me that 18 months ago,  He told me that "it was time for me to return to being a Mary" and my heart just smiled when I was reminded of those words to me.  You see - his timing is perfect.  It was for such a time as this.  He is at work - Re Making this gal - and I am so glad!

There is a book called "Being a Mary in a Martha World" ... I did not write it, but I think I could add a chapter entitled "The Re-Making of Joy Thomas Klassen". (insert big smile here)

My prayer for you is that you would enjoy some MARY time of your own!  And maybe trust HIM for your own re-making!

with love,
J

If you have read this far - thanks!!  Hope it has blessed you!  I hope you will take a few more minutes and listen to this song!!  Love it!!

Solid Rock

I am upstairs when I should be downstairs sleeping.  I had a feeling upon crawling into bed that this may happen.  I guess I could take my sleep juice, but figured that perhaps I just had some things to think over and say.  SO here I am.

Life has changed a lot.

The news has nothing else on except for COVID-19

I get many COVID-19 emails.

Many of the emails are talking about how hard the virus has affected donations, and would I please give?

I get that.  Our ministry has been affected too.

No, I have not sent out any COVID-19 pleas for money.

But I have recently received 3 surprise donations which totally surprised and blessed me, and therefore the ministry.

God does things like that.

Overnight my daughters became home-schooling moms.  One is a teacher by career, and was enjoying subbing vs full-time teaching.  I still think that homeschooling is much more than even a teacher by trade really wanted to do!  I have to say though that my daughters are knocking it out of the park.  I am so proud of Ashley and Leah.  I seriously do not think I could have done that!

I am also in awe of my sister and brother-in-law who are homeschooling their grandson.  It is certainly something that they never thought they would ever be doing.  COVID-19 changed that.

We have done drive-by celebrations for a young friend who turned 17, and roadside celebration for our friends who just got married ... and we have another couple friends who are changing up plans for their wedding as well.  COVID-19 has changed everything that is any kind of celebration.

We celebrate "church" by watching online.  There are many many services to choose from.  And like someone said, you can go to church while laying on your bed in your pj's, with a big cup of coffee on your bedside table.  I have wondered aloud how many people will quit going to church now that church has come to them through a variety of social media options.

WORK has changed for me.  I hosted my last group March 15 and the same day I wrote emails to every single booking - pretty much every weekend was fully booked, and many weekdays.  It was hard as many had been booked for months, and some for a year.  In some cases I knew without a doubt that the women really NEEDED to get away...

The retreat cancellations did not mean refunds as no downpayment is ever required.  But I also know that the last part of the year is pretty booked too, and it would be impossible to book all these groups and single retreaters into spaces.

Oh, and we postponed the banquet - which brings a big chunk of donations in ... and well, time will tell what we do with the banquet as the date gets closer, and COVID-19 just seems to be increasing in numbers testing positive.

Even grocery shopping has changed!  Seriously - I have grocery shopped with SaveOn for the past almost three years - and it seemed like overnight, it was impossible to get an order through.  All of a sudden the thought of entering a store was overwhelming.

I will also say that I have experienced more angst over this all.  I went through years of a chronic cough and every time I got anything - it always settled in my bronchial tubes ...

The memory of bronchial pneumonia will forever live with me ...  and in some ways I feel that puts me into a risk category - or a second one, since my age puts me in one too!

The thing is ... in the midst of all this COVID-19 stuff .... yes, MUCH has changed, but that also includes some good stuff.  I have heard families talking about how this has brought them together.

YES.  And I have heard about calendars opening up and people having room to breathe again.  YES.  I see people out walking along Henderson Hwy.  And I have also seen more people jogging than ever before.  Is this because the gyms are closed now?  And like me, even my personal trainer is no longer coming into my home, and I am relying on the files of old work-outs that he made for me weekly over the last five years.

In the midst of this all - I am finding that I have time - lots of time to spend with the LORD, and I have to say that it is sweet.  But it has also been work in some ways, as I knew going into this, that He had some things to tell me, and to work with IN me and WITH me and THROUGH me.

I have awoken with remnants of dreams... although not much has stayed or made sense.

I have awoken during the night, with someone on my heart and prayed for them.

I have awoken in the morning with songs on my heart that have played and played during the day and even for days after.

I have awoken with a sense of HEY LORD HERE I AM ... WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME TODAY?

And during this time, I have been given a responsibility to pray for others.

Lots has changed.  Hard stuff.  Good stuff.  All mingled together in the midst of this season of COVID-19.  Oh I am so tired of being bombarded with it all ... sorry I have used the word so much on this post - but may as well call it what it is.  It has changed me.  It has changed us.  And we will never be the same again.

Thing is during this time of angst and unknown ... and change... I know that my God never changes.

People can say "where is God in all of this?"   "why doesn't HE do something?"

But I have seen that God is right in the midst of it all.

Drawing people to himself ...

Walking with us.  Listening.  Embracing.

He is still Sovereign.

And He is still in control even when everything looks out of control.

He continues to be my Rock - my Strength - my Refuge.

He is my HOPE during this time.

As I sat down in this chair in front of our fireplace (while my husband is fast asleep downstairs) the line from a song came across my thoughts ...

It was this stanza that I heard ...

When darkness seems to hide His face

I rest on His unchanging grace

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil

I knew the tune because it is a song I grew up with.  Today I listen to it being sung by Jon Buller and friends (I have put it below for you to listen to).

In the midst of these times - HE IS MY SOLID ROCK!!
I am standing on that!
with love,
    J

The Solid Rock (On Christ the Solid Rock)

Charlie Hall

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly lean on Jesus' Name

Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

When darkness seems to hide His face

I rest on His unchanging grace

In every high and stormy gale

My anchor holds within the veil

Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

His oath, His covenant, His blood

Support me in the whelming flood

When all around my soul gives way

He then is all my Hope and Stay

Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

When He shall come with trumpet sound

Oh may I then in Him be found

Dressed in His righteousness alone

Faultless to stand before the throne