Friday, January 30


Just BE. Yesterday when we got home, we ate at Grace Cafe with our kids, except for Michael who was working. Anyhow, when I got back into my car, there was a gift from my kids especially for me, and for me now that I am on my leave. It is two beautiful mugs from Starbucks. And the Steve Bell new CD "DEVOTION" which I have wanted to buy and haven't yet. (now I don't have to :)) but the thing that was soooo cool was that the mugs were wrapped with a ribbon, and on the ribbon was a tag. Ash told me that they bought it especially becausee of what the words were on the tag. They said: sip - talk - write - read - eat - listen - and then, in red print was the word "be"....

I totally "get" that word - the phrase "just be" - and I will always associate it with the time I heard God's voice loud and clear like He was right in front of me, and He said "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!"

I get what it means to "be" - that was something that I learned from my deep depression many years ago. I think there is a big difference between being a couch potato and "being" although in both cases, you may find me on the couch!

Since Jay died, my counsellor asked me if I had time to just step away from things and just be. I knew that I had too. Somehow, church life didn't allow for me to step back until now. Somehow I don't think people around me understood why I needed to step back, and why I needed to just "be" - and perhaps some even thought that I needed a "plan" for my time away... which is why in the end, I took it as an unpaid leave vs. a sabbatical which I had hoped for.

I needed to just "be" - and that includes (for me) taking lots of time to just sit in God's presence, to listen, to meditate on Him, to sit and be embraced and loved by the Almighty. I want to just spend time being... with no plan - with no agenda - other than to be available to hear the voice of God should He choose to speak.

So, it is with great peace - Alvin and I believe strongly that this leave is exactly what God wants me to do... Today was the end of "paid" ministry as I go on a leave - and I am so excited about having time to spend unhindered, with God. I am also wanting to just be, so that I can spend time sitting with our grief, so that I can process the pain, and begin to walk ahead.

SIP: my new coffee mugs (as well as the one Ellen gave me for my leave as well) will be put to great use. I love sitting with a good strong cup of coffee. Now I have the time to sip and be...

TALK: it will be interesting to see who remains in touch with us, being that we are also taking time away from our church, and checking out some other places of worship. Already it has become pretty obvious just exactly who is wanting to stay connected, and who isn't, and really, that's okay. We thank God for those who dare to continue to step into our space, and ask us how we are doing. It makes it easy for us to stay connected. We thank God for family and friends who we can talk honestly, openly and transparently with.

WRITE: well, this year, I was excited to begin using my new journal - bought from Heidy with Forever Remember. It is beautifully hand crafted, with a cover made from Bison leather, and it ties.... it is much more elaborate than any other journal I have ever used, and it is a true gift to myself. As well, I write in this blog. Whether one person reads it, or hundreds of people, or no one... this blog is a way for me to express myself, and some of my thoughts somewhere outside of my personal journal. I hope somehow God will use this blog to His honor and glory.

EAT: well, I am trying to eat less... and eat healthier - make better choices. I also want to EAT/feed on the Word of God more... only He can satisfy my hunger.

LISTEN: sometimes I talk too much.... often we would leave caregroup, and look at one another and say, "shoot, we talked too much again!" I want to listen more - to my family, to my friends, to my husband and kids, to GOD....O Lord, unplug my ears and help me to hear your voice, your shout, your small whisper... whatever you need to use. Help me to Listen AND obey!! "He who has ears, let him hear!"

BE: ahhhh Be.... this is like exhaling after holding my breath for the past six months... just be.... this has a sweet sound to it.... BE.....

Lord, thank you for my kids, for their love, support and prayers on my behalf, and for their encouragement to walk into this leave with great expectation and to allow myself to just "be". I don't know what I would do without such amazing kids and husband. I am blessed. Lord God, thank you...

Thursday, January 29

My Sister - my Friend

She was eleven when I was born
Yet somehow, it seems like there are no years between us when we get together
I look up to her, my big sister, my friend.
The one who was a surrogate mom to my kids.
The one who invited them over anytime they wanted to come.
The one who gave them treats - and let them get away with things
And she was the one who loved them unconditionally, listened to their stories, wiped their tears, and laughed at their antics.
My sister, Mary-Ann.
The oldest of us three girls. The oldest of five siblings.
One of the two gifts that I have in sisters.
This past week, Alvin and I spent with my sister and brother-in-law.
When we arrived, her husband teased her about sitting up all night waiting for us.
I saw in her face, and felt in her hug, that she was very glad to see us.
And I - I was so glad to see her, my sister, my friend.

We spent time together.
Sipping coffee, riding in the rental car, sitting on a patio chair.
We spent time together.
Getting a pedicure, and laughing at the massage chairs that were so relentless you could hardly feel relaxed.
Shopping - eating a good meal together.
We spent time together.
Meeting their friends - meeting their pastor at the Island Baptist Church - worshipping together with them
We spent time together.
Going to Mexico for the day - listening to a mariachi band - eating at Pier 19.
We spent time together.
Talking about family, and friends.
Sharing concerns. Her listening to me as I unloaded.
Giving me wisdom that only an older sister could give.
We spent time together.
Travelling for 6 hours to San Antonio.
Laughing as "lucy" our GPS gave us instructions.
Laughing so hard at things but also being very serious when necessary.
We spent time together.
Having a Dunkin Donuts coffee inside the airport, until it was time for us to board for our flight.
With a hug, and a kiss and a goodbye - we left.
My sister, my friend.
Thank you God.

Jesus, you have given me two sisters, and two brothers, for whom I am so thankful! You are so good to me. Thank you for their spouses whom I also love dearly.
I am also so glad that you have given Ashley a brother in Josh, and Josh a little sister in Ashley. But more than that, I thank you for Leah and for Michael, our kids through marriage. Together they make our family complete on this level. I am so thankful that our four kids are the best of friends for one another, and that they also can experience the bond of family, of siblings.
Thank you Lord.

Sunday, January 25

Island Baptist, a walk along the ocean - a "worship" experience

We are at the end of the day, day two on South Padre Island. I experienced God several times today. We got in two long walks along the ocean. I love to stand by the ocean and watch it, and also to close my eyes and just take in the sounds of the huge waves. We also have come to love the sound of this bird that we see on the grounds - he makes such a lovely noise. While I was having my QT with God this morning, I kept hearing these birds... God is so obvious in His creation. I see over and over again how God must have a sense of humour in giving the sights and sounds to some of the birds, etc...

Then we went with my sister and brother in law to Island Baptist church, and experienced God there. They are going through a vision process and a call to pray for 40 days both individually, and also corporately, as to whether God wants them to do a church build or not. Today Pastor Bill spoke on Numbers 13, and it was about whether you are a VISIONARY or a STATIONARY... I experienced God through the message. I loved at the end, how there was a call to come for prayer, and people actually came forward! Why am I surprised? It seems in many of our churches, there can be calls, but a hesitancy to come forward. I think there are many reasons to keep you glued in your seat, and among them I believe is a pride. (if I go forward, what will people think is wrong?) I think we also get so used to handling it on our own that we don't need to give it to God unless it is sooooo bad.

Part of this church's call to 40 days of prayer is the pastor's encouragement to each one of them to "PRAY AND OBEY" -- now that directive says it all. It is all about Jesus!! Personally, this is something I want to relate to.

This morning I also experienced God through my QT when He led me to Psalm 43. If you go to that Psalm, you may also wonder what David was going through, after all, he accuses God of leaving him alone to wander in his grief. (hmmm I think I can relate).... but I love how David says that God is the SOURCE of all his joy!
I needed that reminder. Sometimes I feel joyless - but how can that be if God is the SOURCE of my joy? (something to leave you thinking on...)

Tonight we ended the day with a great meal at their trailer... steak and the most delicious shrimp! But more than that we talked about "heart" stuff. We talked about church related stuff (theirs and ours)... we talked about life stuff... we ended with a hug and returned back here to our hotel.

And off I will go, upstairs to our room. And as I go to bed, and lay there with my thoughts before I nod off.... chances are pretty great that I will think about my kids, pray for them, and then rehash the stuff that happened today, and the places I experienced God in my life. For those I am thankful.

Today was a worship experience, start to finish. Thank you Jesus.

Saturday, January 24

Without my Grandson

Today my little grandson would have been six months. I have thought alot about him today. About what he would have been doing, and how he would have been smiling alot. And, it is hard to think of all that, as it makes me realize how much we are missing out on his life...
At the same time, tonight, I was thinking about my mom.... and I just had this picture of her, Granny T.... in heaven, and likely playing with Jay.... or holding him, or singing "Mommy's Little Baby love Shortening..." or "Bye Baby Bunting" just the way she used to hold me, and then how she used to hold my kids, Josh and Ashley and sing.

Today we are in Texas.... visiting with Jay's "Great Aunt" and my sister, Mary-Ann and Nelson. It is beautiful here. I felt the sand between my toes. But even here, my thoughts of my grandson are along with me, just as my little brag book, is upstairs by my bed.

Today Alvin and I talked about Jay. We talked about how he would have been at 6 months. We talked about when we have more grandchildren. I have carried my kids around in my heart all day, but that is nothing new... that is where the four of them are on a regular basis.

Today,I talked with my sister and brother in law about my leave of absense. About the hurt, the grieving, the pain, the miscommunication .... Today it feels like I have begun to breathe again, and although life is not normal, and hasn't been since the 24th of July... it does feel like I can start to exhale... and to dream....
And I feel like I can pray again.... and I do, OFTEN.... in fact, God already knows the words on my lips.

Today I realize that it was necessary for me to go through the hard stuff of ministry to get to this point of being off. I have begun to work through the grief... "begun" being the word... I think this beginning stage will be where I am for a long time. But, I feel like I am starting to have the space to begin, and start the process of grieving, which I have just kept putting back in my being while I have cared for others. Now, it is time that we care, that I care for me, and my family. Thank you God for this leave.

Today, my grandson would have been 6 months old. He would have known my voice, and my arms and how they feel. I only know that I miss him more than words can say, and that my arms are empty. I took daisies by the cemetary yesterday, before we left... it was so snowed in, we had to park and walk in the bitter cold. Our stop at his gravesite is very brief, but necessary for me to do. Jay Benjamin Klassen - born silently on July 24th - perfect! Oh God, today, I thank you for the life of my little grandson, although it was brief. I thank you for the kicks we witnessed. I thank you that I was able to feel him and watch his movement while Leah carried him. I thank you for the time of anticipating his birth - and for the many times we watched Leah and Josh laugh at his tumbles and turns in utero. I thank you for how beautiful and perfect he was. But God, right now, I can not thank you for allowing him to be born silently. Right now, there is nothing good about that. In fact, it feels cruel. But, I do thank you, that although it feels like there is no hope - that you are going to bring joy in the morning, and that hope will come soon. To that Jesus, I am clinging. Thank you for my kids. Thank you for my grandson. Thank you for this time away, and for allowing me to begin the road of processing my grief. Jesus. Thank you for carrying me today, yesterday, tomorrow and always.
Please carry my kids too.

Wednesday, January 21

My Son

Today is my son's birthday. Somehow it hardly seems that long ago. I remember the day as if it was yesterday. The day that we got to meet the little active bundle that I had carried "incognito" for 9 months.

Today is my son's birthday. Somehow as I said Happy Birthday, I realized that this birthday held sorrow... it should have been different. But at the same time, I just had to say "happy" birthday, because the reality is, I am so glad and happy that he is my son and I believe that soon, there will be happiness again.

Today is my son's birthday. As I thought about his life, I realized that it hasn't been all easy. In fact there are a few times where it was incredibly hard. As I thought about his life, I couldn't help but count the blessings that God has bestowed upon him, and the gifts that God has given him, and the talent. I love to hear him laugh. I love how his eyes get teary before he tells us something funny. I love how he challenges me and pushes me out of comfort zones sometimes. I love how in the midst of the hard times, he still allows us to love him and come into his space and help to hold him up.

Today is my son's birthday. As I look at him and his life, I see how God has given him an amazing partner in Leah. I love how together they walk hand in hand, and how they look at life and choose to walk it together. I love how Leah completes him, and how together they looked forward to becoming parents, and how they love little Jay with all their hearts. I can imagine how they would have parented Jay and raised him.

Today is my son's birthday. I watched how he and his sister Ashley have an amazing bond, which extends to Leah, and also to Mike. I love how, when Ashley was growing up, Josh always had time for her, and always seemed to have his sister's best interest in mind. I also love how he got to know Michael and embraced him as Michael entered into our family.

Today is my son's birthday. Years ago, he made me a mom. Last July, with Jay's birth, he and Leah made me a Granny. My son is a gift to me... and it happened on this day. I thank God for my kids, and today, I honor my son - for his honesty, his love, his support, for his big hugs and the occassional kiss. I thank you God that years ago, you gave me a son first - a big brother for Ashley later, and you taught me alot about life through him.

Today is my son's birthday. At this point, the day is almost done. Birthday lunch has been had. Cake has been cut and eaten. It is the beginning of another year, and Lord, it is my prayer for my son, that soon, you give him again, the gift of hope. But God, you know that, as it is my prayer for many months now. Happy Birthday Son - my son, Joshua Gerald. I love you. Today, I say thank you - I honor you, my son, my friend.

Monday, January 19

The Cloud has Lifted

It’s a strange thing, living with a “dark cloud” hovering so closely that you constantly feel like your head is in the midst of it. It feels tangible – the “cloud” and at times you can’t remember when life was without it. The cloud, the DARK cloud has become your close companion. The cloud, along with the elephant that seems to have parked on your chest. A feeling of something heavy, a sense of oppression. Hand in hand, between the two, making life feel hard, and heavy, and dark. I have lived with the cloud – in fact, after weeks and months, it just became something that was there when I awoke, and there when I fell asleep. That was one good thing about nighttime, after finally settling down for the count, the cloud and elephant would be oblivious as long as I was asleep.

It felt like the cloud was hanging lower, and heavier with each passing day. I knew that it would only be days until I was on leave. I just hoped I could hang in there. Really, there was no other option as far as I was concerned. The grief was becoming more and more intense as the days went on... the cloud heavier.... and I knew that I had to step out of the hustle and bustle of life, and ministry, and sit with the grief that came when our little grandson was born silently.
God gives me "pictures" .... He gives them alot actually.... and I realized that the picture He had given me was of a closet door that was open, with stuff spillingn out and piling up... I had been stuffing the grief back over and over again, as I needed to be able to deal with those who needed me to be pastor to them...
but there was no more stuffing it back.

Then it happened. On Saturday, January 10th to be exact, I realized that the heavy dark cloud had lifted. In fact, I mentioned it to Alvin. I had no clue if it had lifted for an hour, a day, a week, or forever. All I knew is that it was gone.
It was so incredibly tangible. It was with this sense that I was able to go to church the next day, and to celebrate ministry workers, to pray with others, and to take part in the communion service. While the cloud lifted, I was fully aware that the overflowing closet of my being was still there... overflowing all over the place. And, I would need to begin to work through all that. But in the meantime, I just revelled in the fact that I was cloud free, and loving it.

Amd here I am, just over a week later. The cloud is still gone. I was asked what made the cloud disappear, to which I replied that I don't know other than it was God, and the prayers of those friends who know me well, and pray(ed) for me.
While it is gone, some things still remain - like the incredible grief that I have begun to "sit with". It is hard. It is a combination of "wanting to yell and scream and throw things" mixed with a feeling of knowing that I need to (emotionally) "go back to the hospital room when I was holding our little Jay - and begin to sit with, and work through the grief". It is this part that I am most afraid of - as I don't know if the tears will stop once they start. The cloud is gone, and I feel like I can see a little better now. And I know that what I see will be so raw and painful. Never the less, I am asking God for the strength to go back there, and to work through this incredible grief. And it is my prayer that as day turns to the next, and the weeks go on - that I will emerge on the other side, whole and healing.

So, anyhow, I thank God for lifting the cloud. I thank God that I recognize this. I thank God that he does care about me. I wait to experience more of him in my life. I long to hear him. I long to be held by the arms of the Almighty.

Friday, January 9

Some people see "Jesus" in a piece of burnt toast...

People who know me well, know how I talk about "God things" or "God Moments" or "kisses from God". Basically God things means that something happened that had no explanation that made sense, other than that it was God ordained/blessed/created. It is a phrase I use when I believe what just happened, could have only been because of GOD!! God moments, are times when I see God in people or situations. Like when I see God through my street friend Barry, when he sings amazing grace (or should I say croons...) or when he recites Scripture to me. (I realize I am going to miss my friend Barry when I am gone on leave). Kisses from God, are things that happen after I have asked Him (God)or told Him how I would just love to have an affirmation of how much He loves me. Often I have asked Him this when I have felt low times, or just alone times, or sometimes just because! (just like my kids used to when they were little!) Yes I will admit, sometimes it seems like I need alot of affirmation, and God doesn't seem to get tired of me asking him!

Now, this doesn't mean that I go around looking to find Jesus' face in everything, or that I try "making things up". (right about now, my kids will remember how when I was on morphine, I was seeing pictures in all kinds of places, including the woodgrain of our deck!) Then there is the story about the person who found an image of Jesus in a piece of burnt toast, and I think they sold it on e-bay or something. (mind you, I did see a "cloud of witnesses" in a photo I took of storm clouds!) Anyhow, back to the toast. I don't try to make anything up, believe me, however I think I have learned to look for God things/moments/kisses in my every day moments. I want to be aware of little things God gives me along the way, and I think God gave me something last night.

Anyhow, the other day, actually last night (this week just seems like it has been forever ) I finally felt like eating something after being so sick... and got home and was cutting up a pepper.went to cut the pepper, washed it, and noticed that it felt like something was moving inside when I shook the pepper.

I made a cut and broke it open and the picture on the top is what I found.
You are likely thinking, oh boy, yep, now she has lost it.... (now, isn't that a first thought!) But really, all I am going to say is... I think this was a kiss from God affirming something again.
I left it there, in fact, it is in a baggie in the fridge (not sure why) but then I took a picture. I just had to smile. God, you did it again.
Sure, some will say coincidence. Some will say, "whatever, I don't get it" but if you know me well, you will understand the picture and my prayers these days.

I called Alvin into the kitchen. I told him to look at the pepper. He needed no explanation... I think he smiled too.

God, this has been such an incredibly hard week. But you have sent me a kiss again, to remind me that even though I complain about your silence, that you are here with me...and that you love me, and Alvin, and Josh and Leah, and Ashley and Mike more than we are likely even imagining or believing at this time. Oh God, please keep loving us, keep hugging us, and Lord, help my unbelief at times. And Lord, please... if you are willing... this is still my plea.

Wednesday, January 7

Taken down by the flu...

Monday I came home after a full day at work. It had been a very quiet and a good day. I drove home in "thinking" mode as I usually do these days. And said good-bye to Alvin, who left for work. Made some supper and sat down to watch some tv when I realized that something was terribly wrong. That was the beginning, and today is Lord Willing, the end... of the flu! Staring into a white porcelin bowl is never a good thing, if you know what I mean.

Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed, hardly even watched any t.v. Today all that is left is a rumbling tummy and a big bad headache. I decided to stay home, as I want to be over it completely. Thing is, I can check into my webmail, so that's good...

These past few days have been good in the way that I have done nothing but thinking... some of it is scary, like thinking about giving up my paycheck for 3 months while I am leave... that thought "washed" over me last night... I am so glad my husband is alongside of me in this. Thinking about the things that people have said to "bless" me... and I guess I should apologize for my previous blog. People are trying to say the right thing. I realize I am just really raw and bleeding.
But in the midst of it all, I think I am learning. Learning about people. Learning about caring for people. Learning about friendships. I am learning about believing... on many levels. God is included in there of course. I know I believe... I am just struggling with some of the issues which are testing the ropes.

The flu has caused me time to just be... mainly because up till today, I didn't have the physical strength to do anything. Only to think. Sometimes I realize that even thinking can be work, and sometimes God just wants us in a position to rest, to hear, to learn... that's why the other day when I told the kids about being sick, my son texted back and said "God thing". That is what I had thought too, that perhaps I needed to just be down for a while, and God orchestrated it.

Anyhow, during the last few days, I have gotten a handful of emails blessing me. I think that on Sunday night, one of the most powerful things was when my friend E. turned to me after we had prayed together, and said, "I just want to bless you as you take this time off, as I don't think you have been blessed to do that..."
Ahh, felt like a breath of fresh air somehow. I am always amazed at people who have the insight into what we need. I figure God gives it to them/to us.

So, I am taken down by the flu, but rebounding. Tomorrow I will be back to work, and then it will be 6 working days left till my leave till May. I know that God has something in store for me, for my time off, and even though it looks different than the sabbatical that I had originally asked for, I know that this leave is the better route, and I have peace. Yes, even about the financial... God will provide.

God knows. I believe it.

Monday, January 5

Sometimes people should stop talking before they start!

So, yesterday was Sunday. My council (aka board of elders) gave the notice that I have asked for a leave, and they have approved. So, now I am counting the days. And, in the meantime, trying to work through the discussions I am having. For the most part, people are giving me their blessings while I get ready to take time off. But I know, and I expect it, some people just do not know when to stop talking. Yes, I realize some people are just trying to do the right thing. I am really trying not to "throw the babies out with the bathwater" but really, come on folks, we need to think before we speak, and actually ask ourselves if what we say is lifegiving. I think we assume that it is always lifegiving when we quote scripture at what we think are appropriate times. Such was the case yesterday, when a man came up, and really, I think that originally his intent was good, he just did not know when to stop talking.
The conversation began with telling me we would be prayed for, and went on to how I must be holier or something (I think that was the word) because God is giving us so much to bear. I said, Oh I don't know about that, to which he carried on and assured me that "God doesn't give us more than we can bear..." Okay, I have to tell you, it is hard enough to "bear" it, let alone hearing the pat Jesus things that people tend to say.... about Jesus bringing good out of it, and about Jesus will make something beautiful, and that Jesus timing is never wrong... and well, you get the picture. Really, I know what I read, about God's faithfulness, and about him doing things and all that, but when grief is still so raw and incredibly painful, somehow it is one thing for me to know it, and another one for people to continue to tell me that. Really, if I have learned anything, that is one thing that I have learned, that the pat christian answers can be really really hard to take. Sometimes a hug is the best thing you can say.

So, anyhow, back to the conversation.... after He assured me that Jesus doesn't give us more than we can bear, I said, "well, Jesus has broken me"
At that point, my dear friend J. and my daughter intervened, knowing that I needed to be rescued. Thank you God for friends and family that actually have a sense of where we are at, and respond.

Anyhow, later, while I was at a prayer night at our church, I was reading in Psalm 51. This is actually a psalm that my street friend has recited to me a couple times.
But after the favorite verses, and I will let you look them up yourself... then I read this verse, and it was like an aha moment... because you see, when I told this guy that God had broken me... I was not sure if I should have stated that... if it was truly God who has broken me...
then I read this.
Psalm 51:8
"Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me - now let me rejoice."

Hm... broken. You God have broken me.... now, please let me rejoice. That's what it says in your word... Lord, hear those words again, from my lips. Please let me rejoice.

Thursday, January 1


Well, today is the New Year. Day 1. Somehow, I am finding it hard to say HAPPY new year.... it just doesn't feel like I can say it, at least not to people who know where we are at. Today was a hard day.... many tears. Tears aren't the hard part... they seem to come very easily. The hard part is trying to make sense of "people" and things that affect my/our life/lives.

Last night we went to a Lynda Randle concert.... we were in a predominantly older crowd, but Alvin and I love her rich alto voice. We are Gaither fans, which is where we know her from. Her concert blessed us.

It was a challenge to my heart. At one point, during the song IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL - with eyes shut, my arm lifted toward God... I felt like I had to acknowledge that I know that He is my strength, yes, even though I feel so weak. At one point I was wondering how much more crippled I need to be, before He will take me and raise me up. Right now I am certainly struggling more than not, but I know He is in the struggle too. I believe it will make sense one day.

So, this year, I would like to photograph a moment from each day.... as well as to journal in my beautiful new journal that I bought at the craft sale. I was so excited to finally write in it. Lord, be my strength, and help me to see you through my journal entries....

So today, I want to begin with a photograph of an ornament on our kitchen tree... it just has ornaments on it that relate to Jay and our prayers... this one is just BELIEVE.
Lord, I need to believe that YOU CAN... and YOU WILL.
Like the leper, I come to you and plead... Lord, if you are willing...

I need to believe that He is FAITHFUL... even when it feels like we are abandoned and cast off. God, You are faithful. My head recalls your faithfulness...

With that, I want to write the words from one of Lynda's songs....

Through valleys dark and oceans wide
When storms assail, attacked from every side
When hope give way to doubt and fear
And even what we know is true, is hard to hear
Faithful, He is faithful
Even when we cannot see beyond the pain
Faithful, our God is faithful
When mountains crumble, His faithfulness remains
When hearts break and roads end
When troubles come time and time again
When plans change and dreams fade
When all you thought was sure slips away
Faithful, He is faithful
Even when we cannot see beyond the pain
Faithful, our God is faithful
When mountains crumble, His faithfulness remains.

Lord God, MY Lord, My God... you are faithful
I give you this year, and yes all it holds.
I pray that you would turn your face toward us - that you would be gracious unto us, that you would bless us, and that you would also give us the desire of our hearts. Lord you know our hearts desire. Lord, please have mercy, please hear our prayer. O Lord, faithful one.... hear our prayer.