This is now 2 days after my baby brother's birthday - and it was my full intent to write this post in time for his birthday - however with coming home from camp, it did not happen. NOT TO SAY I didn't send a singing message and birthday wishes, because I did Sunday, August 20th - the day Tim turned 60!
How can it be that there is so much in my heart, and yet I have trouble putting it down on paper. And why is it that as I type, there are tears rolling down my face? Guess I love this guy - the guy who took my place as the baby in the family. Not that he had a choice!! But we sure did as a family, and I thank God that HE brought Tim to us.
I won't forget when I met him. In my memory, he was rosy cheeked, bowlegged and chubby. Is that okay to say these days? He was so darn cute - that everyone easily fell in love with him! He came into our family - "chosen" by God for us, when he was 1 year old. The story my mom told me was that Tim's bio mom and dad wanted to keep him, and his maternal grandmother helped for that first year, but time proved that trying to go to school and be a teen mom was not the best option for this sweet boy. The story I was told was that they encouraged the teen parents to give Tim a chance at life. And I have to say that I am so glad they did, because he became my baby brother. I was 5 years older, and yes, he usurped me from my position as baby, but having a little baby in the house for real - was worth losing my role!!
There are many memories I have, and have often talked about. But the memories that I am holding the closest today, happened this summer when he came for a visit. I have to say that when Tim and Jo, and Amanda and Dan come into the city (what used to be their home) ~ they usually stay with Alvin and I here, and we try to be a "home away from home" for them. Hands down they are the easiest "retreaters" I have ever had, and try as I might to always serve a full breakfast, sometimes he flat out says "No, just coffee!!" Or toast, or maybe a bowl of Capt'n Crunch which is another thing that takes me back to our childhood.
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| It was so good to be together |
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| There was so lively Dutch Blitz card playing and maybe a little cheating! |
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| Needless to say, we put the bench to the test and it was good as someone had to take the picture!! |
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| The woman who captured my brother's heart, and ours as well. |
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| They were great hosts and we enjoyed our time together in Kelowna July, 2022 |
Last year, my two sisters and I conspired with Jody - it was her idea - to surprise Tim for a sister visit with him. You know, it does something pretty amazing to my heart, when I hear him tell me how much he loves his sisters! He is not just a brother saying that - I know he really means it. So last year, unbeknownst to him, when he was picking me up for a short visit on my way to Abbotsford (he thought) we surprised him with the three of us! It was priceless. We stayed long enough to be treated to some amazing Thomas Hospitality by the Kelowna fam. We stayed long enough to remember why we love them so much, and well, long enough to maybe do some sister spoiling.
This past June, I knew he was coming into town once again, for a sister visit. Yes, he visits others for sure, but we feel pretty special to know he wants to spend time with each of us sisters. This year when Tim came, I was in a pretty tender emotional spot as our family was going through some hard things that were still being kept pretty close, but I was given permission to tell my brother that my daughter's marriage had ended. I sat at the table with him and shared my broken heart. And my brother listened. And when he talked, I knew it was with love, a broken heart with us, and concern. I could hear it in his voice and see it in the way he looked at me.
You know if there is one way that I see my mum in my brother - it is in the way he keeps confidence and he does NOT gossip. I have seen this time and time again, and he always reminds me of Mum. It is actually quite a beautiful thing in this day and age when everyone seems to be in it for themselves, and kindness does not always trump things ... but I see integrity and kindness in my brother, who like I said, is like Mum. If she was alive today, I know Mum would be so so so proud of Tim. (we all knew that he was her favourite!)
Tim told me he wanted to spend some time with just me, and so he and I drove out to the cemetery. I didn't ask him why he chose to go there, and why he chose to go there as our time together, but it was very special. I picked out flowers, 18 white roses, and he insisted on paying for them... Mum loved roses in life. When she lost her eyesight, she told my mother in law once that she could still smell them and remember their beauty. We drove out to the Balsam Bay cemetery, placed the flowers, walked around the cemetery looking at headstones (many of which are relatives) and then returned to the foot of Mum and Dad's grave. We stood there quietly, with our arms around each other - brother and sister. Baby brother and older sister. Kids of an amazing couple of parents whom God chose to take "home" when Tim and I were far too young.... I was almost 37 and Tim was not yet 32. And then Dad went "home" very unexpected the next year.
Losing our parents meant we needed to count on each other more - and perhaps we have done it better some years than others. But I would venture to say that family is what we all hold dear and in high esteem. We are all different - but we are all the same in that we were loved and raised by two people who loved Jesus, loved each other, and loved us kids. We were all taught the same values.
So back to my baby brother ... the morning he left was tough. Tim tries to keep things in check (emotions) lol but I think this sister perhaps pushed it as I cried when he gave me a hug. You see, this visit was different in that I had him here, and time with him and conversation that we were able to have - open, honest, heartfelt - the two of us. Alvin knows that for me, time with Tim is really a gift, and so Alvin provides that space for Tim and I to talk, just the two of us. That morning, I did not want to say good-bye as I knew I had shared a piece of my heart, and my brother was there to hold it.
But he had to go ... and so we hugged one last time ... and I cried and waved good-bye feeling like a little kid who was saying good-bye to their parent. He is not the first sibling to share my tears, but this time - the timing of his visit was good, and felt right, and I felt embraced and comforted by my baby brother, who all of a sudden felt like a BIG BROTHER.
I waved good bye and watched till he left, and then came into the quietness of our house, and cried some more tears. I felt like God gave me a gift once again - and I tucked that away and will ponder it in my heart over and over again.
A couple days later, when I wandered up into the room he had stayed in, I found a note and something left behind and I cried once again and then lovingly taped the note into my journal.
My baby brother "Timmy" as we all called him (and still do once in a while) has taken on the role of a big brother. I realized you do not have to be older, to be a big brother.
Don't get me wrong - this brother of mine sometimes made me mad. Like the time I looked for my "star" jeans only to find that he was wearing them ... or other times when I felt like I had to try to cover up the trouble he had gotten into (only to realize that other people tattled on him, so I didn't have to keep any secrets long!). But the things that have blessed me, especially since we have become adults - far outweigh the crazy things of growing up. Being adults, and being blessed with a relationship with a brother who I love, and who loves me - is the best gift of all.
And Sunday - he turned 60. My baby brother has just entered closer to the silver years! I have a feeling however, that nothing much will change for him - he will still embrace his family, his extended family with great love - he will still walk as a man of integrity - he will still make his wife crazy at times and his daughter laugh at some crazy antics - and he will get older and better with age - like a fine wine!
As the fires in Kelowna have been raging over this past week, I have thought of and prayed often for Tim and Jo, Amanda and Dan, and have realized that I wish they were just on the other side of the river again, close by you know. I miss them - we all miss them. But I guess that is what makes the visits that much more precious.
Next time I see him, Lord willing this Christmas when they are hoping to come, I will get to hug this 60 year old brother. I may not cry on his shoulder, but I do always know he carries a piece of this sister's heart, and I carry his. That is what family is for right?
So on this birthday big baby brother - Timothy Gerald - it is my prayer that you will have an amazing year ahead - that you will feel celebrated and loved and special. It is my prayer that you will experience the goodness of God in ways that surprise you, and that you will always remember and recall His faithfulness to us as a family, and to you and yours. It is my prayer that you will always walk in integrity, and that you will experience strength of body, soul, mind and spirit as you age. And it is my prayer that you will always know the love of this sister - because I sure do love you!
Happy birthday dear brother - I love you so much!!
with love,
joy
PS as I was thinking of my brother yesterday the lines from HE AIN'T HEAVY HE'S MY BROTHER ran over and over in my mind. Here they are so it can run through yours as well ...
… The road is long
