Saturday, May 30

miscellaneous thoughts

Somehow I just can't help it - like I have said before, I wish there was an inner computer that recorded all my thoughts so I could review them at the end of the day and see if anything made sense.

The underlying thought is that life is just plain hard. Sometimes I will be honest, I look at others who seemingly "have it all together" and I have asked God, "why more, why us?" And then I guess the thing is "why not us?" I realize as I review my life over the past almost a year - I see that through the hardest of things - I guess I have grown out of it. Funny how God can use brokenness.

Today I am at home - and I think feeling a little tired, and well, very emotional.
Seems my resignation has been emotionally harder than I thought. While the weight came off my chest once I made the announcement, I never realized the sadness and lonliness that would accompany the "feeling invisible" part that follows. My counsellor said that is part of every resignation. And I believe it. So that has caused some "weepy feelings" on my part. Not to be confused with regret however. I don't regret following God even though I don't know all the steps.

While I am at home now - we will leave soon to return to the hospital. I was there till later last night - after admitting Mom Klassen through emergency. So many thoughts as she slept in little intervals, and I watched. Almost hard to recognize her - and its one of those times when I wonder "God, why does she have to go through this."

I was reminded again of what I learned while I walked through my time off about diamonds being made under extreme heat and intense pressure. Hmmm.... one day, maybe I'll have a little sparkle to me!

Anyhow, like I said, the emotions/feelings are all over the map. There is this weird lonliness happening - not sure how to pinpoint it - because I am really not "lonely" - especially not with Alvin around. I thank God for him, as in these times, he always provides some comic relief that is much needed.
I realize I internalize and process things differently than some, even differently than him. It's okay. It's just hard sometimes.

While thinking this morning, God laid a psalm on my mind again.... think he had given me this one before, not too long ago.

These verses are for me today -
Psalm 32: 7,8 and 10b

For you are my hiding place;
You protect me from trouble
You surround me with songs of victory
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life
I will advise you and watch over you..."
...Unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.

Hmmm... notice he says that the Lord will guide me along the BEST pathway for my life. No choice - I just need to continue to follow - one step at a time.
O Lord, be my strength, be my guide. Fill me with your strength as we navigate through life - give strength to Mom K. as she also needs it - and Lord, help me to hear you. Take away the lonliness or whatever it is - maybe that's not the word. But please help me to work through each emotion, each minute of each day.
I love you Jesus. Hear my prayer.

Wednesday, May 27

I want to "finish well ~ finish strong!"

It has been three days since I gave my notice to our congregation - three interesting days. And already, as early as Monday, I experienced being "invisible" ~ I guess I recognize that very easily now. It is almost like when a little child covers their eyes and says "you can't see me!"

I guess I get it - I should right? Yet over and over again, there is this "hurt" that keeps coming back. How often have my husband and I shared with others that "saying nothing" is harder than saying the wrong thing. Guess it is just our rant (yes, I hear you saying "get over it!")

So it has been three days. Mixed emotions? You bet. On Sunday, I kept hearing "I am so sad that you are leaving" and really, there is sadness. I have loved my job ~ I have loved loving and caring for people ~ I have loved standing at the pulpit and seeing the sea of faces, and knowing some of what the congregation was/is going through. I will miss that. I will miss the joking with my co-workers over a cup of coffee. I will miss sitting down in Meggie's office and chatting at least once a day. I will miss sitting and talking with one particular street person who has been "Jesus" to me more than once. I will miss the coffee's with people who just want someone to listen and love and care for them.

I have loved my job - and often felt guilty that I was actually getting paid to do all this! What a bonus! Never in my life had I ever expected being a "pastor" to such a big flock.

I think the other day and since, I realize that people do think I have let them down. I realize as one person put it "I am disappointed" ~ I realize that people don't understand, and perhaps never will (and that is okay). I realize sometimes we wish for things but they don't happen the way we thought they would.

I really want to finish well. Wondering what that means really - to finish well. I will have the summer to tie up loose ends, leave details on ministry should the next person want to read them. I am wondering what sitting in the pew looks like now, after 7 years. Everything has changed. EVERYTHING.

I believe God will give that strength. I believe he will give energy and creativity right to the end. The baton passing can go well - or it can be dropped.... but I will try my best to make the hand off good!

Lord, help me to finish well. To finish strong.
Give me what I need to do that.
O Lord, hear my prayer.

Monday, May 25

Announcement of Resignation

Yesterday I announcement my resignation to my church family. For those of you who follow my blog, and perhaps were not at church, I thought I would share what I said, with you here.

Philemon vs 4: I always thank my God when I pray for you, because I keep hearing about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all of God's people. And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ. Your love has given me much joy and comfort...

"Seven years ago, I accepted an interim job as Ministry Director. After two years in an interim position, you, my church family, called me into Ministry permanently. (Pastor of Church Ministry) You took a chance on me - a woman without any degree, only life experience.

John Neufeld told me, when he handed over the reigns, "Joy you are already miles ahead, because this is the congregation you have been a part of for so many years." And that is the reality. Alvin and I and our kids have been raised by this congregation in a sense, having been part of this family for 31 years.

When you called me into ministry - I was a little worried. I knew that some of you wondered what I would have to offer those who sit in the pew with more education than myself. Very aware of that, I also knew that life experience had taught me many thing's, and I knew God had given me gifts that I could bring to my ministry here at McIvor.

From the beginning it was my desire to be used by God. I will agree that some of the areas I have worked in were perhaps not areas of my strengths but then again areas such as prayer and pastoral care resonated with my heart. The job description was and is huge but I was willing to learn and to serve and desired to do that with all my heart. I believe God has given the opportunity and the strength to do the best that I could. My husband and kids have supported me. Alvin and I came as a package deal!

Oer the past seven years I have worked with 3 worship leaders, 4 youth pastors, 2 senior pastors and 3 difference council executives. I have also been blessed by those who serve in volunteer capacity here. I have learned more than you will ever know. I have had the opportunity to speak into your lives, as you have also spoke into mine. McIvor, with all its ups and downs, has been a place of blessing and joy in ministry. I truly have been changed.

The call into ministry here was so strong. Never before had I ever experienced that - honestly not even in the 25 year career I had left prior to being called into ministry here. I always felt and also said that God had called me here for some reason and for a season - and I prayed that whenever the time came, that He would call me out just as strongly when the time came, as He had called me in.

It appears that God has done just that. The story is much longer, and the amazing grace and faithfulness of God is woven through it - and I would love to share the bigger story with you over a cup of coffee some day.

The bottom line is that God has confirmed to myself and also Alvin, that this is the time. On Tuesday I spoke with Executive and submitted my letter of resignation. Alvin and I don't know what God will hold for us - we have no reason to think we won't be here worshiping in the pews at McIvor but at the same time we are trusting God with all the next steps. (and that may include change) You have to know that I like to "play it safe ~ with my ducks all in a row" but right now I have no idea where the ducks are, let alone if they are in a row! But God knows. We are scared and also feel sadness (at resigning) but trusting Him for the next steps.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity and chance to serve you over the past seven years. My desire is to bless you, as I in turn pray that you can bless me as I follow God in this way. '

Tuesday, May 19

My daughter Leah

Today is my daughter Leah's birthday. She is my daughter through marriage to my son Josh. But she is my daughter through and through! And I thank God for her.

When Josh was little, I prayed for the woman who would one day "take his breath away and steal his heart!" God provided Leah as a gift to Josh. I will never forget when he came home from camp telling me about a new friend - and her name was Leah.
And then I asked Leah who? and found out that Pat and Jim were her parents, and I knew them well from my days in youth and at camp. Small world got bigger that day!

Leah came into our life, her first exposure to family - at a Thomas Clan Reunion, a motorhome experience with hamburgers from a restaurant at Albert Beach! And that didn't scare her off!! We knew she was a keeper!

It was very important for us that Leah also love Ashley. Ashley looked up to her big brother, and didn't have a sister - but Leah became that special sister, and spent time with Ashley too. To this day I love that our kids love one another, and that when I see them together, they love and have fun with one another. Leah has blessed Ashley through her friendship, and Ashley has blessed her as well.

I seen Leah grow through the years into this wise godly woman whom I admire and love deeply. Leah loves life! I love to watch her and Josh together. It blesses me to see how God put two people so well suited to one another together. I love how Leah's strengths compliment Josh and vise versa.

Leah has many gifts! I love how she takes on a project and gets in there, and gets it done! She has a great eye for the beautiful things that she could do to compliment her home! She loves to learn!

Leah loves to laugh! I am so thrilled to hear my kids laughing hard again. I know that when she carried Jay, he heard her laugh alot too, and would have felt her laughing! Leah has a great sense of humour and comes up with some very funny things although often people think she is repeating Josh! Not so! Her sense of humor also compliments Josh's - together they can make us all laugh. This past weekend I heard her impersonating someone! I love that about Leah - and her eyes sparkle with all of it.

Leah is wise. She loves the Word of God. She has a way of extracting insight from things and blessing me with her insight and wisdom. I love that I have learned so much from her, and that she is willing to share it with me and others as well.
Often Leah has emailed with some encouragement or insight at times when I needed to hear it.

Leah loves Jesus - Josh and her family and friends. Leah's life is a living example of her love for Jesus. She has beauty that shines inside out!

Leah loves her friends. We have talked about friends alot. I see how Leah loves her friends, and how she loves to make them feel loved and special. She has a way of making people feel at home in their home! It is warm and loving. Leah will go an extra mile for a friend in need.

Leah is an amazing kindergarten teacher! I have had the pleasure of helping out in Leah's classroom last year, doing paper mache, which I just found out Leah hates paper mache!! Ah, no wonder she gave me the dirty work!! Just joking. I also got invited to come to their poetry reading at the end of the year. What I loved was watching Leah interact with her kids. Her gentleness just oozed from her. She laughed with the kids. She talked quietly to them and treated each one with respect and dignity. I could tell the children loved her too! It was very evident. What I saw in the classroom, I know would be even greater in her life with their children. Jay didn't get to know that as a little boy growing up here, but I have no doubt that Jay knew how loving and kind and gentle his mommy is, as he would have heard all her interactions with the children, as he was there in Kindergarten too... just "incognito".

Leah is organized. I love that and wish I was more like that! She has helped me purge some stuff, and even got Josh and Ashley working one day! Leah's home exemplifies her organizing talents.

Leah gives things her all! I watched when Leah was pregnant with Jay! Everything she did was very intentional, well thought out. She was so disciplined in the way she cared for herself and therefore for Jay as he grew in her. Leah reads things and is able to learn, and apply that which is good for her.

There is much more that I could say, but I will end it with this. I feel like we have seen and gotten to know Leah even more as we walked alongside of her and Josh since Jay's silent birth. Many a conversation has been had since that day and I do not take our relationship for granted, but instead thank God for the way we can talk - it's deep, its authentic, its open and meaningful. We have also cried together. I have been blessed by her insight often given at times when I needed it too. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with Leah as a daughter.

Lord, on this day, I say thank you for my daughter Leah. Thank you that you brought her into Josh's life, and therefore into mine. I thank you for the years you have given to Leah and pray that this year ahead will bring great and lasting joy. I thank you for carrying her through the past almost 10 months since Jay's silent birth. God, it was only your strong arms that could have done that for her and Josh. Lord, I pray you would increase her love, her wisdom, her gentlesness and all that Leah is! I thank you for her - and for our relationship as family. May you give her strength in all ways - may you continue to bind up her broken heart - may you enlarge her gifting and circle of influence. Lord, I pray that as a teacher, you would use her to bless the lives of children in her classs. I pray you would also give her great joy this year ahead and bless the work of her hands, and all that she does and all that she is. Lord, thank you for Leah.

Monday, May 18

My Heart was Blessed!

Well, the long weekend has come and gone. We went with our kids to the cottage - when we came it was sooooooooooo cold!! But soon the pellet stove was pumping out the heat, and we were able to warm up! It was a great weekend with our kids and we thank God for that!

Yesterday however, in the evening ~ my heart was blessed! Alvin and I went along with our friends Kim and Kevin, to the Gaither Homecoming Concert!! Yes, go ahead, tease me, laugh, whatever! I won't budget because I know how blessed I was! My heart was touched!

I am not sure what my style is - really. I love modern worship music. I also love the old hymns. I also know that Alvin and I love watching Gaither DVD's - and they just really stir out souls! I have also found that when we walked through the past few months since our little Jay went to live with Jesus - the old hymns resonated with us. They touched our hearts like a healing salve.

Bill and Gloria Gaither - they are responsible for so many songs - one of which is Because He lives. I remember playing some of the songs when our kids were little.
I love that he has given so many music artists a place to sing and grow in their music. Last night was no exception. The new Gaither Vocal Band - wow, can they sing!

However, there was one song that really moved me - it was sung by Gordon Mote - and I have found the lyrics on a website. Hope it's okay to put them here. Gordon Mote is a blind piano player and unbelievably talented. But the song, as he played it and sang it to a Video that played on the screen with pictures - I had to grab my pen and write some of it down. I hope the words speak to you too!!

Don't Let Me Miss The Glory

In the view from the mountains
There's a story to be told
In the crashing of the ocean
There's a power that no man will ever hold

All the stars in the Heavens
Decorate Your handiwork
And like a mighty choir
They've come to celebrate Your worth

Don't let me miss the glory
Don't let me miss the grace
All creation is singing
To the honor of Your name

Don't let me miss the wonder
Don't let me miss the grand design
And the lightning and the thunder
Lord open up my eyes
Don't let me miss the glory

In the cry of a baby
In the laughter of love
In the dance of the faithful
you will find the greatness of our God above

In the prayer of the righteous
In the beauty of Your grace
In a brand new morning's mercy
All your memories of my sin have been erased


Don't let me miss the glory

O Lord, I want to see you and your glory! I want to dance the dance of the faithful! I want to bask in the beauty of your grace! O Lord, Don't let ME miss the glory!

Wednesday, May 13

So WHY do I follow Jesus?

Well, I am back at work at the church, and one of the things I was to do on my first Sunday back, was to share along with many others in our adult Sunday School class about WHY I FOLLOW JESUS? So, here are my words -

Why Do I Follow Jesus?

I was very young when I decided to follow Jesus. I will always remember that night when I prayed. The decision I made to follow Jesus was very real.

As I got older, married and had my children, I continued to trust God. Life was good – following Jesus was easy.

I knew my faith was secure. However in hindsight I recognize that I had fallen into complacency. My faith was safe and predictable.

That was until I experienced life in ways that shook me to my core and put my faith in Jesus to the test.

Depression. Death of parents and most recently the death of our greatly anticipated grandson Jay rocked my world. My very safe and predictable faith was shaken literally to the very foundation. I made a decision that I could do life with God or without God and I chose to follow GOD even when it had become very dark.

Why do I follow Jesus?
I follow him because he was my anchor through each storm. The last storm had gale force winds believe me. This ship was tattered and town. And through the raging seas – my anchor Jesus – held.

I follow Jesus because He did not desert me when the going was rough and ugly.
He was able to take the rawness of my life – my questions and ranting, my pain and show me that he loved me through it all.
I follow Jesus because nothing and no one else gives me the strength that I have felt;
Or the comfort – and peace that in unmistakably His.

I follow Jesus because along the way He is the one who continued to show me his presence through very tangible ways.
When I faced fear and doubt, it was God who came me courage to continue on, and many times I believe it was only in his strength – because I had no strength of my own left.

He has shown me that life with him is not a life of complacency, predictability or safety.
I follow Him because I know that He is dependable and true to his promises.
I follow Jesus because He has shown me that He cares about every part of my life, and wants to live in that love.

Because of him, I feel loved and precious. Following Jesus may not be easy but it is worth it.

Wednesday, May 6

And who am I O Lord, that you should know my name?

Just now, although it is quite late, I am sitting here with a line from an old praise song running through my mind. It is the line "and who am I O Lord, that you should know my name. I think it may be called ONLY YOU...

Who am I? This is something that I began thinking of last year - as I had anticipated turning 50! It was the "big year" - our 50th birthdays - 30th anniversary - anticipation of our little Jay making us Granny and Poppa - and Ashley and Michael's wedding. In the middle of all that, I began to journal thoughts like "
Who am I?

After our little Jay died, the WHO AM I just became even more of a question, as I struggled with the fact that I couldn't even be the mom I used to be! When my kids were little, I could pick them up when they were hurt, dust them off, kiss them and get them on their way with everything "better". After Jay died I realized I could not even do that. I was not the MOM I had been - in fact, I didn't think I knew who I was.

Enter Mary, our gift from God! Our counsellor. It was only since January that I began to ask Mary how to work through this question, and at one point she smiled at me, and with love in her voice told me that she thought that perhaps I was expecting to uncover a NEW me - or a different me, but that she believed who I was would be the same person I have been all my life, but just buried under it all. It really boiled down to rediscovery!! (that is my take on it).

So it was, that I had to smile when I came across the entry from April 7, 2004 - 5 years ago!! I was reading the book BELOVED DISCIPLE (? author?) and was journalling some of my thoughts on questions that the book presented. This is what I wrote:
Question: Who have you discovered that you aren't and who have you discovered that you are?

Here is my answer - "I am not superwoman, in fact as much as I like to think I can do so much, I realize more and more, my limits and my human-ness! I have discovered I am not the only one wh ocan do certain things and have learned and continue to learn to give stuff away. (i.e. delegate) I have learned that I am not irreplaceable. I learned that at the daycare (career I left after 25 years) and I am learning that through the search process. (at that time, I had submitted my resume for the permanent ministry position at our church - which I am currently in now).

Then I continued to write: I have discovered that I am precious in God's eyes~ and I am beautiful. I am not perfect, but can try and apply myself to all I do. I am "called" to ministry whereever that specific call leads. I've discovered I am open to the "whatever" God has. I am gifted. Thank you God! I am loved hugely by my spouse and kids. I am a prayer believer!

I then quoted this from Chapter Two, page 20 of the Beloved Disciple: "When Jesus Christ takes over our lives, things get exciting! Consider where you are in this present season of your life. At this season of your life, what do you sense you need most? Preparation for a fresh work from God? Are you willing to follow Him? That's the only way you and I will ever discover the One who calls us and the one we were born to be. Child ~ a great adventure awaits you."

Then on April 11th, 2004 I wrote "where has God taken you personally to transfigure your perception of Him?? Personally ~ Lord you've taken me on this path of trust, obey, follow - since 2001. When I knew you were calling me out of SNS (daycare). This past year you have taken me STILL along the journey of trust, obey and follow! I've seen so many aspects of YOU Lord! I've heard you speak to me through visions, dreams, word and The Word. I've seen you as the Lord of my life, my lover, my friend, my guide ~ and I want to put my ALL in you!. Help me to love you with abandon!

Funny how 5 years later, I could journal the same thing. It is about Him knowing my name - it is about who I am ~ it is about seasons of my life and the willingness to follow Him. I also know that it feels like a great adventure awaits. For sure to do with the Vision (Women Refreshed at the Well!). Over the last 5 years, God has spoken to me on a regular basis. I do not take that for granted! I also realize that not everyone "gets" how this happens, or even beieves that God speaks. But, oh my ~ He longs to talk to us daily! I thank God for the way He also continues to speak to me through not only words, but through His Scripture and through my friends who have prophetic gifting. He continues to also give me "pictures" ...
And I know that through this dark stage of my life I have learned more than I ever thought was possible.

Oh Lord God today I ask the same thing - help me to put my all in you. To love you with abandon - my Jesus ~ my Saviour ~ my Lover ~ my friend. My ALL. Amen

Sunday, May 3

God? Can you speak louder?

I am on the "eve" of my return to ministry at the church. My 3 months off have ticked by and it is time to return. The last month and a half have held many MANY changes for us, as an extended family for sure, with Mom K. being so sick and also being in and out of the hospital. Looking back over the time, since I walked out of church on the 15th of January ~ I see how God has taken me through one thing after another after another. I see where He has picked me up off the floor time and time again. I see where He sometimes just listened to me. I see where He often embraced and held me tight. I see where He cared for me through the arms of those who love me. I see where He cared for my immediate family the same way. I see where He is beginning to take the pieces of our hearts and mend them together.

Looking back I also see where there is still so much work to be done in my life ~ in our lives. It seems that my life especially ~ I have been resistent to some things.
And yet, in the midst of this life ~ I have seen God. I have felt God. I have heard God. I have been kissed by Him more times than I have written.

Yesterday I was reading through old journals - especially over the last few years since I left my 25 year career back in 2001. I came across an entry from Feb. 3 ~ 2004. This entry was written just at a time where I had already worked for our church in an interim position for almost two years... and at the time of writing, I had been obedient to God (after putting a fleece out to him) and I was waiting to see what McIvor was going to do with my resume as well as the many others they had received for my position.

As I read this again yesterday, I thought "oh God, how timely again." He always seems to remind me of what He has done, and what He is going to do. He always reminds me that following Him is not for the faint of heart!! (which is why O Lord, it is my desire to follow you with my whole heart!)

The exerpt form my journal was actually an email I had received from "THOUGHT FOR THE DAY" - a daily email I used to get (before it was banned by our I.T. guy at work!! )

I am not the author, and I don't see where the author is mentioned. But I want to share this with you.


So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt. NIV Exodus 3:10

Have you settled into life and been lulled into routine? When God called Moses to lead the Jews out of Egypt he was basically a nobody ... a shepherd who for the last 40 years has been tending his sheep in the dessert. And yet, God said, "I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." (Exodus 3:10) Pretty big assignment for a nobody! Moses thought so too!

Moses, excuse #1: I'm not good enough.
God, answer #1: I will be with you.
Moses, excuse #2: What if they will not believe me?
God, answer #2: Tell them, "I AM has sent me to you."
Moses, excuse #3: What if they don't respect my authority?
God, answer #3: You will have all of MY power.
Moses, excuse #4: I'm not a good communicator.
God, answer #4: I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.
Moses, excuse #5: Please send someone else to do it.
God, answer #5: But you are MY choice... I'll tell you what to tell your brother, Aaron, to say to the people. Just do it!

What is God calling you to do with your life? What is your unique purpose for living? How are you responding to His call? What excuses are you making up so that you don't need to do what God is asking? What have been God;s answers to your excuses? Look at what He accomplished through Moses... the nation of Israel was relaeased from catpivity and God's name was glorified to all who heard. Think about what God can accomplish through one man, one woman who is sold out to Him and obedient to His call.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I think it is funny that this is much the way I acted with God when back in 2001, I KNEW He was calling me to leave my 25 year career to ?? I had no clue!!
He also used the story of Moses with me too!!

Today ~ years later...
All I know right now is ~ living a mediocre life is not enough!
All I know right now is ~ I want to live fully, all-out for Him!
And all he wants is for men/women (i.e. Me and You) to be sold out to Him ~ and obedient to His call!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So, here I sit, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I have a great cup of strong coffee beside me (with a few more cups in the coffee pot!). The house is quiet except for the DVD I have on, Ernie Haase and Signature Sound "Dream On"

These guys are so much fun to watch, and they seem to love Jesus sooooo much!
(we are going to see them with our friends Kim and Kevin in May, when SS comes to Wpg with the Gaither Show)

As they sang this one song ~ it spoke to me, and it sort of all works together, or at least I see the correlation! Hope you can. Maybe God is speaking to YOU today too!

lyrics for: Dream on

When Joseph was a little boy
He was driven by his dreams
God spoke to him
Told him He had chosen him
When others didn't understand
Joseph still believed
And trusted Him
Trusted and was willing to

Dream on
When the world just didn't believe
God had promised
Never to leave him alone
Dream on
Follow hope wherever it leads
For in the seed of dreams
There's promise of the dawn
Dare to listen for the music
Keep on following the star
Morning can't be far
Dream on

There's not a valley deep enough
That He won't lead you through
He'll walk with you
Walk the roughest roads with you
No mountain ever rose so high
That you can't climb with Him
Then stand up tall
Stand and look down on it all

When the world just doesn't believe
God has promised
Never to leave you alone
Dream on
Follow hope wherever it leads
For in the seed of dreams
There's promise of the dawn
Dare to listen for the music
Keep on following the star
Morning can't be far
Dream on

Well, I think I have done far more "reflection" in this blog than I intended at the beginning. Today has been one of those days ~ me and my thoughts. I once said to Alvin that I wished each of my thoughts could be recorded automatically for me to print out later and review. If nothing else - these last few months have been full of thinking!

God, you are sovereign in my life. You are the ultimate I AM and you are in control of each day of my life. The beginning and the end, and all of the middle too!
I do not want to live a mediocre life! I do not want to live "safe" and for me God, that is such a stretch because I (even though I fly by the seat of my pants) still know that I do like having my "ducks in a row!" I guess that is my form of control.
God you know all! You give me little bits at a time, and I truly want to be found faithful. Hear I am Lord ~ your servant listens. Give me strength to obey, even if I don't get all the details! Find me faithful Lord, find me faithful. Amen.