Wednesday, May 27

I want to "finish well ~ finish strong!"

It has been three days since I gave my notice to our congregation - three interesting days. And already, as early as Monday, I experienced being "invisible" ~ I guess I recognize that very easily now. It is almost like when a little child covers their eyes and says "you can't see me!"

I guess I get it - I should right? Yet over and over again, there is this "hurt" that keeps coming back. How often have my husband and I shared with others that "saying nothing" is harder than saying the wrong thing. Guess it is just our rant (yes, I hear you saying "get over it!")

So it has been three days. Mixed emotions? You bet. On Sunday, I kept hearing "I am so sad that you are leaving" and really, there is sadness. I have loved my job ~ I have loved loving and caring for people ~ I have loved standing at the pulpit and seeing the sea of faces, and knowing some of what the congregation was/is going through. I will miss that. I will miss the joking with my co-workers over a cup of coffee. I will miss sitting down in Meggie's office and chatting at least once a day. I will miss sitting and talking with one particular street person who has been "Jesus" to me more than once. I will miss the coffee's with people who just want someone to listen and love and care for them.

I have loved my job - and often felt guilty that I was actually getting paid to do all this! What a bonus! Never in my life had I ever expected being a "pastor" to such a big flock.

I think the other day and since, I realize that people do think I have let them down. I realize as one person put it "I am disappointed" ~ I realize that people don't understand, and perhaps never will (and that is okay). I realize sometimes we wish for things but they don't happen the way we thought they would.

I really want to finish well. Wondering what that means really - to finish well. I will have the summer to tie up loose ends, leave details on ministry should the next person want to read them. I am wondering what sitting in the pew looks like now, after 7 years. Everything has changed. EVERYTHING.

I believe God will give that strength. I believe he will give energy and creativity right to the end. The baton passing can go well - or it can be dropped.... but I will try my best to make the hand off good!

Lord, help me to finish well. To finish strong.
Give me what I need to do that.
O Lord, hear my prayer.

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