When my "boys" are at camp ...

 

This morning my daughter and I left the cottage, went down the road, and brought Maverick to camp.  

This is Boys Camp.  He has been a bit anxious about it, since this is his first time.  But he is down there and so is his two boy cousins Everett (who is working in the dish pit) and Roger (who is also a camper, being his last year) and then he is also there with Slew-foot (Poppa's camp name).   Well, Auntie Leah is there too, and will also keep an eye out on the newest camper from our family.

We got there before the bus came.  And then after about 15 minutes we watched it come down the road and stop, and out came all the boys that took the bus from Winnipeg.

Seeing that camp bus always brings memories.  Originally, the camp bus used to come down the treed lane where our cottage was ... this was when the camp was on Elk Island.  70 years ago, my dad, along with his brothers, and his brothers in Christ, followed the call from God on my dad's life.  I remember those days on Elk Island.  I did not experience the army tents for cabins, and the "christmas tree beds" as my sister called them (boughs made it a bit more comfortable than laying on the ground).   By the time I came along 4 years after the camp began in 1954) I went down to camp as a month old, and then was at camp for the full summer every year until my 19th year when I had a job that only gave me two weeks off.

Camp.  Those memories are deeply embedded into my heart.  Riding the "Pelican" over to the island. (The Pelican was built as a flat bottomed boat with an end that was drawn up and down to allow people to walk on and off)  The gold colored sand in the cliffs going up.  The hawk that waited outside of our little managers cabin the year we took our little Pomeranian to camp.  Then there was the little toads, as well as the big green frogs.  The outhouses with four seaters.  Washing our faces with cold water in metal basins.  The daisy field.  The blueberries that were always in supply.  The smell of the cold cellar that was put into the ground, lined with big blocks of ice that was cut out of the lake in the winter, and then straw put on top.  I still smell the vegetables in that cold cellar. I remember when they mixed concrete and made the big shuffleboard.  I remember the army truck that was taken over to the island.  The sound of the bell (which is the same camp bell that rings today! And finding porcupine quills after a porcupine was seen under the cabin.  Cabin clean up which meant we also decorated outside with the gold sand, stones, shells, sticks or flowers.  We had skits on Sunday and what felt like a long ride to the north part of the island in the pelican.  I remember we did not swim on Sundays.  And I will always remember the hum of the dynamo which supplied all the power for the camp.  They would tell us we had about half an hour to go to the washroom, brush our teeth and get into bed until the dynamo was shut off.  And it was pitch black.  The counsellors used to read us our night devotions and story by flashlight.  Oh, and we all autographed the walls.  When we got older, sometimes we wrote 4 initials on the wall, enclosed in a heart lol.  Oh, and we had a Faith Bible Camp theme song that we sang every chapel session!

 I loved camp.  I loved those early years being a "camp kid" which basically meant we showed up for meals, and chapel, but otherwise had the run of the camp.  I realize how much trust there was that we would be safe and sound at the end of the day.  We thank God that He has always protected the campers in the water.  My sister and two other guys had a close call one day when they took the new sailboat out for a ride.  My dad kept his eye on them, and realize that the sail was in the water.  A motorboat got to them, one of them had tried to swim, and they were able to rescue him and then the other two holding onto the boat.  I think that maiden voyage for the sailboat was its one and only voyage.  

Things have changed.  Faith Bible Camp moved all their buildings across the ice during the winter of 68-69.  The little plywood cabins have been replaced with beautiful new ones which also this year include AC!!  The dining hall has been replaced with a new one - with a state of the art kitchen!   No four seater outhouses.  No cold cellar in the ground.  No shuffleboard (in fact a few years ago when we boated over to the island, there was so much erosion that the concrete was hanging half over the edge of the cliff.  The bell is still the same bell and still calls people to the next event.  There is still cabin clean up - but it doesn't include outdoor decorations any more.  The dynamo no longer supplies power.  There are still frogs, and fish flies but there is so much more as well!!  Oh and the theme song is no longer sang.  (For the Faith Bible Camp we praise Thee ....)

I could likely go on for a long time talking about memories ... but meanwhile, my prayers are for my boys.  At this point Everett likely just finished bedtime snack dishes ...  Maverick and Roger will be in their bunks for the first night of this camp.  Josh is speaking half the time, he and Leah are also on site directors or managers - I am not sure of the title - but basically they make sure things are clean and in order for each camp.  And Alvin is likely fast asleep.  He is driving the boat this week, and mentioned that spending a few hours out on the lake has tired him out.

I am glad that they are all down at Faith.  And look forward to when Ash, Matilda and I will be working down with the rest of them in a couple weeks.

It is surreal to get to see and work with the kids of people that I grew up with and worked with.

It is surreal to realize that what my Dad was called to 70 years ago, is still growing and going and telling kids about Jesus.  

It is surreal to see my grandchildren representing a third generation being blessed by my dad's obedience to following God.  And my mum's as I don't believe he could have done it without her help and blessing.

So, tonight I will go to bed, thanking God for FBC and praying that my Maverick's first year at camp is a very special one!  Surrounded by family, inh one of the most beautiful places - enjoying God's creation ... of course it will be special.

This Granny's heart is full!

16

Today, July 24th.  16 years. (seems like yesterday, seems like forever)

My body seems to keep the time, and days before today, it moves into a different space, emotionally, but also physically.  I feel that a special date is coming.  A date that we had patiently and with great joy, waited for.  And a date that we then saw our joy turn to grief in the greatest sorrow ever.  

Today marks the day that our firstborn grandchild Jay Benjamin was born silently, and went from the warm comfort of his Momma's body, into the arms of Jesus who knew him before he was created.  (Psalm 139)

I have thought of how for all those months, he heard his Momma's heartbeat, and his Momma and Daddy's voice.  All of the dreams for him ....    

I often watch his brothers Everett and Roger and imagine that since they are both such a beautiful combination of their parents, that they would also look a lot like their big brother Jay.  

This day will be permanently etched into our hearts and our minds.  If you asked us, we could tell you sights, sounds, feelings, the things we did ...  but the thing is some people forget, and to be honest, why should others remember the pain and grief of another?   

Some people have implied that we should "get over it", that we had talked long enough, or maybe we had not gotten "through it " because we mentioned him so much.  You know, one just has to give that to God, and forgive people for saying the darnedest things lol because the truth is, no one knows the pain of losing a baby, your son, your grandson, your great grand son, unless you have walked it yourself.   So one has to forgive.  BUT THE THING IS ... losing a baby, a child, a grandson is something you never get over, or get through, but time does have a way of moving on and grief doesn't seem so raw.  However, you always remember.  The body does keep score.  And our hearts have a missing piece in them.

I look back at that year - all that it held - writing in my journal on that first day of 2008, and once I wrote out my favourite verse about God having a plan and a purpose for my life -  "LORD I give you this year, all that it has from this first day, January 1, 2008 until Dec 31st, 2008.  I do not know what this year holds, but I know that you hold it."    It is very easy to say that we know that, and that we trust the One who holds us and is Sovereign ... but that day, well just let me say, I asked alot of WHY's??  I know that it is easy to trust when you are on the mountain top but so hard when you are in the valley - but my goodness - I don't ever want to be in a valley without my God!

I turned 50 that year.  Today I am 66 and I look back and see all the things - all the life that has happened.  And I realize that walking with God does not mean everything is roses.  But it does mean that in the hardest things, I know who is giving me the strength to walk the journey and to be honest, sometimes the walking is more like laying face down, scraped, muddy, messy, covered with tears  - and then trying to crawl.

Today I am thankful - for those months that we got to anticipate holding our grandson Jay Benjamin.  For those weeks of anticipation.  For watching him grow inside his Momma.  Today I am thankful for the gift of family.  For being able to weep and grieve together, to hold one another up, to sing together through tears, but also to walk forward knowing that everything of worth is created through the hardest of times.  I believe we have seen strength within our small tribe.   I know it as our strength as a family was put to a great test again over the past year.   I am thankful for my husband and kids cause I know that we have one another.

Would I wish our Jay was with us - well that is a dumb question.  Of course I do.  This year he would have be blowing our 16 candles, and would likely have his license.   And I have a feeling he would also love football like his Momma's side of the family, and hockey like his Dad.  I have a feeling he would be close to his brothers and would show the kindness, love and family ties that his brothers show.  I have a feeling he would love all his grandparents.  But in the meantime, I imagine him in heaven - not as the baby we held, but as the best age ....  I had a sweet vision of him once (I believe it was 2014) when I was at  Sunnyside - and he was a teen.  I guess we won't know till we get to heaven, but I do believe there will be some big heavenly hugs.

Yesterday I had to smile - as I always open my "fortune" cookies at chinese restaurants ... and mine said "the best is yet to come."  People who know me, know that I believe this - the best IS yet to come.  I am enjoying this life here (for the most part) but I believe that the best really is ahead - when I meet Jesus face to face, and all of the loved ones that have gone to heaven - and that includes our Jay.  There is always a sense of missing him, but one day - I will see him, and we can talk.  Granny to Grandson.   

So today, I will do what I like to do on this day - I will go and put down some daisies - to remember his life - a live lived only within his Momma, but I will also remember that one day this time of missing him, will be no more.    We love you even though we did not get to know you. So, until Heaven Jay Benjamin. 

Always in my heart, my thoughts, 

Love your Granny J