It’s been a while since I have sat to gather my thoughts
And here I am, hearing the sound of grinding beans, people talking, and dishes clinking
It is here that I reach into the depths of my soul, to pull out the things that are swirling around my thoughts
Much like the spinning wifi signal
It has been a while since I have had the time to sit
With no one to talk to
Surrounded by people yet in my own little world
Sipping a good cup of coffee with cream
Killing time before an appointment
In an area of town that may be referred to as “granola”
And I love it.
I feel at home.
I feel…. Like I belong
Strange
It has been a while since I have dipped into the reservoir and pulled out memories from the last three weeks
Journal has been untouched
No pen strokes
No memories written
Until now.
How do I take so much and try to distill it to words on a page
Somehow the task seems so simple yet so complex
Which thought takes precedence
Which thoughts should not be written
Which thoughts need to be seen, heard and maybe even discerned
It is hear I sit
Sipping that good cup of coffee
And almost afraid to begin the task of going in and down
In case I find something that does not make sense
Or something that has been tucked away for even longer than the three weeks of no journalling
I've been talking to my Father today
Not my earthly one, since he is in heaven
But the ONE who knew me as I was conceived in my mother's womb
That is the one I have been talking to
But I am keenly aware, my body keeps track of missing my earthly dad
This time of year I miss him so much.
As the geese fly I think of my dad
As the leaves fall, there is a melancholy that seems to wash over me
It has been almost 28 years since we laid his body to rest
And said, "Till heaven Dad ... I love you"
The sun is shining on this beautiful end of September day
Oh how I wish we have more of this weather
Where I can continue to go outside with bare arms and bare feet
Even though we are technically into fall as per the calendar
It feels like these are the last weeks of summer
Until summer gives its last hurrah and falls into the arms of winter.
I love this time of year with its honking geese and changing leaves
We get into the convertible and ride, pink cap holding my hair into place so it doesn’t get messy
We ride and taking in the beauty of this season
Watching the pelicans in their beautiful gliding in the sunshine
At times they seem like silver wings
They will fly longer and then just like that disappear to the north
Until the spring winds bring them back home to their mating grounds of Lockport
I love watching them seemingly carefree in their flight
I love the smell of burning stubble or campfires
It takes me back to the fall I went into grade 4 when we lived in our cottage and drove to Beausejour for school every day
The cottage ... frosty floors when my feet hit them in the morning
And the outhouse and running over to my aunts for a bath!
This time of year is full of beauty that can change to the dreary greyness in what feels like mere moments
When the wind comes in and blows the leaves in every direction
Eventually all falling to the ground piling onto of each other in a leaf lasagna
And begin to decompose and bring the earthy scent to my nostrils
And right about then, comes the crisp winds of late fall melding into the early beginning of winter
I do not look forward to that bleak greyness
And yet I know that as quick as it will come,
We will hunker down with our down quilts, wool mittens and puffy jackets
Knowing that even winter brings some blessing to it
A type of stillness covers us
Nature sleeps
And our life falls into a slower pace it seems
(except for hockey lol)
If we are open and willing to receive all that the seasons have to offer.
So I sit here - knowing that today is a gift for me
And that no matter what the wind blows in,
The arms of the Father are here for me
To protect in the strong winds
To pick up if I am blown down
To shelter me from anything that comes my way
To hold me in the strong embrace of LOVE
So I will begin to unpack those deeply tucked away thoughts
To go in and down into the depth of my soul
Because that is where the transforming growth has happened
But it seems I have been too busy to process it until now ...
So ~
As the beans are being ground,
Dishes are clinking
Music playing and people are talking
I stop with a heart full of gratitude
For my life
For the ONE - Jesus, who loves me with an everlasting love
For the gift of my husband, kids and grandkids
For all that I have, and all that I have surrendered to God
And this beautiful day to process some of life lately
As I sip this coffee …
My heart is full
And I am just really really thankful!
