Coffee Shop Thoughts

It’s been a while since I have sat to gather my thoughts

And here I am, hearing the sound of grinding beans, people talking, and dishes clinking

It is here that I reach into the depths of my soul, to pull out the things that are swirling around my thoughts

Much like the spinning wifi signal

It has been a while since I have had the time to sit

With no one to talk to

Surrounded by people yet in my own little world

Sipping a good cup of coffee with cream

Killing time before an appointment

In an area of town that may be referred to as “granola”

And I love it.

I feel at home.

I feel…. Like I belong

Strange

It has been a while since I have dipped into the reservoir  and pulled out memories from the last three weeks

Journal has been untouched

No pen strokes

No memories written

Until now.

How do I take so much and try to distill it to words on a page

Somehow the task seems so simple yet so complex

Which thought takes precedence

Which thoughts should not be written

Which thoughts need to be seen, heard and maybe even discerned

It is hear I sit

Sipping that good cup of coffee

And almost afraid to begin the task of going in and down

In case I find something that does not make sense

Or something that has been tucked away for even longer than the three weeks of no journalling

I've been talking to my Father today

Not my earthly one, since he is in heaven

But the ONE who knew me as I was conceived in my mother's womb

That is the one I have been talking to

But I am keenly aware, my body keeps track of missing my earthly dad

This time of year I miss him so much.

As the geese fly I think of my dad 

As the leaves fall, there is a melancholy that seems to wash over me

It has been almost 28 years since we laid his body to rest

And said, "Till heaven Dad ...  I love you"

The sun is shining on this beautiful end of September day

Oh how I wish we have more of this weather

Where I can continue to go outside with bare arms and bare feet

Even though we are technically into fall as per the calendar

It feels like these are the last weeks of summer

Until summer gives its last hurrah and falls into the arms of winter.

I love this time of year with its honking geese and changing leaves

We get into the convertible and ride, pink cap holding my hair into place so it doesn’t get messy

We ride and taking in the beauty of this season

Watching the pelicans in their beautiful gliding in the sunshine

At times they seem like silver wings

They will fly longer and then just like that disappear to the north

Until the spring winds bring them back home to their mating grounds of Lockport

I love watching them seemingly carefree in their flight

I love the smell of burning stubble or campfires

It takes me back to the fall I went into grade 4 when we lived in our cottage and drove to Beausejour for school every day

The cottage ... frosty floors when my feet hit them in the morning

And the outhouse and running over to my aunts for a bath!

This time of year is full of beauty that can change to the dreary greyness in what feels like mere moments

When the wind comes in and blows the leaves in every direction

Eventually all falling to the ground piling onto of each other in a leaf lasagna 

And begin to decompose and bring the earthy scent to my nostrils

And right about then, comes the crisp winds of late fall melding into the early beginning of winter

I do not look forward to that bleak greyness

And yet I know that as quick as it will come, 

We will hunker down with our down quilts, wool mittens and puffy jackets

Knowing that even winter brings some blessing to it

A type of stillness covers us

Nature sleeps

And our life falls into a slower pace it seems

(except for hockey lol)

If we are open and willing to receive all that the seasons have to offer.

So I sit here - knowing that today is a gift for me

And that no matter what the wind blows in, 

The arms of the Father are here for me

To protect in the strong winds

To pick up if I am blown down

To shelter me from anything that comes my way

To hold me in the strong embrace of LOVE

So I will begin to unpack those deeply tucked away thoughts

To go in and down into the depth of my soul

Because that is where the transforming growth has happened

But it seems I have been too busy to process it until now ...

So ~

As the beans are being ground, 

Dishes are clinking

Music playing and people are talking

I stop with a heart full of gratitude

For my life

For the ONE - Jesus,  who loves me with an everlasting love

For the gift of my husband, kids and grandkids

For all that I have, and all that I have surrendered to God

And this beautiful day to process some of life lately 

As I sip this coffee …

My heart is full

And I am just really really thankful!